Lydon Hsiao vs. Scarlett

Lydon Hsiao vs. Scarlett

Lydon Hsiao vs. Scarlett

by Yosai

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Crit level: No preference

by Krissy

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393 points
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Critiques & Comments
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JoshuaEliGilley
Artist
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462 comments
# 22   Posted: Sep 14 2009, 04:42 PM
Neko, I really like how you rocked the art on this. however you do those tones it looks cool.  Story made more sense after reading ZSAs Delanna comic, I like how you transitioned from that last line making it the first line here. My only real complaint is the match striking panels, I feel like the fire from the match could have been made clearer by making it the brightest thing in the panel and look more like the light-source. cool setup, interested in what happens next.

Yosai, I patiently wait for your greatness.

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 21   Posted: Sep 12 2009, 01:40 PM
Yosai- :( I do understand you were sick and life comes first, I just wish you'd submitted what you had. I hope you plan on sharing it with us sometime.

Neko-I'm happy to see you back in action! Your toning felt less overwhelming this time around, but there were still areas where just making your lineart a little darker would have helped. Like pretty much any scene with Scarlett's hair, your lineart gets overpowered with these tones. It works for lighter areas like the skin and backgrounds, but your lines are getting lost in the hair. Story wise I understood what was going on since I remembered your battle but I also read every single comic that goes up so I'm probably in the minority haha in the future just write like "read the previous battle "DELANNA VS SCARLETT" first!" or something so if anyone gets confused it'll be their fault for not checking what you told them to check. You probably could have cut out the solid page of nothing, I think that the page following it would have been sufficient enough to show she'd gotten knocked out. The only part I got confused on was the last few panels because they're all extremely zoomed in so I had a hard time telling what was going on there.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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924 comments
# 20   Posted: Sep 11 2009, 06:28 PM
Since I'm relatively new to Void (new being like...what half a year now?  I'm still in my infancy stage here.) these stories are still fresh in my mind.  So I rather enjoyed this continuation.  And as I was reading some of your older stories, I just wanted to note that I like where you're at now and I hope to see more.

michaelharris
Artist
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352 comments
# 19   Posted: Sep 11 2009, 03:43 PM
I feel like, in this arena, if you are doing a continuation of a story you should preface your story with a note saying as much. If you are feeling particularly nice maybe a link to the preceding chapters.

Also I don't always read the preceding comments when I post. It gives me a more untainted view of the work. I find that when different people repeat the same things it reinforces problems to the artist.

As for the clutter, it just seemed like there was stuff everywhere. It always seemed like the word balloons were covering something that I wanted to see. If the first few pages, we never really get an idea of where they are. I would have really liked an establishing shot. Showing the whole Record and Research dept (and more environment in general) would open up the panels more and provides lots of space for word balloons. That lack of environment  in the first few pages was covered by word balloons which left me with no idea as to the setting. I don't really like not knowing where people are unless it's part of the story, which in this case it didn't seem like it. Showing the department would have helped me understand the story better because it would have and would have reinforced the government project idea and would have tied better to the end of the story and given us a visual image to tie to Lydon telling us what happened.

I might have gotten off topic, but I think showing more backgrounds in the first pages would have helped with the clutter. I understand it was kind of an action sequence with the razors but on or two long shots would have helped. On the last few pages where you did pull back a bit from the characters it worked a lot better and seemed uncluttered.


Krissy
Artist
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105 comments
# 18   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 05:14 PM
I understand where Michael is coming from as far as the story sorta coming in suddenly. It reads like its missing a beginning and an end. I think I assumed too much that people would remember the battle scarlett last had. I also forgot that it's been a year since the fact.

Regardless I probably shouldn't have made the assumption and worked it like a completely separate story.

so far people are mentioning the clutter but haven't specified exactly what the clutter was. Was it the dialogue or the characters? I had a big problem with leaving too much open space that I was paranoid and made this rather claustrophobic. My head have evolved to something on the extremely long and lanky sort, I haven't found the right balance for that but I'll work on that as much as I can.

Anthonybaiz
Artist
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138 comments
# 17   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 04:49 PM
.....<sniff> <sniff>

Kotori Ky
Artist
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216 comments
# 16   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 03:51 PM
ALSO: It isn't hard to understand the plot that she DID lay out. Chip didn't cut her to save her. He cut her to f'ing warn a bitch. He then set fire to shit to cover up the project and 'saved' Scarlett in a way that made sure that people wouldn't believe her easily if she said he's the one who cut her up. He was warning her to keep her damn mouth shut. It's easier than trying to explain a dead police officer in the fire. This way there is less investigation into things he doesn't want. It isn't hard to grasp that. Don't bitch about writing if you don't know how to read. A lot of people on VOID do continuation battles these days... storyline flowing on and through. If you jump in the middle, yeah, you might be confused. Or if you don't know all of the characters. But that means you need to go back and find out. They can't recap every battle... I mean, hell, I wanted to throttle my friends for making me watch Gundam Seed Destiny because so much of it was flashback recap bullshit and it was annoying.

Neko: Some panels were cluttered, so watch that a bit more, Neko. But still, I liked this and wish you could have finished. I look forward to more. :3 I've missed seeing you around.

Yosai: SAD FACE ;____;

Aluísio C. Santos
Artist
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735 comments
# 15   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 03:46 PM
I'm supposed to cover about the iron maiden thingie sometime. My battle vs Scarlett covers the intro for what Neko went with

Corny
Artist
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217 comments
# 14   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 03:44 PM
Michael most of your complaints about unanswered questions were addressed when neko said maybe three comments ago that she didn't finish.

michaelharris
Artist
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352 comments
# 13   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 02:27 PM
Um... what is going on? Half the time I couldn't figure out who was talking. When you do word bubble, you normally want to direct to tail towards the speaker's mouth. "Secrets worth killing kinda lose their magic" What does that even mean? I was a bit put off by the cliche, extremely vague, government secret project story/dialogue. We never find out anything(nothing at all) about project maiden. There is no hook. What is project maiden? Why should I be interested, instead we learn nothing and are in the exact same place we started. Then the guy randomly attacks her for no reason, and we never find out why that happened either. So some dude is talking to Sacrlett about something, cuts her for no reason, and then she goes to the hospital where she finds out that Chip cut her to save her from being burnt to death(instead of saying "hey, I'm going to burn this place down, you might want to leave,") then he burns the file that we know absolutely nothing about.

All of your panels are REALLY crowded and the character's faces look vaguely similar which led to more confusion. When you did the inverted tail thing I thought a third person was talking from offscreen and proceeded to look for him on the next page. It also wasn't very clear that she was getting razored. I thought that was just some inky design type thing you were doing.

I like the art, I want to see your characters look a little bit different from each other, everyone has the super long jaw. The tones were handled well. The inks get a little out of control and a bit sloppy. On the last page panel 4 what is that thing to the right of the guy? I liked the art, I just needed a lot more clarity.

Aluísio C. Santos
Artist
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735 comments
# 12   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 02:15 PM
Sweet looking, Neko!
Please don't leave us again ; 3;
My only complaint here maybe are the faces, I have an example just by scrolling up to that Lydon's face on the thumbs, the structure is a bit weird, but not bad, since it fits the sketchier inkstyle I guess.. But maybe it could look even better, with just more skull studying, perhaps.

Scarlett is dayum tho'

amazingdavid
Artist
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441 comments
# 11   Posted: Sep 10 2009, 11:53 AM
yessir finish this...very good dialogue tones drawing lettering...all around solid..The cold opening and truncated ending did give me that "Eh!?" but I am hooked...which is all you need to do to make a successful comic. I want to read more and hope I get a chance too

Krissy
Artist
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105 comments
# 10   Posted: Sep 9 2009, 04:31 AM
Il'l be the first to say, I didn't finish. The comic leaves at an awkward ending which is definitely going to be leaving readers at an 'eh so what moment'. Though for me, I still find it a little win still---just because I managed to do something comic and void related and enjoyed it when I finished what I did finish. Not the comeback many were hoping for but I'm gonna take this and go onto the next battle and hit that a little bit harder.

jho
Artist
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485 comments
# 9   Posted: Sep 6 2009, 04:43 AM
finish this shit

Wolcik
Artist
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492 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 26 2009, 11:35 AM
Will like this one :) ME

King_Pong
Artist
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601 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 17 2009, 02:31 AM
yayyyy

aribooboo
Artist
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282 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:51 PM
go go go!

Yosai
Artist
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74 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:41 PM
I can't resist.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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924 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:40 PM
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE pretty people

Jack
Artist
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225 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:39 PM
Hrrrrr

Aluísio C. Santos
Artist
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735 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:39 PM
; u;

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 12 2009, 04:38 PM
about damned time dammit

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Sep 16th, 2009
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 1318
Winner: Krissy
 

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