Zatura Schindler vs. Aesimi & Beethoven

Zatura Schindler vs. Aesimi & Beethoven

Zatura Schindler vs. Aesimi & Beethoven

by Keres

456 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

by Pelz

0 points
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Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 12   Posted: Jul 19 2010, 08:28 AM
Personally, I'm not a big fan of plain pencil being the final product, but that's a medium choice and I decided not to count it in my voting. I do, however, think that if you choose to make your finals all graphite, that you need to do more than plain b&w; you have to do some grayscale, or at least hatchwork, to make the depth and space convincing. Your first panel on the first page shows that you still have some weakness when it comes to 3D perspective drawing. The windows just weren't right for the perspective you chose. I think the best way to get practice in this area is to go whole hog, so try it more. I did like that overhead shot in the food court, so keep pushing those angles.

I won't make much fuss on the quality decline at the end. You've already said you were ill, and I feel ya man.

Simple characters can still have a simple but interesting story. The "opposing" characters really didn't have any interaction besides the sidekicks having a one-sided struggle. I hate to say it, but I found this kind of boring. It didn't teach me much about Zatura and his bizarre companion or about Aesimi and Beethoven (except that the wolf is a greedy asshole and I don't know why a nice girl like in your comic would stick with him). If nothing else, make it soft core character driven and give us some character development. In fact, I really prefer that type of thing. This story was unfortunately aimless and led to no revelations or developments.

# 11   Posted: Jul 19 2010, 06:21 AM
@Krat man i was getting worried that no one would give more feedback lol. Yeah stiff figures was a problem I thought would come up in a critique. I also thought maybe Zatura was not assholish in any comic I've done so i wondering if i should change that in his bio since over the year, he is not as much of an ass as it may seem in the bio. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. I was having doubts with it at first but its suppose to be a simple story. Btw the link is very helpful, thanks :)!

@michaelharris I'm very glad you like my characters. The decline in art was mainly due to my illness the last couple of days before the due date. I'll definitely make papiyellow more three dimensional. I'll admit backgrounds aren't my strong points and I need to practice with them. Yes i'm terrible at perspective and gave it a swing in this comic with a bit of help from the forums. Guess it all comes comes down to practice and more practice. I'll make the effort to get perspective down since it'll make comics and drawings in general look more interesting. I'm really glad you too enjoyed the story since it worried me  a bit.



# 10   Posted: Jul 19 2010, 03:02 AM
I love your characters a lot, they are very fun and vibrant. I did notice the steady decline in the art as you ran out of time/desire, though. I wanted to see some more definition in his little creature friend. The characters look very three dimensional but the creature guy looks like a cartoon. As in, he looks like he is two dimensional in a world of three dimensional people.

Your backgrounds are a huge problem. The contrast in quality between the characters and the backgrounds extremely distracting and I could tell that you don't understand perspective. I strongly encourage you to look up some tutorials on perspective so you can get them up to the same quality as your figures. If you have any specific questions, just lemme know.

I enjoyed the story. It was simple and cute and worked well. I don't think you needed an apology page. It just draws attention to flaws in your work that people may not have noticed. Never apologize for your work. Ever. It's a good habit to get into.

# 9   Posted: Jul 18 2010, 08:20 PM
One of the things I noticed about the figures in this comic is that their posing is rather stiff. Granted the storyline itself does not call for any great, epic action sequences, the standing poses could use more visual flare. A good rule of thumb to think about in terms of drawing standing poses is that usually the everyday man or a person in a casual setting will not stand perfectly straight. Most people will have a slight curvature of the spine when standing. Most of the time the pose of standing stock straight is reserved for soldiers standing at attention.
When sketching the figures, I would recommend using a line of action (which is a line in the figure that represents the spine). I know any good character animator uses it and I think comic book artists who do action comics will use it, as well. Here's a good reference for what I'm talking about- Now granted, it is Spongebob (ie. very cartoony style), but the idea is still the same. If the pose has a slight slouch or curve it brings a lot more life, realism and visual interest to the character.  

Also, I read Zatura's bio before I read the comic and I must say that in this comic, he's quite a chipper asshole. He doesn't come across as a jerk in this particular comic, but more of just a slightly cheerful guy and that's about it. I know for the most part he's just ordering tacos in the comic, but there could be a lot done with body language and facial expression to convey a sense of having an attitude. In terms of characterization, there is more than just what the character says and does. It goes into positioning, body language, expressions, how characters react to the other character, etc.
Overall, though, I found this comic quite enjoyable. I like your pencil work, though the storyline was relatively simple it was a fun read, and you got the personalities of Aesimi and Beethoven down pretty well. Also, pretty decent job for drawing a wolf for the first time.

# 8   Posted: Jul 17 2010, 10:13 PM
Lol man hands.

Punk Jax
# 7   Posted: Jul 17 2010, 11:19 AM
What is this, no comic, Pelica? D:

Good job, Keres. I'm enjoying your comics. :3

Community Manager
# 6   Posted: Jul 17 2010, 10:43 AM
Quick Crit Time

1. Zatura's jaw gets funny in a few places so I'd try to keep that under control.  His forehead suffers when seen from the side.

2. 1st page, 1st panel, that building corner looks really funky.  If you're going for perspective make sure that everything follows the same point(s).

3. First few pages are good about having backgrounds but this kinda veers off and we're left with nothing.  Aim for consistency.

4. For the sake of interest, I'd suggest trying to be a little more bold with perspective and angles.  You tilt a little bit in a few places but push a bit more.

Otherwise good job, keep it up and battle more.  Ta-ta.

Community Manager
# 5   Posted: Jul 17 2010, 09:29 AM

# 4   Posted: Jul 16 2010, 05:18 PM
comic uploaded

# 3   Posted: Jul 4 2010, 07:38 PM
Lol thanks dimension, glad to be back.

# 2   Posted: Jul 4 2010, 03:45 PM
welcome back Keres!

Good luck to you both~

Community Manager
# 1   Posted: Jul 4 2010, 03:13 PM
Ride the lightning.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jul 23rd, 2010
Votes Cast: 25
Page Views: 1307
Winner: Keres

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