Sorry this comment is so past due, but it was on my to-do list.

Shen- Soooo I like this comic a lot. The drawings seem really solid and I like the bullet warping (that shit is cool looking). I'm not going to be very helpful this time because I feel like if I didn't naturally find anything to crit you on, then me finding stuff might just be rude. I love the black and white with the red. IDK MAN this comic is just really good to me. Finding paths for characters is really hard. Whatever you wanna do with Gray is totally up to you, my advice is to just decide on a path and go for it. If you wanna do something alternative universe then do it (like what if at the end she wonders how things could have gone differently and have a sort of "re-do" without it being /all a dream/?)

Monday- You have a neat coloring/drawing style; I really enjoyed it. It makes it seem like a lot is going on without that actually happening; it's a good use of shading. The only real thing I wanna point out is the Gray pose bottom of page 6. It's like 90% there but her legs are a little off; that's a hard pose for sure. I'm not a fan of page 1 and 11 being the same because I had thought I hit the arrow keys or something and sent my dumb ass back to page 1. Overall I had a pretty good time reading your comic c:

Woooaahh I thought I lost !
Shen you should still pat yourself on the back because I was totally in awe of how well you thrashed me in the story department this whole time. While I was fumbling around with loose plot threads you charged headlong for the kind of appeal that made black dangerous to begin with- and fired his own gun against me !

I hope my plot wont pose too much trouble for how you should proceed since you are capable enough to spin this however you want ! As Kura had said, the two stories are similar and we definitely crossed streams of thought with this one. Good luck !

wow that really WAS close. thanks for fighting me, Monday! It was an honor to lose to you! Good game!

I appreciate the dissection puzzle and it is always interesting to see what I can get away with with a one weeker. Im not saying I did anything right, I'm just slightly pleased that you had the same ideas I did after I was done.  Eenvironments, and dynamic paneling will have to take the front seat the next time around, thanks !

Also I totally should have made Paper way more of a cheerful goon.

        The textures I was talking about are the digital brushes you're using with built in texture, like the rough painted lines for the parking spaces, or the faint speckled noise of Gray's magic. They're much more detailed and subtle than other instances of texture in your comic, like the little lines you use on walls and the pavement, and that's what makes them stand out. Bringing those brushed textures into more of the comic would've made them stand out less, or hand illustrating the texture so it fits with rest of the aesthetic. Sorry if I wrote it really poorly dude, I write half of everything in my head and it comes out jumbled when I type.

           I totally understand how hard it is to plot an arc when you actually don't know who you're fighting next, but I'm not suggesting you write the order of events as they happen. More like the "Why" of your story. I think the best stories are about something larger than the events you see, they have a thematic connective tissue that runs through them. As long as you stay true to that idea, and move the story forward, good things happen. Like, I think the more interesting part of this story was the actual kill, what happened before the story you told us. The way Gray is talking, it seems like she just did it because that's what she thinks she should do to be a demon, but she's conflicted and torn. Those first two pages I like alot, I was super interested. To me, the story of Gray is about loneliness, and the mistakes it drives her to make, so that kill was much more pertinent than some fight with a random guy. I would've staged Gray's meeting with black during the kill, and set up the events surrounding it as the story. Black could either just be around, or actually be the person killed.

    HOWEVER I AM TOTES NOT THE WRITER, I'm just describing how I would write it based on what on my assumption of what her story is about. Just to show you what I mean but figuring out the "why" and writing from that. You're not a bad writer, you're not weak, and those wouldn't be reasons to give up on the character anyway. Challenges are made to be crushed. And I know you're gonna crush it! I know you work super hard, and I didn't assume any of this was for lack of effort. You did 12 pages in 1 week dude, how could I possibly think you were lazy?! It's a ridiculous accomplishment, you're producing comics at the same speed as professional, on top of the demands life makes on your time. That's not a tiny thing, you're amazing. I know what it feels like to not feel good enough (and what it feels like to lose a fight in the last moments ;_;) but don't let it keep you down dude. Watch a dumb movie, get some sleep, then come right back and use that feeling, and your own amazing work ethic, to get where you wanna be.

thanks Puzzle ^^; I'd like to say many of my poorer choices were based on time constraints but I probably would have made just as bad a comic if I'd had twice as much time. I'm not even %100 sure what you mean by textures... but if you mean the scratchy lines i drew to fill space on the walls and pavement, i guess that was a little lazy. I should try to experiment with shadows more, thats true. as for the writing, please dont think I don't sit around for hours trying to figure out my own character because I do and thats why I get so mad with each new comic because I don't meet my own expectations. Its hard to plan a proper arc when you don't really know who you are going to fight next or how to fit their story evenly into yours... I have a vague idea where I'm going, but not how to get there. I am not a strong enough writer to handle this character anymore so shes coming off cartoonish and absurd and I don't know how to fix it. Everything that seems like a good idea in theory turns out to be a mess ^^; But thanks for the critique. I'm trying, really, I'm just.... bade at it.
also I was winning all week and now in the last hours the tables have turned ^^; I knew going in I wasn't going to win but man, false hope is exhausting! I'm having a lot of emotions right now lol.

Monday      -

              I actually didn't think your story was difficult to understand this time, and I feel like I usually get on your case about that. Of course I'm super familiar with Paper (AKA BEST BLACK) but you actually have Paper explain he's not actually Black twice in the story, so I think you totally kept that stuff clear. I felt like Paper's speech felt a little too formal and stilted, since I always thought of him as the uncomplicated full-of-heart hero-type character, but you would know much better than me what he's like.

           Page 6 is a pretty bad example of tell-not-show. Because you spend so much time floating your characters in a void of black, Paper needs to tell us outright that they're falling, and from a dangerous height.With a big vertical panel like that, you could've easily drawn a 3-point city scape to help us feel and see that fall and height. I know it can be hard because you didn't have alot of time, but with the exception of that glorious page, your backgrounds have no real presence anywhere. I didn't even realize Paper was standing on a water-container thing until like the 3rd readthrough, and when you make the scene transition into the Church it feels almost pointless, because it look exactly the same as everywhere else, a black void.

              Also, the fact that you draw with mass rather than line sometimes leads to figures that can feel stiff and block-like. You can see it most often in your characters limbs. Every so often you'll get arms and legs that get kinda mushy and simple, though that could just be you rushing. I think that you should always make sure you drop some linework somewhere on a separate layer. Not something you keep visible in the final work, just something you can knock out quickly to inform what you're doing with mass.

              I enjoyed the abrupt and undramatic shot of Gray, but I think I also totally wanted a page or two after that, some kind of wind down. The shot hitting Gray is like the climax to me, and I really wanted some kind of falling action to take me down from there.

             As always though, it's so beautiful. The way you use light and form is so lovely, seriously ahhhhhhhhh!


Shen               -

         I think a carpark could've been a fine background for this comic, if you had just removed the walls and used shadows to form the edges of your space instead. The area they're in feels incredibly small, and a little simple. It's super hard to straddle that edge of a simple-but-not-too-simple setting for 1-weekers, but I think you should've gotten some refs because urban settings are always way more complex than you actually realize.

       I really, really would've liked to have seen some simple shadows and stuff in this comic. Shadows, both black and grey, make super tiny appearances in two spots in the comic, and I thought it would've really helped the mood to have them always around.  I also think that your use of brushes to quickly create textural effects, like the lining on the pavement and the energy of her magic, draws too much attention to itself. If you're going to use texture in the comic, that's totally cool, but it needs to feel more unified, not just dropped down in spots where you don't wanna hand render something. Everything else in your comic is super hard-edged and graphic, you need to pull texture into more spots if you want it to feel natural. It's like how you used red not only for blood, but also for her wings. With that one perfect choice, you turned the red into something more than just "yeah that's what colour blood is" and into a design choice.

         The dialogue gets waaaay too melodramatic for me. Like half the things Gray says come off like some cartoon villain, who's evil just for evil's sake. And it's fine if that's the character you want Gray to be, but those kinds of characters are never really sympathetic.  They can be funny or interesting or cool because of how evil the are, but they can't be human or relatable, because evil for evil's sake isn't a realistic thing. I don't think shelving Gray is going to get you to make more satisfying comics with her, I think what will make her better is finding a purpose for her. Sit down and brainstorm out the whole Story of Gray. Ask yourself questions like "What is Gray's story actually about?" "What are the themes of her story" "Where am I going with the story ultimately?" "What traits of hers are important to the major themes?". Like drawing a person, it becomes much easier to write a consistent narrative when you have a framework to draw from, and an idea of what your goal is.

         I've seen you talk about how you think your recent comics are bad, here and on tumblr, but I think that's totally not true dude. I hope you don't only listen to me when I'm being a big fat hyper-critical jerk, because I've said it before and I'll totes say it again, you're improving so much. In obvious, loud ways like the sophistication of your colouring and your fantastic posing, and in small, quiet ways, like your pacing and framing. In every drawing you make dude, I see improvement and growth, so don't get so down!

Monday's "confusing story" is not the problem with this comic.  Not knowing the history of Agent Black is also not the problem with this comic.

It all comes down to this:

The two of them told similar stories, and Shen had the more satisfying ending.

for a one weeker, you guys should take a break for a bit.

Monday: You have so many Agent Blacks I think it's time you update your character design sheet

Shen: I see what you did there with the grey and black colors XD. I think your lighting makes more sense with just black and grey, No comment on anything else atm.

DAMN YOU GUYS~!!!!!!!!! 1WEEK??!!

Monday your visual storytelling is getting so much clearer but remaining your mysterious world, it's great, a real page turner!!

Shen, I haven't read your work before but you have some real chops and I enjoyed the story even though I didn't totally follow what happened, loved the limited palette!

you guys rocked this 1 week sheet jeeez!!

I have to say that for a one week battle the both of you really gave it your all and I'm pretty impressed!  I honestly feel like the most unqualified person to give a critique, and as I scan both of them I have a hard time really picking apart what the both of you can improve on.  Given the short amount of time the both of you had the comics look really stylish and easy to read.

Monday: I was a bit confused with the secondary Black as well, but since you said this was a new character you introduced in the SDT it looks like I've got some reading to do.  Your take on Grey shows just how psychotic she's become and I like it, and if there was one nitpick I'd have to make is that in some cases it's hard to follow the story when the panels start bleeding into each other.

Shen: Like I said, amazing for the short amount of time you had to do this comic.  Your linework is solid and your tones made it easy for me to follow along the story.  There are moments where the perspective is completely wonky, but that's probably something that'd be a non-issue if you had more time.

REALLY good showing from the both of you.  Keep it up!

Monday beat me to it. If you search for Estrella D'Muerte (I think that's how they spell it), she's an actual character on VOID and you can learn a bit about her.

I do think there was someone else recently who kind of replaced her, but I can't remember who I'm thinking of. Either way, there's no reason why you can't have multiple Hells or multiple royalty or Devils or whatever.

Estrella De Muerte would be the so called canonical Queen of Hell in void. Unless ya'll were thinking of someone else.

that would be super cool!


I have been hearing this since I drew this comic but its true I havent been around long enough to really understand. Is she like actually The Devil? fuck it I'm doing what I want lol.

NOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE GRAY TOO MUCH TO WAIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAH

But do what you must. I see what you mean about giving her a path, and I can dig that. My description of careening through emotional switches overlooked the fact that sometimes the greatest insanity comes in the package of an apparently rational being. So, with that in mind, I went back and re-read your comic. Between that concept and my now more informed understanding of who this iteration of Agent Black is, your comic has gone up several levels in my eyes. I'm much more okay with showing the devil, since that's something that has more or less been established previously by Monday (although, if you had been around longer, you would know that the one in charge is a lady who changes her hair on a near-constant basis hahah). And Gray's sincerity and apparently rational thinking take on a whole new meaning. When she's explaining what she needs to do to become a part of Hell, I can hear her saying it in a strange voice, almost as if it's not her speaking, or like she's telling herself as much as him. It really makes it beautiful for me. SO, ultimately, what I'm saying is that it's good that you just stuck with your best bet, because it works when the readers have the right context.

Which reminds me, I should add some sort of linking system so you can tell people which comics to read before this one...

Bobo- thanks for the critique! sorry i didn't meet your expectations for quality- I didnt meet mine, either.  I tossed and turned a LOT this week on whether or not to keep the last two pages in, and had received advice both ways- in the end I kept them in because i thought they added intrigue, but now I see that I was wrong. How disappointing ^^; Also I didn't realize my problem with sameface had advanced to such a level. I guess I got stuck in my ways, time to return to the basics. As to her mental stability in this one though, I will say that it was time to give her some direction, I needed her facilities in tact long enough to set her on an actual path rather than meandering around sad and angry. She is still a rash and emotional girl and will continue to slingshot between sanity and madness, but Im trying to make it so that now she thinks she knows what shes doing.
also i've had some confusion about the last two panels- in case someone didn't understand its a reference to Armageddon- using time travel she helped kill everyone in the world and bring them back again, and had no idea if anybody even knew she did it or not.
MONDAYYYY you were worried you didnt capture a canon Gray but I think you did amazing! I love your white on black painting style, its so moody and really sets the scene! Im just a little confused whats going on with the ending ^^; it seems like it just sort of stops. Is it like... an amnesia bullet? If I give Gray MORE amnesia, I will have to start the character all over again! XD but the art is so phenomenal I could explode and die! Thank you for fighting me!
My last two Gray comics have both been huge disappointments with more bad than good to say about them... I probably better shelf this character for a while.

Those actually weren't confusing to me, but I'm glad you mentioned their history because now I know where to go to read more about them!

To clarify a lot of things, there are two agent" Blacks" in this comic

One, who was Paper who is introduced during the start of the last Speed Death Tournament agent black took part in.
 
And our card carrying assassin who is now a hell-sent reaper. You can read the Devil's three Way for details on that one.

If ever you are curious give these a read.

And thanks for the review !

Monday: as usual, you leave me confused 50% of the time, but still entertained. The flowing marks that make up your artwork look like a flurry of shadows forming a shape in the void, and it fits perfectly with who Agent Black is as a character, the whole theme of MotD, and the themes in this comic. For that, I have to stand in awe and applaud you. I do feel that this style prevents you from effectively leading the reader's eye, which left me careening off the page and into oblivion quite often, so watch out for that. Your use of color in this comic is really my favorite thing of all, and I'm going to have to start experimenting more with that method. I think I may have enjoyed this comic more if I had read up on my Agent Black lore, because I felt like there was stuff that I just didn't know that I needed to know to fully appreciate the weight of your story. I LOVE the sudden twist you threw at the very end of the story, bringing us really just full-circle back to where Agent Black began. Kind of awesome, if you ask me! I'm excited to see where Shen takes Gray's story if your story becomes her "canon."

Shen: It's true that your quality suffered because of your ambition; you've seen that, and hopefully you've learned a bit more about what you can handle and can deliver something more solid next time. I'm still impressed at what you've done in a week, but I really want to see work from you that's solid, because your characters tend to become misshapen or just generally inconsistent when you're rushing, and you've done a lot of rushing that I've seen. I also notice a troubling trend in that so many of your characters seem to have the same builds. You even have some degree of same-face syndrome. I'd really like to see you build your visual vocabulary and push the limits of your character design beyond where they are now. I'm also not personally happy with the devil actually being part of your story; I was kind of hoping it would just be this endless search for something that doesn't exist (or that's simply unreachable), and you've kind of deflated that hope. Nevertheless, this is your story, and my personal preferences are just opinion and have nothing to do with the quality of your work (which, in case you're feeling like I'm just blasting you with critique, is still high-quality and I love following it). Really, my biggest problem with your comic is how stable Gray felt. Throughout the past several stories you've told, she's been kind of ricocheting back and forth between sanity, depression, madness, and just about everything else in between. In this comic, it feels like she's in complete possession of her mental faculties and just confused about how she's going about a very conscious decision she has made. You had so much potential to have her in a full fast-switching bipolar-like frenzy between complete insane bloodlust (driven by the fissure in her knowledge of who she is and refusal to accept it), and abhorrent panic over what she has done (and become). Still, those last two panels were perfect to me, and that just about made up for the weakness in her character throughout the rest of the comic. You've still left me begging for more comics about the ghost of The Person Who is Not Charlotte Gray.

You two totally killed it, I don't even have anything else to say about this right now.  Hopefully more intelligent comment later, seriously awesome!

Ahhh I'm still excited to see what you got !
My one apology is that I didn't make Gray the most accurate portrayal this time around. Sorry :<

YAY IT WAS EXCITING.

I'm sorry... I did my best... I tried to go too grandiose for a one weeker and the quality suffered for it... I was in too deep.... forgive meeeeee *collapses* *fades into dust*

In 3 hours ill only have 24 hours left

no mercy, both of you
It better rain black and grey blood everywhere.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

her reflection in the lens gave me goosebumps

Hype Image:
http://puu.sh/c4Hg8/95ca33ddde.png

*HEAVY BREATHING*

EXCUSE ME WHAT IS THIS!?

Oh boy. 1 weeker.

Do good, you two!

O_o WHAT FLUIDS WHOSE

The streets will flow with all kinds of bodily fluids.

THERE HAD BETTER BE BLOOD

This aint your average mom and pop armageddon lemme tell you whut

oh boy lol this is a tough one

AWW WWW SHIEEET.