space-aged-very nice style overall, the coloring was also nice. I'd like to see some of that nice toning go into the backgrounds as well, because right now you have nicely rendered characters with some mostly white backgrounds.
Captaindark-your action was nice and clear, you did a good job on it. One thing you might want to do is knock down the opacity on the half tone pattern on the latter pages, it's sort of jarring against the solid toning you have which is distracting.
Invitational Tournament 2012: Round 1 / Hazel 'Haze' Kamaka vs. Ash
Critiques & Comments
# 17
Posted:
Apr 15 2012, 07:26 PM
# 16
Posted:
Apr 15 2012, 12:35 PM
I really liked both of these.
Space aged-
Really beautiful way of drawing, I could compliment so many things. I would say that you need to throw some more interesting angles in though. It is all a bit linear and straight on. Not all, but there were really no radical 'shots'.
3rd page bottom left it looks like Haze farted. Just had to say that!
CaptainDark:
I love well you portray action and my issue would be the art felt a bit rushed but then you did do a shit tonne of pages and you only had a week so I can't wait to see you do something with a longer deadline. I would just say restrain yourself from doing too many pages next time so you can really focus on the art.
Space aged-
Really beautiful way of drawing, I could compliment so many things. I would say that you need to throw some more interesting angles in though. It is all a bit linear and straight on. Not all, but there were really no radical 'shots'.
3rd page bottom left it looks like Haze farted. Just had to say that!
CaptainDark:
I love well you portray action and my issue would be the art felt a bit rushed but then you did do a shit tonne of pages and you only had a week so I can't wait to see you do something with a longer deadline. I would just say restrain yourself from doing too many pages next time so you can really focus on the art.
# 15
Posted:
Apr 14 2012, 03:39 PM
Fun Fact: Both comics contain the central characters competing for an all-important bag, and both comics feature Ash kicking Haze straight in the ass.
Amusing run but I found Space's go at it to be stronger. I like that the huge kickass fight scene that happens in this story happens off screen, while we watch the bag bonk Ash on the head and he stumbles into the whole affair. The dialogue was also just really smooth and satisfying. This is the simplicity take on a Void pairing done very right.
Dark: Nice little fight comic, and I liked the tone of treating the fight like a dance or flirting. It's an old idea, but quite a fun one. Some other old, but less fun, ideas: The decoy MacGuffin switch, "why can't you find a nice girl". Both of these archetypal plot devices were just imported directly into your story without much to subvert or revamp them. I also felt like your space was a bit less occupied than Space's a lot of the time and it gave off a weird and almost sterile atmosphere for something meant to be a sexual tension-laden magical battle in a lush and lively forest.
Amusing run but I found Space's go at it to be stronger. I like that the huge kickass fight scene that happens in this story happens off screen, while we watch the bag bonk Ash on the head and he stumbles into the whole affair. The dialogue was also just really smooth and satisfying. This is the simplicity take on a Void pairing done very right.
Dark: Nice little fight comic, and I liked the tone of treating the fight like a dance or flirting. It's an old idea, but quite a fun one. Some other old, but less fun, ideas: The decoy MacGuffin switch, "why can't you find a nice girl". Both of these archetypal plot devices were just imported directly into your story without much to subvert or revamp them. I also felt like your space was a bit less occupied than Space's a lot of the time and it gave off a weird and almost sterile atmosphere for something meant to be a sexual tension-laden magical battle in a lush and lively forest.
# 14
Posted:
Apr 12 2012, 10:34 AM
Space Aged: You've got a charming character that matches your charming style. Your minimal line work is accented by your colors and textures to great success. Your sense of place and the amount of story you cram into a few pages was impressive.
Captain Dark: You have some dynamic poses and moves in the mix here that could benefit from some sense of speed against your static/vacant environs. I applaud your sense of movement tho- just punch it up! The turn about of combat and usage of elemental powers in accord with the courier package is a nice bit of story.
Captain Dark: You have some dynamic poses and moves in the mix here that could benefit from some sense of speed against your static/vacant environs. I applaud your sense of movement tho- just punch it up! The turn about of combat and usage of elemental powers in accord with the courier package is a nice bit of story.
# 13
Posted:
Apr 11 2012, 09:00 PM
So, for having less pages, I felt space-aged did a stronger comic. She trimmed the fat and put what she needed in the comic.
Not saying CappyDark's comic was bad, it was very good. I just thought I'd like to point this out.
Again, broken record, as I have said this in a few comics, but I have few complaints.
And it's for Captain Dark: Your panels seem empty sometimes. your backgrounds sparse. My best example is the top panel on page 3. The 2 inches of entirely empty space. You could have centered the action, or cropped those two inches off and centered the panel. Something to think about.
Not saying CappyDark's comic was bad, it was very good. I just thought I'd like to point this out.
Again, broken record, as I have said this in a few comics, but I have few complaints.
And it's for Captain Dark: Your panels seem empty sometimes. your backgrounds sparse. My best example is the top panel on page 3. The 2 inches of entirely empty space. You could have centered the action, or cropped those two inches off and centered the panel. Something to think about.
# 12
Posted:
Apr 11 2012, 12:39 PM
To Space: Fantastic! Loving the miniuml colour palete, you're linework and figure drawing is fab and Texute just make me a happy camper! Well done
# 11
Posted:
Apr 10 2012, 05:37 PM
space-aged, i really liked your comic!
The way you drew the spirit i found especially nice
Good luck to you.
The way you drew the spirit i found especially nice
Good luck to you.
# 10
Posted:
Apr 10 2012, 06:14 AM
Really hard to decide between these two!
Space: Love your expressions & poses, and the on-fire-werebison is made of definite win!
Cap: Cool action scenes, amazed at the number of pages you were able to do! Only minor crit I can provide is that there were a few little grammar issues, mainly in terms of apostrophes (you're vs your)
Space: Love your expressions & poses, and the on-fire-werebison is made of definite win!
Cap: Cool action scenes, amazed at the number of pages you were able to do! Only minor crit I can provide is that there were a few little grammar issues, mainly in terms of apostrophes (you're vs your)
# 9
Posted:
Apr 9 2012, 08:21 PM
I liked these, guys! Good job on them!
Space, I enjoyed how nice and finished your entry looked. Can't wait to see more from ya.
Cap'n, yours was enjoyable. All that bothered me was some small anatomy hiccups and the over-usage of tone. Just be wary of how much you use in a panel. Maybe use a gradient tone for the background of a panel instead of one flat pattern? It'll make them look less dull. (Examples of what I mean: Panels 3/4 in page
Space, I enjoyed how nice and finished your entry looked. Can't wait to see more from ya.
Cap'n, yours was enjoyable. All that bothered me was some small anatomy hiccups and the over-usage of tone. Just be wary of how much you use in a panel. Maybe use a gradient tone for the background of a panel instead of one flat pattern? It'll make them look less dull. (Examples of what I mean: Panels 3/4 in page
# 8
Posted:
Apr 9 2012, 02:27 PM
These were both a lot of fun! The line work was superb in both. Space-aged, I really like your style and the shading & colour choices. And 9 full pages from CaptainDark! That's awesome. Great work, guys!
# 7
Posted:
Apr 9 2012, 12:30 PM
Nice work, CaptainDark! Loved the action, and I also like the clever way you ended it. I gotta say I found it funny that we had Ash kicking Haze in the butt in both comics! c:
Thanks, J! I think if I had more time I would have been more careful with the size relationship between Ash and the fire spirit. I certainly was a bit sloppy in parts.
Thanks, J! I think if I had more time I would have been more careful with the size relationship between Ash and the fire spirit. I certainly was a bit sloppy in parts.
# 6
Posted:
Apr 9 2012, 09:50 AM
Woooooooah! Y'all came out of your corners SWINGIN', I see.
Space-Aged, the writing preserved personality and carried the action without getting in the way of your action sequences. The backgrounds look good, and the only thing I wasn't really sure about was the relative size of the fire spirit to young Ash. Love the lighting on the first page. That was stunning. The ice on the last page was really strongly executed, as well.
CaptainDark, that's quite a large page count considering you had a week to put this together! I'd say your time management is your strongest skill, certainly. This is very much the kind of comic I'd expect to see in Shonen Jump or a similar style of publication. It's ALL about the action. Clever little fight, Dark.
If you wrote a shorter piece, you may have had more time to work on your backgrounds and anatomy. I'd love to see what you could do in a three-week fight.
Space-Aged, the writing preserved personality and carried the action without getting in the way of your action sequences. The backgrounds look good, and the only thing I wasn't really sure about was the relative size of the fire spirit to young Ash. Love the lighting on the first page. That was stunning. The ice on the last page was really strongly executed, as well.
CaptainDark, that's quite a large page count considering you had a week to put this together! I'd say your time management is your strongest skill, certainly. This is very much the kind of comic I'd expect to see in Shonen Jump or a similar style of publication. It's ALL about the action. Clever little fight, Dark.
If you wrote a shorter piece, you may have had more time to work on your backgrounds and anatomy. I'd love to see what you could do in a three-week fight.
# 5
Posted:
Apr 7 2012, 11:47 PM
I have submitted my comic. I wish I could have worked on it one more day, but the holiday kind of threw a wrench in those plans.
# 4
Posted:
Apr 1 2012, 07:10 PM
ROUND 1 : FIGHT.
# 3
Posted:
Apr 1 2012, 06:19 PM
Haha, this should be fun! Good luck to you CaptainDark!
# 2
Posted:
Apr 1 2012, 02:13 PM
What are the odds.
# 1
Posted:
Apr 1 2012, 11:42 AM
Oooo, fire vs.water, fire vs. water!
Tournament Match
Drawing Time:
1 week
Ended:
Apr 16th, 2012
Votes Cast:
49
Page Views:
2068
Winner:
space-aged
Intro Story
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