Intro Story / Koosh and Lapin

Intro Story / Koosh and Lapin

Intro Story — Koosh and Lapin

by Nothin

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# 6   Posted: Aug 8 2012, 02:10 AM
Lovely! I'm looking forward to seeing this the the races. I love his vehicle especially.

Anyway about the comic; I am liking the reference you've made to the other tournament in the top frame (I can only assume this was on purpose) but yeah I did like that a lot; good chuckle. As well as the doormat.
Besdies that I am also loving the texture on the lines. The first page reads well, pretty much all left-to-right with the text and the shift between 'camera' angle works nicely.
The second page I am a bit more like...
Well you don't set up the environment, he kind of goes outside on the first page and then he is inside I assume his garage? For the longest time I thought he was putting his keys IN his mouth on the first page and then was like oh he got them out again? You might want to work out a better visual between him reaching into his mouth to get stuff out and putting things in. A little more time/thought could have smoothed that kind of stuff over, I know you wanted this done and it's not a big deal but maybe for next time, eh? :')

Other than that I feel liek the middle frame on the second page could have been visually flipped;
considering; the frame narrows towards the exit; if the big wide world is out there it might be better suited to have the wider part of the frame there, so it's opening up towards the exit.
Having him facing the direction of read (in this case left-right) can also help the flow. Same kind of thing with the bottom panel just flipping it over could have resulted in a different read entirely, just flip them over and you'll see what I mean.

I also notice the first page has the gutter all around, and the second has none at all? IDK if this is what you do all the time, but maybe try guttering some frame on the page and letting others go full bleed. (just a little variation in case you hadn't considered it before.)

One last thing; did you decide to draw the bubbles/speech/guttering in a different pen than what you drew in for a reason? I am curious if that was a decision you made for a reason, personally I think I would have done it in the same pen but I don't want to say that in case you tried and it looked awful. lol.

Oh and yes! I do like what you've done with the colour, If you could step that up next time I'm sure it'll grow into something brilliant, so keep that all up!

Sorry this got so long! I hope you find it helpful! Good luck in the races! :')

Global Moderator
# 5   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 08:56 PM
Oooh Koosh, you're a baaaad bear.

# 4   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 06:47 PM
I like this. Start battling, like now.

Global Moderator
# 3   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 05:39 PM
I do love things that appear cute and are actually quite terrible

Mister Kent
# 2   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 04:11 PM
D'aww! He's a adowable! I look forward to his many potty-mouthed adventures!

The Bent One
# 1   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 03:04 PM
This guy seems fun! A hard talkin' hard drinkin' beanbag, uh, bear? Creature? I'm detecting some inspiration from TED, but I may be completely wrong.

Comic Details -

Ended: Aug 12th, 2012
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 873

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