Sanari binte Abbas vs. Angus Blackader

Sanari binte Abbas vs. Angus Blackader

Sanari binte Abbas vs. Angus Blackader

Icon for Sanari binte Abbas48%
413 points
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Crit level: No preference


Icon for Angus Blackader52%
447 points
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Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 32   Posted: Mar 27 2014, 05:15 PM
Puzzlething:

I

Loved

drawing Blackader.

I'll figure out how to draw more like that somehow! I've been slowly trying to evolve my style little by little away from original manga influences, and when I get toony opponents I often just let loose.

Why don't I draw like that all the time, cause I don't have super-free-time every time I battle either XD Had I what I wanted, this comic woulda been colored and backgrounded at the very least. But I'll work to manage and budget my pages better! Thanks for the critique~

Puzzlething
Artist
457 comments
# 31   Posted: Mar 26 2014, 08:37 PM
Pyras          -
           
            Visually this comic was pretty dull, the characters are kinda stiff and unexpressive, and the massive white void of the background is unbearably boring. And then you have Blackadder there. And holy shit, why don't you draw like that all the time?! Something about Blackadder, maybe his cartoony proportions or his strong personality, just seems to set you free. He's expressive and alive, his face and body move naturally and charmingly. He has weight and heft and form. And my god dude, that shot on page 7. HOLY WHAT DAMN WHAT YO. WHAT A GRERAT GODDAMN POSE. Seriously dude, you need to approach drawing everything like you approach drawing Blackadder. Because he's on a whole nother level.



The Honourable Underwood         -

                                                 Dude, the moment I clicked those first pages, and saw those first beautiful hard blacks and whites, I was completely in love. That sort of boldness is so completely you, and the only way I ever get to see it is when you make comics. However, I ended up hating everything that detracted from it. Those puffy brush effect clouds, the thin erased line work, even some of the normal linework, and absolutely anything that felt grey and not solid. I wanted to see you push so hard into the dramatic use of shape. It didn't help that unlike normal, your line-quality suffered quite a bit. So much of it seemed like almost single pixel width lines. They detracted so much from your glorious illustrations. Either you were trying to minimize the presence of your linework so that your heavy blacks and whites carried the comic more, or you just strait up ran out of time. I don't really even know how how much of a point there is to me bringing this up because your linework is ordinarily so much more expressive than anything I could hope to accomplish.

                     Don't let my critical paragraph fool you though, that love I felt the moment I opened the first page stayed with me, and I'm still completely enraptured by it. The way you've portrayed Veronica's city is forever the way I'm going to picture it in my head. And those beautiful shapes. Hnnnngghhh.

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 30   Posted: Mar 21 2014, 06:14 PM
Thank you so much for the critique and feedback guys and gals. I sure do appreciate it, since this is the first time I am using this style. I am grateful for you guys helping out to iron the kinks in this little shindig of mine. Thank you so much.

Pepper JAQ
Artist
212 comments
# 29   Posted: Mar 18 2014, 02:27 PM
Underwood: good stuff, though I feel like you could have condenced down some pages rather then having so many splash pages. Still, your b&w work makes me jealous.

Pyras: You started so well, I was into the whole father-daughter dynamic, and then... Just no. Nope. Your forthwall break ruined the comic for me. I was smiling, I was actually laughing a little, and then the other characters showed up and all I did for the rest was frown. Please, just stop with the forth-wall breaking and meta commentary. I see where your strength is at and would love to see more of that. Build on the father-daughter dynamic more next time.

Wolcik
Artist
492 comments
# 28   Posted: Mar 17 2014, 03:27 AM
Underwood - it's very wasteful to fill a whole page with something that is just one caption not necessary effective enough till a panel by itself. I guess that comes with the teritory of putting your pages on the web - it's harder to restrict your writting yourself when the format doesn't do it for you. PyrasTerran was brough down for using two page big explosions in one 30 page long comics, and give us page big explosions one after another - the thing is that to top the feeling of middle arc you'd have to put that summary on 2 pages to impact the viewer.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 27   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 01:47 PM
That was all helpful, thanks Le Fred :)

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
499 comments
# 26   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 01:17 PM
Something that I like to do sometimes is to actually start with the backgrounds; You make sure you have them, they direct the composition in a funner way, I feel, and the characters are easier to ground in something that already exists. After all, people move in the world, not the other  way around. I know it works to make the backgrounds much more fun and less of a chore for me, because they gain importance and subject. Maybe give it a shot sometime? As for comedy, I think focus is the main point here;, you have a decent set-up; Abbas gives his daughter in marriage to Angus, now instead of going every which way, take that and ask yourself how many ways you can spin that around. Check out Heimie Vs Danielle and Vs Bagman, they're some of my favorites and they're so simple to explain: Danielle loves porn, bagman hates pepsi (and hiemie makes him drink it). And he just runs with those to their natural insane conclusions. (also, notice how great the ending of Vs Danielle is, the whole earth doesn't get covered in porn, it's just enough to be insane, not too much as to be eye rolling and cliche, it's understated by the far-away satellite shot, but we know it's fucking huge) Now, mind you, you don't need to become Hiemie, nobody needs to be Hiemie but Hiemie, but you can learn a thing or two about comedic formats and timing. You can still have a bunch of things happen, but there still needs that kind of comedic focus in some form, even if only to subvert it.  Hope that can be helpful.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 25   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 12:35 PM
Kura: honey > vinegar my friend :) I'm a pretty passive fly.

Ember: Thanks for the critique. I think someone else scolded me for using memes in previous comics before as well haha.. I'll try to resist. Yeah I totally forgot about shadows in page 5 so they're total paper cutouts as a result U_U

Skulls: Thanks for the crit. Sorry it didn't pan over for you. Something I wanted to get into was Sanari's darker, power-loving half, her Djinn side as it were. The meta battle was something that popped in my head as a silly conflict starter and I rolled with, 'cause at this point I'm not sure how much I'm gonna even think on canon stuff for Sanari comics. But I'll definitely try to focus on fewer, polished jokes as opposed to a hodgepodge of content in the future.

Jong: Thanks for the critique. Damn, I really fell flat for you this time, huh~ I spend so much time thinking too hard with what I write sometimes, there have been times when I tried a laissez faire approach and just letting what first pops into my head take form. It's actually worked in the past, but it looks like this time not at all for you. I'll have to re-read your Mortido comics to see what you're talking about.

Let's not fan the flames any further :( and Aside, Hats would be doing more comics (and would have finished her MoD submission as well) if her computer didn't take a poopchute to oblivion (of which it has yet to recover from). She's just as right as you say Kura is.

But if anyone's got anything else to say on the matter, well, that's what chat and PM are for, right?

Fern: Thanks for the crit. Yes please if you can find the dastard who stole my backgrounds I will pay a hefty fortune!

Fearn
Artist
352 comments
# 24   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 04:33 AM
:D that is awesome Underwood!

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 23   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 04:30 AM
@Fern: My what good eyes you have! Yes that is indeed Somadis. The whole thing was taken out of Jong's duel with Somadis. For anyone who doesn't remember Mortido has a line that says disengage.

Fearn
Artist
352 comments
# 22   Posted: Mar 16 2014, 03:52 AM
Pyras: someone stole your backgrounds? ;) I think the comic was o-k, not the best but not the worst. I think for me the hightlight were the pages 11 & 12, they were fun and witty and playful. I think the actual comic does not live up to that. I have no problem with memes, they are a part of popular culture whether people like it or not.

Underwood: it is all very beautiful, but for me it lacks soul. Sorry, this is very vague. For me it's like it's 90% visuals and 10% content. Does it really need the 25 pages? Pp 11-15 are fab art, but they don't feel comicsy. I'd want a full page to contain something crucial for the storyline or a beatiful scenery ;) Whereas when it's like every page is the most impotrant they kind of loose weight. Maybe they would work better on paper, maybe part of my problem is waiting for the next one to load and not much happens in each of them. I am obviously nitpicking here ;) And if you wanna do arty ecpressive things, do them and ignore me ;) And also: is that Somadis on p5 panel2 or are my eyes playing tricks?

I must say I find it very impressive when people churn out so much in 1 week! Well done both of ya.

Chimaeric
Artist
248 comments
# 21   Posted: Mar 15 2014, 11:04 PM
As a matter of formality and respect to all parties I would like to comment & critique all the battles presented this round, including ones present in the aptly named "battle" comments, where obviously, it is rude to engage in any pugilistic mudslinging, any bad-mouthing, any sort of sharp remark and NO NAME-CALLING.

@Pyrasterran: I know that you intended this to be a gag comic of some sort, however, the actual gags at the end of the comics, apart from the story, are probably the only good thing about this comic aside from the lack of any obvious mistakes art-wise. Artwise, it isn't that interesting to look at even though its the style that you use 'normally', but considering that this a gag comic, a departure to a style more fit for comedy actually might have helped you A LOT, because these jokes are TERRIBLE. And I know YOU KNOW it. The jokes present in your comic sabotages any humane representation you had  in these characters and reduces them to a butt-end of face-palmers. You put them in a plot that isn't even really appropriate considering the treatment in these types of characters and reduces them to caricature-like level that misses the mark of the comedic dimension that Blackader exists in.
I'm not a brilliant comedic writer. Hell, I'm not a comedic writer. Comedy is one of those things you know its funny if you hear it. Comedy is also about timing (i suppose), but its also about setting the mood. Considering that the revolves around a subversive marriage proposal, the very first, introductory page goes well against the nature of the story. However, the story is all over the place and the randomness of the events prevent you from telling the main joke about the marriage proposal, which is... I have no clue. The joke goes nowhere, and because all these tangents are occurring in the plot I no longer care.
On the spectrum of possible outcomes of successful stories that could be told, on one end there's the "safe" version where you eschew most if not all race commentary. Its safe but it means that whoever picked this route didn't bother to try it because of the risky business involved in making material on cultures you aren't prepared to make jokes about. In the veeeeeeeeery thin middle of the spectrum is a beautiful, hilarious, awesome comic of Hiemiesque-comedic proportions. On the other end is this comic. You tried but it would have been better if you hadn't until at the very least you knew what your own jokes were about. Sanari/Abbas have a lot of potential, and I'd hate to see another repeat of what I did to Mortido.

@Underwood: You chose the "safe" path. Good man. You instead chose to go for character development and an artistic route, so lets focus on that. First of all, the program-constructed architecture is FUCKING AWESOME a la Gantz. It really sets the mood, bleak and atmospheric. The first couple of pages of just empty environments definitely sets the mood of a barren, post-apocalyptic Void. The hard blacks against sharp, angled edges was a good choice stylistically. The best part of your comic were the single splash pages which creates tremendous drama. The only complaint i have (which is a nitpick) are the speed-lines present in pages 14 and 15. Speed as a visual aesthetic works well when it is contrasted against something moving faster or slower than what is in focus. Your speed lines are too uniform and the idea of contrast is lost, because everything looks like they're moving equally fast to a stationary observer. A trick is when objects move in front of your vision, they tend to look "blurrier" in motion, even if they're moving at the exact same speed as something in the distance which the eye could focus on. So things far away tend to look "less" blurry in motion.
Great work, I can't wait to see more grim tales of Murphy's Law as de facto rulers of the world.

**Now to address the battlers within the battle comments**

@Kura: You call that trashtalking? Seriously, you aren't going get any results from passive-aggressive sludge like that. If you really want results you gotta bring on the muck. Your blunt delivery barely makes marks on the creative scale and its hardly entertaining. Quality-wise, I don't follow the logic of your  If you improve the level of venom injected in your taunts then maaaybe Pyras might return your glares with a glance of spring whimsy. Maybe then you'll get the fight you've only had in dreams, because making outrageous provocations against colleagues will ALWAYS work out the way you want it to. Don't be afraid to be incendiary. Light your molotov cocktails! BRING ON THE FIRE!

@Hats: I don't see anything wrong with making hard-line statements on a podcast or battle comments against fellow Voiders. Maybe its because Kura and I are from differing generations and we see things in a more competitive atmosphere than you do. Maybe something about collaborating with fellow Voiders to create "superior" comics just rubs me the wrong way. To be honest, support and collaboration just makes me sick to my stomach, I vomit in my mouth every time a collab comic is made, everytime it has been done and everytime it will be done! Honestly, if you feel that having "fun" and being "supportive" is more important than crushing your colleagues in the dust in a Machiavellian show of power, then perhaps your values just don't match with how Void ought to be! HUFF.
Also, i wouldn't use the resignation of your participation in Void as a threat against the community to make Kura stand-down, considering your participation as of recent has been lacking and because Kura is obviously right.You can't just make threats off of baseless ground! You gotta throw your weight, create more of those "collaborative' comics you new school voiders rave about so damn much. Create content, make motions and rock the stage. Then i dare you, I DARE YOU, to make that threat again.

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 20   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 10:46 PM
Yeah, please keep any arguments to private messages. Battle comments aren't here for that.

Cracking Skulls
Artist
347 comments
# 19   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 09:04 PM
You're both right in a sense. We're here to improve and help each other out and nothing says we can't be competitive at the same time. I don't understand how this argument came up but uh. Stop. Everyone knows better than to start arguments on battle comments when it's not your comic to begin with. It helps no one in absorbing feedback, the one thing we're PREACHING to others about why void is a good place to be in the first place.

Pyras: Not a big fan of this comic myself. There's quite a few things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me when it comes to visuals, but first, it's the story. It started off promising, then it's where the abrupt interruption by your IRL potential challengers come in. It just...happens. you had a setting this time around but I could have expected anything but THAT. It felt out of place as a joke, and ends as fast as it started. I suggest trying to research a little more in the structure of setting up and delivering a comedic moment, it's not an easy thing to do, but if this is the direction you're going to take, it's something you're going to have to look into.

Underwood: Sir, I'll agree with Le Fred, the whole thing does seem stretched out when it comes to pages, but goddamn do you know how to keep entertainment and quality going. Seeing you work on this during one of the hangouts was baffling enough, but you managed to deliver for sure.

Coatl
Artist
318 comments
# 18   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 08:46 PM
Na but even so Kura, you're saying you cant trash talk but when Pyras give you a shoutout on the comments and then a sorta taunt with a message specifically saying "Hey itll be fun to battle sometime this year!" That's not ok?

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
400 comments
# 17   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 08:10 PM
Majikura: So competitive boasting and trash talking no longer allowed on a site who's entire system revolves around who can create better comics.  I will take a note of that.


Pyras, I will be waiting.
Quote

Who can create better comics?  I thought the sites entire system revolves around improving in a supportive atmosphere and having fun. Didn't realise I was wrong about that. Guess that's why I don't kick around too much these days. I'll take note of that too.

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 16   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 07:31 PM
So competitive boasting and trash talking no longer allowed on a site who's entire system revolves around who can create better comics.  I will take a note of that.


Pyras, I will be waiting.

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
400 comments
# 15   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 07:05 PM
Kura, maybe if you weren't a constant dick to Pyras he'd use some of his time to battle you, but when you go around saying things like how much better you could write his characters on a podcast I don't see why Pyras has to or should want to. I know I don't want to battle you because of how you treat other voiders at times.

Ahem. Anyway.

PYRAS - I found your comic really funny but I think the room just looked too flat and uninteresting, you characters didn't look very grounded in the scene either (maybe shadows/lighting could help?) some great facial expressions in there. ALSO DONT STOOP DOWN TO MEMES. Just no. No meme references. *slaps wrists*

UNCLE UNDERWOOD - HNNNGGGHHHH your comics and lines. Brilliant use or facial
Shadows, I thought the pacing worked well too as you weren't afraid to go wild on splash pages -
I would have liked to have seen more or the fight though. Great work as always, Angus you scallywag.

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 14   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 04:56 PM
@ Pyras: Entertaining? My dear boy I love it. Pukka work on your side! It's been a pleasure crossing pens with you old chap.

Coatl
Artist
318 comments
# 13   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 04:31 PM
Majikura: Pyras, if you're gonna fight me don't do it while hiding behind someone else's battle.
Quote

:I

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 12   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 02:48 PM
Pyras, if you're gonna fight me don't do it while hiding behind someone else's battle.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 01:12 PM
Btw folks I am well aware and annoyed with myself that this comic has even fewer backgrounds than the last. Time really had a number on me this battle. I'm gonna give myself more time to devote to the environments in future battles fo sho cause I know I gotta go pro on those, yo

Underwood: thanks for the battle, I absolutely love how you drew Abbas' raw form, I wanna color it! Only you can take a simple fire form like the one I concocted and turn it into a friggen Final Fantasy boss. I wish you had more time too cause I woulda loved to see Angus and Abbas clash for real. I hope you found my comic entertaining as well~

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 10:35 AM
PyrasTerran: underwood: I had this problem with my last battle so this time I triple checked my layout to make sure it was in order. next time you wanna refresh the submission page right after it looks like it's okay because chances are that it isn't~

and then refresh again
Quote

I did double checked and refreshed the pages a good number, but alas, the final upload didn't seem to get the gist of my well intentions arrangements. Hahahaha... I've contacted Bobo and see if I can fix this rigamarole. Also it's a running thing with Angus that he never appears under his own title cared in a comic, as evidenced by my previous comic. :D

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 10:28 AM
underwood: I had this problem with my last battle so this time I triple checked my layout to make sure it was in order. next time you wanna refresh the submission page right after it looks like it's okay because chances are that it isn't~

and then refresh again

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 10:16 AM
Um my comics are out of order. Methinks the uploader messed the lot. It shouldn't be 29 pages. Also the first 4 pages are unwanted copies. Contacting Bobo and seeing if I can rectify this.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 09:50 AM
LeFred: thanks for the crit and you're absolutely right about the backgrounds. I haven't been able to get back to the speed I used to with drawing just yet and I'm hating that I couldn't show more of the ballroom that I really wanted to. My next battle will def be 2 week or more until I get my full groove back.

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
499 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 09:43 AM
I think I had higher expectations for this than I ought to have had. Not that either of these was bad, but you know, not super great.

Pyras, racism isn't a joke in of itself. (okay, yes it is, but it's a damn sad one) The meta plot with the other challengers felt very out of place, especially since you started the comic in a much less silly way, though I have to admit that Jessy just saying "I'm improving!" got a laugh out of me. (so cute and true!) The song at the end came out of nowhere and was abrupt. I think I've already said it and I'll repeat it; songs very seldom work in comics. It's just not an audio medium yo. If you want it to work, it needs to REALLY fit, it needs to be perfectly timed, and most of all, it needs to be so instantaneously recognizable, something that everyone will hear in their head when they read it. I like the IDEA of the relationship between Abbas and Angus, but the delivery is a bit on the expository side. Also backgrounds, ever heard of those? They're really cool, you should look into it.

Underwood, I really don't get what purpose putting the end at the beginning served aside from seeming artsy because out of sequence stuff is soooo cool. Especially since the plot was so simple and could have been condensed a lot to much better effect.  Sure it's 29 pages, but mostly emptiness. And I'll be the first one in line to defend emptiness, but it needs to be earned, here the effect of it is all but lost, you're just making things drag on. Your art (where you HAVE some) is of course over the flip fuck shit and I dig the hard black and white minimal stuff, though one page for a cheap directional lines blur thing on an explosion explosion, really? The page that makes this comic is the one where Abbas becomes a giant monster thing, that's so great and should have been the whole comic, because the rest, meh.

Okay, overall, these were pretty alright actually. But I rant because I know you can both do SO much better, even in one week. (and also because I'm an ass like that :P )

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 14 2014, 08:37 AM
SUCH AMAZE I HAVE TO READ THIS WHEN I GET THE CHANCE

BTW to Kura, NRG and PsychoSean, I love you guys and totally wanna battle y'all in the future<3

Also, if you're looking for that last song that Angus sings it's at the end of the Looney Tunes short Yankee Doodle Daffy


Read: a Veronica Nightingale Comic?

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 10 2014, 05:54 PM
allright uploaded the best I can do for the week. I will be gone for quite sometime. Till then. Ciao dahlings.

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 8 2014, 11:16 AM
Lose?!? That's not a proper attitude into a fight! Come out with your full arsenal! The fight isn't decided until the fat lady sings!

Pip pip old bean!

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 6 2014, 10:00 PM
*glares*

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 6 2014, 09:43 PM
IT'S ON LIKE SOLOMON


Underwood Writer it is an honor and a privilege to lose to you!<3

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Mar 20th, 2014
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 1609
Winner: Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
 

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