Invitational Tournament 2010: Round 1 / Beef vs. Tian

Invitational Tournament 2010: Round 1 / Beef vs. Tian

Invitational Tournament 2010: Round 1 — Beef vs. Tian

by otamie

51.8%
782 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: No preference


48.2%
727 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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otamie
Artist
23 comments
# 26   Posted: Aug 8 2010, 06:04 AM
Thanks for the crits kuro! I will definitely pay more attention to my gutters next comic. The thing about the action being shoehorned and the chicken making a little bit of a to random appearance was all due to time shortage (i had to cut pages as well). But i will try and do those better next round and i will sway away from the desert scenery. ;)

Kuro
Artist
581 comments
# 25   Posted: Aug 5 2010, 06:57 AM
Otamie, Not bad. Be more consistent with your gutters, because whether you intend it to or not, having bigger & smaller gaps can kind of unintentionally act as a time jump or a cut away. If it's more uniform & then thick for an effect, it makes much more sense. More angles would have helped the talking heads bit, but at the same time, it was weird how some were tiny & others were huge as they occupied the same space. Compositionally, you're giving us tons of negative space with the gutter space you're not using. The action was pretty ok, but I would have paced it out over more pages rather than shoe horn it into tiny, tiny rhombus-y panels that are hard to make out. For instance, having paced them dashing on it's own page then starting another page with the chicken bawking before it explodes would've given the sillyness more impact. Also, in those wide sweeping shots of them dashing, where is the chicken? If it's not that close to them, how did it eff them up? If what we're seeing is from its pov, why not establish that by showing it? It's kind of a continuity between panels thing. Otherwise, I thought this was pretty good. Next time, give us a locale with more distinction though. Moebius ruined deserts for everybody doing comics.

Drunk, I like the idea you were going for with this, but I think there could have been much better ways to pull that off. For instance, the lack of a denouement could leave some to think that your comic is ending at the start of the actual fight & that there's more to it that we're not seeing. Like one more panel of your opponent's character wrecked or your guy walking away would've pushed it further. Or the fact that you had the opponent's character talk SO much in huge walls of text rather than show off some fancy but ultimately ineffectual kata or something seemed to make the thing fall flatter than it should off. Him being all talk is really setting him up for the fall, whereas (say in Raiders of the Lost Ark) him showing off more would lead us to believe something crazy's about to happen only to shut it down quick for a laugh.
The art wasn't on par with what we saw in the design sheet. And copying panels is silly to do for a site that's primarily practice. It's like you're cheating yourself out of practicing. The paintover explosion in the first panel for instance is just sloppy looking in comparison to the rest of that panel & looks lazy. From a storytelling stand point, having talking heads panel to panel can get boring enough, but to show the same shot of your guy over & over makes it that much worse. And from a story telling stand point, i think the flow would have worked a hell of a lot better if the actions in the panels were flipped. Take Beef hopping down before your character, his last action's all the way at the bottom left side of the page. Tangentially, if he was on the bottom right, it would have been more like pointing us toward the next page. Conversely, if the final panel was flipped, your character acts almost as if he's a brick wall, bringing the story to serious halt. Make sense? And tighten up the space between gutters. You're losing a lot of page real estate by having them so thick, & it's also punctuating the pacing when they're not consistent.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1441 comments
# 24   Posted: Aug 2 2010, 11:06 PM
Otamie gets points for creativity,

DrunkenStyle, I'm afraid that last page was a bit too anticlimactic for my tastes. :(

Phill
Artist
895 comments
# 23   Posted: Aug 2 2010, 06:31 PM
Not bad for first time battlers.

Otamie: Good comic, just needed something more to the story to cement that the two are in a race. But with the time given this wasn't all that bad.

Drunken: I'll be honest, I was a bit disappointed with this comic while looking at your design sheets and whatnot, the comic was OK, first page showed a lot of promise, but after that it went downhill. Come next battle I wanna see you go balls to the wall with your comic!


Even vote from me, but I hope to see more from you two.

otamie
Artist
23 comments
# 22   Posted: Aug 2 2010, 10:14 AM
I actually planned my comic a bit different but due to shortage of time i had to cut the meat of my idea and changed a few things.

Well i learned how to manage my time better. I will take that to future battles 8D

JimValid
Artist
43 comments
# 21   Posted: Aug 2 2010, 04:03 AM
While I quite liked both of these equally in terms of visual representation and creativity in the way the characters were engaged, I did find more entertainment value in DrunkenStyle's contribution. Though that doesn't go without saying that I didn't have a good time with Otamie's.

I would have to say that it's the general flow of Drunkenstyle's progression that I enjoyed more; it was consistent but still engaging. However, I'm not very fond of the ending to that comic, it just seemed so abrupt when everything else was building up to something much more interesting. I'll chalk that up to time constraints, but it's still a shame.

Also, I feel that some of the more dynamic scenes in Otamie's comic were a bit unclear.

That being said, these are both excellent entries into the tourney, and definitely among my favourites thus far. Keep up the good work, you two!

otamie
Artist
23 comments
# 20   Posted: Aug 2 2010, 03:22 AM
Nice comic drunkenstyle! I really did the page where Beef does the flashy salto. And you really drew Beef well!

@ critc's: You all seem to have it about page 4 (the flashy battle page) And i see your points XD. The color per character is experimental and as such I'm still testing it. So its good to hear some critics about it. I'll work on it to blend it better with my clean style cause I'm sure it should work but i guess in combination with some hard poses (specially that one kick from beef) It  became messy.

Thanks for the heads p guys ;)

Charlie
Artist
730 comments
# 19   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 10:19 PM
Oh man, I know what you mean about school workload. I feel you there, I busted my ass off just to get what I got done on here whenever it is my fight goes up. Its stressful stuff! Hope to see more from you in the future,  there was some awesome figures in there.

DrunkenStyle
Artist
4 comments
# 18   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 10:17 PM
Hahahah thanks. I meant to have a longer fight, which explains the long buildup in the beginning, but I ran out of time

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
498 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 10:13 PM
Otamie, what can I say? exploding chiken race is a concept of pure beauty... though that page with all the colors does kinda bug me, it seems too filled and messy for such a clean style.
DrunkenStyle, nice drunken style. I do think it's nicely done, if a tad messy in comparison (not a negative thing, I dont think so) but  the story was somewhat bland. You dont need to go as wild as otamie, but you can still make something a bit more surprising ;)

DrunkenStyle
Artist
4 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 10:11 PM
Good shit, Otamie.

@Base&Orange: Thanks for the crits, and yeah, the last page I accidentally saved without resizing lol. It should be fixed now thanks to Angie. And yeah Orange, I didn't have a lot of time because unfortunately I had a sudden workload from school this week, but I did my best lol

Base
Artist
56 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 09:45 PM
Great fight guys! Crits:

Otamie: I liked the setup you had here. I especially liked the dramatic flare of the first page. When they started fighting, though, it was a little hard to see which character was which, and to pick out what was happening between them. I think practicing more dramatic camera angles and foreshortening will really help with this. Was a great read, though!

Drunkenstyle: Yikes, that last page was HUGE! Had quite a long buildup to the finale, but the anatomy was solid and the character expressions were charming. Check out pacing your panels a little better, with smaller panels for short actions and bigger for more dramatic ones. Also, the dark grey BG wasn't really helping when picking out the spirit guy that appears behind him. The lines were pretty solid by themselves, however. Good job!

Excellent fight, guys! Good luck!

Charlie
Artist
730 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 09:08 PM
Oh my god, Otamie hahaha. Your comic was pretty damn funny, and really creative too I have to say! The last panel had me cracking up, I loved it. The only thing was that the action was hard to follow at times, but overall dude great comic. Beef is such a rockin' character.

DrunkenStyle, I wish you had more time to work on this because what is here is the beginning of a really really awesome comic, as there is some really nice poses and stuff in here. You got a cool art style, I'd love to see battles from you with a longer deadline : D. Also the last page you uploaded is UBER massive, it was hard to see :P. Other than that I enjoyed it!

otamie
Artist
23 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 1 2010, 06:50 AM
UPLOADED MY BATTLE!

And mailed my thumbs ;)

DrunkenStyle
Artist
4 comments
# 12   Posted: Jul 31 2010, 11:31 PM
SHIT. I AM SUCH A NEWBIE. DID I UPLOAD WRONG OR WHAT?

Knomer
Artist
87 comments
# 11   Posted: Jul 28 2010, 01:26 AM
*raises an eyebrow*

Cherubas
Artist
175 comments
# 10   Posted: Jul 28 2010, 12:26 AM
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to. Good luck, guys, make good stuffs.

ShouldaCouldaCola
Artist
48 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 26 2010, 08:42 PM
Dude, Drunkenstyle!!! It's Leyli-- here's hoping we meet on the battlefield.

otamie
Artist
23 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 26 2010, 03:31 PM
And so it all begins >8D

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 26 2010, 12:27 PM
Yeah I'm excited for this. This should be dope!

Phill
Artist
895 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 26 2010, 12:51 AM
Welcome to void you two, just remember to do your best, the minimum is a mere 3 pages too! And yes I am going to say this to everybody.

Mo Rice
Artist
14 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 25 2010, 10:59 PM
Fistie cuffs :D

Hiemie
Artist
511 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 25 2010, 09:38 PM
You could always face them AFTER the tourney. They would be open for one on one fights.

Cherubas
Artist
175 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 25 2010, 09:37 PM
I know that fights aren't a requirement in our comics, but I gotta admit, I'm looking forward to some fists flying in this matchup.

Enaxon
Artist
27 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 25 2010, 09:33 PM
Not gonna lie, I kinda wanted to go against either of you. :O

I hope this turns out amazing. Cheers :3

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 25 2010, 09:15 PM
This'll make for a fun fight! Good luck!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 8th, 2010
Votes Cast: 41
Page Views: 1193
Winner: otamie
 

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