Murder Mystery 2: Full Steam A-Dead

Murder Mystery 2: Full Steam A-Dead

Murder Mystery 2: Full Steam A-Dead

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Icon for VOID City: Police Department0%
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Icon for JPOP29.4%
313 points
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by Bobo

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Icon for The Investigator0%
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Icon for Johnny Patch26.2%
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by Ransom!

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Icon for Moss24.5%
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by Nothin

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Icon for Koosh and Lapin19.8%
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Critiques & Comments
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justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 39   Posted: Dec 25 2013, 03:25 PM
God it feels weird critiquing you. Your like some ancient void elemental. It's like critiquing the very ground I'm standing on.
Quote

Welp, now I feel old.

Puzzlething
Artist
457 comments
# 38   Posted: Dec 23 2013, 09:30 PM
Will         -

          You've broken my heart. Into peices. Little tiny bits. Dude, you should totally do a short BB or something, just cause your art is so much better now, but I never get to see anything polished and lovely from you. I think it'd also help you feel better about your own art and abilities. Your much better than you think dude, you just need to remind yourself what your capable of.


Ransom        -

                While I think the purple-brown colour scheme was a great idea on the fully coloured pages, I preferred your solid tone pages waaaaaaay more. I feel like the colour distracted me from your interesting pencil lines, and all the stuff you were doing with texture. Maybe if you wanna go for full colour, try something a little lighter and more subtle so that your lines stick out more. Maybe have your spots of light get very very light. Like, I'm actually super glad you didn't colour any of those pages with the Investigator, because it would've taken away from how great and chunky those illustrations were. You could check out this dude Man Arenas. His stuff is way more delicate and light than yours, but you might be able to see what I mean about lighter rendering to keep the graphite lines strong.

          Ahhhhhh, I seriously love that crocodile. You don't even know.


Bobo              -

             My eyes thirst for Bobo comics. They've been in the desert so long T-T  Don't worry so much dude, you're a great artist, and a terrible-awful-garbage Something is always better than a theoretically perfect Nothing.


Jetster            -

                   I really like how well the pink and blue of Johnny goes with the blues and oranges of the rest of the comic. Your colours are definitely great. All I gotta do is look at Johnny to know that, ugh I love his colour scheme so much.

                  Those first few lined pages actually show alot of progress! They feel so much cleaner and easier to read than your comics in the past. I think your lines are just getting stronger period, and it also feels like you're getting way better with the economy of your line. The last page was also p funny, the thousand yard stare was great, and I've always liked dramatic lip close-ups haha.


Dawg              -

               God it feels weird critiquing you. Your like some ancient void elemental. It's like critiquing the very ground I'm standing on. I'm gonna try anyway, I geuss :I

               The setting could totally use a little more love. It isn't until page 5 that your backgrounds even start reading as train, before that it's this kinda weird grey corridor and void backgrounds. I think at page 5 your backgrounds get better because you find an interesting spot to hold that conversation (the area between cars) and your interest in the setting translated to way better illustrations.

             Besides that it's a charming comic. I love your style and writing. The second I saw William Duel I knew it was gonna be great! My favorite part was definitely William Duel talkin to Johnny bout some dick. I think I actually laughed a little as I was reading it.


Nothin            -

                Ahaha, I miss stuff like SHOCK CITY. I still totally remember people using that explosion to get them out of jams.

                 It's cool seeing you use 4koma style, I know you've messed around with it a little bit before and it's great seeing peeps bring different styles to void. Like I'm still waiting for someone to rock webtoon style comics or something.

              On that first page, how is it your doing the final line work? It looks like some sort of tool or something? I feel like that must make inking stuff super boring, and your line quality is totally nice enough for you to just ink freehand. In fact you'd probably get better line variation and a looser, more expressive final drawing. I can tell just from the way you draw your roughs you've totally got it.



   It's hard to make comics, it takes alot of time and ALOT of effort. So in the end I think we all understand when stuff falls through. Don't let stuff get you so down that you don't try again guys, because that what would make me actually upset.

Mister Kent
Artist
951 comments
# 37   Posted: Dec 22 2013, 10:25 PM

RANSOM - Line width variation would help you a lot--for example, I really like the 3rd panel of the first page, nice angle, and you could really improve the depth on shots like that with some thicker lines for things closer-up. Also, the texture lines on the background are the same width as the characters in the foreground, so that tends to make things blend together--when JPOP and the victim guy are sitting in front of the window on the 2nd page it could be a little more contrast-y to make the characters stand out. HOLY SHIT Moss's eye! I appreciate the perspective shot and the call back to the hands on the last page. It's awesome to see you develop a distinct visual style--neatly composed, well thought-out scenes of occasional violence and trippiness. Keep up the good work!

JETSTER - Your style is like caged lightning, contained chaos--it can lean more towards the "messy" side of chaotic, but it's always visually engaging, which I enjoy. I think you're "Choose Your Own Adventure" approach was really clever and totally appropriate for the mystery theme. Being a bomb was indeed not a good idea--I like your warped twists like that. The last pages definitely feel rushed, and in the next comic I'd like to see a little more control in the linework, but overall I applaud you for the effort!

JUSTA - I enjoyed your usual stylish artwork, and the most straightforward if simplistic story of all the entries. "Trainizen". Heh heh. I liked seeing your take on all the characters, but I think it would've been more fun if some of them had some meaningful stuff to say, like clues or suggestions or whatnot as to the killer's identity. Some of them were too brief cameos, but such is the drawback of having to fit a lot of people in there. Johnny's scene was pretty funny though! The end was awesome, and quite manipulative--you know your Void audience loves seeing Will cry ;) Kudos to attempting another Murder Mystery--hopefully there shall be a threequel someday and I'll be in it!

NOTHIN - I hope Koosh makes it to Shock City! *cue monster trucks and guitar wails* Good job on getting your submission in--I like the story you had worked out, but I wish it was more finished. Your words are too cramped within their balloons--leaving just a little rim of space around the text would do a lot to help everything look neater. All that said, the last panel is bizarrely awesome and makes actually pretty good sense as far as motivations for murder go. Can't wait to see more of Koosh in the future!

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 36   Posted: Dec 22 2013, 06:42 PM
Will: Your method of uploading 1 page at a time is a little strange. It's usually bad form to do pages in order, and doing one medium at a time is generally a more efficient method of making comics.
Quote

I was attempting a different approach.  I was hoping if I uploaded the pages as they were done it would avoid last minute editing.

Bobo
Web Dev
1015 comments
# 35   Posted: Dec 22 2013, 04:17 PM
justarhymes: You're right, I could have done something in that time. It wasn't a matter of time, but priorities. I had a lot of other things that I needed to focus on, and trying to commit to this comic at the same time as committing to those other things was overwhelming. That said, I definitely fall into the trap of perfectionism, and perhaps if I had been less concerned with making it all perfect I would have made a comic. It's definitely something I'm dealing with and have to figure out, because it gets in the way of everything I try to draw or make. :(

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 34   Posted: Dec 22 2013, 02:18 PM
I guess MM is just a doomed event. It had the same kind of results last time. Though, I think that is more on us, the artists. I'm sure the long deadline lead to some complacency, but there isn't much of an excuse for not being able to complete 5 pages. I think there is a problem of artists taking Void comics too seriously, feeling they need to perfectly plan things, and then getting overwhelmed.

A B/W or toned page shouldn't really take more than a couple of hours to complete. A lot of comic artists I know generally will need to complete between 3-5 pages a day, on average. Now obviously we can't expect to do that with Void comics for the duration of a battle (since it is just for fun and all), but it is something we should keep in mind. Just comic-ing on Sundays, could have resulted in at least 6 pages for everyone, at least.

I didn't start my comic until there was 3 days left. I couldn't have spent much more than 6-8 hours on it. So again, no excuses. Efficiency and time management are things everyone on Void should be striving to improve upon. Especially the people who plan on pursing a career in "the arts".

Anyways, I come with individual feedback, as well.

Will: Your method of uploading 1 page at a time is a little strange. It's usually bad form to do pages in order, and doing one medium at a time is generally a more efficient method of making comics.

Ransom: I really like where you were going with this. I think you should incorporate psychedelic atmospheres more often. I also appreciated you getting the serial killer connection in Andre's name.

Bobo: You announcing a default 10 days in advance is one of the crazier things I've seen on Void. You could have have done something in that time.

Jester: I like your pure line-art pages over the colored ones. I think the colored style could look very nice if refined though. You had the best ending, in my opinion.

Nothin: If you finished this, you would have my vote (Although, that doesn't do any good, since I can't vote). The line-art was looking good (although, you shouldn't repeat panels), the sketches even look pretty good as well. I liked that you included the old Shock City meme.

Jetty Jay
Artist
151 comments
# 33   Posted: Dec 18 2013, 01:46 PM
Shh you saw nothing Angie ;)

I did my 24 hour comic with colours like this too and have had similar feedback, so I'll have to do a finished comic like this sometime for sure. Getting good feedback from you on my colours always means a lot too, thanks! :)

Will post crit for others after work~

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 32   Posted: Dec 18 2013, 01:44 PM
Yeah, you are right. That was more so because of paper size and using a brush pen, I think. I probably should have just digitally lettered or used a font. Oh well.

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 31   Posted: Dec 18 2013, 12:05 PM
Okay guys, less comments about how you all suck for failing, more actual critiques! It sucks that things happen, but there's no need to tell us why things went wrong, just let the work speak for itself.

Ransom-I liked the penciling you had here and I think you could have made everything a lot more consistent had you just chosen to leave everything in black and white instead of trying to get some coloring in here and there. I think for the pages where you just had a solid color as the background, it would have helped to make the color lighter so we could more easily see those pencils.

Jester-The lineless look has a lot of potential and I would like to see you explore that more with another comic where you're able to finish. You have a good eye for color too. Things probably would have worked a lot better had you just cut down your page count and focused on finishing with quality, because right now everything is pretty rushed. (and I totally spotted those copy/pasted panels)

Dawg-I liked that you got right to the point and managed to finish the story in a reasonable amount of pages. The style you used here is cute and I think the more simplified look is working for you. You may want to consider making your pages/panels a bit larger so you can more easily fit text into the bubbles. Whenever you had multiple characters talking at once, the text got pretty cramped.

Nothin-It looks like this could have been a lot of fun and I like the four panel format, but obviously this isn't finished so I can't really thoroughly comment.


Nothin
Artist
45 comments
# 30   Posted: Dec 17 2013, 01:03 AM
well my comic looks like crap but hey I submitted it

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 29   Posted: Dec 16 2013, 08:22 PM
So I have to apologize for my failure.  I can't finish my pages in time.  I'm sure this shocks no one and I'm really sorry because I was given a chance to prove myself here and I've blown it.  I can't promise anything and the only thing I can do is to try to rebuild the trust I've lost here in the future.

Jetty Jay
Artist
151 comments
# 28   Posted: Dec 16 2013, 01:11 PM
We have Officeworks which is about the same thing, but I spent the time I could have been scanning there buying a scanner that doesn't work. Today I'm at work and then my grad ceremony so SOL there. I've submitted something though and eventhough they're terrible, they kind of suit what I was going for and I'm pretty proud I pulled off 5 pages in a few hours anyway :)

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 27   Posted: Dec 16 2013, 09:54 AM
Jester, is there no Kinko's around you? They should have scanners.

Ransom!
Artist
36 comments
# 26   Posted: Dec 16 2013, 05:04 AM
Submitted! I didn't get around to the 20-page absurdist epic I wanted due to overestimating myself, but instead 7 pages. I figured out heaps about what kind of comics I want to make doing this one, so I'm ok with admitting the actual product needs a lot of work.. whatev! Keen to see everyones!

Jetty Jay
Artist
151 comments
# 25   Posted: Dec 15 2013, 11:59 PM
Or I can take photos on my phone which will look shit but in any case WILL HAVE COMIC APOLOGIES FOR QUALITY THO

UGH EDIT: So I have the worst luck with scanners and ended up having only one scanned page... I tried photographing page 2 and making it work was more effort than it was worth SO enjoy 5 hastily made pages on Sai guys. Some of the story is changed because I have an early morning and it would take too long to redraw some of the shit I did. Sorry once again.

Jetty Jay
Artist
151 comments
# 24   Posted: Dec 15 2013, 11:56 PM
I have also been working overtime lately but my bugbear is that my comic is inked, and I finally managed to find some time to buy a new scanner today only to find that it is faulty :I

I can use the two inked pages I managed to scan in at my parents (with no colour now :/), but I'm going to have to digitally redo as much as I can of the remaining 5 pages tonight and upload before I go to bed. Apologies in advance for the inconsistency and possibly missing pages which will be posted up as soon as I revist my parents/get a working scanner/just bite the bullet and redo them on tablet after the deadline.

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 23   Posted: Dec 7 2013, 05:28 PM
If I can work 15 hour days and do a comic, you can draw out 5 pages in 10 days :p

Puzzlething
Artist
457 comments
# 22   Posted: Dec 6 2013, 08:34 PM
*A SINGLE LONELY TEAR*

Red
Council
651 comments
# 21   Posted: Dec 6 2013, 01:29 PM
*sighs deeply*

Bobo
Web Dev
1015 comments
# 20   Posted: Dec 6 2013, 07:57 AM
Just so no one gets their hopes up, this battle will probably be my first and only default. It's clear that I don't have the time to submit good quality comics on a deadline right now, so I probably won't be doing any battles for a while. I'm sorry for letting everyone down, especially those who didn't make it in because of me, but sometimes life takes precedence over VOID even when you don't want it to. :(

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 19   Posted: Dec 2 2013, 09:58 PM
14 days left.  Okay last few weeks were busy because of holidays.  I will finish editing the first page by tomorrow and upload it.  And move on to the second.   I'm gonna try to finish a page every two days.  We'll see.

Nothin
Artist
45 comments
# 18   Posted: Nov 30 2013, 12:24 AM
I have drawn nothing yet... oops

Ransom!
Artist
36 comments
# 17   Posted: Nov 26 2013, 11:04 PM
I have 1 page done, 2 pages half colored, one page done with no color, the rest not started at all. I changed my mind about script for the middle part - the pages I've done are beginning and end. I'm still thinking about it*.

*all progress reports are going to do is reveal i'm bad at planning

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 16   Posted: Nov 25 2013, 07:12 PM
So 21 days left.  I had to focus on commissions this week (portraits) so I did not make much progress on the comic this week.  I've been inking the first page but I do plan on being a bit stricter and trying to get ahead this week.

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 15   Posted: Nov 24 2013, 03:17 PM
justarhymes: Will, I apologize in advance. Remember, it's because I love you.
Quote
... first the wifey then you.  I'm pretty sure you guys just sit around a table plotting my demise.

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 14   Posted: Nov 24 2013, 02:55 PM
Will, I apologize in advance. Remember, it's because I love you.

Jetty Jay
Artist
151 comments
# 13   Posted: Nov 22 2013, 07:31 PM
I've written out a story outline and done some thumbnails, but due to moving house and work deadlines, haven't gotten much further :I I really like what I'm doing with it though so I'll be doing my best to crank it out in the remaining time!

Bobo
Web Dev
1015 comments
# 12   Posted: Nov 18 2013, 08:57 PM
I'm just hoping I don't default on this. I really shouldn't have signed up, but I don't want to disappoint, especially with such an awesome new NPC whose life is in my hands!

Ransom!
Artist
36 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 18 2013, 06:59 PM
My status: I vaguely decided what the story is without writing anything and now I'm completely finishing the first page. I'm trying out a new style so I wanna check that it's alright. I spent every night this week drunk because my uni just finished. yay

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 18 2013, 11:04 AM
So there's an idea I had that I want to encourage other people to do.  Remember when people were doing those youtube videos where they would post status updates on a weekly basis?  Well this is the same basically except I want to encourage people to post their progress here in the comments and encourage people to examine their processes and perhaps set up goals for yourself.  So I'll be doing it with this battle and I hope others will do the same.

There are 28 days left.  I'll try to post my progress every monday until there's about three days left and then post more frequently.  My script is done and written.  I have redrawn every character so as to keep their designs consistent for the story and I have thumbnailed the first page and have begun pencilling.  My goal for this week is to have pencilled five pages by next monday.

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1171 comments
# 9   Posted: Nov 14 2013, 02:07 PM
Deduce like the wind players!

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 14 2013, 12:48 PM
MAN UP

Bobo
Web Dev
1015 comments
# 7   Posted: Nov 14 2013, 12:15 PM
I told you guys I would regret signing up for this...

Tofubeast
Artist
254 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 09:27 PM
PRESENT THAT EVIDENCE, SOLVE DEM CRIMES

Shen
Artist
1342 comments
# 5   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 03:58 PM
solve that mystery Clue style!

Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 4   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 03:23 PM
Good luck everyone! :)

Jackster
Artist
304 comments
# 3   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 03:12 PM
Make this epic, you guys.

justarhymes
Web Dev
654 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 02:25 PM
Let's do this!

Bobo
Web Dev
1015 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 11 2013, 01:37 PM
Awwwwww yeah! This is gonna be sweeeeet!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 5 weeks
Ended: Dec 23rd, 2013
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 2114
Winner: justarhymes
 

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