Do I see an Edge in there?! Made my day.

Cherubas:
You appeared to mismanage your time here, I have absolutely no idea why anything happened or how. It is nonsensical and I'm suspicious that you drew this as you went with no intended destination.
If that's the case, sit down before you start your next work, and decide what's going to happen in it. You could also stand to plan your panels out to display what's happening better, I was unsure who dived out of the window with the cat.
Try harder.

Sofa King:
Please, please, please get someone to proof read your script. The major detractor from this comic is the dialogue. The lack of grammatical correctness, the pixelated text and the speech bubbles really are the biggest problem at the moment. You should spend time making sure that it all looks as good as the rest of the comic. Hell, I'd be happy to help you with spelling and punctuation if you were willing to put the effort into making it look better.
You also make your action scenes too messy, I had a hard time reading some panels because there was so much scribbliness. It is very important that action scene's can be read easily. Having to stop and work out what's happening breaks the reader's flow and pulls them out of the comic.
Overall, I enjoyed your story, the ending was particularly cool, but probably didn't need to be on a double page.

Also, being American doesn't mean anything XD Plenty of Americans panel stuff in manga format. Do you read alot of manga? Could it be subconsciously throwing you out of whack?

Hm, alright, let's look at the page.. if you drew it left to right like you said, then it would be read like this:

page 5

Panel 1:
Boek: "no your a superhero...you you just cant just go around killing people becuase want"
Niles: "oh? and why can't I?"

Panel 2:
Niles: "Ha i like that but this guys life is worth-less he murder god knows how many people in this building"
Hostage: "he killed everyone i knew everyone i talked to... there all gone"
Niles: "hey kid i got a better idea..."

Panel 3:
Boek: "Beacuase thinking less of other peoples lives cheapens your own"

Panel 4:
Niles: "Give Her the Rifle. If she doesnt kill him ill get you icecream"
Boek: "Fine"



Does this conversation make sense to you?

Because when read right to left (manga style), it reads like this:
page 5

Panel 1:
Boek: "no your a superhero...you you just cant just go around killing people becuase want"
Niles: "oh? and why can't I?"

Panel 2:
Boek: "Beacuase thinking less of other peoples lives cheapens your own"

Panel 3:
Niles: "Ha i like that but this guys life is worth-less he murder god knows how many people in this building"
Hostage: "he killed everyone i knew everyone i talked to... there all gone"
Niles: "hey kid i got a better idea..."

Panel 4:
Niles: "Give Her the Rifle. If she doesnt kill him ill get you icecream"
Boek: "Fine"



You shouldn't zig-zag with panel directions, if that's what's happening here~

...this is the second time
look i am american so i create things and draw for left to right and hi to low i dont switch reading styles.i cant
but since it looks like i did switch reading stlyes in the middle of comics it means i gotta try to do a better job like you said

Cherubas: ....wait, what?? XD lol

Sofa: I've always liked your art, though it gets a little too sloppy at times; You need to work on your placement of both panels and words.. On the first page, I had thought the panels needed to be read left right when they're actually up-to-down then left-to-right.. I guess it's supposed to be like a 2-page spread, but that's just confusing in the online comic world unless you make it absolutely clear it's two pages pasted together.

And then suddenly in page 5 you switch to manga-reading rules, when for most of the comic it's been the opposite. This is all compounded by the spelling and grammatical errors.

Again great art, but the writing errors are pretty distracting. You need to keep to a consistent set of rules: If you want the comic to be read manga-style, (from right to left), that needs to remain constant for every page. Same if you want to do it the regular way (from left to right), but never do Up-to-down as your priority unless the panels are stacked that way like koma comics.

being able to read the comic legibly is very important, because no matter how good the art is, sloppy paneling and writing will just confuse the reader and they never get a chance to be immersed in the comic.



keep up the work, both of you!

true i did have fun

Don't sweat it. I ended up with much much less time than I thought I'd have too. In the end it's all for fun though.

i wish i had time to actually polish it and edit them
but thats what happends when u cant manage time an life correctly :-( , i will just try harder next time...

also writing and scriting tips would help so much or where learn how script a story  :-)

This is exciting.  We haven't  seen you guys in awhile.  Good luck.