Intro Story / Knife

Intro Story / Knife

Intro Story — Knife


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# 5   Posted: May 4 2011, 10:33 AM
Maybe in the future try to introduce the character more fully, giving the reader a reason to be interested in them. Keep at it!

# 4   Posted: May 3 2011, 09:43 PM
looking forward to more!

# 3   Posted: Apr 28 2011, 01:50 PM
Aside from the windows. I think the scribbly stuff is pretty cool.

# 2   Posted: Apr 28 2011, 08:44 AM
There's glimmers of nice stuff in this, but yeah what Mintley was saying; it felt too rushed. Not only in the linework & the cheap way you do windows, but with what you were actually showing us, & the way you kept real tight in shots & cropped very liberally in others. It felt a little like you were trying to avoid drawing more, as though you were trying to shuck off the drawing a bit. Because of that, it kind of took me out of the story. Layout wise, the two pages feel very lopsided. There's a lot of information on the first page & really not much of anything on the second. And given you've got up to four intro pages to work with, there's no excuse not to optimize. It also feels as though you're drawing your panels & filling them in with story, rather than letting your story dictate your panel layouts.

At the same time, it ultimately felt more like a series of images rather than events in sequence. From the top, panel by panel it's Buildings, vague flashback, in a crowd, even more vague flashback, legs, back shot, full shot of her holding note, tight of holding note. What are you trying to tell us exactly? Is she new to town? There's an implied past but because of really tight cropping, the instances of that are too vague to make out. I mean even if something's supposed to be intentionally unclear, the imagery's not indelible enough to leave much of an impact in the grand scheme.

Ultimately, there's a lot of the kind of things you see when someone's first starting out. I think once you get the hang of things, you're going to do just fine. Make sure the shots you're showing us count & there's good reason for them.

Above all else, stay the hell away from Comic Sans. It's a known carcinogen after all.

# 1   Posted: Apr 28 2011, 06:52 AM
You should give a bit more love to your comics, as it is it's definitely not bad, but it's pretty scribbly.  It looks a bit like it was rushed. Practice some perspective work for shots like that first panel, the buildings were a bit all over the place and those voids on them where it looks like you probably just used a thick line tool and eraser combo don't line up too well.  It's definitely ok to have a messy style, for instance I like the way you build up your lines, everything's kinda scratchy. It's got a lot of character.

At the same time, the simplicity of it and the short-on-words approach kinda dragged me in, I wanted to see what she was about.  The photo in her hands, the scar, and the reason for her choice of words.  Very well done in the interest factor, I definitely went straight to read the bio after this.  

Last thing is continuity.  Since her legs are off-panel between the pages, she could have uncrossed them, but it feels more like you maybe forgot or just couldn't get it to look right, and so you changed it? Just remember Void's all about practicing and getting better :]

Cool comic!!

Comic Details -

Ended: May 4th, 2011
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 1206

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