Lau the Assassin vs. M.C. MAC MONEY MURDA

Lau the Assassin vs. M.C. MAC MONEY MURDA

Lau the Assassin vs. M.C. MAC MONEY MURDA

by carlito

Icon for Lau the Assassin100%
485 points
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Icon for M.C. MAC MONEY MURDA0%
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Critiques & Comments
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Kuro
Artist
581 comments
# 21   Posted: Mar 1 2010, 07:12 AM
sorry if i step on toes here, but i only got to read all the battles this morning & i didn't really have time to read others comments beforehand. carlito, everything seems on the up & up but there's still work to do. your anatomy is still feeling a little scrunched & stubby, but i think the biggest issue with this one is the storytelling. sure there's a lot of text in the beginning because you're laying out grand design for both your characters. i understand, that's fine. but the execution still dragged for me a bit. and then once you actually get to a bit of action, you see your character out in the crowd unsheathing his sword & then the next couple panels are tiny slivers of him cutting up the opposition. how did he get from the crowd to the stage? how did no one notice him with the swords if he walked? "why doesn't somebody pull out a .45 & 'BANG!' settle it?" bruce lee quotes aside, some sort of transition would have been nice. after showing him unsheath the swords, you could have started a fresh page with him jumping or something at the top, the slivers of body parts getting hacked in the middle & then end it at the bottom with a result panel that serves as more of a conclusion.

Charlie
Artist
731 comments
# 20   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 06:40 PM
Cool stuff man! I can't wait to see what you do in the next round :D

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 19   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 04:39 PM
Thanks for reading.

Rtv!
Artist
603 comments
# 18   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 03:11 PM
What i mean is, the build up is so good that i wanted more at the exact moment it ended. Felt like "it has just begun." Maybe if ya had MC speak a bit, even if one rhyme or the lazyman's  "blablabla" speechbubble it'd make a big difference.
7 days is not much to work with for some of us.

Just do what feels good to "you" while at the same time  implementing some of the crits. Like you did now.
For example,
previous fight i mentioned  recurring angles in a specific order can make the flow look stiff.
In this fight you mixed it up as much as possible.

Keep up the goods!

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 17   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 11:11 AM
Thanks for reading.

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 16   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 10:44 AM
Thanks for reading.

Rtv!
Artist
603 comments
# 15   Posted: Feb 23 2010, 09:50 AM
Carlito - this is a step up from last time mah man. Pretty clean. I'm digging the shots of the club.
Crowd looks really simple, yet it seems to work for you.
The use of gray is also a nice touch. The story had a great build up but ended pretty abrupt. But then again a week isn't much and everybody works at different pace.
Thumbs up for that close up on Lau's face on page two. Curious to see where you take this.

Josh - Too bad you couldn't make it, i really like the style you're working with.
Good to know you still finished and the BB is on the way. :D

Qyzex
Artist
670 comments
# 14   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 11:31 PM
Not bad, Carlito. Short, and ended abruptly, but still, your art keeps looking nicer.


By the way... is that bouncer outside the club Wei, by any chance?

XD

galvo
Artist
146 comments
# 13   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 03:14 PM
aw man, WHERE DID YOU GO JOSH??
i really wanted to see mmmm go FAR.

carlito -- really dig the drawing on the second thumbnail up top, but amigo -- the story was just lacking so much.
i know next round you'll bring some HEAT, PLEASE -- I WANT TO FEEL THE BURN OF STORY MAN!!

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 12   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 10:17 AM
Thanks for reading.

Phill
Artist
895 comments
# 11   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 06:27 AM
Josh: Upload early, don't wait until the last minute, you never know if you'll get some extra time, or if that last minute is literally your LAST minute.


Carlito: You're definitely getting better at these comics, you need to vary your angles a bit though, all too often do you stick to the standard shot from the front. Last page was a bit of a let down, I would of loved to have seen a better angle for Lau killing Mac Money. Good luck in the next round.

JoshuaEliGilley
Artist
462 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 06:08 AM
UGGGH >_<  well that's what I get for waiting til the last hour to post.
Good job Carlito, really liked your story, setup and pacing here. Also the inks were looking even tighter than your round 1.
I suppose Lau is not fated to die just yet!

Posting mine as a BB so you guys can read it.

JoshuaEliGilley
Artist
462 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 22 2010, 12:25 AM
I am attempting to upload now, although I know it's slightly past due.
I had a snowstorm blocking out my satellite internet signal, and it just let me back on.
So, I understand if the pages don't go up, just figured it was worth a shot.

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 21 2010, 07:25 PM
UPLOADED.

Darius Corry
Artist
428 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 21 2010, 02:51 PM
Voting for the Wutang lookin dude.

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 19 2010, 10:41 PM
Thanks for reading.

Amaloo
Artist
76 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 18 2010, 08:26 AM
Awwww hell naw.

DrasticFantastic
Artist
165 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 15 2010, 02:01 PM
Seconded Will.

Get money get paid.
GET BITCHES GET LAID.

William_Duel
Community Manager
930 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 15 2010, 01:35 PM
This is some Wutang.

JoshuaEliGilley
Artist
462 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 15 2010, 01:05 PM
Hell yes Carlito, it's awesome to have a match finally. Good luck to you as well, we shall see who is killed.
Lao is a badass dude.

"GREATS" BATTLE!!

carlito
Artist
375 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 15 2010, 10:44 AM
Thanks for reading.

Comic Details -

 
Type: Speed Death Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Mar 1st, 2010
Votes Cast: 28
Page Views: 1304
Winner: carlito
 

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