This was really good. These kinds of comics are right up my alley. The art was spectacular. A great attention to detail was paid and it came out looking beautifully. The colors were amazing and really rounded things out nicely. This is probably one of my favorite comics on the site and you both should be very proud of yourselves on a job well done.
That said, this is a site focused on improving and such, so here are things I noticed and felt could be improved upon.
-For starters, some of the anatomy was a little wonky. The instances were rare, but in some cases it seemed like the arms were too short.
-On page 15, in panel 3, her hand seems to be... Reversed.
-On page 18, panel 4, it seems unclear to me what tone Angela is using at first. It's clear she's shouting to Julia, but I can't tell if she's whispering, growling, or thinking the first sentence.
-I feel Drednaught's line on page 22 would be delivered better if it was shortened. It's clearly going for a pun feeling, but it feels like it loses some of its wit by the end of it. Even if it was just "Arena's going to kill me..." I'd wager that most of the audience would put together what he means. Come to think of it, I think it could be arranged in a lot of ways dropping the "for being late" part and have more impact without losing its meaning.
-The conversation in the last panel of page 23 seems to derail the action a bit too much. Some information (like the "she's my girlfriend" fact) doesn't seem relevant or necessary. Likewise, the decision that Julia needs to get to Angela doesn't make a lot of sense unless Julia is letting her emotions override logic, in which case she has an unusually calm expression on her face.
-Lastly, in the bottom left panel of page 27 there's either a typo or an odd instance where Angela cuts herself off in the middle of the word "seeing". I think if you had finished with a different word ("don't want you to...") or just had her complete the sentence anyway, it would eliminate any confusion. Of course, if this IS just a typo and it was supposed to be "TO see", ignore this suggestion in favor of "there's a typo."
Great comic though guys. It was a fun read. Keep up the good work!
Winter's Eve / Angela Rudell and Drednaut
Critiques & Comments
# 11
Posted:
Dec 12 2011, 08:16 PM
# 10
Posted:
Dec 12 2011, 05:34 AM
thanks for the comments, I agree on some of my panel spaceing choices. Smaller panel bleeds would help. I see what your saying about the shattered panel. I never considered it might read as though he was breaking through the building. I broke the panel only to try and demonstrate just how hard Dreds tackled the thing.
# 9
Posted:
Dec 11 2011, 10:01 PM
Alright you two, not bad, I liked it for the most part for sure. My two cents:
Drawdan: In some pages, you have a lot of negative space outside the panels, which does effect your panel layouts a lot. an example of this would be page 16 and the bottom of page 27. It would help your layout a lot if you could fill those white spaces by stretching out the size of your panels, because that can be too distracting when someone reads a comic. Page 26 had me think drednaut tackle that thing into the building, but I don't think it did? It was confusing for me to understand that. Other than that you did well. Liked your overall artwork
Angie: Your coloring's cool as always. I have minor complaints when it comes to this though. 2, actually.
For the outside scenery, it seemed to tone down as the comic progressed in terms of the blue highlights on the characters. page 12 had a bit more then starts to fade away by around page 27. It would be nice if that bit of highlight was more present next time, it looked really nice when it came to showing the environment. My other complaint was Angie's color. I thought she was too orange, while looking at her past comic battles and design sheet, is more lighter in tone.
Again, two minor problems, so not that huge of a deal. Other than that, good job you two! Keep it up!
Drawdan: In some pages, you have a lot of negative space outside the panels, which does effect your panel layouts a lot. an example of this would be page 16 and the bottom of page 27. It would help your layout a lot if you could fill those white spaces by stretching out the size of your panels, because that can be too distracting when someone reads a comic. Page 26 had me think drednaut tackle that thing into the building, but I don't think it did? It was confusing for me to understand that. Other than that you did well. Liked your overall artwork
Angie: Your coloring's cool as always. I have minor complaints when it comes to this though. 2, actually.
For the outside scenery, it seemed to tone down as the comic progressed in terms of the blue highlights on the characters. page 12 had a bit more then starts to fade away by around page 27. It would be nice if that bit of highlight was more present next time, it looked really nice when it came to showing the environment. My other complaint was Angie's color. I thought she was too orange, while looking at her past comic battles and design sheet, is more lighter in tone.
Again, two minor problems, so not that huge of a deal. Other than that, good job you two! Keep it up!
# 8
Posted:
Dec 11 2011, 06:20 PM
We're uploaded and good to go, just need Toast to put the last few pages up
# 7
Posted:
Dec 11 2011, 11:44 AM
We have finished early!! The goodness will arive on time.
# 6
Posted:
Nov 17 2011, 06:20 AM
holy
farken
shit.
farken
shit.
# 5
Posted:
Nov 15 2011, 04:34 PM
Looking forward to it.
# 4
Posted:
Nov 15 2011, 03:43 PM
Ohh we WILL be done on time... Much swet, blood, and tears went into this BB. It has been alot of fun and Im sure the payoff willbe worthy. Im excited to be a part of helping Heather kick this story line off for Angie, cause its a dam good one.
# 3
Posted:
Nov 15 2011, 03:12 PM
SWEET JEEBUS
# 2
Posted:
Nov 15 2011, 08:24 AM
This will hopefully be finished before the deadline, we don't have many pages left to do! We were initially going to be doing this early this year but we both got busy. After this I will start posting the Winter BB series, I will likely put part 1 up 1 month after this, part 2 1 month after that, and so on.
# 1
Posted:
Nov 15 2011, 08:09 AM
yes, Yes, YES!!!
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
4 weeks
Ended:
Dec 18th, 2011
Votes Cast:
12
Page Views:
2198
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Council
Flamesphere-yeah things got pretty inconsistent, I should have done a better job at keeping track of what I was doing despite there occasionally being gaps in time when I could get to work on a page. I do agree about Angie's fur tone too. I think next time I tackle this sort of palette I'll try something else and see if I can make it work better.
Cherubas-I'll try to use the actual word bubble to help make the tone clearer in instances like that in the future. And yeah, I totally caught that issue on 27 and I think it had slipped my mind to fix it haha She was supposed to be saying "seeing" and it gets interrupted but I can definitely see where there would be confusion there.