.Juggernauts in The Dragon's Den. / Su vs. Kojiro

.Juggernauts in The Dragon's Den. / Su vs. Kojiro

.Juggernauts in The Dragon's Den. — Su vs. Kojiro

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Su51.2%
398 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14

Crit level: No preference


This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Kojiro48.8%
380 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16Page 17Page 18Page 19Page 20Page 21Page 22Page 23

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 24   Posted: May 14 2010, 04:10 AM
People, thanks for all the advices you have given, I'll keep them in mind in the future comics!
This was my best work i have done so far, till today, and now i'll try to raise the bar.
See ya soon.

RTV: Man, I loved your story, loved how Su ling and Darth/Kojiro interact each other, and speccially, the idea of a story between Darth/Kojiro & RTV  AKA Subject03!
RTV, it was a great honor to do this battle with you.

Appreciated, bro.

alberto311
Artist
351 comments
# 23   Posted: May 12 2010, 12:36 PM
Good job Guys!

RTv: Love your stuff as always... but i have to admit your side profiles are off somehow....

Aj: Good stuff, lots of improvements but you need to do some perspective studying it'll improve your backgrounds by the tons.


michaelharris
Artist
352 comments
# 22   Posted: May 8 2010, 07:37 PM
RTV:
This was pretty good. The story flowed well and the fight was pretty entertaining.

Art wise-There are lots of anatomy errors that I think you know about, if you really want me to point them out, let me know.

storywise-It was wierd how Kojira just appeared on page 6. On 5 the Delaborates are talking to the soldiers, then the soldiers are gone on page 6, Kojira magically appears, and they are talking now.


AJ
artwise- buildings are not blocks. buildings are not blocks. Go on google. Look up some buildings. buildings are not block. The people looked ok, I would keep up the life drawing and anatomy work. I appreciate all the effort on the background, but it is competing with the characters in the forground especially on page 16. The face is the thing you see the most. If it was drawn on a wall there'd be some cracks going through it or some faded spots. It kind of just looks like a floating face.

storywise- I don't think all the "Acts" and over dramatic titles were necessary, they kinda made me groan every time I saw them. A bit too cheesy for me. It was easy to follow and I didn't get bored. Pretty good

Both: These were fun, but I have seen this anime/sci fi tv show/movie/comic before. I know people love the genre and I like it too, but I would spend some time looking at tv shows/movies/stories away from this genre because you seem so heavily influenced by it that I am seeing a lot of cliches.

Anthonybaiz
Artist
138 comments
# 21   Posted: May 7 2010, 06:03 PM
Great job to both parties

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 20   Posted: May 6 2010, 07:13 PM
AJ this was great, I liked it alot and I think it's your strongest entry so far.  But just some things to point out, while you've got great details in the backgrounds and such it often becomes hard to discern what's going on, the eyes just can't keep up and sometimes details tend to blur into one big mess, which is a pity because there's a lot here to admire.  I recommend experimenting with line widths and making some of your figures pop.  Another thing you could do is separate your figures from the background by literallly just disconnecting them from them, having more white around them, or just less lines connecting them to the background so that they'll stand out more.  I think dropping some heavy blacks would be useful for you, the crosshatching is good but you need more shadows, even if it's just grays and not blacks.  Because you do fall on greys from time to time.  Which also leads to a bit of inconsistency from time to time.   And another thing, you're capable of doing good backgrounds and as someone who started out on the same path, drop the gradients, you'll feel better about it in the long run.  I use to rely heavily on them so I know they feel like a quick and easy way out but instead of really enhancing your art, it makes it seem cheap and people will also think you're cheating.  In fact your page 19 looks like something similar I did in my first comic on Void, and while you may have been saving on time, just trying to draw stuff out, especially stuff like the moon.  But awesome job from both of you, it was a good read.

F3E
Artist
7 comments
# 19   Posted: May 6 2010, 01:57 PM
RTV
Nahh Finally!!! I waited for this since wednesday! I liked you fighting scenes a lot, and fortunately your coic was full of it! Only thing I have to observe is, that the scene change between force meets special force and Kojiro meets Su was a bit irritating and fast. Although I was wondering where this task got? I suggest this will be questioned in the beyond battle. I agree with William_Duel, Su's body was in parts amorphous. Even though I'm not a fan of (really) manly looking women I liked su's appealing. It's believable that something mighty lives within her. Fat ++ for your paneling, it fits wonderful to your fighting scenes. I'm looking forward to your next battle ^^ (and hrm...if going on someones nerves is supporting him I'm the best support I can imagine :P)

AJ
The pages with the character portraits are my favourites. You seem to be very talented in those single Panels. The fight in your comic got into something more magical and you performed it well in your arts, I liked the details you put on your backgrounds and Characters.
Page 14 seems a bit failed to me. The Portrait of Kojiro crosses the upper panel so that his hood seems to vanish in it and also crosses the tanks. Try to think in shapes, if you reduces all parts of the downer panel there would be a hard readable shape. Isolate every shape or at least let it cross only on parts where shapes keep clear. Suggestion, when you want to let him fall dawn, chose a upright format panel.

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 18   Posted: May 6 2010, 11:41 AM
Rtv I don't know what you've gone through or are going through now and for what it's worth all I can offer are prayers and condolences.  That having been said what I do know is that you're a respectable and talented artist I'd like to compete with some day.  Your action scenes are immensely fun and energetic.  The issue I have is cleanliness though and Su's anatomy which gets amorphous here and there.  Good luck.  

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1458 comments
# 17   Posted: May 6 2010, 09:55 AM
Rtv, the comic was lookin' great, Su really interests me as a potential opponent :) it's a shame you couldn't finish.

AJ, you've improved with both art and story-telling! I only wish you had better endings, they always seem so abrupt.

Good job to the both of you

Rtv!
Artist
603 comments
# 16   Posted: May 6 2010, 12:38 AM
I uploaded 1 minute before deadline. AJ mah man, hope you like it. I soooo wanted to do the part with Kojiro's wings, but yeah. I am concluding this in a BB.
 I'm definatly up for a rematch later...way later. The when i feel better type of later.

I didn't give much of a shit about my comic in the beginning.
Given the circumstances i drew it in, there were moments i wished my tumor was back.

But closer to the middle/end i cheered the fukk up a little and pushed through.
Thanks for your patience man!

AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 15   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:45 PM
I E-mailed toast with the whole pages, i hope you guys save my unlucky ass.
Now make us happy plz :D

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 14   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:40 PM
haha it's okay, a lot of people have had the issue with it lately which is why I confirmed it myself. I used tiny tiny files for a test BB and uploaded 24 pages, the last 4 pages uploaded but did not show up on the manager. Hopefully Toast can get to the bottom of what's going on.

AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 13   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:34 PM
My middle name is bad luck ah ah!ok Angie, i finish to send the whole pages to you and Wei, but i forgot to put toasts e-mail too :/ i'll do it now.

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 12   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:20 PM
yep it's an issue with the uploader, I made a test BB and same issue. I've notified Toast of the problem, email toast@entervoid.com your last 3 pages

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 11   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:15 PM
I did get those! Still don't see 21-23. I think the uploader has been having issues with more than 20 pages. Do you think you could stack some pages so it'll come out as 20 pages?

AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 10   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:12 PM
did it again.It's everything ok Angie...?Did you get my thumbnails via e-mail too...?

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 9   Posted: May 5 2010, 11:07 PM
Just so you know I only see 20 pages, try to reupload the last 3!

AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 8   Posted: May 5 2010, 10:51 PM
Hey thanks to all for the help!mission acomplished, the 23 pages where saved, the message said...sorry for the panic attack awile ago.
Well...i'll snort a bit, and be right back!

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 7   Posted: May 5 2010, 10:26 PM
http://entervoid.com/board/index.php?topic=10641.0

read this for upload problems first before you email us pages

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 6   Posted: May 5 2010, 10:03 PM
If it's not working out, send copies to Angie, Wei and/or Toast, better than nothing.

AJ 武士龍
Artist
66 comments
# 5   Posted: May 5 2010, 10:00 PM
man, i'm having trouble uploading the pages...i always get the message " no pages uploaded "...geezzz..i got my 23 pages ready right here.
Still trying to upload successfully the pages bros -_-'

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 4   Posted: May 5 2010, 09:51 PM
Do your best in two hours.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1458 comments
# 3   Posted: May 3 2010, 01:03 AM
is that a subtitle or sorts I see beneath the Vs. title? o.o

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 17 2010, 10:57 AM
Ew.  Una pata?  Only 12 days away, kick some ass.

alberto311
Artist
351 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 17 2010, 10:55 AM
Dale una pata en las nargas!!!!~

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: May 12th, 2010
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 1676
Winner: Rtv!
 

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