Azriel vs. Girl

Azriel vs. Girl

Azriel vs. Girl

478 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

by KevJB

431 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Master Loki
# 14   Posted: Jun 23 2009, 08:56 AM
Sorry about the late reply to both comments, I had to leave for a week but I really appreciate the feedback!

Angie -- Ah, I know the difference in coloring hurt my presentation. I initially had it in mind to color everything like I normally do with my comics and I normally jump around like that, but I lost a couple of days in the process. Thanks for pointing out the problem with the faces, I knew I had an issue I just was not sure what it was so I'll definitely work on that within my next battle.

Jared -- Thanks again! I always appreciate the composition crits that you give me. I'll try working on that more on my next comic when I get to it.

# 13   Posted: Jun 10 2009, 10:47 AM
sorry, i meant to add this & forgot to:
check this too, loki, it might help:

# 12   Posted: Jun 10 2009, 10:44 AM
kev, the inkwashy style was real nice. would have been great to see it finished. we all have different workflows but i agree with angie, stick to something that will give you at least pencilled art first before going & inking. at least then you'll have pages to show for instead of cramming the thumbnails together.
and while i've only just started doing it, while i've always had tendency to jump around & work on what panels i figure would be the easiest, with this SBT thing i'm doing now, i try to actually go in order. no matter how easy or how complicated. one after the other the way it's supposed to read. for me, i find it makes things go a lot faster because that way i'm not jumping around the page & going back & over working on bullshit detail stuff when i should be drawing the important bits then putting off the hard bits last & laboring over them.
these are only suggestions. there some of the same issues i have so i can relate. just try them out & see how they work for you.

loki- again the colored bits were real nice but it still feels like your not making the most out of the compositions in your panels. there are some exceptions but it often feels like every time you see a head, it's relatively the same size & from the same few angles, almost always dead center in the panel with details crammed in around them. it feels like you're thinking about the panel as just a panel in a comic you're drawing & not like a scene or view of something in a story. this is something i've been trying to work on & push lately myself. things like leaving more spaces around the heads to get a better sense of the world around them, or maybe overlapping the borders with something that's important or interesting. just give your future work a little more consideration in that regard. and keep at it! good to see someone working at this rate on stuff for the site!

# 11   Posted: Jun 9 2009, 12:14 AM
Master Loki-Glad to see you churning out comics! There's been a bit of improvement with each comic which is great to see. You're still having some problems with your faces, I think the issue is that the noses are too long and the eyes are too small. The inconsistency of things going from color to black and white to half colored really hurt your presentation some. I think in the flashback scenes it may have helped to simply tone in greys in those scenes. Story wise it was pretty entertaining, but I think you jumped around a little too much. Like it seemed odd that someone that's an assassin for work is suddenly way jumpy about coming home. But other than that it was a pretty good comic, keep practicing.

Kevjb-I think you really really really need to start making a schedule for yourself. Like what I do is

week 1-script/thumb/pencil
week 2+3-ink
week 3+4 color

for every day I make sure that I do something to at least one page like today I'm going to pencil pages 1 and 2, tomorrow I'll pencil 3 and 4, and stick to that very strict schedule. I know that this method may not work for everyone, but personally I crave structure and need it to get anything done, introducing structure into your drawing environment may help. The first pages were very strong and I loved the big establishing shot. I really liked where the comic was going but then you cut it off. So pleaaaase try to work on your time management more, I really really want you to do a finished comic.

Master Loki
# 10   Posted: Jun 7 2009, 08:59 AM
Sydney: :o Yup. Can't believe my computer started up after all that.

Royale: Aye, thanks, that's awesome and thanks for the comment... I must say that the thick word bubbles thinning off were unintentional... I do them all by hand so it sort of depends on how they turn out but I'm glad it... worked?

Aribooboo: Thanks (: I work on endings and such the best I can since I know I lack art wise. The reason why some were colored and some were uncolored is because I didn't have time to finish. I was initially going to color all of them except the flashback panels but a lot of things came up (especially the day the comic was due) and I didn't have as much time that last day to wrap it together as I would have liked. I ASSUMED I could color it all which is why color is scattered amongst pages. I'll work on my faces for the next comic, then (: Thanks a lot!

Mister Kent: Thank you very much I'm glad I was able to get my point across.

Kev: Thanks for the battle! I'll send you a crit in a little bit.

Mister Kent
# 9   Posted: Jun 6 2009, 02:55 PM
Loki - Nice colors in this one-I like how you drew Girl and crafted an intersting story. I, too, think the ending was well-done and dramatic.

Kev - Yours had some real potential. The first few pages were real interesting. I think my favorite panels are the first and last on the second page. Nice angles there

# 8   Posted: Jun 6 2009, 11:04 AM
pretty nice guys.

Loki: First off, I really loved how you worded things. Like the ending, oh I love how strong and impacting it sounds. It was a nice finishing touch. The story wasn't anything out of this world, but it was pretty decent and complete. It was a good place to stop, 'cause now we're left wondering what happens next :3 The art was nice too, I liked the colored panels. Markers or watercolors, whatever they were, I liked the watery look on them.  Though, I don't know why you chose to keep some panels uncolored. Some of the uncolored parts were flashbacks, but then others weren't...? and were part of the present...I think you could have saved the uncolored for just the memory part. Unless I read it wrong.. One thing that stuck out to me was that you seem to give everyone pretty much the same face. Try changing them up a bit. But other than that, overall, this was nice. I hope you continue with it C:

Kev: Yeah, i liked how you started off with this too. That first panel was gorgeous, the street, it presented the  busy setting real well. Man I love the personality you put into Girl this time around haha There was no words needed to get her personality across in the first part and I'm glad you let it silent. I think the flow went well and the transition from the calm to the action was good too. The action parts were well done and I loved the exaggerated angles. It was a breath of fresh air to have those in there. Man I just wished you would have finiiiiished, the thumbs looked intersting already haha I'm glad to see you're still sticking around here though. Maybe better luck next time.

1 comment
# 7   Posted: Jun 5 2009, 08:34 AM
First off guys, thanks for being the first comic battle I've ever voted on.

@loki - Very stylized and complete feelin. That and your use of color got you more points in the end. Your use of exposition and mood panels really make for an interesting story and sets a good 'downtime' tone for when Azriel is recovering.  Also, very interesting use of type, I liked the way you 'strayed' away from you're thick-lined word bubbles near the end, it really made your dialogue more impactful. (hohoho, i'm too much)

@kev -  I like the detail and thought you put into your backgrounds and I especially liked the lack of surprise to have a one eyed alien looking monster just crossing the street.  It really tells me how fantastic your void is.   You're comic really pops and lends a stylized yet still realistic feeling depth.  Sadly, the uncompleted story cost you.  I was grateful, however, that you avoided using your extension.  Way to man-up.

Great job to both of you guys!

# 6   Posted: Jun 4 2009, 03:58 PM
Hurrah, Loki!  You pulled it together even with all of your computer/theater nightmares!  :D

# 5   Posted: Jun 4 2009, 06:57 AM
Man Kev I really was diggin your style in the beginning; if only it was finished.

Master Loki
# 4   Posted: Jun 3 2009, 04:49 PM
Uploaded. Not as complete as I would have liked and I had to omit two pages, but at least I was able to get a completed story and relatively colored... was trying to avoid using my extension. Thanks for the battle, Kev!

# 3   Posted: Jun 2 2009, 01:14 AM
FFFFF- HEY KEV! Rock my socks please. Thank you.

# 2   Posted: May 15 2009, 06:01 PM
good luck guys!

# 1   Posted: May 15 2009, 05:25 PM
Should be a good one, kick some ass dudes!!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jun 10th, 2009
Votes Cast: 25
Page Views: 1420
Winner: Master Loki

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