Intro Story / Wish

Intro Story / Wish

Intro Story — Wish


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Rah
Artist
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57 comments
# 24   Posted: Apr 5 2013, 09:43 AM
HIT. LIST.

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
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13 comments
# 23   Posted: Apr 2 2013, 09:09 PM
Bobo:
Reading the comic again with that knowledge makes me love your character even more.
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Thank you! :D

Bobo
Web Dev
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893 comments
# 22   Posted: Apr 2 2013, 05:44 AM
Atomic Chinchilla:
Bobo: I just can't wait to see more of this character. She seems really cool. I'm not sure what her accent is supposed to be, though, so that confused me a little bit.
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Her accent is supposed to be Northeast American, somewhere like New York or New Jersey. That would explain her bad attitude. XD
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Reading the comic again with that knowledge makes me love your character even more.

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
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13 comments
# 21   Posted: Apr 2 2013, 12:22 AM
PyrasTerran: I think of the new york mice from An American Tail
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Ooh, that's a good one too. :)

William_Duel
Community Manager
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924 comments
# 20   Posted: Apr 1 2013, 06:25 AM
I think of Lennie from Mice and Men, the way Looney Tunes parodies it.
 "Ooh what a cude widdle bunny wabbit."
 "I AINT NO BUNNY RABBIT"

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1416 comments
# 19   Posted: Apr 1 2013, 02:22 AM
I think of the new york mice from An American Tail

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
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13 comments
# 18   Posted: Apr 1 2013, 01:01 AM
Red: Haha Northeastern Americans don't talk like that and we don't all have bad attitudes ; ; is that what you Californians think of us? ; ;
I'm just going to imagine she's from New Jersey because she's gross and smelly :)
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I'm sorry for my hurtful stereotype! ;.; When writing her dialogue I just picture a classic Italian-American accent from a movie like The Godfather and try to emulate that. And I agree that she should be from "Joisey" XD

Red
Council
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636 comments
# 17   Posted: Mar 31 2013, 07:02 AM
Haha Northeastern Americans don't talk like that and we don't all have bad attitudes ; ; is that what you Californians think of us? ; ;
I'm just going to imagine she's from New Jersey because she's gross and smelly :)

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
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13 comments
# 16   Posted: Mar 31 2013, 02:59 AM
Bobo: I just can't wait to see more of this character. She seems really cool. I'm not sure what her accent is supposed to be, though, so that confused me a little bit.
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Her accent is supposed to be Northeast American, somewhere like New York or New Jersey. That would explain her bad attitude. XD

Faiface: I too am really wondering exactly how she gets about doing many things without use of her hands - but I figure it shouldn't really be too much of a wonder when you remember there are many people in the real world that go about their lives without hands OR arms.
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I didn't get too much opportunity to show it in the intro story, but she uses her feet in place of hands for most tasks, just like most real life cases of armless people do.

Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 15   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 01:25 PM
Bobo it's the accent of a gal who doesn't care too much about stuff :0

Just gonna chime in and say yup needs more line variation. I too am really wondering exactly how she gets about doing many things without use of her hands - but I figure it shouldn't really be too much of a wonder when you remember there are many people in the real world that go about their lives without hands OR arms. Also comic characters rarely, if ever, go to the toilet so I'm sure she's fine on that front. (lol)

Looking forward to see more of Wish, too. c:

      Edited Mar 30 2013,  01:25 PM by Iced Tea

Bobo
Web Dev
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893 comments
# 14   Posted: Mar 29 2013, 10:44 AM
I just can't wait to see more of this character. She seems really cool. I'm not sure what her accent is supposed to be, though, so that confused me a little bit.

crazymutha
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2 comments
# 13   Posted: Mar 29 2013, 12:18 AM
HAHAHA S-MART BAG, CLASSIC!

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
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13 comments
# 12   Posted: Mar 28 2013, 09:40 PM
Oh wow, I didn't even notice that this page had comments until just now. O.O

Thanks everyone for the critique! I honestly did try to add more grunginess and detail the backgrounds and tried to update the pages but for some reason they're not showing up here. :c I'll keep all the advice about lines and shading in mind, as well as her shoulders and body language. Backgrounds are the bane of my existence so I hope to improve on those, too.

As for the concerns about using this as an excuse to avoid drawing hands, I actually love drawing hands! I hoped to make that at least a little clear by making the monster's most prominent feature its hands. XD

But anyway, thanks for the compliments and advice! I'm glad Wish is making a favorable first impression.

neens
Approval Committee
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259 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 26 2013, 12:31 PM
I think lefred said a lot of what I was thinking about this. the overly clean mechanical lines, lack of variation, bgs, etc. the colors at the end don't really add anything either. the trees are almost the exact same color as the grass, and they have no texture or anything so they blend together as a huge green area. you took the time to add a lens flare, but there's no shading or anything.

though I'm wondering how she does anything with her arms constantly jammed in her pockets? it sounds like everything she does would look just super awkward. I hope this isn't a clever way to avoid drawing hands!

Coatl
Artist
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318 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 26 2013, 12:01 PM
I really like the idea behind the character, I hope you make a few stories from an outsider's perspective about her fighting monsters that most don;'t notice.

I also like that the naming of these monsters, hope to see more. Like a beastuary of these type of monsters.

Also I'm curious with how these monsters will relate to the characters you fight.

      Edited Mar 26 2013,  12:04 PM by Coatl

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 25 2013, 01:22 PM
I think thus far you've gotten some great suggestions on how to put your best foot forward in your next bout of comics and battles with this fighter and I hope to see you apply them. I am digging things featured here like your character designs for the other dimension baddies-especially the panels where the hand/eye splits into a gaping mouth. Really spooky stuff and hope to see more of it!

The rocket lasers in the soles of her feet that propel her to the enemy on page 2 was hilarious, but I'm not sure that was the feeling you were trying to get across. I'll admit the whole hands in pockets deal is a little brow raising and when I saw her in the incubator I'd hoped there'd be an edit to that as standing/balancing and fighting with your feet logistically seems rather off kilter. when she connects a blow does she just fall down after? Does she crab scuttle and roll around in order to get back up? What happens if her pants are burned off?

I have my doubts about this fighter, but many other voiders with unsuspecting characters have proved me wrong in the past, so I hope Wish does the same.

GlassesSerpent
Artist
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18 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 25 2013, 11:13 AM
I will admit I'm drawn to this character for her commonalities with KJV - not wearing shoes (and being short, frumpy, and bellicose) like KJV, not having hands like Lu - and I mean that in a good way ha ha, I could see a good matchup in the future.
I think the critique other people have given is pretty good, but I'll add that consistent line widths like you've got going can work, given other methods of giving a sense of form to the shapes in the scene; shading, internal lines, color variation, and so on.  My main advice would be to spend some time working on anatomy, specifically fluid and expressive poses.  A character whose hands (or lack thereof) have to be in her pockets is an interesting challenge and could very well be the most fun thing about the character once you really get her body language developed; how she emotes, how she moves, how she reacts, with limited mobility.  I think that should be really interesting, but it'll take some work to make it...well, work.  The other possibility, which I kind of sense from the last page that you might be going for, is to draw her in a somewhat cartoonier style, with simple shapes and slightly exaggerated anatomy.  That's up to you of course, but if you do go for that I would recommend the "masking" technique, where the background is then more detailed and shaded than she is, so that she pops out from it as a clear focus.

Good luck!

Puzzlething
Artist
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457 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 25 2013, 09:53 AM
   One thing I'm worried about is that using a character with restricted arm movement is going to make it more challenging to portray emotion through her body language. You keep her shoulders pretty neutral through the whole comic, and I think if you want to make Wish work, you've got to get really dynamic with her shoulders, and pay close attention to the line of action and motion in her body. I remember reading an interview with the guy who had to deal the animations for Kaa in Robin Hood/Jungle Book, and he talked alot about the challenge of it all. You could totally check out those movies to help, but also keep in mind that just because her hands are in her pockets, doesn't mean that the only position they only have one position. Play around with it dude.

   I don't think you need to cut out the ruler/line-tool/whatever your doing; It can be really useful. Creating a line like that makes the object feel mechanical and pristine in a way that's really hard to achieve drawing freehand. The problem is when you paint everything with that brush, ignoring the texture of the object. Mix-up what you draw freehand, and what you create with a mechanical line. You can also use freehand lines within a mechanicaly created form to help soften how painfully geometric they can be.

  Also, as mechanical as you're backgrounds are, lots of stuff gets pretty flat. In the opening page, the columns on both sides of the track look like paper. Like, if the ones on the left as supposed to be round you could some internal lines to describe form and not draw the bottoms as strait lines. Details like the window frames, door frames, and lights on the subway car should also have thickness.

   I really like the character dude, street bums are the shit and only 4 pages in and she's got a very clear personality. You ever read the comic Street Angel? It's p sweet. Almost as sweet as you making the monster's most prominent feature his hands, that was so great.

  Good on you for getting in dude, sometimes I think the hardest part is just getting the intro pages in. At least once you actually get into a fight you've got a deadline to put in the fire in you. Speaking off that get out there and scrap it up! You worked so hard getting it in, no sense sitting on it!

Crafty
Artist
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65 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 25 2013, 05:01 AM
Hey there, good to see you in Void! (I've been following you since BSC, derp).
I do agree that the art loked a little too clean and sharp for the character. I felt that the inks by themselves look rather flat. Seeing as you don't have a deadline for Intro Stories, I would have liked you to have spent more time on the pages to fill them out a little more with shading or colour or texture or a combination of the 3. And maybe loosening up the lines, as Evi said. I think the grittiness of traditional media could really work for this character, if you have a scanner (or a good camera?).
Backgrounds are pretty solid, although they could use some more detail. Anatomy is pretty good for the most part, but I did notice on Page 1 Panel 6, when she's sitting in the train, her legs looked a little too short, making her torso look too large. You've got some really nice action poses though.

Anyway, she seems like a real interesting character~ Looking forward to some battles!

Evi
Artist
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110 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 24 2013, 10:59 PM
haha I agree she's a little too clean in this style for the character you're portraying. I am disappointed by the lack of large dirty stains on her pants.
But anyway! I feel you gotta loosen up a bit with those lines; everything's so sharp and clean that it feels kinda cold. Line variation and maybe some looser lines for a more organic feel would be great, if you're having trouble doing it on the computer then I'd say go traditional and see if that works. Adding some shadows wouldn't hurt either! Try making them soft and "muddy" if you have time for shading in your next comic.
Other than that you've some got nice action and pacing in this comic, looking forward to seeing more of this character :)

      Edited Mar 24 2013,  11:58 PM by Evi

DragonHeart
Artist
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97 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 24 2013, 07:01 PM
The glossy hair takes away from her dirtyness. I guess it could show how its greasy, but if that the case I think it needs more scrappy tufts sticking out everywhere. I know this from experience. i haven't washed my hair since the summer, and I'm not even lying. :D
Also I couldn't help but thinking the whole way through that this comic needs colour and texture, gritty graphite marks, stains, muddy browns. Just the very use of lines seems way too controlled for such a character. You wanna utilise every single tool you can to evoke what your trying to communicate.
I think you are really good at drawing by the way, confident with your lines. i think you have a lot of potential so well done!

Shen
Global Moderator
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1278 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 23 2013, 06:24 PM
I like the dynamic poses! a little line width variation wouldn't hurt but you have good expressions and I feel like I have a decent understanding of Wish. if only there'd have been more time though to explain a little why she can't take her hands out of her pockets, since thats such an important aspect to her!

Red
Council
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636 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 23 2013, 02:41 PM
Please see your approval email for my full critique on this, but I just wanted to add this it's kinda ironic that your lines are so painfully clean when your character is soooo dirty. Right?!! Haha, but congrats on gettin' in. Now get to battling!!!

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
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475 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 23 2013, 02:24 PM
I think you've got a nice thing going, though I think what hirts you the most is the lack line variation. it makes your compsitions seem cluttered in places like page 2, panel 1, and accentuates the emptyness of your backgrounds.  I also feel like it can hurt your action a bit, which is otherwise pretty cool and dynamic. You've got some textures going on with Wish and the demon thing and folds and stuff, but your backgrounds are very mechanical and blank. I'd say 1-go freehand, those computer-made straight lines are not fooling anyone. 2- add some texture and information on that stuff too, things in life are not just blocks. I'm also curious as to why crashing through the window teleported her and what the deal is with that butterfly, but I guess you'll tell us more about that as you go on? Also, bonus point for the S-mart bag.
I am looking forward to seeing more of this fine dirty young lady.

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Ended: Mar 30th, 2013
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