Sarafina vs. Sushi

Sarafina vs. Sushi

Sarafina vs. Sushi

by Faux

38.7%
349 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: No preference

61.3%
553 points
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Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 38   Posted: Feb 3 2009, 10:07 PM
I failed! T^T

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 37   Posted: Feb 3 2009, 04:45 PM
Woot! My stats went up here! I am now a HIGHER F-class artist! :D :D :D F+!!!!

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 36   Posted: Feb 3 2009, 04:42 PM
Pigeon Maiden - I'm honored to be your first critique! Thank you for the help, I appreciate it. I can't wait to get some spare time to try again, hehehe.

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 35   Posted: Feb 2 2009, 12:21 PM
Pigeon Maiden- Thanks for the awesome critique! I really appreciate the time and thought you put into it. I will be completing this comic and posting it, and I'd love to hear your opinion on the finished piece. You give really good advise.

Pigeon_Maiden
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5 comments
# 34   Posted: Feb 2 2009, 09:08 AM
Wahh I made it too long! So sorry! (<---doesn't know how to be brief) *dies*

Pigeon_Maiden
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5 comments
# 33   Posted: Feb 2 2009, 08:42 AM
Mrrr...my first critique! I hope I don't fail hard at it. I'll try the best I can! ^^'

But here we go. First off I'll try and not repeat anything everyone else has said (such as not tightening lines, bad text, no text, etc), so I'll try and pinpoint anything that may not have been mentioned.

Faux-Sorry to remind you of this, but it really would have been nice if the the lines were at least tightened up and the dialogue was inserted better. I couldn't read half of what was going on, so it was hard to judge on anything. Some things I already noticed were some obvious tangents where figures were fairly close to hitting panels or that panel to panel the image was similar but discombobulated. I also noticed that your lines were a bit TOO clean when it came to backdrops and such. Try and free-hand it (or at least go over your ruler lines), it'll make your environment more natural. There were also times when I felt that there was not enough panel space for the right moment. Be sure to know what part of the page is most important and give more space for it (for example, the running scene. I would have loved to see the panels MUCH bigger so  we can experience the speed and power that Sarafina used to chase that man). Also if you have conversational scenes (like towards the end) try and use hands and stretch out the emotions so that you can FEEL what they're feeling. Also try and differentiate your characters, it was hard to tell who was Sarafina and who was Sushi. Other than that, I was at least able to get through the whole comic, but if it was completed then I could critique it a bit better. Good job though!

qtsushigirl-Again, I'll try and not repeat anything anyone else said. ^^' Let's see. For the most part I liked yours. The lines were fairly clean (clean enough to read what was happening) and I loved your expressions on your characters. I know everyone's touched on the text already, but I want to add that aside from not using bold also be sure to use SANS serif text. It's easier to read regardless. Some parts of the action was also...mmm...not confusing, but it needed better force, better sense of direction so that you could FEEL the kick or FEEL that punch. Crazy angles might also help this since some parts looked a bit flat. I also felt that the two girls looked a bit similar so if there was a way to make them look different (maybe even just put one in a ponytail or something), that would be good. There were also times that Sushi seemed to look too young and then look different in the next panel. Try and keep your character's look and age consistent. Otherwise it was a nice read. (XD and I lol'd at the atomic bomb)

Again, sorry of I repeated anything and I hope my critique made sense. ^^' You can kick me if it doesn't lol.  

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 32   Posted: Jan 30 2009, 10:56 PM
Jared-Thanks! I still may try for longer comics, but I'm confident that with better time management I can make it work. If not, I'll have to learn to shorten my comics, which likely will be very hard for me. ^_^; The negative space was meant for screen tones and comments, but it looks wierd without them huh? I'll be posting the complete thing in a BB later, so check it out if you can! Thanks! *hug*
Mell-HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! Thanks for your comment, I will be more aware of my time next time. I'll be posting the completed thing in a BB later too.

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 31   Posted: Jan 29 2009, 09:53 PM
Thanks for the comments everyone, I was in such a rush that I didn't realize how crappy my text choice was. Still, that's easily fixed next time so I'm not too horrified, hahaha.

Mellanie: I did use those "How to Draw Manga" books when I was about 15 or so (I'm 22 now)  and I guess it's stuck with me since I totally devoured it from cover to cover in my younger years, hahaha.

Foo: 2 years? I hope not either, but we'll see. ;) The next time I do a battle I hope to be able to stick to just 3 REALLY well-done pages. My comic was originally gonna be 16 pages... bad choice!! So glad I shortened it, but the end is obviously rushed through and negatively effected. I learned a lot from this. :)

Kuro
Artist
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581 comments
# 30   Posted: Jan 29 2009, 01:14 PM
faux, it's something i need to learn too but opt for less of a page count in order to tell a full complete story. and in the first couple of pages, the way the pages were laid out left a bit of negative space. it seemed to work better later on though.

sushi, aside from not finishing, the font you chose really didn't fit at all. it was big, blocky, & pixelated, which looked weird with the tiny pixel thick lines you used to outline your balloons. then the last page seemed to be a different typeface altogether. next time try to use something that fits the work better.


luniara
Artist
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528 comments
# 29   Posted: Jan 29 2009, 12:01 PM
I wish you both could've done better quality, but perhaps next time.

Faux, I can see this would've been a great entry if you would have finished it some how and at least have given us some wording.
I can't even make anything out because of that. HOWEVER, you have nice paneling despite not finishing. I hope next time you submit something better...


Sushigirl, Good to see you around and I do hope you stick aroudn longer. I understand school is more important. Your penciling is very neat and dark, thats a very good thing. Your  emotions are so full of energy as well. A lot of people lack the ability to portray that  One thing I feel I should ask... is, well.. are you using battle references from "How to draw Manga" ?  that was my very first how to book and the poses just reek of similarities. The worst thing that I found that was really making it horrible to read...

the text. Too strong and bold. Use a more subtle font that won't make it too blocky to the point where people might not be able to read it.

Good luck next time, girls.


Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 28   Posted: Jan 28 2009, 06:44 PM
duuuuuuuude i feel stupid, I meant comment.
*la sigh*

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 27   Posted: Jan 28 2009, 06:43 PM
*glomps foo* thank you for your critique! *loves it*
Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with uniform style, I'll work on that.
LOL, no worries, in the future sarafina will fight for other reasons, though her whole reason for being in VOID is to destroy Kristov, so that theme right reoccure a few more times. After I finish this comic, I'll be doing some BB's to explain more about why Sarafina is the way she is.
Thanks for your comic, love ya, ok bye!

YaRoof
Artist
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132 comments
# 26   Posted: Jan 28 2009, 06:23 PM
okay so.. faux:  i think you definitely need to work on yur time management. but thats probly a easy mistake for 1st time fighters as far as not knowing how much time yur gonna need. worry more about the most important parts of yur story and shorten it accordingly. or just schedule the fights better so you have the time for them. other wise. i think you had some good angles here and there but you should work on getting yur faces more consistant. i have that problem also as my style is always evolving based one whatever im into at the time. but try to get them atleast to stay the same in the fight. maybe also for the future work some more things into yur characters story other than always looking for the one guy.. hopefully youll be on void for a long time and youll need more as not to wear that out.

sushi: i think this was really fun and im glad ya got it all turned in on time. the cameo was nice too. i think yur expressions are really great in a lot of the panels seems you are almost more comfy the more cartoony it is. and also loved that the candy shop is right next door to the poison store. as far as the line work i think you could cleaned it up a bit line wise but wasnt a big deal seemed more like an issue with time. which also falls into the time management but i know you both were workin on school things at the same time.. also ya might want to use a different font next time.. it all kind of bled together visually. didnt look very good. and maybe make the word bubble outlines a tad bit wider so theres less pixelation. over all i think it was a giant improvement over yur last battle.. i hope you battle again sooner than 2 years from now.

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 25   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 04:11 PM
FoO-Royce: i meant verbal updates on how it was coming along...........
Quote


Oh I gotcha hehehe... I was just teasing you with the "leave Sushi alone" video by the way Foo. Teasing you is more fun than a barrel of monkeys. <3

Sorry I made your character so mean in my comic, in the original one he was a lot nicer but I had to end it quick. :P

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 24   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 04:10 PM
Fauxy I LOVE your comic! The first page is detailed as heck... holy cow, your drawings of the city are just amazing!! You're wonderful with perspective!! The story is so much fun, I'm so flattered that you included a scene/memory of Sushi as a little kid, it put such a big smile on my face! I loved seeing all the mushrooms on the table and little Sushi throwing a fit. X3 My absolute favorite picture was Sushi on the ground holding tight onto her grocery bag... that is 100% me/Sushi. You got the "what the heck?" + "must not let go of food!" look perfect!!

I didn't go nearly as far with this as I wanted to either Fauxy-Baby, but we had lots of fun and I'm really happy that I got to see a comic of yours! I love your comics. Doing this made me really glad that I've decided to be an illustrator rather than a comic book artist, hahaha. Just not my forte. ^^;

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 23   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 03:47 PM
BWAHAHAHA! Sushi! Your comic is so full of win! I love how you portrayed Sarafina dead on! Great fight and action scenes as well as dialogue, perspective and anatomy!
Oh how I love this! *prints it out*

Wei Ingnan
Artist
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597 comments
# 22   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 03:20 PM
some of us have day jobs and aren't awake after the deadline

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 21   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 02:39 PM
wow I never realized how much Angi speeds this process up. She's so good about getting comics up fast, and she does a lot of work here. I hope she comes back soon~

ArtisticEnigma
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20 comments
# 20   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 07:28 AM
aww where be pages? se la vi i guess

YaRoof
Artist
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132 comments
# 19   Posted: Jan 27 2009, 04:13 AM
i meant verbal updates on how it was coming along...........

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 18   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 11:56 PM
*long sigh*
No text, no ink, no screentone, and lots of last minute sketch. Oh this is going to look bad.
I didn't accomplish all I wanted to do, but I did the best I could. Ultimately, I did this comic for Sushi and I (and promised Fooray-sensei I wouldn't default.) My goal was to have fun and push myself, and I did.
Next time I'll set more time for individual pages and spend less time worrying about so many details early on so that this won't happen again.
Sorry Foo for letting you down! You helped with perspective and pose (especially her running pose on the second page, your tutorial helped a ton!) and I know you wanted to see better, but it's just not happening this time around. I'll do better next time.
Sorry Sushi! I will keep working on this though, and post the finished ones on DA probably.
Love you! Miss you!

Macushla
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4 comments
# 17   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 11:17 PM
I was about to go to bed, but I think I'll stay up a little longer so I can read this. xD

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 16   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 10:49 PM
All posted! Here's a link to the video my dorm mate made for my character Sushi as a joke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4E7WuY3EZY

I LOVE IT!!!

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 15   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 08:36 PM
OK I'm scanning the darn things. >:(

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 14   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 07:33 PM
Ohmygosh my dorm mate just made a video to support my character!! XD XD XD I'm gonna link to it when I post my comic!!!

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 13   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 04:01 PM
Heh I have 8 hours to do the remaining 2.5 pages and I don't think I'm gonna worry about making them too pretty. :) Let's challenge each other again as soon as we're on a break from college! <333

Faux
Artist
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32 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 26 2009, 10:27 AM
What do you mean updates? Don't we post it all on the last day? or are we suppose to put the process up here until then?
*hugs sushi and foo* today is the day! I know my roughs are going to disappoint foo, but sushi, I hope you like it!

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 25 2009, 08:21 PM
What do you mean no updates? I only wanna have to pull out my scanner ONCE! If you don't know by now that I'm lazy then you don't know me at all! I'm not scanning anything until it's all done!

Cheer up emo Foo. :)

*hugs ArtisticEnigma* Thanks for the FAITH! *glares at Foo*

ArtisticEnigma
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20 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 25 2009, 06:51 AM
cmon sushi you can do it~...right?

YaRoof
Artist
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132 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 25 2009, 03:35 AM
2 days left.. still no updates of any kind.... this saddens me.

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 14 2009, 04:18 PM
Hey hey hey, you'll get your dirty comic. D:< Amidst the school work, job and other needs I WILL get this done!!


YaRoof
Artist
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132 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 14 2009, 02:45 AM
havent heard any progress.. hopes youz two aint slackin!!

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 10 2009, 07:03 PM
Yeah when you go 6 months without battling you get retired I think (3 months for people that haven't fought)

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 10 2009, 06:12 PM
Oh dear I'm retired? From being inactive for so long? I'll see if I can fix that...

Wolcik
Artist
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492 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 9 2009, 12:08 AM
strange that Sushi is "Retired" while fighting... anyway, Good luck girls

qtsushigirl
Artist
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22 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 8 2009, 08:15 PM
Hehehe I swear to get it in on time this time. ;) No homework can stop me!!

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 7 2009, 07:04 PM
Good luck you guys! No defaults or kittens will cry

Dimension
Artist
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489 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 7 2009, 05:21 PM
coolness :3

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Feb 2nd, 2009
Votes Cast: 29
Page Views: 1581
Winner: qtsushigirl
 

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