Thresher, Thank you. Thank you so much for this giant critique. I know my first response was going to try and defend my art, why choices were made, why lines were in places, etc. etc. But no, you don't deserve that. You deserve better. I am going to go over all of this, over and over, and try my hardest to make sure I hit every topic both in how I could have improved this fight and what I can do to fix my current battle, and hopefully in my future battles I'll get to hear your critique again.

Thanks.

Tay: I'ma do this page by page and then give an overview.

PAGE 1: Why are these panels right up in each others biz? I will happily admit to not liking super cramped panels, separated by only a single black line. I think it makes the page look crowded and can interrupt flow. If I was to liken a panel to a beat, you're extending the beat across the whole page.

Overall, there is some solid line quality here. Everything is crisp but it looks like it's been done by the line tool, and if you recall out talks with kura on that you'll know how that's a double edged sword. The slight use of blue could have been pushed more. And don't use your contrast colour as backing for monologue/narrative. It's distracting and pulls too much attention form the art. When you're reading the words, you should still be mostly focused on the art, doing otherwise pulls you away form the immersion you're building up.

Also, square panels man, mix it up. You really nailed yourself into a corner with those lines. Your action is improving, but it still lacks impact at times, partly because of those super crisp lines. It can feel quite static to look at, more posed than mobile. I reckon you're using refs for that muscle on Tsumi, and it's showing. Looks awesome, but lacks the impact and motion you would usually associate.

Finally, you should watch the foreshortening on Gwen, her hand looks a lil misaligned from her arm, which is compounded by the way it is overlaid outside the panel.

PAGE 2: Next page!
SO
MUCH
TEXT (says the guy writing an essay in this tiny comment box haha). But yeah, you really have what I would deem a stupid amount of text. Especially all spaced out like that, it's dominating the page, ESPECIALLY with that blue.

When Tsumi says she's not paying attention to the fight, WE'RE not paying attention either! It is a neat effect when used correctly, but you're in an action scene. You should be showing more than telling. You do get her eyes right for it, they look distracted. You do work well with the water.

That ball of big blue energy looks a little lazy, try using a low opacity brush to get a cleaner effect of transparent energy. Oh man your backgrounds are really coming along too, although you do lose it a bit in this one. Next try using backgrounds to enforce the scene, rather than simply drawing them. It's a tricky business but well worth it when you pull it off.

PAGE 3: Oho, that inner monologue really paid off here though! I'd argue that you could still have the same impact with less distraction, but it's a balancing issue.

You use the speech bubbles here to good effect to help direct the readers eye, but you really do need to use it with those lines for panel separating. I just really don't like the lack of guttering here. It's especially bad when the line widths are the same as the ones you drew with.

One last thing is that first panel still lacks a bit of impact, not quite sure how you could improve it but I feel like you could have pushed it more. Maybe used the rule of thirds? Not sure.

PAGE 4: Oh man watch those speech bubbles they are so big for whats in them. I'd have moved that first layover panel further up, so that we definitely hit it before we hit Tsumi's dazed awakening. Your lines get a bit sloppier on this page, which I actually prefer to those super crisp lines earlier.

Still a few problems with the foreshortening, and how did Gwen and Regi go from standing next to her to about 5m away? Be careful of that kinda thing, it's a subtle thing and easy to miss when planning, but it does act as a detriment to the comic.

PAGE5: FINAL PAGE!
Once again, WATCH THOSE SPEECH BUBBLES. And that text! You should be trying to say more with less, people don't just empty everything out like a verbal waterfall.
That beep sound effect is way too small and pale for us to notice.

I think you'd have been better using this kind of introduction over two or three pages for the sister. Maybe with her striding from office cubicle to office cubicle as she also doles out advice. This feels too crammed and too forced. Maybe cut it after the first speech bubble, you could even keep both panels if you spread that out more. You'd have to leave out the another call on the line though.


OVERALL
You are improving so much it's pretty unbelievable. Keep at it man! The story was fun, but you need to watch a few things next time.

Gregly: Wooooaah, this is super unfinished! Oh well, better something than nothing.

Be wary of consistency on Regi's half, that scope/eye thing goes from being a mechanical tube dealio to an articulated limb. Even cartoons obey the anatomy they set down.

I think one of the things you really need to work on is structure, as in making your forms (environmental or people) feel solid. They don't have to be anatomically correct, they just have to look solid. You can probably try drawing isometric shapes and getting a feel for how the lines go.

The set up for the story at the beginning is a little confused, but you quickly establish necessary elements to the story. That last bit is far more important than a strong beginning in the long run, but you will need the beginning to hook your readers in. I think this is mostly hindered by how unfinished it is.

Your panels also need more variety in their angles. They are all pretty flat and none take advantage of the environment, if they have to say they're in a warehouse you havn't done it well enough. Just give them some more love in the future and you'll be right along.

I personally don't like the "we're too evenly matched" but that's just my background of more action oriented comics to comedy based ones. It always grated me as it feels like a cop out of showing they're evenly matched. Oh yeah, on that note your action scenes lack weight, but if you nail that underlying structure you'll grab it.

Ambition in the page count is awesome and it makes me happy in my finger tips. But you do have to be realistic as to how much time you'll have, and even more realistic about how much of that time you will actually work on it. Shoot for just beyond your ability each time and get it all done as best you can and you will be rolling on out.

Anyway, go do more! Can't wait to see what you do next~

good effort from both of you, especially you Taylor!

Greg: though it was sketchy, it still was fun to see you take on a week battle. I'll echo what Pocky said and look into bumping the levels a bit to up the clarity of your pages. Other than that, it was good effort! Your angles and action are imrpoving!

Taylor: Great job this time around! your linework's a great improvement for this battle, and I like what you did with using blue as the only color in this battle. I think my only gripe for this battle was the word bubbles. on page 3, last panel, theres a LOT of space the bubble is taking up for a sentence that isn't using up all of it (same with page 4 second panel), while on page 5 last panel, there's too many sentences in one bubble. those sentences can be easily broken down into less spacious word bubbles. Those are just my 2 cents, so other than that good work to the both of you!

Gregly: great motion and expressions. I can see you used a piece of comic board because of the lining in the background, might wanna adjust it for the future. You can use Levels/curves on Photoshop, but if you don't have that, most scanning programs allow you to adjust the brightness/contrast of the original pic. If you pencil in hard enough you can try and get a decent linework just by heightening the contrast. And also, try using a T-square ruler or an L shaped ruler and draw straight 90 degree angles and panels on the paper, instead of making those grey boxes.

uploaded...

Uploaded!

dis gonna be ADORBS

KILL EVERYONE

oh this is gonna be gooooood!