Cavallero vs. Joey

Cavallero vs. Joey

Cavallero vs. Joey

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

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by Dechado

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Joey100%
352 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16Page 17Page 18

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Critiques & Comments
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Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 19   Posted: Dec 15 2012, 02:15 PM
Hey guys, thank you all for all the feedback! I don't think I can reply to each of them, but I wanted to say that I appreciate that you guys took the time to write suggestions, tips and such.
Stay cool.

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1182 comments
# 18   Posted: Dec 11 2012, 02:20 PM
ELGESUGHA- Man, I feel like I'd be a broken record bringing up all the points I wanted to seeing as most of the previous comments did a great job of covering it. suffice to say don't let all this weigh you down or make you feel like you HAVE to cover all these bases in one go on your next battle. Take it a step at a time- think of these battles as that adventuring grind to greatness!

I'm interested in seeing more of your lizard demon guy, so keep it coming!

canibalwife
2 comments
# 17   Posted: Dec 11 2012, 02:10 AM
@elgesugha: I enjoyed that you continued from your intro pages. Most of the people just use them to show a lil bit of the character and hardly relate it to the posterior comics, I think that was a good idea and also made me more interested in your character development. If you plan on using Minerva more often, it might be a good idea to add her on the character sheet and/or your character bio to help your opponents in case they decide to use her on their side too. Or else you might end up with one of those one sided characters that give little for the opponent to develop around your character.

I also found it interesting how you managed to show both sides of your character so clear in only 2 comics so far. It's nice to see how dangerous he can be and at the same time how fragile. I'm very interested on how this character will develop from now on.

Energy
Artist
135 comments
# 16   Posted: Dec 10 2012, 05:51 PM
Elge:  One thing I think you could do with your backgrounds is to add a little more details in them.  For example, like textures and what are on a door, and such (if you ever need to, look up references for building interiors (rooms, hallways, etc.)  Another (though that may be more of a nitpick) is that you could show what caused the explosion in the first place instead of a background panel of the explosion and then the "aftermath".  I'm also pretty sure everyone's probably beat me to this, but you could also work on your anatomy a little bit.  I think it's just me, but at some points, it seemed the arms (Joey's, especially) were a bit puny at times.

neens
Approval Committee
263 comments
# 15   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 10:43 PM
I was gonna mention quality over quantity as well, so nthing that

looks like a lot's been mentioned already! font, bgs and anatomy were big ones for me. also, I see you acknowledge your "cardboard box city" so uh, all I can assume is that you.. did it on purpose? like, you saw you were doing this and didn't change it. clearly the comic is unfinished but.. yea

another thing is the word bubbles. they should be one solid shape, with no line separating the ellipse and the tail. looks bad. also what's with the fancy sound effects? I guess this ties in with the font complaint, but yea. they look tacky, with drop shadows and whatever other effects. they also switch between fonts and being hand written it looks like. one or other, please.

I also agree with the no-warning-page sentiment. I'd include the HEAVEN OR HELL text page in that as well.

but honestly? good job getting in so many pages, haha. especially on a first battle! good luck with your future ones!

Pennydox
Artist
235 comments
# 14   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 07:53 PM
Okee dokee, well, I can see either you really really wanted to stick a lot of pages in it, weren't really concerned of making every page 100% perfect, or you ran out of time because you made a lot of pages. Anyhow I can point out that you used a pencil for this. And no biggie, some of us use pencils for our comics (no one said it was mandatory to ink), but when you do, make sure it looks legit. It seems scratchy, okay, whatever. But I can see the under drawings of the pencils underneath the dark pencils, so you need to watch out for that (either get a very very small eraser, or draw with a harder lead, like 4b pencils). I can tell you probably used a single pencil to draw everything, because the places you shaded with the pencil are obviously very very sketchy and rushed. A few tricks: use the SIDE of the pencil if it's a wooden pencil, get a graphite stick (which is like a chalkboard stick but instead of chalk it's graphite), or powdered/liquid graphite and paint it on the paper. All are incredibly inexpensive, and is a good less-than-five-dollar investment if you wanna stick to drawing your comics in lead. They also make very smooth-textured shadings with less time and effort too.

Shen
Artist
1353 comments
# 13   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 04:03 PM
Great to see you battling! A lot of good points have been brought up already by people with more credibility than me, so i'll just quickly reiterate the points that I thought stuck out- shorter, more complete comic, looser poses, and backgrounds, but nice pacing- and add that i would suggest maybe smaller page sizes too so I can get a better idea of the whole page at once, and be careful of weight, anatomy and proportion, how big all limbs and heads and stuff are in relation to each other. But good story, nice character interaction, decent use of angles, and bonus points for Guilty Gear reference!

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 12   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 12:38 PM
So first things first, congratulations on your first battle on VOID and I apologize for my no-show.  I have a new computer now that I am working to get up to speed and soon enough I'll have a new scanner as well.  Once I get all of that in order I'll present my side as a BB.  Interesting to me is that a lot of our points are similar but the conclusion is decidedly different.  

I'll agree with what everyone else has said, as a personal challenge try to set goals for yourself such as shorter stories and more complete pages.  Look into panel density and how much of a story you can tell on a single page.  This is difficult to master for some of us, myself included.  But that's why we're here to improve.  

Now about this apology page thing...  So it used to be fairly common that people would put apology pages with their entries until the entire community decided that they didn't like nor want to read apology pages.  We all did it as some point or another but eventually we did away with it.  If you want to say something in the comments that's fine but don't do the apology pages.  I am going to point out though, that some of us do read these comics at work so a simple NSFW warning at the beginning is actually appreciated.  VOID does not shy away from sex, violence, drugs or whatever but the opposite also happens as well so forewarning without the apology is definitely appreciated.

Also, good luck on your next battle!

A Bad Idea
Artist
320 comments
# 11   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 10:55 AM
Bec and Hats are pretty on the dot about the technical critique stuff, although I'd add that you need to loosen up your poses and practice gestures to get your figures looking less stiff.

My real critique is about the nudity; no, not that there *is* nudity, but your attitude about it. Like Hats said, Void has seen plenty of tits and dick before, so there's no need to put a page-long apology letter about it. Part of me is getting the impression that you're not confident about your use of nudity in your story and character, like you (and therefore the reader) are supposed to be ashamed that there's a dick in this comic. In fact, the apology page just draws even MORE attention to it, such that it feels even more distracting when it comes up.

If you feel that drawing in the dick is just going to be a distraction or doesn't really serve a function in the story whatsoever, then you shouldn't force yourself to include it. On the other hand, if you feel that it's a necessary part of the character that has to be expressed, then don't apologize for it! You've got to (excuse the pun) have balls about how you present it; are you proud to have a dick in your comic? Then don't hold back! Let your readers know that you are comfortable with who your character is, and make no apologies. We're here to read about Joey the Lust Demon; shame has already leaped out of the window. Instead of trying to toss it a rope ladder, just let it go and have fun in its absence!

Rah
Artist
57 comments
# 10   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 09:24 AM
Will: Hard luck! I hope you can get your computer fixed up.

Elge: Woo, first battle, done! I enjoyed reading it, I think you've got some nice expressions going on in some of those panels, particularly with Joey, and I like the character interactions. I'm also looking forward to seeing how Joey and Minerva's relationship progresses. I agree with all that Hats commented on. I'd personally recommend trying to work out how many pages it's going to be before you start drawing so you can gauge just how long it will take you to draw, that way you can schedule your time better and you won't have to turn in something unfinished.

The main thing that I gotta point out though, and I know you're gonna hate me for saying it, is backgrounds! You even acknowledged in your comments that you were really gonna have to work on them, but there's still not much there. They start off with a little texture, but largely they're still just boxes as you said, and by the end of the comic they seem to have totally diminished. Again, I don't know if this was down to you running out of time or what, but backgrounds are really important not only for giving your comic visual interest (there's a lot of empty space around, as you draw your characters quite small within the panels, so it'd really benefit from some background elements) but also to ground your characters in the scene. There was a part in this that particularly confused me, on pages 5-7. There was the explosion coming out of that window, but I had no idea where any of the characters were in relation to that because I was having trouble reading your environments.  Then because of all the fire and the intermediate "Heaven and Hell" title page, I thought Joey had transported himself and Cavallero to Hell, but actually suddenly they were upstairs inside a building Joey had formerly been outside of and I missed that transition, because it's not clear at the start that that's where Cavallero drags Joey to. Really try to work on defining elements of your scenes so your readers can follow where the characters are and what is happening. Look at a LOT of reference images and combine elements you like to give your environments definition and interest. I KNOW it's hard, but it pays off.

But yeah, well done on completing your first battle!

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
404 comments
# 9   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 07:15 AM
Elge: First thing I'd like to bring up. WE DON'T MIND NUDITY, tits-to-dicks. Void has a lot of NSFW content as it is a comix site after all,  you don't need to have a disclaimer for it.

This is a good first battle! but I think you should first concentrate on quality over quantity as these pages are pretty rushed! I understand the feeling of wanting to complete the story you want to tell but start to work out what you're capable of story-telling with different deadlines so you can have a healthy balance.

Your pacing is on the right track and I like Minerva, I look forward to you developing Joey and her relationship. Your anatomy needs practice but you'll get there, I suggest you look around for a different dialogue font to use to make your pages look a bit more professional, Blambot is a good place to look for free type!  

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 8   Posted: Dec 9 2012, 06:46 AM
Sorry for the lack of thumbs! As usual when there's no thumbs, I'm headed to work pretty early and won't be home until later today so I figure people would rather the comic go up earlier than wait for thumbs.

Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 7   Posted: Dec 6 2012, 11:12 PM
Uploaded...
Welcome to cardboard box city.

Also, I do not know Italian, but Google Translate was my friend. So uh, correct me if I got any of Cavallero's phrases wrong.

Thanks for the battle! C:

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1182 comments
# 6   Posted: Dec 5 2012, 07:42 PM
Default win or no, bring it with this first battle!

Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 5   Posted: Dec 2 2012, 09:48 PM
I'm really sorry to hear that, William_Duel.
Seems like a conspiracy to me, I had to get my laptop fixed some time ago. What's up with them and their blowing up.

Whenever you get all that checked, maybe we could do a rematch, I feel there's a lot Mr. Cavallero and the Lust Demon could develop, them being natural enemies.

Best of wishes.

Tofubeast
Artist
254 comments
# 4   Posted: Dec 2 2012, 03:51 PM
OH NO D :

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 3   Posted: Dec 2 2012, 03:38 PM
Fun news time.  So something is wrong with my computer and I don't know what.  Fuse blew and I'm guessing something burned out because of it.  Power is on but nothing shows up on screen.  I'd be happy if it were just the monitor but the pessimist in me says its probably the CPU.  I have no money for repairs or a new computer so I'm not sure what's going to happen.  Needless to say I don't think I'll be turning anything in.  Sorry.

Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 21 2012, 08:20 PM
I noticed the extension.
I'll take advantage of it as well to try to put up a worthy counterpart. C:
Or so I hope. COUGH.

Dechado
Artist
250 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 9 2012, 05:02 PM
So!

I guess it is time for a weekly update on my part:

-I have finished sketching almost all of my pages. But I keep editing or deleting pannels and aaaaaaa. So, I am still not sure how many pages I will get in the end.
-I am struggling a bit with the backgrounds, so, that's pretty much what will take me the most time with my comic. I am trying to specially work on structures and buildings and all that stuff.
-I am still unsure if I should color it. I tend to get a bit stressed with sitting down in front of my Art Program. and aaaaa. I know there's still several days to go and get it done, but. Who knows!

I think that's it.

Hope you're doin' well with your side, dear opponent. C:

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Dec 15th, 2012
Votes Cast: 24
Page Views: 1410
Winner: Dechado
 

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