Thanks for reading.

Mamo – First off, nice thumbnail work… very enticing.

I’ve got nothing really to report – it’s a good comic, though you call it out yourself that the resolution of the battle is anti-climactic.  I do have a few minor points to mention…

There’s a good amount of humor here, like the hair cutting scene, and dreaming of Lune.  But speaking of the haircutting, Mize is sporting the new haircut even though the fight takes place in a flashback… or did I miss something?

I’m also somewhat confused by the amount of detail Itami has regarding the match, specifically Chai’s intentions.  Chai doesn’t say anything, so unless there was some conversation off-panel, I don’t know how Itami could know something like that.  One extra line of dialogue could fix this, with something like, “Chai didn’t tell Mize, but he told me later that blahblahsomeshit.”  Or even have Chai himself work it into the match with something like, “By defeating you, I’ll claim Itami as my own!” you get the idea, I’m sure.

Lastly, Itami makes a comment about Mize throwing “one last punch,” but I would have preferred to SEE this instead of being told it happened.  One or two extra panels on that second-to-last page that show (just a thought) Mize surrounded by the others, defensive, but charging a fire attack, and then in the second panel him launching into an attack.  Or you could go simple and just show a panel fulla fist coming right at us.   You could use an alternate coloring scheme to give the impression it’s Itami’s thoughts, or go with the classic dreamy cloud shaped panels.  However it’s done, I would have liked to see it rather than read it.

Other than those few things, there’s a bunch of missing periods at the end of your sentences.  Good comic, excellent fight scene, great coloring, all-around good times.

Carlito – I’d like to begin by saying I hope you finish this story.  I’ve seen the comments stating that you plotted this to be a much longer story, and while this is a good start, I would certainly like to see the rest of it.  Perhaps a Beyond Battle that includes these pages, as well as the rest, for a complete story?  Again, I hope to see it.

It’s been awhile since I’ve read one of your comics, and your art has come a long way in that time.  It looks like you’re using a brush pen now, which is paying off in strides.  There’s an immediate sense of life and emotion that is sometimes lacking from black and white comics that have been drawn or cleaned on a computer.

Minor gripes on Page 1 – I suggest removing the snowflake between the words “free parking” in Panel 2, as it looks like an “o”.  I also didn’t notice Chai until my third look at this panel, so maybe drawing more attention to his entrance, or backing him up a step or two so that his full body is visible would help make him stand out from the diner itself.  In the last panel, I didn’t know what I was looking at at first, and that might be my fault, but I think it would help if Chai were not only facing the robot (whose name I sadly don’t know), but if he were slightly farther away as well.  If we could see him through one of the windows in panel 2, that would be even better.  Or else possibly zooming out a bit to see more of the diner front and not just the large windows.

Page 2 – Again, I didn’t know what I was looking at at first.  To me, I immediately thought of a DBZ-style tiled tournament space instead of a building side.  I think it would help firm up the setting if you could work this character, the building he’s standing on top of, AND Mal’s Diner all into the same panel.  I assume he’s across the street from the diner, but I can’t be sure.  After that, THEN have the big close-up reveal.

Page 3 – Nice touch including the coat rack.  Your backgrounds are good throughout the entire comic, but I’ll call them out on this page because it’s things like the coat rack, steaming food, and the papers on the spinning behind Moo that really help establish the setting.  My one issue is that the robot + Chai seating is now a bit awkward.  Based on the placement of the door, Chai would have to walk past the robot to be standing where we saw him in Panel 3, Page 1.  Not that that’s a bad thing, but the “hello wave” is now somewhat odd since Chai’s already walked past him.  I hope I’ve explained that in a way that makes sense outside of my own head.

One last thing – if you could have inserted  Mize back on Page 1, Panel 2, that would help establish the timeline here.  Logical placement would be rounding the street corning on the left, or by the tree on the right.  That way we know Mize got there just after Chai, and not a half hour later, for instance.

Only minor gripes again on Page 4 – Chai is on the right for the first two panels, but moved to the left in the last one.  That’s typically a no-no and should be kept consistent for the entire page.  Moo looks a short in the last panel, due to the counter being lower than Mize’s waist, but nearly up to Moo’s shoulder at the same time.  It was also at this point I noticed the lack of periods in your dialogue.

Page 5 is what I was looking for previously.  The diner, the adversary, and the building he’s standing on, all in one panel.  Nice, but not without issue.  I haven’t read all the comments, but I’m sure people have mentioned the perspective is off here.  Additionally, the diner looks totally different than it did on Page 1.  It’s farther from the street corner, the tree is missing, and the signage appears to be missing.  Skipping ahead, there another consistency issue on Page 6, where the diner and street are different again.  This time, the cars are missing and there appears to be bus stop sign that wasn’t there before.

Minor gripes on Page 6 – Punctuation again, Chai and robot are standing in the street instead of the sidewalk, but the my only real complaint is wishing Panel 1 were zoomed out a bit to show the top of the diner.  Based on this panel alone, he could be landing in the street for all we know, since it’s just a flat, snowy surface.

Page 7 – I’m not real good with directing action sequences, so maybe someone else has a suggestion, but the page seems to move slowly.  There’s shock, grab, stab, and yell.  I think the yell should be earlier, possibly combining it with the stabbing panel to show all three characters at once, with multiple events happening simultaneously.  Maybe the shock in Panel 1 could also be combined with the grab in Panel 2, somehow, because Chai in Panel 2 is rather stiff and lifeless, while he should be struggling if he’d really seen the attacker coming.  I don’t know.

A good comic all-around, and I hope to see you finish.  Mamo, I’ll get to you next, but this thing’s pretty long already, so I’ll split your crit from Carlito’s.

Thanks for reading.

Mamo- You already know what I think. I need not say a thang here.

Carlito- For the hype I was getting, you didn't quite deliver to my expectations. The pacing felt a bit off, but where you are trying to take your character is going is great. The cliffhanger (though not intentional) left me suspenseful. I hope you do continue the story when you return to Void. As for anything else, I believe I agree with michaelharris, so I won't go ahead and repeat that.

Mamoru, My only complaint would be the anatomy mistakes, like the super long elbow that bends in two places on page one. Other little things like Chia's left shoulder on page 3 is too low, theres a lot of little stuff about the anatomy that is just a tiny bit off. I think nailing down the anatomy would be just perfect. Great fight scenes and kudos for the prettiest interpretation of GR. That's the sexiest he will ever look.

Carlito Keep working on perspective, all of your buildings are view from pretty much straight on, drawing attention to the fact that you didn't want to do any kind of perspective drawing. Was Mize even in this battle... This seems kind of like a BB seeing as how Mize had pretty much nothing to do with it. I like you characterization and usage of black too.

Mamoru- Love your coloring! but then again you never fall short.

Carl- dude you are SO wrong for leaving us with this cliffhanger!!!!! So JOB WELL DONE, you got me. I always admire your choice of angles.

Carlito, I just wanted to say I love the direction you've been taking your character. I mean, I feel like it's probably one of the better interpretations of how someone from another culture find themselves adjusting to Void. It's particularly funny because he's a fighting monk in a conflict riddled city and his main problem is communication.  He's genuinely trying to adjust and your writing conveys it well. This comic in particular made me enjoy him more, though I tend to enjoy it when there's normal conversations with bizarre characters and settings. While I don't mind the sudden rush of stabbings at the end, I hope you don't become to drama riddled.

In terms of your art, you've become a lot better. I don't mind the occational off perspective, I think it's charming. However, when doing a perspective heavy panel, specifically page 5, having various things out of wack has the reader takes away from the drama. I know when I looked at the panel, I immediatly thought that the diner was in a different perspective. And that kinda took away from the page.

And just keep an eye on your line width. From time to time, you have things that are farther away have the same line thickness as objects closer. The best example is on page 3, panel 2. Mize, the jacket and the robot are all have the same line width and therefor are all on the same plane. That can make your drawing look flat. If something is farther away, (or a less important background object) give it a thinner line width. To me, Mize and the end of the seat the robot is in should have the thick lines, with the robot having slightly thinner lines and jacket with similair line width to door. I'm tired of saying lines.

I do love how you draw characters, especially Moo. It kinda made me chuckle to sudden see his face spread across the panel.

But yeah, I just felt like I should say I really like your stuff and I'm excited to see more.

this has been up for almost two whole days and only got two comments?!... where is everyone?!... wheres the void participation!?!?! show some love yall..

Mam: I want a tutorial on choreographing fights...holy epic fire kick batman...I looked back at your older fights and it seems like that is the most consistent quality of your comics is super tight action all Udon style. The colors of course are crisp. I think your pacing and panel placement is much tigheter in this one than in the porn comic...which obviously the porn was created to emphasize giant sopping vajays and this pacing emphasizes the action.  the voice over was okay...and I am totally a fan of anti-climactic endings...It's something I specialize in so I was glad to see it here.  you get my vote...

Also super awesome Flint cameo...classic gear...

Carlito - I thought the story lacked something to keep me interested but I do like seeing the improvements in style...really strong lines crisp accenting lines.  I thought this was a great effort. Your style reminds me a lot of Craig Thomspon. keep working on anatomy and I think you are well on your way to being an extremely strong artist.

Thanks for reading.

carlito: seems as tho youve improved some from the other fights ive seen.. shame that your comic felt unfinished like this was just half of where you wanted to go with it.. the inking was really bold tho in some spots i think maybe some tone shading could have givin atleast your backgrounds some more depth. but thats your call.

mamoru: this was pretty cool.. nothing like i would have expected from these two characters together.. but then again i wouldnt have known where to go with it.. the over tone of the itami narration was an interesting feature to the story and the action was clean and easy to follow. the colors were nice and added a lot of atmosphere to the setting tho as far as P2's bar with out anyone mentioning it we'd have no idea where this took place. over all nice work.. cant wait to see what you do next.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks, its pretty short for a story though..hope everyone would like it.

Thanks for reading.

Uploaded. Im gonna sleep now.

18 hours! So excited! <3 Go Mamo!!

Had to fix some stuff I missed, but UPLOADED for real now.

Uploaded.

Hope people like it.

XD CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Well, I was going to hit the retire button after this match and be gone for about six months.
That would be putting my character into retirement... the retirement button. It retires your character.
That's what I meant, but yeah I guess I could just leave and take a sabbatical. Same difference I guess.
I wasn't trying to make a big deal, just saying I'd be gone after this.

It's not retirement if you come back!

that's a sabbatical, not a retirement.

give it your all you guys!

Whoa, six months? Are you getting married or something? (bad joke I know!)

I was just about to make Kars and Chia-Hui sing We Didn't Start The Fire in front of a burning mob hideout...

Thanks for reading.

sooo... how long will the retirement be?

AWWWwwwww.  Seriously?

Man Carlito!.

It's cool, my boy Chia will def make appearances.

I'm so upset that this is Carlito's retirement battle, but I'm so happy this battle is happening. I'm torn.

If you're retiring after this battle, you should go out with your best foot forward. No let up from either of you two! Mamoru I want you to give this battle the same love you gave to your pr0n battle. Carlito, as I said, best foot forward.

Thanks for reading.

sweet the champ returns!!