May Wu vs. Itami

May Wu vs. Itami

May Wu vs. Itami

490 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

by Rikun

424 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Global Moderator
# 12   Posted: Feb 18 2015, 01:08 PM
RIKUN- I saw you working on this in a Google hangout! :D So neat to see pages built up from the ground floor to the final product we see here. I like the personality you've infused into your opening panels with Wu Foods (I spy a Jane Blonde poster!), but I feel it could defiinitely be punched up more. Your linework is super slick and clean, but it leaves most of your scenes kind of too clean. No city is that clean, least of all, void.
Still though, despite the cleanliness, that fight was anything but. Itami has got some claws! I really dig your angles and varied poses when these two gals through down. The double knee jab they do on page 8 totally made me wince. You really did a good job showcasing Itami's passionate sentimental connections to where her friends old diner stood. It made this less of a 'random encoutner FIGHT!' and more of a rumble with meaning.
If there was anything I'd suggest, it'd be tightening up your linework and giving it more variety. Your panels and characters all seem to be the same linewith, so it all tends to bleed together. Also, I think you're working in SAI? Or some program where your brush strokes leave little wispys at the end of your stroke-making for some weird whiskery effect. You can see it clearly in Daddy's Wu's face on page 11. I'd watch out for that.

VIDEO- Always happy to see May back in action! I think you and your opponent have a similar problem with your line width but to varying to degrees. While in Rikuns case it was so thin, yours tends to be too thick. That's not always a bad thing, but it'd be nice to see some subtlety in things like the hair, or a corners of a jacket. I'm no good with line variation either, so I know better than most the struggle is real!
I Really like that you have a real good head for utilizing space without sacrificing actions in your story. Page 3 is a great example. That narrow 5th panel is real narrow, but shows just enough for the reader to 'get' Itami is exhausted and has finally arrived. You even fit telltale elements of the park behind them. That's no mean feat for a panel so squat!
As always, your story was really heartwarming and opening the door for these two to be something more (BFFs foreva??). Looking forward to more!

# 11   Posted: Feb 18 2015, 02:23 AM
Good job guise! I don't really have much to say other than what';s already been said. Enjoyed reading these!

# 10   Posted: Feb 16 2015, 06:23 PM
Video         -

        You either need to drop your horizon line down more often, or illustrate your characters more from above, because right now they're drawn mostly head on even thought the camera is so high up. In general, you don't give much of a sense of space to your world, everything feels really close and claustrophobic. Pull out a little bit and let us feel the size of the settings.  Try using atmospheric perspective a little bit too, you keep everything at a pretty similar level of saturation.

         Storywise it felt a little short and clipped, but not terribly so. I like that you set up the idea of Itami having lost her mentors and having Wu become a new guiding figure. I think instead of starting off in the middle of the chase, you could've just started at the beginning, and used the extra time to help the pacing, maybe making the fight/chase feel more impactful.

         Your art is slowly getting alot cleaner and stronger. I especially liked all the "itami runs/fights" panels, you did a great job posing and drawing her there!

Rikun        -

            You seem really reticent to use internal lines, and it harms the sense of form  for your figures alot. Like your lack of overlaps is one of the biggest reason why your hands don't look as strong as they could. It also makes your action a little weaker than it should be because you end up not drawing compression folds in your characters bodies very much.

            Your backgrounds are a little simply and boxy, but they seem like a good start. You're using your space well and keeping each new shot interesting and fresh. Start refining your boxes into more organic shapes, and don't rely too much on digital rulers or your art will end up kinda cold.

            Also jeez, Itami was super crazy in this!

# 9   Posted: Feb 16 2015, 10:08 AM
Video: I like all the gradient shading, I should prolly do this too, it would save me sooo much time. I'd say your biggest focus should be on hands and lineart. It would also be beneficial to practice on effects. Where I like the background glow on page one panel 4, there are things that could use some love like page 3 panel one that spinning shuriken. The lines for motion get the point across but there is prolly a better way, like maybe adding a second layer underneath with lower opacity so show it turning? Just an idea, but effects can help make things look a little less rough. Also there are words on page 4 panel 4 with no balloon, I assume those were meant to be editted out.

Rikun: Your comic is really impressive! I'm a fan of those angles and it flows nicely. Good battle sequence as well. Only advice I have is to watch those proportions, especially with heads. Try practicing by drawing a bunch of busts, then to practice proportion of the head to the body, maybe draw some miniature full bodies so they arent' too complex and you can focus on where the practice is needed.

Global Moderator
# 8   Posted: Feb 15 2015, 01:31 PM
great job, you guys! I'd been wanting to see these two duke it out for a while!
Video, your linework is getting cleaner and your backgrounds look great! I always love your poses, especially the action ones, very fluid- though i bet you could push your expressions a bit more. theres something kind of weird about the text on page 5, like it rendered all wrong. but it was hella entertaining, I like victor schooling Itami on how to take out different assailants while safegaurding a box of food! (and Victor and Itami getting drunk on the last page, haha!) In the end theres not much actual interaction between Itami and may themselves so it seems more like a father's hope that they can become friends but i bet you could include her easily in future comics with this set-up.
Rikun! Look at this shit, fantastic! A full complete comic, inked from start to finish, backgrounds and everything! As usual you have good fight choreography,  and nice use of angles. the blows have a lot of impact and the expressions have a lot more emotion than in past comics. Sometimes the inking looks really nice and sometimes it looks rushed, but that happens on deadlines, just need to find a good style that works for you fast and efficient. I feel like the ending went on a bit longer than needed, like the fight still looks cool and all but at some point its just sort of yelling "no i didn't/yes you did" and doesnt add much to the conflict. I kinda love how you went a rivalry direction, though, rather than a friendship, since these two could easily be friends since theyre so similar. Also i like how you draw Victor but I think his English is fluent so he probably didnt need truncated sentences. Also may's outfit at the end is hella cool, haha. so overall, fight scene drags a bit but hella great comic, I hope you can keep up this level of work!

# 7   Posted: Feb 12 2015, 10:03 PM
Congrats on two completed comics!
Video: Great use of colors, and I guess it's time to upgrade your game to learning to create texture with lines. Everything looks smooth right now because they're shapes, but add some dirt and dust on the concrete, and you'll get some nice texture. Other than that, I dont really have anything to say, sorry.

Rikun: Although there are some rough spots, I find this comic to be the most 'complete' comic, where story was solid from beginning to end. There's more detail in your work, and I honestly thing you were biting off more than you can chew, but you have proven me wrong, congrats. I like the choreographing of the fight scene, although I may be repeating everyone saying you need to work on anatomy. I can point out that the faces look very 'flat' or slanted. You got to learn to position the eye shapes correctly; when you're in 3/4 view, one eye should change more shape than the other, and sometimes the eyes are off from the nose. It's tedious and complicated. Sometimes the hands look kind of weird; if you ever need a reference image for that stuff, you know you can always use a webcam/cellphone cam, or ask help for a pose on google hangout nights. Just as an experiment, I think you should try making your brush bigger when you do the linework. Might add more depth, and definitely make it look more bold on some spots. You're on the right track for everything on this, good work on the story as well :)

Community Manager
# 6   Posted: Feb 12 2015, 08:36 PM
Good job video! reliably cool comic as always!

Rikun! Fantastic job finishing and very entertaining fight!

# 5   Posted: Feb 12 2015, 01:17 AM
Fingers crossed and good luck.

# 4   Posted: Feb 11 2015, 12:37 PM
Uploaded. Time is not a friend to me. I'm excited to see the Itami half!

Global Moderator
# 3   Posted: Jan 15 2015, 01:01 PM
Two lovely ladies laying down some spicy action. CAN'T WAIT

Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Jan 15 2015, 06:40 AM

Global Moderator
# 1   Posted: Jan 14 2015, 11:57 PM
Nice! I can't wait! Do good, you too!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Feb 18th, 2015
Votes Cast: 23
Page Views: 1150
Winner: Video320

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