Intro Story / Discharge

Intro Story / Discharge

Intro Story — Discharge

by Pockets

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Critiques & Comments
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# 10   Posted: Sep 26 2014, 03:07 AM
Welcome aboard!

Firstly, good going on getting backgrounds in as many panels as possible. It's too easy to ignore them and just do blank space. However, a key to good backgrounds is genuinely scrutinising them and drawing them out with all their small details so just keep drawing them out! And drawing what you see will help in bulking out your backgrounds with more life and, bonus, better perspective!

You've demonstrated that you're happy to do letters digitally, so don't be afraid to do the same with the SFX if you need to. The Kaboom ended up being quite small and underpowering I think.

The story is somewhat lacking but I'll assume that's due to the missing page. Remember, each panel should inform the reader of something about the character, the story and the world, dead space is a crime.

The other comments have all raised some great points and you'll be well on your way if you keep at it!

Mister Kent
# 9   Posted: Sep 25 2014, 09:16 PM
Welcome! I said what I wanted in the Approvals process--I think you just need to practice practice practice! Looking forward to seeing you develop your skills and style.

# 8   Posted: Sep 22 2014, 08:28 AM
amigo- welcome.

first and foremost: learn perspective.
second: there seem to be a lot of things missing here, like the panel where he's looking for a place to charge his gameboy-- theres a giant circle? is there supposed to be something in it?

take your time my friend, the more refined this is, the more appealing you'll be to other voiders who will intern want to battle you.

# 7   Posted: Sep 21 2014, 05:45 AM
If a page is missing, you should email one of the mods about it! They're happy to fix up things with pages - I think Red does things like that, if she's not too busy, but you should definitely get someone to look into it if the uploader hecked up.

As for the comic itself, I concur that you could have spent some more time on it. If you're not using shading or colour, then your lineart has to be really strong. Using different line widths would help this a lot - I can't think of any great comic examples off the top of my head, but if you look at Majikura's side of the current 'Bullet Princess vs May Wu' battle, you can see that their lineart can really stand on its own. You seem to be inking traditionally, so I'd recommend getting a bunch of pens/markers of various thicknesses to achieve this - you could even use some ink and nib pens, with some practice ;) I appreciate the details of the backgrounds, but your perspective seemed a bit wonky at times (not in a deliberate way) such as in panel 2 of page 1, the angle of the background doesn't match that of their character and the couch. And you can see mistakes where lines in objects overlap - you should clean up your pages and remove mistakes like these digitally. It wouldn't hurt to make your text slightly larger so its easier to read. Also important; work on your human anatomy and perspective, because they look very stiff. This is common in beginners, and the best remedy is life drawing, in all honesty. It will give you a way better understanding of the shapes of the human body, as well as expressions and perspectives and all that. This is also true for backgrounds. Just draw people and backgrounds all the time. Use references. Draw in public. Whatever. Become the crazy person who spends their lunch break shiftily glancing at people and scribbling in their sketchbook (me).

But hey, they fact that you're here means you're willing to work hard and improve, so listen to the critiques and draw!

# 6   Posted: Sep 20 2014, 12:34 PM
Hey guys, thanks for all the comments, I will work on improving. I want to mention there was one more page but I guess it couldn't upload. So yeah i am ready to battle! haha

# 5   Posted: Sep 20 2014, 10:05 AM
Welcome to the site man, important thing is to just keep drawing and keep battling. You do that and your skills will grow beyond what you thought you could achieve.

Approval Committee
# 4   Posted: Sep 20 2014, 09:11 AM
clean your scanner, and consider scanning hi-res (like 600) in b/w mode. when you shrink it to a reasonable size you should get crisper lines. if not, then playing with the curves a bit should help get rid of some grey and also en-crispen your lines! whichever method you prefer, really. hope to see some battles soon!

# 3   Posted: Sep 20 2014, 08:54 AM
hands hurt right now, but I can type just a tiny bit. I'm just taking a wild guess, but there's nothing wrong with your printer but I see fractal pieces(not sure what right word is here) on your picture. Hopefully you are scanning it in a higher resolution and save in a higher quality. Just a wild guess. If not, then it means you need to clean up your pencil work.

# 2   Posted: Sep 20 2014, 01:42 AM
The letters are so tiny I really struggled to read it ;_;

# 1   Posted: Sep 19 2014, 09:32 PM
Clearly you could have spent much more time working on this.  I don't want to sound mean, but I'll make this quick:

One:  It appears to be unfinished.  You could have added additional details, in particular on the figure on the last panel of page 1.  Also, you could have filled in the inks, either with colors or with some special style of B&W shading (i.e. pencils, filling them with a pen and cross-hatching, whicever works best).

And Two:  Exactly what is going on?  What is that circle Andrew is trying to charge his game on, which explodes on him and destroys his friend's lab?

Hope to see some major improvements on your next comic.

Comic Details -

Ended: Sep 26th, 2014
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 731

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