Veronica Nightingale vs. Dr. Pye

Veronica Nightingale vs. Dr. Pye

Veronica Nightingale vs. Dr. Pye

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by (Pi)

254 points
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# 15   Posted: Nov 3 2009, 12:42 PM
Not leaving, but I don't think I'll be doing comics for a bit. I've got some other characters I want to try, but I'm not sure when I'll get around to them.

Kevin Birtcher
# 14   Posted: Nov 3 2009, 11:32 AM
Thomas Tan: ...I feel like I've done most of everything I can with Pye as a character by this point.

You could always make a new character, but your comments makes it sound like you're leaving.  Hopefully, you'll stick around some more.

# 13   Posted: Nov 3 2009, 10:58 AM
Thanks everybody. Pye, in fact, does have a step-up ledge behind his counter.

Work's been picking up around here in anticipation of the holidays, so I'm not sure when the next time I'll be doing a battle again. There's a lot of other things I wanna try, and I feel like I've done most of everything I can with Pye as a character by this point.

Not sure who's gonna even bother to read this at this point, but I wanted to express thanks for all the feedback on this rather poorly-produced comic.

Kevin Birtcher
# 12   Posted: Oct 29 2009, 09:07 AM
Kura - When I saw this comic listed under Drawing a few weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see you active again.  It’s unfortunate things come up, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

Now onto Pi…
Pi – I was immediately struck by the near absence of backgrounds.  The few that exist are rather sparse, which I think hurts the comic in overall.  The sudden appearance of a desk/counter on page 4 is more awkward than helpful to the telling of the story.  Also, I haven’t gone in and counted pixels, but I don’t think the lettering on the Page 1, Panel 1 sign are parallel to the sign border.

The missing hand and pupils on Veronica is a bit disturbing, and I would have preferred you spent time photoshopping some pupils on her rather than writing a note about how incomplete the panel is.  I’ve never been a fan of notes like that, and just don’t think it’s a good idea to wink at the audience while acknowledging the poor production quality.

I like the included “Veronica, former CEO…” info box, but where’s the similar treatment for Pye?  If we’re assuming the audience isn’t familiar with Veronica, we should probably make a similar assumption about their knowledge of Pye.

Are we supposed to be able to read the fine print in the last panel on Page 1?  I can make out “I, the undersigned,”, but that’s it.  Given the amount of empty space in the panel, I think this could have been enlarged to give us a better look at what he was duped into.

I like Page 2, but I would have liked to see both Veronica and the lawyers in the same panel at least once.  Either coming out from behind her earlier in the page (would require more/re-worked panels), or her standing directly in front of them in the last panel.

Page 3, I have to agree with everyone else, is amusing.  The only thing I would add is an explanation of why Veronica thinks Pye is best suited to finding her a husband.  Pong’s also got a point about the direction of the paper unrolling.  That’s something many of us wouldn’t think about, but process unconsciously while reading.

Page 4, I need to make a comment on the speech bubbles, which are a bit of an issue throughout the comic.  The three bubbles from Pye related to Kevin are grouped together, but the same isn’t done for Johnny or Wei or even Veronica’s commentary on Kevin.  It would be easy to confuse the speakers, thinking unconnected bubbles are alternating speakers.  The same goes for Panel 1 way back on Page 1.

The cameos on Page 4 are both highly amusing and surprising.  Nice touch, there.

Perhaps someone more artistic than I can comment on this, but the perspective on the last panel here appears to be off.  If Veronica is average height, and leaning on that counter, and Pye is short, we shouldn’t be able to see as much of Pye as we do here.  To get that shot, he’d have to be standing on a milk crate or something.

Page 5 is a nice reveal, and I hope someone picks up that story thread.  I’ve been trying to think of other options for laying out the page to make the impact a little stronger… like keeping the silhouette panel with the “Veronica!” bubble, have a small the “Is that you?” from Veronica, and then have Hugo step into the light.  Or somehow work Hugo and veronica into the same panel, perhaps a long-shot.

# 11   Posted: Oct 26 2009, 11:58 PM
Pi, just a quick suggestion:  In the panels where the Dr. unrolls the list of the demands, the action and thus the humor is spoilt by running the wrong way.

We read left to right, so if you had reversed the panels so that action ran left to right, they would have read easier, and the action would have flowed better - which would have also made the effect funnier.

# 10   Posted: Oct 26 2009, 03:27 PM
despite not being your best work, I thought pages 3 and 4 (especially 4) were pretty funny. Shit happens, but there's always next time.

# 9   Posted: Oct 24 2009, 11:47 PM
damn, now i have to submit something. no excuses on my side, i prioritized work over void, and then didn't budget the free time i had properly. I do have a comic, although it's definitely not the level of quality I would have wanted.

# 8   Posted: Oct 24 2009, 08:36 PM
Despite he extension, I'm not submitting anything.  I've spent the last three weeks applying and auditioning for my first real job, which paid off since now i actually have a paycheck.  I'll take a loss here to start my career, so enjoy Pi's comic.

# 7   Posted: Oct 15 2009, 08:50 PM
sorry guys, had a real busy work week, and i'm heading out of town this weekend, so i think i'm gonna need some extra time with this one.

# 6   Posted: Oct 7 2009, 10:33 AM

# 5   Posted: Oct 4 2009, 01:21 AM

# 4   Posted: Oct 3 2009, 07:32 PM
Oh shit, Kura's back! Good luck you two!

# 3   Posted: Oct 3 2009, 05:17 PM
okaeri Kyoudai. break a leg you two!

# 2   Posted: Oct 3 2009, 02:11 PM
Great to see you back Kura!
I can't wait to see what you gentlemen will pull off this time around.

# 1   Posted: Oct 3 2009, 10:46 AM
Let's get this show on the road.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Oct 31st, 2009
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 1106
Winner: (Pi)

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