vs Leo Johnson (He shoulda finished this weeks ago / Sonny del Salvador

vs Leo Johnson (He shoulda finished this weeks ago / Sonny del Salvador

vs Leo Johnson (He shoulda finished this weeks ago — Sonny del Salvador

by Coatl


56%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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Puzzlething
Artist
457 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 29 2013, 05:11 PM
   Man, I feel like Charlie pretty much covered it! I wish you had just waited until you were totally done and then posted. You're already posting it as a BB, we totally could've waited for something awesome and polished! There a moments when I see such incredibly cool stuff, like the last two panels of page 3. Crazy good!

    If you're going to mess around with colors and toning and stuff, I think you should try and see how a more hard-edged rendering style looks. You've been trying out this softer stuff recently, but I think that's kind of at odds with how dynamic and graphic your art is. Also, make sure you use your eraser tool to clean out your gutters and keep colour from bleeding while you work. It doesn't take much time and little things like that can really make a difference in the end.

Charlie
Artist
726 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 28 2013, 03:02 PM
Yo dude you're drawings are getting better butttttt....I have a few issues with this comic! I understand its still not totally done (since you said part 2 will be done later this summer) so I won't really get on the story aspect as a whole, though I am definitely confused right now.

First I'll say its cool to see you attempting to do some colours but I feel that they are incredibly washed and out seemed rush and/or kinda like sloppy marker work. I am pretty sure you are colouring this all digitally so I am unsure if that's just due to lack of experience with colouring, but I have seen you do better colours in the past. I just don't get much of a sense of the mood/atmosphere of the scene through your colours. They are attempting to be trippy and weird at times, and more normal at other times - it is very inconsistent - but the backgrounds contain barely any colour despite this. It's not so bad in panels where the character is a solid colour and the BG is white - but in those cases as a personal preference I kinda prefer then if you'd colour the BG and leave the characters uncoloured like you did in the first panel of page 2. It just lets me focus easier on the characters and the speech bubbles. Still though the colours feel really sloppy and if you're going to use them in the future I'd say do some practice on the side with some illustrations and leave your comics grayscale for now while you get a handle on them.

Also watch your spelling. There are a few screw ups on page one that could have easily been corrected by reading the comic again a second time to check for errors, or having someone else proof read it. "I've bene staying here on VOID", "Nostlagia". Stuff like that! The other part regarding text is your use of a font with those hand drawn speech bubbles. Since your bubbles are so messy in comparison to the text it appears kind of jarring. There are tools you can use I believe to help you make proper speech balloons on paper, but unfortunately I cannot recommend any as I don't do that stuff traditionally. Otherwise I'd suggest maybe that you hand letter your comics if you insist on making the bubbles traditionally.

I'd also suggest to you to think about the composition of the panels and the placement of the bubbles as well. It feels to me like there wasn't a lot of thought given to the speech bubbles placement in some of the panels causing a bit of a disconnect when trying to read them and/or in some cases I found my eye wanted to almost skip right over them. The thing is too that the bubbles seem incredibly large and take up a huge amount of space in each panel. You could get away with sizing down the bubbles, as the lettering is pretty big! So if you continue to use fonts you could probably use a much smaller point size and leave more breathing room in the panels for your art.

Also think about how the panels and images interact with eachother too. For the most part its alright as the comic was easy enough to read, but I found something I thought was extremely off on the bottom of page 3. The last two panels have Sonny holding his fingers to his head, but the way you framed each image almost makes it look like that was supposed to be one panel instead of two and that Sonny's head is deformed. I think that is coming from the fact that the fingers on the top panel look almost where they would be on the hand in the bottom panel - and so it leads up (at least to my eye) that the hand in the bottom panel (as well as the face) leads up into the top. It's reaaaaally hard for me to explain but I get a really huge disconnect looking at the bottom two panels. It might just be me though noticing that, so I dunno how much weight that holds. But something about it still bothers me.

I do think your drawings are getting stronger but your inking leaves a lot to be desired still. The underlying drawings themselves are great and I can definitely see where you are pulling your influences from lately, but seeing your pencil sketches you've been making lately and comparing it to the way you are inking - I'm really not feeling it. Your inks feel a little...sloppy I guess, and kinda look like they were just done with a marker or something. The areas you have that should be solid black should be solid black, but I can see all the slight variations in pressure applied to whatever you were using with the marker and it gives a really sloppy look to them all. Perhaps taking them into photoshop quickly and adjusting levels/touching up those areas would do you some good. I also like what you're trying to do with the hatching but again that is another thing that I think could be tighter. If anything I guess most of my complaints come from this looking rather sloppy, and not in a way that makes me think it was done stylistically/intentionally and it doesn't really look that good on your style. So I guess just tighten up your inks, and tighten up your colours, and tighten up your composition - just a lot of tightening up needs to be done.

Sorry for the huge wall of text dude, these are just my thoughts. You've really been improving a lot lately and I can see you working really hard in the chat when you post stuff on getting to that point. You're making big leaps and bounds man with your stuff, I just feel you're kind of at a point where you're not really getting the same quality in your inked and finished work that you are in your pencils and sketches. These are just my thoughts on it too, take 'em or leave 'em. I just think you've been working hard and I'd like to see you take it to the next level man.

Also if a lot of this is due to time constraints I know how that is and disregard what you want based on that too, since sometimes in a time crunch I know how easy it is to just kinda fudge things and be aware that you did certain things wrong haha.

Coatl
Artist
318 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 26 2013, 09:27 PM
Part 2 will be up later this summer

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 4th, 2013
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 516
 

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