Time for last minute responding!
Cherubas: I had to re-edit and cut out loads of sub scenarios in the comic to keep the page length from going to 80 and above. One of those scenarios was going to explain why Eliza puts up with such dark and moody behavior. I hope that I will be able to clarify on that in a future BB that will describe some of her background story. Thanks for the heads up on the arms and hands. Those happen to be one of my many weaknesses that needs to be addressed.
Riley: You can never be a huge nitpicker, so don't worry about that! I really appreciate you taking the time to give me such an in-depth response. Thank you again for linking me to those resource pages on hands and anatomy! I've found these quite helpful!
And also for the rest of you guys:
Thank you all for taking the time to give me your C+C's. I know it's been over 3 years since I've last contributed, and it's cool to know that there are people that still care to give their input. I really appreciate it!
Imouto part one / Eliza Quaille
Critiques & Comments
# 26
Posted:
Mar 13 2011, 08:16 PM
# 25
Posted:
Mar 6 2011, 08:09 AM
I remember you were talking to me about worrying about this comic being boring to people, but this is far from that. Even though you conveyed mundane scenerios, you didn't overwhelm the reader with huge word blocks of info: you knew how to pace it in a way that people could easily follow. You introduced the story in a way that felt natural to get into with the interactions going on between Sergio and Eliza. It was really well written, and I was excited that you finally got this submitted. Can't wait for the next part!
Artwise, it is solidly done all around, I am definitely digging the ink + inkwash/tones look too. I think your anatomy would be further strengthened if you loosened up your style a little bit. It does look rather rigid in places and even though anatomy is constantly a challenge, I highly reccomend you do some gestural studies for the sake of capturing movement and motions of the body. It seriously helps with the posing aspect and understanding how joints and limbs turn and work, and boosts the diversity of angles and directions you can portray with the human body through those same studies adding to your mental image library. That way, you don't limit yourself to the straightfoward poses like the frontal and profile view. For specific gestures, it actually helps alot looking at refs (such as stock photos online), or photographing yourself posing for personal reference. Also, look up eye positions and how they are placed on a face relative to their angle, their shape can be quite a challenge to pin down.
For additional suggestions with hands, try breaking the anatomy of a hand down, and making sense of all the positions of where everything starts/ends. If you observe closely, the wrist is slightly tapered when indicating the seperation line between the forearm and the hand. The thumb's starting point curves smoothly from that, and there's a decent amount of space between the thumb's starting point and where the other four fingers start. Then there's realizing the subtle size differences in the fingers..The middle is the longest, index/fourth finger is second longest (interchangable), pinky is last. Try visualizing the hand itself as a 3D volumetric rectangular prism and the fingers and their joints as multiple rectangular prisms. Each finger is divided up into three segments, and the segments gradually get smaller the further they are from the palm/hand base, leaving the finger tips to be the smallest segment and the starter segments as the longest.
I might be being nitpicky at this point, but I encourage you to play more with lineweights as well. It seems like you did have some lineweight diversity but the range/dynamic of that aspect should definitely be pushed more. You were fairly consistent with the lineweights. Go heavier in areas where there is more shadow casting on it, or if it's closer to the viewer. I could also see your style looking good with a 'thin/delicate line' style, as well. Just experiment and play around with different styles, is all I'm saying, and stick with what works best.
All in all, good show! Keep it up and I'm looking forward to your next comic.
Artwise, it is solidly done all around, I am definitely digging the ink + inkwash/tones look too. I think your anatomy would be further strengthened if you loosened up your style a little bit. It does look rather rigid in places and even though anatomy is constantly a challenge, I highly reccomend you do some gestural studies for the sake of capturing movement and motions of the body. It seriously helps with the posing aspect and understanding how joints and limbs turn and work, and boosts the diversity of angles and directions you can portray with the human body through those same studies adding to your mental image library. That way, you don't limit yourself to the straightfoward poses like the frontal and profile view. For specific gestures, it actually helps alot looking at refs (such as stock photos online), or photographing yourself posing for personal reference. Also, look up eye positions and how they are placed on a face relative to their angle, their shape can be quite a challenge to pin down.
For additional suggestions with hands, try breaking the anatomy of a hand down, and making sense of all the positions of where everything starts/ends. If you observe closely, the wrist is slightly tapered when indicating the seperation line between the forearm and the hand. The thumb's starting point curves smoothly from that, and there's a decent amount of space between the thumb's starting point and where the other four fingers start. Then there's realizing the subtle size differences in the fingers..The middle is the longest, index/fourth finger is second longest (interchangable), pinky is last. Try visualizing the hand itself as a 3D volumetric rectangular prism and the fingers and their joints as multiple rectangular prisms. Each finger is divided up into three segments, and the segments gradually get smaller the further they are from the palm/hand base, leaving the finger tips to be the smallest segment and the starter segments as the longest.
I might be being nitpicky at this point, but I encourage you to play more with lineweights as well. It seems like you did have some lineweight diversity but the range/dynamic of that aspect should definitely be pushed more. You were fairly consistent with the lineweights. Go heavier in areas where there is more shadow casting on it, or if it's closer to the viewer. I could also see your style looking good with a 'thin/delicate line' style, as well. Just experiment and play around with different styles, is all I'm saying, and stick with what works best.
All in all, good show! Keep it up and I'm looking forward to your next comic.
# 24
Posted:
Mar 2 2011, 07:51 AM
I really enjoyed this. I'm glad to see a comic from you again.
# 23
Posted:
Mar 2 2011, 07:51 AM
I really enjoyed this. I'm glad to see a comic from you again.
# 22
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 06:08 PM
This is the kind of writing we need more of in VOID.
also, I agree on the subject of the hands.
'Nuff said.
also, I agree on the subject of the hands.
'Nuff said.
# 21
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 04:52 PM
This is absolutely top notch. I didn't know you were so capable of such a high quality comic. I am thoroughly impressed. Honestly, 10s all across.... but I'm not taking back the things I said about Pandora and Potemkin.
# 20
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 03:26 PM
Just to clarify, this BB is based off of a match I was going to have between myself and Spinzoa. Sergio Pancrazio is Spinzoa's character.
http://entervoid.com/character.php?id=1061
Since their comics are viewable again to the public I recommend checking them out!
http://entervoid.com/character.php?id=1061
Since their comics are viewable again to the public I recommend checking them out!
# 19
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 03:06 PM
Unfortunately, I only half pay attention to everything and I didn't realize that Sergio was an actual character when I made that comment. I thought he was just made up for this BB. That's my mistake there, lol.
# 18
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 02:34 PM
Sergio wouldn't die unless the original author willed it...but then...I guess you could kill off other people's characters, it just wouldn't 'count' in an official capacity. Let's see some more abuse.
# 17
Posted:
Feb 27 2011, 01:14 PM
This was entertaining. Eliza's lack of good judgement was frustrating to me (I'm always irritated by stories where person A treats person B like crap the whole time and person B's response is to grow unusually attached to person A) and slightly less frustrating was that the douchebag didn't die off, but despite what I initially thought, I did end up reading the whole story in one sitting.
If I had to pick something for you to improve on, I'd mostly go with hands. Some of your hands look rough, like smashed with a hammer and left to heal on their own rough. Also, some of your poses look unnatural, mostly in the arm area. Like on the bottom of page 8, where she's toweling off her hair. It looks like her elbows are on opposite sides of her head, straight out at her sides, but I believe that naturally the elbows would be forward a bit. Dry your hair with an imaginary towel right now, you might catch what I'm saying. If I put my hands like hers my wrists, pinkies, biceps, and shoulders all feel uncomfortable.
For the most part though I felt the angles, MOST poses, and the facial expressions were very effective storytelling. Well done, I'm eager to see how this story concludes.
If I had to pick something for you to improve on, I'd mostly go with hands. Some of your hands look rough, like smashed with a hammer and left to heal on their own rough. Also, some of your poses look unnatural, mostly in the arm area. Like on the bottom of page 8, where she's toweling off her hair. It looks like her elbows are on opposite sides of her head, straight out at her sides, but I believe that naturally the elbows would be forward a bit. Dry your hair with an imaginary towel right now, you might catch what I'm saying. If I put my hands like hers my wrists, pinkies, biceps, and shoulders all feel uncomfortable.
For the most part though I felt the angles, MOST poses, and the facial expressions were very effective storytelling. Well done, I'm eager to see how this story concludes.
# 16
Posted:
Feb 23 2011, 05:35 PM
Ok, I E-mailed Toast the last 3 pages. I hope I don't come off as a persistent cock knocker =/
# 15
Posted:
Feb 23 2011, 11:12 AM
I've contacted Toast a few times about it, perhaps send him a PM?
# 14
Posted:
Feb 23 2011, 05:33 AM
Man, that's too bad. I hope all the pages will be posted so we won't have to wait for part 2. I also hope to see this uploaded very soon, well before the Heavy Weight Tournament; I would really hate to see this comic being overshadowed by tournament comics. You deserve a lot of readers, after all that hard work!
# 13
Posted:
Feb 21 2011, 08:16 PM
Managed to do a normal upload, but the last 3 pages will not appear. If the issue can't be resolved to get the last 3 I'm cool with putting them in the second part. Just keep in mind the endpoint would be kind of in an awkward spot.
# 12
Posted:
Feb 19 2011, 08:25 AM
Congrats, BM. I heard you submitted all your pages. I can't wait to see it! I hope Toast will be able to upload the pages by 21st. I'm dying to read your comic. Good luck!
# 11
Posted:
Feb 17 2011, 05:45 PM
Depends when Toast puts it up
# 10
Posted:
Feb 17 2011, 05:29 PM
So...we have to wait five more days for this?
# 9
Posted:
Feb 14 2011, 02:49 PM
This pleases me.
# 8
Posted:
Feb 13 2011, 08:43 PM
K guys, I sent the pages and thumbnails to Angie tonight. I was going to have this BB be a straight set of 30 pages, but it would've cut off at a pretty awkward point so it's technically only 21.
A couple other points I'd like to make; I started the pages in August of 2009. 17 and beyond are from late last year till now. You'll probably spot some differences in how I ink from then.
Also, do not expect an action packed fist pumpin smack down in this comic. This is more of a plot builder with little key elements that will be important in part 2. I apologize if this comic is a bit boring, or comes off weird in plot line.
There are some things I wish I could've changed during it's development, but it's been past 3 years since and I don't have the energy to make any more changes. I wanted this to be done, and I wanted to keep my promise to a very good friend.
A couple other points I'd like to make; I started the pages in August of 2009. 17 and beyond are from late last year till now. You'll probably spot some differences in how I ink from then.
Also, do not expect an action packed fist pumpin smack down in this comic. This is more of a plot builder with little key elements that will be important in part 2. I apologize if this comic is a bit boring, or comes off weird in plot line.
There are some things I wish I could've changed during it's development, but it's been past 3 years since and I don't have the energy to make any more changes. I wanted this to be done, and I wanted to keep my promise to a very good friend.
# 7
Posted:
Feb 11 2011, 01:16 PM
You make me want to Void again.
# 6
Posted:
Feb 5 2011, 12:15 PM
Looking forward to this!
# 5
Posted:
Feb 1 2011, 05:08 PM
Ooooooh Will, you know I only live to shame you. <3
Ben, if you go into the battle index page you can read Eliza's first and second battles.
(http://entervoid.com/images/battles/)
But otherwise there will be a time line page that summarizes everything she's been through up to this point so you won't have to worry about back tracking.
Ben, if you go into the battle index page you can read Eliza's first and second battles.
(http://entervoid.com/images/battles/)
But otherwise there will be a time line page that summarizes everything she's been through up to this point so you won't have to worry about back tracking.
# 4
Posted:
Feb 1 2011, 02:11 PM
That's not Italian. I'm ashamed of you now.
# 3
Posted:
Feb 1 2011, 07:19 AM
Just caught up on Eliza's story (as much of it as I could, since half the battles are broken). I like it a lot! This is sure to be interesting.
# 2
Posted:
Feb 1 2011, 12:26 AM
Can't wait for more Eliza Q!
# 1
Posted:
Jan 31 2011, 10:05 PM
Yay! Excitedddd
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
3 weeks
Ended:
Mar 6th, 2011
Votes Cast:
29
Page Views:
2640
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