Nyasuu vs. Jessie Valley

Critiques & Comments

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Mister Kent
Artist

958 comments

# 12 Posted: Sep 6 2013, 02:20 PM

JULZ - I enjoy your bold, fun style! There are a few parts where I think the linework gets a little too thick, however--like on the 2nd page/2nd panel, with Nyasuu's ears and hair. Also the text, while bouncy at its best, can verge on unreadable, especially when it comes to small letters + very thick lines. The story ends really nicely, and I love how you drew the motorcycle. The last two pages are really lovely, and I even listened to the soundtrack!

Great work--glad to see Nyasuu back in action.

NRG - Very glad to see a complete Jessie V tale! I like the Charlie's Angel's moment on Page 3/panel 1, and the result in the last panel, but I think the arrow was way too thick in the 2nd panel. Some of the actions aren't clear--like bottom of Page 4, and the slap on page 5. There's a lot of reference for fighting poses out there. It's important to really study body movement to make those scenes less stiff. Keep working at it!

Puzzlething
Artist

457 comments

# 11 Posted: Sep 4 2013, 04:51 PM

Julz -

An establishing shot of the gorge would've been nice, since it's pretty important to the story. Like, you could've put a shot of it's ridiculous bigness in the "You gonna jump that" panel on the second page (maybe even replacing the helmet panel) and it would've worked better. I don't think you would've even had to change to dialogue.

The comic as a whole feels a little rushed. Like there are spots where your art is so clean and strong, and others where it gets a little sloppy. Your colours don't feel firmly attached to the objects they belong too. Sometimes you colour past an edge, or don't colour all the way up to it. And there are also quite a few spots where the lines themselves end prematurely, like you were afraid of drawing into other shapes. But again, it's only sometimes.

I'm not a huge fan of taking the base colour of an object and shading it with a darker version of that colour. I totally think you can do something more interesting than that.

It was def a funny comic dude. I'm a huge fan of melodramatic characters like Jessie, and Nyasuu is super cute. I especially love those panels of her freaking out during the jump. Each one is unique flower of panic, hahahaha. Also, Jessie pounding those energy drinks to get pumped at the beginning was pretty great.

Energy -

You really need to focus on consistency. Like, your characters features and proportions change wildly from panel to panel. Make sure everything is correctly proportioned and measured in the early stages of drafting, like when you're doing your armature, so that you don't have to go back and redraw it when you've already worked so hard. Those simple shapes are easy to draw and correct, so get those right, than adhere to them as closely as possible. Don't play fast and loose with your guidelines, you still need to build up your fundamentals way more before you can relax with that stuff, if ever. Be patient, break out that ruler, actually use vanishing points and horizon lines (because you totes didn't here) and work those simple geometric shapes.

Also, your characters are really stiff, and they often hold themselves very unnaturally. A lot of that's to be expected, since you're trying to master core stuff now, but you can still work on making your dudes feel better. Try using more photo-refs (or even better, have someone pose for you) for your comics. Don't just copy what you see though. Break it down into the simple shapes and try to understand what you're seeing. Draw as though you're still trying to construct a real person from nothing, the ref is just there to inform and guide you. Observe where the weight of the body is resting, how the body bends and stretches and twists, the 3 dimensional space it occupies, etc etc.

With all of that out of the way, it's great seeing you turn in something complete dude. You obviously worked really hard on this. A lot of effort and time went into both the characters and the setting, this is definitely the best comic you've submitted to void. Great job, keep it up, keep pushing it!

Julz          -

An establishing shot of the gorge would've been nice, since it's pretty important to the story. Like, you could've put a shot of it's ridiculous bigness in the "You gonna jump that" panel on the second page (maybe even replacing the helmet panel) and it would've worked better. I don't think you would've even had to change to dialogue.

The comic as a whole feels a little rushed. Like there are spots where your art is so clean and strong, and others where it gets a little sloppy. Your colours don't feel firmly attached to the objects they belong too. Sometimes you colour past an edge, or don't colour all the way up to it. And there are also quite a few spots where the lines themselves end prematurely, like you were afraid of drawing into other shapes. But again, it's only sometimes.
         
            I'm not a huge fan of taking the base colour of an object and shading it with a darker version of that colour. I totally think you can do something more interesting than that.

It was def a funny comic dude. I'm a huge fan of melodramatic characters like Jessie, and Nyasuu is super cute. I especially love those panels of her freaking out during the jump. Each one is unique flower of panic, hahahaha. Also, Jessie pounding those energy drinks to get pumped at the beginning was pretty great.

Energy          -

You really need to focus on consistency. Like, your characters features and proportions change wildly from panel to panel. Make sure everything is correctly proportioned and measured in the early stages of drafting, like when you're doing your armature, so that you don't have to go back and redraw it when you've already worked so hard. Those simple shapes are easy to draw and correct, so get those right, than adhere to them as closely as possible. Don't play fast and loose with your guidelines, you still need to build up your fundamentals way more before you can relax with that stuff, if ever. Be patient, break out that ruler, actually use vanishing points and horizon lines (because you totes didn't here) and work those simple geometric shapes.

Also, your characters are really stiff, and they often hold themselves very unnaturally. A lot of that's to be expected, since you're trying to master core stuff now, but you can still work on making your dudes feel better. Try using more photo-refs (or even better, have someone pose for you) for your comics. Don't just copy what you see though. Break it down into the simple shapes and try to understand what you're seeing. Draw as though you're still trying to construct a real person from nothing, the ref is just there to inform and guide you. Observe where the weight of the body is resting, how the body bends and stretches and twists, the 3 dimensional space it occupies, etc etc.

With all of that out of the way, it's great seeing you turn in something complete dude. You obviously worked really hard on this. A lot of effort and time went into both the characters and the setting, this is definitely the best comic you've submitted to void. Great job, keep it up, keep pushing it!

Julz
Artist

411 comments

# 10 Posted: Sep 4 2013, 10:55 AM

Fed: SIMPSONS DID IT, SIMPSONS DID IT! And I was totally expecting them not to clear the gorge Nice Vibrant colors Julz and you have such a great comicky style - but the story lacks some punch aswell as an introduction / motivation as to why Jessie is suddenly planning such a stunt

Quote

Really, what HASN'T simpsons done? As for Jessie's motivation, I came up with the jumping a gorge idea because Jessie's bio said she wanted to be a racer, so I gave her a start lol. ...Damnit Simpsons!! Always one step ahead!!

Fed
Artist

162 comments

# 9 Posted: Sep 3 2013, 05:54 AM

SIMPSONS DID IT, SIMPSONS DID IT! And I was totally expecting them not to clear the gorge

Nice Vibrant colors Julz and you have such a great comicky style - but the story lacks some punch aswell as an introduction / motivation as to why Jessie is suddenly planning such a stunt.. Decent effort 'specially considering you have to pull the weight of three people at work

NRG: I can't fault your effort (you're like a comic-producing machine!) - looking back onto some of your earlier work we are seeing steady progress aswell; My biggest grief is how similar it all looks, I get the tiny feeling you aren't challenging yourself enough; Knuckle down and try and go out of your "comfort-zone", it will show in your art!