The Void On Air group critique and discussion for this comic can be found here http://youtu.be/a1DX4A36OM0?t=59m at 59:00 featuring Thresher, TINMAN, Kura, AmanitaZest and Docpye.

ATOMICFISH- I'm really growing to enjoy these two gals and their harebrained schemes and magical mayhem- glad to see them battling. I dig that you're treating them like 'real' people and having them actually wear different clothes from battle to battles. Makes you wonder if the fighter who wear the same thing everyday just don't have a washer/dryer!

I dig the idea and just happenstance encounter between the opponents. It wasn't too contrived and felt very casual. I especially like the break in the seriousness of the subject matter by the elements in your art. Like, on page two where Koosh is deliberating his identity there's superfluous Valentines day stuff distracting the reader- like the 'I'm gay for you' card. I've skimmed the other comments you've gotten and see there's some debate had concerning the gothy duo's ignorance of what a succubus is, but I think its perfect. I think it lends itself to something twofold: the fact they're teenagers growing up and despite being all darkly dark still innocent. Secondly that the running gag of them bumbling their dark magic is still a mainstay. It's a great formula for some antics!

Smoosh smooth was a proper creepster and I loved it. Totally didn't see it coming and it cracked me up. Your paneling takes a nice creative turn on page 6 where you tilt the action on the first panel as Koosh koosh is chased out which I dig. Nice variation! I would suggest experimenting with some other fonts as the one chosen felt a bit weird. I will agree with Kent in that I wished your backgrounds got more love, but I did like that you know your strengths and worked in a minimal color plate for the battle. All in all not really much to complain about- oh, and Congrats on your win!


NOTHIN- I'll have to echo Williams and others comments that your battle did look rushed and suffered by way of quality. I know firsthand what you're capable of when you apply yourself as well as what your work looks like last minute, so I'm also thinking  this was probably done in an afternoon.

You show promise on page 2 where you go all out with the goth girls looking out their window, but other than that there doesn't seem to be any backgrounds in this comic. The characters seem to either be floating in space or need to explain what they're doing in order for the viewer to understand where they are and what they're doing. I wouldn't of guessed Koosh was rioting based on what was drawn if he hadn't of said anything. That scene would've been great if it was zoomed out a bit to let the reader see his environment. The encounter between both opponents did feel anti-climactic as I found what they were doing separately much more interesting. Like, who was koosh rioting against? What's he fighting for? Be cool to know. I like that you and your opponent went with a minimal color palate, but I feel in your side it doesn't quite go anywhere or compliment one another.

Koosh has definitely become a forum favorite, so I'm hoping to see you turn it up in your next battle.

Sounds good to me. Nothin? :3

Anyways, super cute Kitchi! Thanks for the battle.
Thanks for all the crits ya'll. I'm completely overwhelmed.  

Both of these were great reads~ Well done to both of you!

Atomic: I love the colour scheme you've got going on, and the story was very enjoyable. There were some great facial expressions in there too~ I'll just mention that your perspective is a little wonky, especially in terms of characters in relation to backgrounds; as this seems to be a recurring issue in your comics.

Nothin: Your story was very amusing, and although the art is simple and loose, it is a charming style. I would have liked to have seen more backgrounds, especially inside the house, but I understand that you didn't have much time for detail. I also liked the layout you used.

Both your styles were really clean and cute--I think you two should work on a tag-team some time!

Atomic: I like the detail you put into backgrounds in the first pages and the last, but just be careful about perspective. Also the backgrounds just disappear for a large bit--I'd say to make sure you have at least one good background on each page, that way you can get away with having those blank panels. The characters and the story were so funny, I really would like to see more comics from you soon!

Nothin: I loved seeing Koosh getting in on the riot (assuming that's the famous Murphy's Law riot going on in TTT) I would've liked to see a little more detail, whether it be in the form of shading or backgrounds, but preferrably both. While I enjoy the looseness of your lines, at times they could be a bit too loose, especially when the characters' anatomy is concerned. I did find the comic overall adorably funny, and I always enjoy seeing more comics from you!

I really liked both comics! It was really hard to decide whose side I liked more, and in the end I don't think I'm able to. Great job both of you :0

I have a friend who despises noodle arms.  He thinks they're an atrocity and it's one of the reasons he refuses to get into Adventure Time (that and bro jokes).  Now I won't go that far but I do believe that if you're going to use such a style it's best to really get it right or else it becomes a distraction.  First I recommend you look up shermcohen's deviantart.  He's a storyboard artist and there are a ton of tutorials and sketches and more about drawing characters like Spongebob.  One of the basic things a lot of his tutorials push is line of action and expressive, exaggerated gestures.  

Atomicfish, you've got a good style you've been developing but you should take a look at your influences and adopt certain techniques to make them stand out.  Looking to the example of Spongebob again, you'll notice that a lot of the backgrounds are painted and lineless compared to the characters who while not wholly black lined, still have very thick outlines to make them stand out.  I think it would help you to do the same and thicken the lines around your characters.  Push and exaggerate your characters' motions as much as you can get away with.  It's been mentioned that your perspective is frequently off, just remember that all lines are converging on the same point when you're using one point perspective and when you're trying to half ass it, you can sometimes get away with making the lines parallel at least.  Back to the topic of the arms, the inconsistency of where they bend bothered me a bit.  I did like the story, the colors and the expression.  The girls are fun characters to have around.

Nothin, the story felt like a setup to something more but it didn't really accomplish anything.  It's a cute comic and style but certainly feels rushed like it was drawn in one afternoon.  I'm not so fond of the color choices here because while they add focus to the characters it looks jarring and doesn't flow well together.  The style was nice.

FISHYPOO: I think my favorite part of your comic was Alice's face on page 3. I also enjoyed the details in the backgrounds, although some panels could definitely have used some more. As for the story itself, I felt like you had a really good premise, but the set-up and ending weren't quite as polished as I could have hoped. Koosh-Koosh seems to appear out of pure plot necessity rather than a more natural reason for him to be there. Some of the dialogue felt a bit out of character, too; I don't know if Koosh-Koosh would just come out and say that he was looking for someone like him or whatever. But who knows? Maybe he would. That's just my two cents. Keep up the good work; I love your stuff, fish!

NOT ANYTHING: Your style is really cute, and I love your expressions and body language on your characters. Your comic felt kind of short, maybe even a little rushed, and the punchline at the end felt anti-climactic. I was expecting more interaction between Koosh-Koosh and the girls. In fact, I was just hoping to see more of Koosh-Koosh in general, because he's such a great character! One more thing to look out for: if you look at the first two panels of page 2, Hannah gets much shorter in comparison to Alice, even though it looks like she should be stretching up a little bit. I like the bigger height difference, but just make sure to keep that consistent. Anyways, I really really love your cartoony style going on here, and I hope to see more from you!

nice work, both of you! Fish, you've got a stronger punchline, and it works for the short and simple story you set up. i kind of wish there was something a bit meatier in there, but it works for what it is. Kichi, i love the little character interaction you've got going here, but i feel like there should have been a bit more interaction between KK and the girls, as opposed to just making it the punchline. visually, i absolutely love kichi's artstyle. fish, i want to see steadier and more confident lines from you, and that just comes from practicing and practicing. the aesthetics are already there, it just needs to be expressed with more strength.

Atomicfish-the story was fun and very entertaining! I didn't expect it to take that turn at all. One thing to consider is the size of your panels. Keep in mind that the larger a panel is, the more time it should be taking pacing wise. On the bottom of page 3 you have a very large panel of the girl holding up the teddy bear. Because of the size of the panel, I kind of read it as a pause. It may have worked better to split this into two panels like for the text "I have no idea, Alice..." you could have shown her speaking. On the next panel you could have had the text about "we're gonna need this" as the shot with the girl holding the bear.

Nothin-This was cute! I was a little confused initially because it looked like you were trying to do a 4Koma comic so it confused me that there wasn't a separate story/punchline per page. Consider you layout and what it communicates to the viewer when you lay out your pages. I'm not sure if you were just short on time here, but the comic overall looked pretty rushed. Try to give yourself enough time so that you can really buckle down and give a nice complete product.

  Oh my god so cute.

AtomicFish: This is such a clean, complete comic for 1 week. It looks like you budgeted your time perfectly dude. The expressions are all super charming. I loved it when Hanna is just clutching onto Alice's head, and that one panel where Smoosh-Smoosh is pulling Koosh's lips open is great. Your use of half-tones is cool too, I like how the texture of it contrasts the clean art.

   The perspective in kinda messed up though. Almost every time the floor is visible in a shot you automatically extended it all the way to the top of the panel, effectively putting the horizon line way up past the shot. Except when you do this, you're characters are still presented as though we're at eye level with them. Make sure you put your horizon line in the panel as early as possible. Remember that horizon line is just the eye level of the person watch the scene.

Nothin:  I really enjoy all the action and character in the linework, you can so confidently just throw down really dynamic poses and clear, funny characters. I feel like you do your amazing linework a disservice by not continuing it up to other forms. So often it's like everyone is surrounded by this white aura.

  The use of color is really distracting, I think you either need to work some color or even just gray value into the rest of the comic or strip it out entirely.


    1 weekers can be rough, awesome work dudes!

ha! so cute! SO MANY HUGZZZZ I love how the goth girls never seem to read through what they're summoning lol. I don't even know how to choose between these, this was a perfect character combo haha! although as much as I love Alice hugging Koosh for his cuteness, I would have liked to see somewhere Hannah commiserating with him as someone with a similar bad attitude!

AtomicFish: I dig the limited palette. This was pretty good for a one weeker! The story was simple and short, nothing too crazy... Something that I see you do time and time again is plop in these backdrop backgrounds. Try doing a wider establishing shot in your future comics. The closest thing you have to that is the first panel. Try switching up the point of view, I feel like I was standing next to them the entire time. Just try a little more variation. Your style is really cute too.

Nothin: The art was pretty simple, but still enjoyable... obviously a little rushed in parts (yeah, you had a week). The highlight for me was when they looked out the window and the city was like exploding. Your facial expressions are super great too.

Good job to both of you

Fish: I think your colour work is getting more specific and your panels better laid out. The last time I read your comics was in the Intro Tourney so that was a while back, but you have definately improved in leaps and bounds. I really enjoyed your comic. I felt like when you started breaking panels towards the end it still made sense, but didn't read as well as before. Also! I mistook the tongue of the purple bear in a couple panels because it was the same thickness as everything else? For instance in the thumb nail, I couldn't read visually that it was a tongue until I went further into the comic and saw that she was an evil bear with a crazy tongue. So, line weight or a little colour would clear that right up.

Nothin: While I enjoyed your comic ( as it  I felt like it didn't tie the two stories in very well. We could see that something was going on outside, but not your Bear fellow taking part, so when it came to the smoke pages I got a bit jarred and/or confused. It kind of makes it feel like most of the front half of the comic doesn't need to be there and makes the pacing feel off, not giving Koosh Koosh a solid write in. I also like the simple style, but having only one or two things coloured is throwing off my eyes. Maybe some textures in the background somewhere? Something to make it feel a little less empty.

Good work guys.

I am happy to see that all my YES was not wasted, these are both funny and adorable.
Fish, I'm just not sure why they would summon a succubus if they didn't know what it was, and also what's Goth Girls doing NOT knowing what a succubus is? I'd have been more inclined to believe that summoning it actually is a good idea.
Nothin, I really like the nice simple style you're going with, but I feel that you didn't have a strong grasp of how to draw Alice in that form until the last pages. In comparison, Hanna is consistent almost from the beggining. Also, the blurry smoke on page 4 felt totally out of place in the very clean style.

But good job, you two.  Reading this felt like a good way to start my day!

all uploaded for sure :0

This is gonna be cuuuute

^

YES.
I HAVE SO MUCH YES FOR THIS.

I believe this should go well.