REBORN / Lau the Assassin

REBORN / Lau the Assassin

REBORN — Lau the Assassin

by carlito


62%
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Critiques & Comments
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carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 31   Posted: Apr 19 2010, 09:01 AM
PyrasTerran: Oh... I also thought Lau was Chia, and this took place before Chia entered Void.... ^^;
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Nah. Chia-Hui got his scar in a scar match with Redblood Phill, not before he got to Void.

Since they are identical twins, Lau only needed to cut the scars into his face and they would look exactly alike again.

I realize I wasn't clear enough in the storytelling... Maybe words, combined with pictures is what I should've done... I second guess it wrong at the time.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1413 comments
# 30   Posted: Apr 15 2010, 06:24 PM
Oh... I also thought Lau was Chia, and this took place before Chia entered Void.... ^^;

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 29   Posted: Apr 7 2010, 10:24 AM
Sorry about the snappy attitude also. I take stuff on the internet too personally. I'm actually not that bad a guy in real life. (I like to think anyway)

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 28   Posted: Apr 7 2010, 10:17 AM
Hiemie- That does help. I appreciate the crit.

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 27   Posted: Apr 7 2010, 09:59 AM
Actually Carlito, it's really not the same. In yours, Lau is revealed to be secretly Chia's evil twin who lives on outside of battles. In mine, Bad Apple dresses as a pig in the last fight to catch someone off guard, and then is killed under his own methods, not living on.  Not only that, mine is under the context of comedy. Yours is under the context of serious comics.

There's no need for passive aggressive snaps at people who didn't like your comic. It's odd, because I like most of your comics too. Just not this one.

And now some crits stuff. Most of your full body shots in this comic are awkward. I mean, yes, you're trying to illustrate that he was beat up badly, but the poses in some of the panels are completely unnatural. Like when he's sitting proped against the wall on the first panel. He has no pelvis and his legs are bent in impossible ways. That and his elbows are psychotically close to his shoulders. You draw hands, shoulder shots, and faces pretty well, but any time you pull back the shot, your anatomy becomes stiff and broken, like the tree blowing in the wind standing position on page 2.

Also, when you pull out, you suddenly lose your line variation. Examples are the last panel on page 3, or the first one on 4.

The token areas of grey in this comic seem simply put there to attempt to clarify areas of vagueness in forms of linework or break up areas of the panel that seem empty. They actually still are empty and feel empty, but now they're grey. Not only that, your streets and floors do need some extra little notes, like puddles and garbage. In addition to that, all of your shots are pretty much a floor and a wall. I'm guilty of that too, but you do action comics usually, and you need more dynamic or interesting angles.

It's funny because you are telling a nice silent story (A genuine display of storytelling ability), but the message you wanted to put forth wasn't portrayed.

I hope this helps you.

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 26   Posted: Apr 7 2010, 09:17 AM
Thanks for reading.

      Edited Jan 6 2011,  10:03 AM by carlito

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1055 comments
# 25   Posted: Apr 6 2010, 01:36 AM
I liked it. I was surprised to see Chia Hui being Lau, but it made a lot of sense thinking about it since it fits his motive and character to be Lau. (Someone who's on a vengeful path but doesn't want to bring dishonor to his group of monks or whatever you want to say.) I figured he must have faked his death or whatever so he could cast aside his past life and follow whatever dark path where he didn't have to adhere to some code of monks or whatever.

All in all, it was a fun read and actually added some depth to Chia Hui that has me interested in his storyline now. Nice job.

Reign
Artist
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208 comments
# 24   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 07:58 PM
Hiemie: One more thing, on void, you really are allowed to do whatever you want and not care about other people's comic. There's no set canon on the site. Dowhachoolike.
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Well said Hiemie :D

Jack
Artist
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225 comments
# 23   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 07:42 PM
amazingdavid: assume everyone is retarded and hates you.
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That is probably the single best bit of advice I have ever seen anyone give in regards to storytelling.

amazingdavid
Artist
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441 comments
# 22   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 05:11 PM
Am I the only Chia Hui fan on this site?  I thought this was great.

I will agree with Mike...assume everyone is retarded and hates you. Recaps are nice especially if you are having large gaps. Some pretty successful people do this on the site, especially those who have extended or lengthy story lines (eg Angie) I don't think it detracts from the comic and actually get's people interested in the storyline a bit more...immersive!

As for the art you're still improving.  I'd like to see more attention paid to stuff in your BGs they are still a bit sparse and too cartoony. And by stuff I mean...trash on the ground...dirt..puddles...cracky bricks, curtains or blinds in the windows, torn down bills on the brick walls, base cement pipes, lamp fixtures, ladders to fireescapes...fire escapes...etc etc...get some reference of dirty alleys on google..

The pacing was good..Although the shots were a bit cliche. which is not a bad thing..cliches exist for a reason..perhaps expanding how you frame those shots (pgs 4 and 5 all the shaving shots) The wide format is good I think it works for you and your style I would continue to use it. I'm not a fan of the intermittent use of the flat cross hatching...seems odd and it isnt pervasive enough to add anything to the over all style or art direction. I would stick to solid tones and successive line gradations. (like under the nose in the 4th thumb at the top of this page)

I wasn't disappointed with this...I think it's a clever way to keep a character going...

now all I have to do is figure out how to bring Ethel Back...

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 21   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 02:06 PM
One more thing, on void, you really are allowed to do whatever you want and not care about other people's comic. There's no set canon on the site. Dowhachoolike.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 20   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 09:19 AM
Damn it Carlito, you’ve ruined my comic forever. Lau is supposed to be DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Wynn has one less SOOOOUUUUUULLL. Haha I really don’t care. He was killed by a pig in the end anyway. I’ll probably finish off Wynn’s story as well and just ignore that terrible/embarrassing/cute death. That is, if I’m not too lazy (I mean BUSY!).
As for a critique, I agree with Jack’s first point. It was confusing to the point that I had to read it three times before I understood that Lau was Chia’s twin. I think the hinting and foreshadowing could have been a little less subtle. Still, I think it’s a fun idea, and I can’t wait to see what you do with it.

Reign
Artist
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208 comments
# 19   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 09:17 AM
i enjoyed it for the style. perhaps not for the actual story as I've just jumped back on Void.
So much hostility Jack, but I'm guessing it's something between you two.

I agree with Carlito though, more critiques and less whiney fighty crap

michaelharris
Artist
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352 comments
# 18   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 09:05 AM
Um... the problem with "hinting" at thing is that, you do one comic every 2-3 months or so. and in between people on void are reading other comics which break the continuity of your story anyway. Subtle hints might work if your stories were collected all together in a collected anthology, but I don't remember what I ate yesterday, let alone an obscure hint that you threw in two years ago. When you watch a tv show, they usually do a recap of pertinent info, because they know you probably have forgotten about something. I don't think you should do that, but it just illustrates that most people can't closely follow stories with long breaks between episodes.

I had no idea Lau was supposed to be a twin brother, I just thought that was how you drew Asian people. On this site, I think everyone should assume no is following their characters story and write to that effect. I hate reading intricate story lines that only make sense if you have been following since '07. Its not just you, Wolcik kinda did the same thing and a lot of others. I liked that it was short, because I didn't get the significance of it at all. I just thought it was Lau wandering home and randomly cutting his face. If you are trying to convey something important, you are going to have to be a lot more overt due to the large gaps in between stories.

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 17   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 09:04 AM
I really did think you meant Lau was Chia, btw. The evil twin thing was sarcasm.

Jack
Artist
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225 comments
# 16   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 08:39 AM
Carlito Quinones:
I wasn't saying she let me do it.
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Oh, right. My bad. I can see now that that is in no way what you were doing.

Angie's comment was just a random comment on my battle with Lust.
I just quoted her comment because it confirmed it for anyone questioning I could do it.
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Oh...wait...

I thought, hey yeah, it's not against the rules, even Angie said I should continue his story,
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Nevermind.


And you've been receiving critiques for the comic:

1. It's unclear, to the point of being entirely confusing, nobody knew what was going on in this.
2. The storytelling is extremely weak, the "hinting" and "foreshadowing" fell flat on its face.
3. The story itself isn't entertaining.

That's a hell of a critique.

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 15   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 07:09 AM
Thanks for reading.

      Edited Jan 6 2011,  10:02 AM by carlito

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 14   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 07:02 AM
Thanks for reading.


      Edited Jan 6 2011,  10:01 AM by carlito

King_Pong
Artist
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601 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 5 2010, 06:54 AM
Well that was surreal.

Jack
Artist
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225 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 09:04 PM
Saying Angie let you do it doesn't make it an entertaining comic.

Amaloo
Artist
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76 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 08:02 PM
So you've been hinting at this for 2 years?
Kind of anti-climatic for 2 years, dontcha think?

alberto311
Artist
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349 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 06:23 PM
Interesting!!!

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 02:02 PM
Thanks for reading.





      Edited Jan 6 2011,  10:01 AM by carlito

Reign
Artist
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208 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 10:48 AM
errr how is this racist?!
Nice use of single colour, I like!

Wolcik
Artist
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492 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 07:46 AM
The racist part was a joke. I know that it suppose to mean that they were twin brothers or something, but there could be "all chinese man look the same" reason and it made me lol XD

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 07:23 AM
Scratch that: Wow, Chia Hui's long lost twin brother who is not dead in a speed death tournament where he died.

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 07:16 AM
I never got that impression that you've been hinting at it.

I thought you were just saying Lau was Chia Hui the whole time.

Plus, Lau died. He is dead.

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 05:30 AM
If you mean because they look exactly alike, there's an obvious reason for that.
I've been putting hints and clues to it forever.

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 05:29 AM
Racist???
WHAT??!!
It is NO WAY racist, or meant to be racist! I don't get where you're getting that.

Wolcik
Artist
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492 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 4 2010, 01:47 AM
Interesting plot twist to say at least, but I find it a little bit racist XD

carlito
Artist
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375 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 3 2010, 02:49 PM
Thanks for reading.

      Edited Jan 6 2011,  09:59 AM by carlito

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Apr 10th, 2010
Votes Cast: 23
Page Views: 1095
 

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