Energy; Everyone else has said what needs to be said - But I love that you are still making comics and if you continue at this rate you will have made great steps in months from now. Keep it up buddy!

Ransom: Nice little comic all around, your writing seems a bit odd (see Bad Ideas comment) and your anatomy and perspective could use some work. Good job though!

ABI stole all of my comments, but I just want to add a bit of reassurance for energy that if you take the time to work on those things ABI mentioned, you WILL become a good comic artist. It won't be fast, but as long as you take some time to focus on those areas, you'll see improvement by leaps and bounds. I say this from personal experience; I've received so much feedback on VOID and it's helped me improve my art and comic writing so much that I would never have chosen to learn any other way.

The key, though, is to focus on one or two things at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to do everything all at once in the next comic and expect it to work after two weeks or whatever. I would suggest taking time to practice anatomy and line of motion outside of comics for a while, then move on to differentiating characters with body builds and other variations and working on expressions. Once you feel a little more comfortable with drawing different kinds of people in general, you can come back to your next comic with an arsenal of good art habits that you don't have to focus on quite as much while you draw. You can then take some more time to think about scripting and character writing that feels more natural and make sense to the reader.

If you take things one at a time and follow ABI's advice with thick skin and determination, you won't be disappointed.

ABI, I have to commend you for the giant critique! Some of your points made for Energy are just generally useful as well. As for my writing, I see exactly where you're coming from, I did the story to completion page by page as it came to mind, so it's a bit messy. Next battle, I'm totally planning. Thanks!

Energy - I like that you approached my character differently; from my little note about stealing. I think you got him pretty spot on, considering that his character's been fairly nondescript up until now. For the most part; i'll redirect you to the comments below as far as critique goes. You need to get the core information down before you move onto additions such as color. I'd put the focus for you next time as doing your backgrounds, because for me that's what made me lose track of the story. It seems like it's inconsequential to the narrative, but believable detail in your artwork is what convinces your readers that the characters are alive.
Anywho, thanks for the battle! I liked working with Jessie.

PART 3 (READ PART 1 AND 2 FIRST)

I want to talk about your paneling and composition. In comics, you are all at once the writer, the director, and the cinematographer. You must choose your shots in such a way that they help to tell the story, create a mood, or serve as exposition. In comics, you can utilize angle, staging, and even panel size to accentuate and highlight actions, scenery or otherwise. Your comic exhibits none of this. What purpose does the last panel of page one serve? What's the deal with the staging on page three? We have Jessie on the right of panel on putting on a shirt, then we have Jessie still on the right for panel 2 exiting through a door that we did not see her open. Between those two panels, there's no sense that any motion happened. Utilize your page space and panels to convey motion and action. SHOW the viewers what they NEED to see in order to understand what happens between the panels.

Lastly, let's talk about your color choices. Now, your limited color palette for this comic was interesting, but not particularly well done. The drab shade of green you picked is not especially fun to look at, and doesn't enhance the comic's atmosphere (except that maybe it's green because moss is green? I don't know). This kind of selective color palette allows you to highlight and draw attention to certain elements, like whenever Frank Miller uses color in Sin City. However, that element was misused throughout this whole comic, and as a result, your colors are drawing attention to all the wrong things. Why does the pedestal in page 1 have a shadow in dark blue if nothing else in the comic has a shadow? Why bother coloring the satchel on that page and giving attention and recognition to it if you're not going to use it later? What the hell is that blue cylinder on page three? Why is there color on the Mammon poster (which I didn't even know was a poster until the next page; because you've drawn attention to it with color, it looks like Mammon is actually there, standing in a very small, distant opening) if it's not important to the story? And on that note, why is there no color on the Jimmy Boom poster if there's color on the Mammon poster? The only thing that actually worked was the blue on Jessie's sweater, because without the blue on Jessie's sleeves, there's no way to distinguish her from Julia's (which is REALLY bad, because you want your reader to immediately pick apart your characters at first glance).

Keep ALL of this in mind, because I gave you 1's for this. Try to recognize your mistakes and iron those out before you start getting experimental. You have a lot of basics to nail down. So before I collapse from exhaustion writing this out, let's review one more time:
DISTINGUISHABLE ANATOMY
LINE OF ACTION
EXPRESSIVE FACES
CHARACTERS DRIVE THE PLOT
SHOW, NOT TELL
GUIDE THE VIEWER

Now, let's see some improvements next comic.

PART 2 (READ PART 1 FIRST)

This takes me right into my next point: your character writing. The way you write characters derives them of all personality. Try reading your script out loud. Do people actually talk like that? The lines they speak feel like they only exist to arbitrarily move the plot along without exposing character or motive. In fact, "motive" is the key word here. No such motive exists for ANY of your characters. Let's fast-forward to the "interrogation" between Jessie, Julia, and Moss. What purpose did this scene serve? Jessie comes in to take over the interrogation, only to do nearly the same thing Julia does, and it somehow works? Why is Jessie suddenly trying to drop a moral lesson on Moss after she trespasses into his home to yell at him? Why is Jessie wondering why Moss "helped them", after she deliberately threatened the information out of him? You need to start thinking about WHY your characters do the things they do. You don't just "make them" do things because it's part of the plot, they should be motivated to push that plot on their own. Remember, the PLOT does not drive your CHARACTERS, your CHARACTERS drive the PLOT.

While we're talking about 'plot', let's talk about your story writing. Like your character writing, everything in your plots (for this comic AND your past comics) have been played out arbitrarily, like thins happen "just because they're supposed to". Even the backflipping werewolf on panel one, which was robbed of all of its comedic value by being so arbitrarily forced "just to have it". You introduce new characters without any attention or fanfare, and then expect us to keep along with it as though we know who they are. Julia, who was introduced two comics ago, still lacks any true definition of character or purpose. On top of that, Jessie seems to have yet ANOTHER roommate whose sole purpose is to tell Jessie to get to the next scene. Everything happens only because the plot demands it, without any real justification or reason. Why is Jessie's stuff sitting neatly on a pedestal on the sidewalk? Just so Moss can steal it? How did Jessie even lose it? Why is it in the very end when they take back the box (which is different from the blue bag on page 1) that there's now parts for a pool inside of it? What the hell is going ON?

There's a lot of stuff going on that doesn't make ANY sense because either there's no attention brought to it, or we simply aren't being told. There's a saying among writers that sums up everything that your writing is not providing; "Show, not tell". We as readers are at your mercy to be guided through the story. The operative word here is "guided", not "pulled along" or "spoonfed". You need to give us everything we need to know to understand your story and your world, but not in a forceful, arbitrary way. We need to be eased into it, immersed into the fiction and "shown" the information, not "told", in order to keep our suspension of disbelief intact. Let your characters and your world communicate its contents to us, not your script or your plot.

PART 1

Ransom: I like your inks and your coloring style is very appealing, utilizing splashes of other colors to give some flavor to your panels and environments. The character writing was pleasant, and I'm especially impressed with the occasional witty line from Moss; it's a particular strength to characterize a character who is deliberately bland. I'm confused about the actual story though. It is not explained why Moss taking a seat at the bar provokes the bartender to pull his gun, nor does it explain how it ruins Jessie's mission. Moss's sudden breakdown on page 7 is sudden and unexplained (though well-illustrated). I think your art is where it needs to be for this character, but your writing needs to tighten up a bit to cover up those plotholes.

Energy: Alright, there's a LOT to go over so go ahead and grab a drink before I begin. The others have brought up your figures and poses being extremely stiff, so I'll elaborate a bit on that. Before we even start talking about posing, you need to brush up on your anatomy. None of your characters have distinguishable anatomy, not even between the men and women. All of them have a shapeless physique with no musculature or curvature, especially your women, who look like your men but with hand-towels taped to their chests underneath their shirts. Your characters have the consistency of action figures, which is to say, they don't show any variation of form when they bend, nor do they bend in the right places. Most all of your characters are posed with their spines perfectly vertical, which is giving you that stiff, robotic look. You want poses to be fluid and lifelike, such that it feels like your characters are actually "living" (google "line of action" and see how it applies to posing, animation, and drawing in general. I don't have room to explain it here).

On top of that, none of your characters exhibit any particularly striking expressions. There's no emotion in their faces, which goes on top of your blocky anatomy and stiff posing to make all your characters look like action figures. Try to think of the face in shapes, try and recognize what shapes you can use to convey emotions. Look at the faces of particularly expressive actors: Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, etc. How do they use their face to convey emotion?

Moss - I'm really enjoying that watercolor-esc style you got going on. You manage to get these nice shot that work well with comics. Cool compositions, Good job.

Energy - I have to agree with Julie, A little reference can make a world of difference. That green background is a little hard to look at. If you feel you need color, color it. Use a monochromatic color scheme if thats what you're heading towards. But If you didn't have time or whatever Slapping a flat color isn't the solution. Comics can work just fine B&W. You got this, I want to see more.

Ransom: I really liked your composition and that last panel's angle was just pleasing to me. Some of the lines did seem a bit sketchy. I love your coloring too.
Energy: The characters all seem very stiff. I would suggest using references to find poses that are more natural. It was also hard to distinguish if I was looking at a poster or through a window at Jimmy. Slight details can give a lot more clarity. Other than that, very enjoyable comic and keep at it both of you!!

And I'm done fixing stuff, lest I completely redraw.

My comic has been finished and uploaded.

I totally just saw Moss' bio in the incubator- glad to see he's popped into a battle so soon! Best of luck to you both

Take the time, fix things! GIVE US A SHOW.

Oh hey, an extension! :0 And here's I am rushed over and submitted...to go back and fix..or not fix..hmm

HA! Void Shore... looking forward to it. DO BATTLE!

Will Jessie Valley escape her crazy-ass pursuers?! Will Moss catch the season finale of Void Shore?! Will I finally break the awkward silence in this comments section?! Stay tuned, kids!