TDK - Nice inking, your blacks and whites make for some sweet viewing.. but a ruler to keep your text from "bouncing around" would do a world of good
Jii - as with TDK your black and white inks come off very well, maybe a dash more black next time? Other than that, backgrounds should be your priority in the next comic, your panels look very empty at times..
Elle vs. Miyajima Minori
Critiques & Comments
# 10
Posted:
May 27 2013, 12:07 AM
# 9
Posted:
May 26 2013, 02:54 PM
TDK -
There's some weird technical problems going on. Many of the large blacks have these tiny specks of white in them. Make sure you catch those before you set the page aside as done. Also, there are really subtle white lines between your outlines and the filled blacks. I think it's the anti-aliased edge of the line showing up when you try to fill an area with the paint bucket. Are you using photoshop? Because if so you need to select the area you want fill with the magic wand first, expand the selection by 2 or 3 pixels, then fill it. I'm pretty sure Angie's coloring tutorial in the forum covers it.
I think you need to focus on your line quality a little bit, it's a little inconsistent. Sometimes it gets really thin and uniform, sometimes it gets really scratchy. I think your smallest technical pen might be a little too small, try using size or so larger instead for your smallest marks. Don't go that thin unless you're describing texture or intending to use it for suggested lines. Kind of appended to that, I find your hand lettering a little thin and hard to read. It'd be nice if you could beef your letters up a little bit.
The idea for huge statues just holding up sections of the city is awesome. I think you have really cool ideas for how to portray the ruined city stuff. In general, I think your backgrounds show a lot of thought and ambition, so keep that up! Also I have to say, that while I think there could've been more to the ending, I really like the pose in the second to last panel. It's got a great sense of relaxed weight.
Jiisuri-
I need to second LeFred, your linework is still really scratchy. You should try doing some daily gesture drawings to improve your confidence in line-making. Something long enough that you can get some actual detail and not just action, but short enough that you only have one chance to make the right line before you have to move on the next one if you want to finish the whole figure in time. Maybe like 1 minute? With Prettiest Princess coming up, your going to end up in that position anyway, haha.
Be careful with over using shots. I think you're better at drawing very small people than most, but you end up using the same zoomed out, isometric shot like 4 times between pages 3 - 5. There are also a lot of straightforward waist-high shots on the doctor too. Remember to use your camera placement to enhance the mood of the situation. Like on page 7, when the Doctor is standing above Elle, you could've place the camera down at Elle's eye-level so that the monster doctor is just looming over her. Really play up the dread and power of the antagonist. That's just an example though.
You're using different fonts for different characters again. I don't think it's a great idea, but if that's something you're determined to use I'm not going to harp on it. Ultimately these are your comics, I'm just a weirdo poking at it from the sidelines.
I really like some of the set pieces you're using in the bar scene. Those round cushion-chairs at the end of the table really give a unique atmosphere to the place.
It's funny you both made your opponent the focus of these comics rather than you own. I don't think you ignored your own guys, but you both showed a willingness to step outside the comfort of your own familiar characters and work with something new and unfamiliar, and that's just awesome. You're both working super hard, and it makes me want to double down twice as hard on my own stuff. Great work guys!
There's some weird technical problems going on. Many of the large blacks have these tiny specks of white in them. Make sure you catch those before you set the page aside as done. Also, there are really subtle white lines between your outlines and the filled blacks. I think it's the anti-aliased edge of the line showing up when you try to fill an area with the paint bucket. Are you using photoshop? Because if so you need to select the area you want fill with the magic wand first, expand the selection by 2 or 3 pixels, then fill it. I'm pretty sure Angie's coloring tutorial in the forum covers it.
I think you need to focus on your line quality a little bit, it's a little inconsistent. Sometimes it gets really thin and uniform, sometimes it gets really scratchy. I think your smallest technical pen might be a little too small, try using size or so larger instead for your smallest marks. Don't go that thin unless you're describing texture or intending to use it for suggested lines. Kind of appended to that, I find your hand lettering a little thin and hard to read. It'd be nice if you could beef your letters up a little bit.
The idea for huge statues just holding up sections of the city is awesome. I think you have really cool ideas for how to portray the ruined city stuff. In general, I think your backgrounds show a lot of thought and ambition, so keep that up! Also I have to say, that while I think there could've been more to the ending, I really like the pose in the second to last panel. It's got a great sense of relaxed weight.
Jiisuri-
I need to second LeFred, your linework is still really scratchy. You should try doing some daily gesture drawings to improve your confidence in line-making. Something long enough that you can get some actual detail and not just action, but short enough that you only have one chance to make the right line before you have to move on the next one if you want to finish the whole figure in time. Maybe like 1 minute? With Prettiest Princess coming up, your going to end up in that position anyway, haha.
Be careful with over using shots. I think you're better at drawing very small people than most, but you end up using the same zoomed out, isometric shot like 4 times between pages 3 - 5. There are also a lot of straightforward waist-high shots on the doctor too. Remember to use your camera placement to enhance the mood of the situation. Like on page 7, when the Doctor is standing above Elle, you could've place the camera down at Elle's eye-level so that the monster doctor is just looming over her. Really play up the dread and power of the antagonist. That's just an example though.
You're using different fonts for different characters again. I don't think it's a great idea, but if that's something you're determined to use I'm not going to harp on it. Ultimately these are your comics, I'm just a weirdo poking at it from the sidelines.
I really like some of the set pieces you're using in the bar scene. Those round cushion-chairs at the end of the table really give a unique atmosphere to the place.
It's funny you both made your opponent the focus of these comics rather than you own. I don't think you ignored your own guys, but you both showed a willingness to step outside the comfort of your own familiar characters and work with something new and unfamiliar, and that's just awesome. You're both working super hard, and it makes me want to double down twice as hard on my own stuff. Great work guys!
# 8
Posted:
May 25 2013, 10:01 PM
Lefred: Much agreed, from making this I realised I reaaaaally need to work on doing environments quickly. I meant to use screen tones to fill out white blanks, but life decided to shove things out of nowhere at me.
Thanks for the comment.
Thanks for the comment.
# 7
Posted:
May 25 2013, 09:33 PM
LeFred: I remembered Batman Forever the other day and it's inexplicable huge statues everywhere, so that would be a broken giant statue dude still carrying part of the city. All other crits I'll remember to watch out for in the next battle.
# 6
Posted:
May 25 2013, 12:18 PM
Jisuri, That is a LOT of empty space. Not only do you have a unhealthy background defficiency in your diet, but even the panels that do have backgrounds, like the bar, or ARE just environements, like the ruins, are still mostly white. I'd really have liked to see some more texture or even just some greys in there. Alternatively, a trick you could have tried, you could have played with the white and make things look overexposed, you already have the strong contrast and you'd just have to leave some lines open. Talking of lines, they're very scratchy, try to do them in one movement. If you're pressed for time, try to simplify either your story or your style. The plot: it's very straight forward, but that's alright. The dialogue is very stiff though, and does not flow into the narrative well, just straight up exposition. Featherman is the only one that isn't a robot and he just says 'IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE' twice. Things like 'I'm a lwayer', we already know that, Elle is a smart girl, she can infer that from the situation, it just breaks the flow. Say what you need to; things that don't advance the plot should indicate something more about the character. Or be funny, that's also an option. (or you're writting an experimental/absurdist/nouveau roman story, but that's a whole other thing)
Also, why do they talk with their backs turned to each other?
TDK, I'll be honest, I have very little idea of what the shit is going on. Like, P2 panel3, 'Yes, they are', who is what? I have no idea why those words are coming out of her mouth, it doesn't follow with what Minori said. And then, Minori's deal is confusing, how did she get dirt on every criminal everywhere and what does she want Elle to do for her? Protect her? Not well established. I feel like you needed to give us either more information so we knew all that's going on, or less of it so further questions are not raised, like all you really needed was 'here's some cash, protect me while I get some important info.' Although I can certainly appreciate that you're trying to do more, try to be more coherent. You've also got a lot of white space, but when you've got backgrounds, they've got a good enough presence to balance things out a bit. On page 2, last panel, I get that you're trying to transition into the flashback sequence thing, but because Minori's mouth is closed and there is no bubble, it just feels like she started communicating telepathically. That 'not too far out' page is totally sweet though, but it makes me wish everything looked like that. On the other hand, it's a very sharp transition, careful not to cut anyone with those.
Also, what is that giant dude carrying part of the city?
Also also, that cover image is going to give me nightmares.
You guys seem to have given it a good effort, though, and that's the important thing. Keep at it!
Also, why do they talk with their backs turned to each other?
TDK, I'll be honest, I have very little idea of what the shit is going on. Like, P2 panel3, 'Yes, they are', who is what? I have no idea why those words are coming out of her mouth, it doesn't follow with what Minori said. And then, Minori's deal is confusing, how did she get dirt on every criminal everywhere and what does she want Elle to do for her? Protect her? Not well established. I feel like you needed to give us either more information so we knew all that's going on, or less of it so further questions are not raised, like all you really needed was 'here's some cash, protect me while I get some important info.' Although I can certainly appreciate that you're trying to do more, try to be more coherent. You've also got a lot of white space, but when you've got backgrounds, they've got a good enough presence to balance things out a bit. On page 2, last panel, I get that you're trying to transition into the flashback sequence thing, but because Minori's mouth is closed and there is no bubble, it just feels like she started communicating telepathically. That 'not too far out' page is totally sweet though, but it makes me wish everything looked like that. On the other hand, it's a very sharp transition, careful not to cut anyone with those.
Also, what is that giant dude carrying part of the city?
Also also, that cover image is going to give me nightmares.
You guys seem to have given it a good effort, though, and that's the important thing. Keep at it!
# 5
Posted:
May 25 2013, 09:02 AM
Well shit. Looks like I missed a page while uploading so transition from page 7 to 8 is abrupt as hell.
missing page between 7 and 8 is : http://i.imgur.com/KZgekCQ.jpg
missing page between 7 and 8 is : http://i.imgur.com/KZgekCQ.jpg
# 4
Posted:
May 24 2013, 01:34 PM
MAAAAAN life has a way of sticking stuff right in the middle of your carefully made schedule. This comic could have been drawn better.
Oh right, uploaded.
Oh right, uploaded.
# 3
Posted:
May 24 2013, 12:49 PM
Uploaded.
# 2
Posted:
May 10 2013, 06:54 AM
I expect some interesting stories.
# 1
Posted:
May 10 2013, 02:33 AM
This will be interesting.
Regular Match
Drawing Time:
2 weeks
Ended:
May 31st, 2013
Votes Cast:
23
Page Views:
1783
Winner:
Ten Dead Kings
Birthright
Saal, Louise Ambre-Aliona, and Llaana
@ 3:44 PM Apr 16th
Help Needed
Theakon
@ 2:19 PM Apr 16th
einsam
Colbitzer
@ 6:46 AM Apr 16th
The Great Switcheroo
Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Luniel Gekka
@ 3:26 AM Apr 15th
The Great Switcheroo
Colbitzer vs. Veruca Chance
@ 5:22 PM Apr 14th
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Artist
TDK- Your backgrounds def show potential i personally love drawing cityscapes to and we will only get batter with practice
Jii- Though your lines are rough there is something i really love about your style especially your faces. Keep it up and like folks are saying pace yourself a little.