Leema vs. Corry

Leema vs. Corry

Leema vs. Corry

by Elyan

227 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference

286 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Mister Kent
# 10   Posted: Oct 7 2012, 03:15 PM
Nice effort, both of you!

YAZ - I really like how you handle background and architecture in the first page--very nicely designed. I hope your future comics have lots more of that!

Mrnoitall - Glad to see Corry back in fine form, and I definitely see improvement. I really like your use of black and shades in the first half.  I hope the next comic's a bit more finished, especially when you get to the end, but I'm impressed with your development.

Darius Corry
# 9   Posted: Oct 7 2012, 09:44 AM
Yep, I definitely saw that it was way too much talking in my side. I knew I wanted to get everything I had concocted in my head and I knew it could've been simplified. . . but I let tim get the best of me. I think the next time I'll def write it out ( as I sued to do).

Yaz, thanks again for giving me a shot. I enjoyed drawing Leema. I was itching to extend the quarrel where she went to stab him, but I wanted something logical when facing a telekinetic... Logic always has Corry on the short end of the stick in Void, and I'm ok with it.

# 8   Posted: Oct 7 2012, 08:32 AM
Yaz, I felt that your story was cut short. I would have liked to see more.

Mrnoitall, I can tell that you weren't able to give your comic the amount of time it needed to be completely rendered, so the last few pages kind of kill the mood (I had the same problem with my current battle). I also felt like there was too much dialogue. On the positive side, I think you did a great job keeping the comic interesting by switching up the angles.

# 7   Posted: Oct 6 2012, 12:12 PM
Yaz, that felt a little sparse for 4 weeks. There's no real arc of a story it to it, instead it's just a thing happens, that would be a good start to a story, but on it's own is just an event. I'm not sure about the digital tones & the loose line work either. I mean it might've been just because you didn't have the time you needed to clean it up, but sometimes, it felt a little muddy & the line work wasn't helping. I'd vary tones more & use cleaner lines. And if I remember correctly, English isn't your first language, right? You made a good effort, & while what you have works as English, at times, some of the dialogue wasn't as colloquial enough, if that makes sense. Like the grammar works for what you had, but people don't really say it in that way very much.

Noitall, it's been a while & your figures have progressed. If I had one complaint it was that there was a lot of talking in this. I would've cut down the extraneous stuff & spaced it out over more panels, & page if needed, just to avoid some of those balloons being walls of text. And it felt a little like it got to a point that you stopped doing backgrounds, which were looking good, just so you'd have room to squeeze in everything you wanted them to say. Pick the important parts & optimize it better.
Rule of thumb I use, take a small lined index card. Write a page's worth of dialogue on it comfortably around the size of the ruled lines. That's about as much as you'd ever want to fit on any given page. I think that's something Howard Chaykin used to do. In this comic, there were balloons that seemed like they were longer than that. And even if you need every last bit of that text & it's all too precious to cut, space it out over more art.

# 6   Posted: Sep 30 2012, 11:06 PM
its fine. my entry isnt what i wanted to do either.
so i am really sorry about what i got for you here but even if these arent worth a 4 week deadline i still hope you enjoy some of it.

I really enjoyed your entry. Its amazing how you interpreted leema and how you made her a part of the void.
I rreally thank you for this :)
And sorry again for my weak show.

Darius Corry
# 5   Posted: Sep 30 2012, 09:06 PM
I have no clue why I thought I had another week.

I'm sorry Yaz. I did what I could to wrap what story I had. I chopped it down to get the jist of the story out.

Mister Kent
# 4   Posted: Sep 7 2012, 03:16 PM
Glad to see more Corry in action! Yaz--looking forward to more Leema as well!

Darius Corry
# 3   Posted: Sep 7 2012, 12:15 PM
Aw man I appreciate it, Yaz. I hope I dont dissapoint with your character as well. I may favor more dialogue this go round then my usual while still making her a vital chatracter (surely to reoccur) in battles to come.

# 2   Posted: Sep 3 2012, 01:02 AM
thanks man. i will put in a lot of effort to make up for my crappy invitational entry.

i see it as some kind of honor to battle you mrnoitall. i admire your storytelling skills and your character over all with all the depth you gave him. i hope i can display some of it in my entry and give leema this side i wanted to show here.

either way i look forward to your entry!

The Bent One
# 1   Posted: Sep 2 2012, 08:24 AM
I was just gonna say how I wanted Lemma to come back. FIGHT ON!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Oct 7th, 2012
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 927
Winner: Darius Corry

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