cause he travels across country playin his guitar he sounded like a bum to me and bums play music in the park so... i made it a play ground so the pig girl could make her guest appearence

Just coming by again for some reason..

BM:  I don't think the gray tones are the issue, but yeah, I'd say you could vary your line weights more to better separate bg and fg elements.  
Hmm...why is Gibson giving a concert on a playground?   Heh..

haha i just looked up fauvism and without even knowing what it was i realize that yea that is kinda how i like to do my comics im kinda an impressionist i guess ....i guess
and thank you Mr. Slacker for the crits

Bicentennial: You've got some great panel layouts, but I think you could do better if you ruled out your panels rather than (mostly) freehanding them. You might want to try varying your line weights a little more clearly from foreground to background, some times your linework comes off a little flat looking.

Jackster: You had me until the football detour.  I love the look, the setup was good, and then you attacked me with a wall of transcribed game coverage for almost three pages. I'm not griping on the use of the football game to further the plot, but you may want to consider minimizing the time you give to the football announcer.  Otherwise, excellent job.

Both: Both of you used self-referential lines in your comics.  IMNSHO- that's bad form.  If you get lazy or don't like the way something looks, the last thing you should do is break the 4th wall to mockingly apologize.

thanks for the crits
@ChrisAdrift- yea there normal kids im just not normal haha and yea there talkin to each other your right i could have made it much clearer and your correct again in sayin i ran out of time but such is life im glad you like it and the next one will be finished right.

@Squid- haha thanks im glad you grasped my wierdness tho it still would have been easier to comprehend had i finished, and yea i love the pig girl too she doesn't actually have a name but she finds her way into alot of my work she's modeled after my lil sis

@AmazingD- its not so much comedy but jus twisted things i think would be cool. your crits are very constructive thank you i use my greys to try and seperate the important parts of the panel from the secondary i do have multi sized microns but i guess ill jus have to re evaluate the way i use them...jus like my greys but thanks again check out my next one and tell me wat you think.

@Michael- Damn was it really that bad...  haha i dont kno what fauvist is but if its good then yea haha but seriously i thought my anatomy and perspective where good for a week deadline (not sayin there is no room for improvement) but thank you none the less, im glad you like my backgrounds.....

BM- this was kinda painful to read. I couldn't finish it. and it was three pages. I don't know if you were going for a fauvist feel for the art, but it needed some anatomy and perspective attention. I did likethe fully realized background and the consistency of it.

Jack, I enjoyed this, good toning. the story dragged a bit, but enjoyable read.

BM- I don't know if your comedy is just too high brow for me or what but I didn't find yours entertaining at all.  Most of the hand written text was mushy and hard to see, simply because it was given the same treatment as the rest of the art...which was hard to view as well. I spent most of my time while reading yours trying to decipher the puzzle of lines and grey tones usually to the point of frustration.  I can see a lot of potential in your work. I think you need to work on line variation, as well as spotting your blacks and grey tones.  The hand written text understandably fits your style but needs to distinguish itself in some way from the rest of the work.

Jackster: This was a decent entry the over all story was enjoyable and easy to read albeit not mind blowingly original.  also the story started to drag when you were doing the whole football commentation which I assumed was to heighten the comedy of the final punchline...meh or maybe I just dont find football that interesting. The art had some strong points you have good line quality and variation.  Your anatomy needs work though.

bicentennial--Those kids are creepy..heh.  Hmm..if they are normal kids. Oooh..
It took a few looks over that first page, but then my brain synchronized with the weirdness and it was gravy from there.  The battle and ending were kinda abrupt.  Maybe you ran out of time?  Still, I think you pulled it off all right.  
Just one thing, the pig girl and the kid on the swing are talking to each other, right?  Might've been clearer if you'd drawn both of them in that second panel on page 2.  
This one was my kinda weird.  I like the art, the layouts, the whole darn thing.  Nice stuff

Jackster:  Nice art, some more fun with the story.  Probably could've done without a lot of the football commentary..I didn't read most of it, but I'm also not a football fan.  

I actually liked the structure of bicentennial's.... It was a little disjointed and I didn't quite get what was going on
but I dunno... I kinda dug it for those reasons. :I Also, I like the pig girl. A lot.

Jackster- my biggest complaint about yours is the dialogue, again.... I thought the football commentary was much too boring to be going on as long as you had it... but I also don't like football. Still, maybe it could have been shortened a bit or somehow made more interesting. Also, sometimes the dialogue was redundant. Like the last page, "He never anymore put trust in the Arizona Cardinals ever since"... I would've gone with something like "He never trusted the Arizona Cardinals again" or something... sounds more natural. Overall the dialogue is all very stiff and unnatural.
I thought the artwork and pace of the comic carried it, though... it's fun and easy to look at. nice.

bicentennial man-Your art was looking pretty good but it easily became cluttered with the lack of tones or linewidths, try to use one of the two to improve the readability of your art. Story wise it felt like you jumped around a lot so I couldn't figure out what was going on. Remember that you need to have at least a little build up to really pull the audience into the story, it's difficult to pull off a good story by jumping straight into everything.

Jackster-As usual the art was pretty solid. But unfortunately I am not a sports fan and didn't pay attention to the Super Bowl at all so you lost me by the third page. You probably could have pulled it off a lot better had the Super Bowl stuff only gone on for like 1-2 pages at the most. Since ta the moment it feels really drawn out so after the first page I kind of skimmed over it until the end.

well the entire comic isnt complete so yea i can see why it didnt make sense some things i tried to convey visual but i could tell where i need words but thanks for crits i did get
but this is the first comic i ever did with a deadline especially of only one week....*drawing"

B-man:  I really couldn't tell what was going on in your story.  To me that makes all the difference, cuz you can't really get alot of entertainment out of something if you are confused.  Sadly, I don't have much else to add.  Sorry.

Jackster:  It's always a treat to see your work man, but I was a bit disappointed with the story.  It's not so much that I hate football (which I do) but that the battle could have been so sweet!  Oh well, can't have it all everytime, I suppose.  Excellent use of greys, very professional looking finish on your comic.  If I had to knit-pick I would say the last page feels a bit rushed.  I can make my peace with zip-tone background but Gibson's pose looks a little to lax to do that kind of damage.  A bit more energy in the pose would have added weight to the hit and sold it for me.  Again, that small tho.  

Good round, guys!
JV

XD These were nice for a week's time!

bicentennial man-I have to agree with everyone else. It was kinda confusing. I feel like the panels didn't connect together.

Jackster-I really liked yours. It was clean and well done. XD and I loved the last page. I totally lol'd. XDDD;

Bi- Didn't get it. The 2nd page was cool design wise though. I liked it a lot, especially the bottom half.
The 3rd page looked really unfinished, and the conclusion wasn't fulfilling to me either. It felt like you were setting me up to want to see what happened next but it didn't work right and didn't care or understand. Good first comic though.

Jackster- I know Void isn't really made for posterity, but I kinda feel like both this and your RR win were really dated battles. They feel dated to me already... and I couldn't imagine being new and reading through them in a couple years and feeling connected. Plus you built your whole battle around it, something no one will remember in 2 years, or will at least have to think really long to remember. Your art was good, as it always is.. I think you can do better, but it was still good and better then your opponent. But I think looking at the other fights already, almost any of the other battles woulda beat you, so you'll have to up your game in the next round.. but that's just my opinion. I gave you the win. By kinda a big margin.

Keeping this short:

Bicentennial: Confusing story and panels. Good for a weeks worth.

Jackster: Two words. I love you. Oh wait...

bicentennial man> I didn't understand much of it...

Jackster> Pretty good mate, the story was really nice so you'll get my vote.

man i got called into work today and didnt have time to finish plus i uploaded late i hope i lucked up good luck jackster i hope you did better than me
now i must sleep i got work again a 10 damn

Hey b-man and Jackster, good luck to you both!

It seems people are having issues uploading battles at the moment. If you have problems, email your pages to me and Wei. You can find our contact info here http://entervoid.com/board/index.php?topic=3218.0

Good luck, I expect Awesome XD

oh it will be monsterous

Whoam, can't wait to see Bicentennal Man's first!

Rock it!

LET'S ROCK!

Good luck, and make it ROCK

Good luck you crazy kids

GOOD LUCK.