tinn you are such a workhorse and I do respect how you will keep adding more when most don't. it can also be your downfall and I recommend after scripting have someone you can trust ask you to help trim it.
Tinn, the amount of pages that you were able to make in so short an amount of time was incredible. I always enjoy your dialog game and I appreciate the ideas that you bring to the table. It doesn't help you to only praise you and never tell you what could be improved, but Doe, Alouisse and Rose had very similar or matching critiques and I agree that some of the story could have been cut out for brevity.
My only major issue with the comic, was that I could barely read what Viri said in some of the images. Most of them are fine but maybe some of the images compressed weird when the comic was uploaded.
You made it to round 3, and I know you're tired. I know you're burnt out. Whoever your next opponent is, make sure you devote an amount of effort that will not destroy you and your drive. Brevity, focus and intention are something that can really make or break your comic game. I'm newer to comics, barely ever made them before Void, but after several comics and feedback towards my own work, I've finally figured out that making them shorter is often times a great call.
You got this. You can do even better than round 1 and 2. I believe in you.
Thorn and especially Doe did such an amazing job commenting and critiquing that there honestly isn’t much else for me to say without it feeling like beating a dead horse.
Everything Doe has said I completely agree with as well. And I look forward to seeing how you implement what has been said in your future works. Comments consisting of praise are really nice, but the ones where someone puts in the level of critique that was given are invaluable. Those are what really gets an artist to step back and figure out ways to improve.
But just to keep it fresh critique wise:
Your typeface I’ll recommend could be changed if you’re wanting a more menacing tone during dialogue.
Off the top of my head I’dsuggestthese. For a more unsettling feel. Or just looking around for anything else if those aren’t what you fancy. Because the current one has more of a groovy vibe than menacing.
Some of your bubbles have a good amount of spacing with the text. Others are claustrophobic (for lack of a better word). And almost butt against the edges of the bubbles.
The width of your balloon tails are pretty thick and can be narrowed down a bit. As well as kept consistent.
I don’t know what program you’re using for this, but the feeling I get is that the bubbles are being made using an ellipse tool of some sort? Taking a moment to edit the bubble and text placement will help your comics a ton. This is a process that should not be rushed. I don't want to get preachy, but grammar, misplacements, inconsistencies pull your readers out of the experience you'd want them to have.
All in all I’m interested in seeing what’ll happen to Jade Town in your comic, and excited to see how you grow as a comic artist!
(And I'm praying once I hit post the formatting on this isn't bad. PLEASE Entervoid.com)
Hi Tinn! I thought the story of your comic was pretty interesting. Unfortunately, it has a few unnecessary scenes that make the story lose focus and lowers its emotional impact:
The entire scene with Mythra fighting Varaki, Barry and Nohusha could've been cut or kept to one panel. Having it be one panel would still demonstrate that the "battle" for Jade Town is still ongoing and it would still make sense for it to be followed by Varaki's monologue. Mythra's dialogue in that scene doesn't particularly push the story forward, and it provides very little characterization for a side character that has had very little impact on the story thus far.
The fight scene between Serious, Carver, and Viri'Dios could've also been cut in its entirety. We don't need to know how insidious the inquisition is and how short the leash is for Serenity and Carver, because that has already been explored in three scenes: The beginning, the middle part with Serenity and Viri'Dios, and the van scene between Carver and Serenity. Honestly, I think the story should've ended after the van conversation, maybe stitching it together with the ending sequence where Varaki releases the plague upon Jade Town.
While the story does a good job of focusing on Serenity and deconstructing her character in the middle part, I feel like it's missing something: Agency. Serenity just kinda, reacts to everything that is happening around her; And there's few instances that show her emotional resilience. She is often victimized by other characters, and even when she's talking to Viri'Dios she has... Very little to say about Varaki's vessel basically analyzing her entire life. Heck, Giorgione had more to say about what was happening to him!
And while I also understanding wanting to show Carver and Serenity's relationship, I feel like having Carver swoop in and save her kinda plays into the "damsel in distress" trope.
These are things that stood out to me upon reading it for the fourth time. Hope it helps you next round! Remember to focus on your opponent and not get carried away with cameos and side characters (I get that they're cool but, you know, drawing these many pages in two weeks is unsustainable; Focusing on what you want to communicate through your storytelling should help keep things short.)
I always enjoy Varaki's dialogue, but I think something about how long this comic was and how unfinished the art felt really took away from the experience. I think you could cut a LOT from this comic without losing the overall feeling of it, and maybe even have more finished art to add to the dialogue instead of taking away from it. Big stories like this always work better if you're able to deliver on both art and writing, and while it was still a fun read with somewhat rushed art, I don't think the length improved the experience over what you could have made with a lower page count. I'd like to challenge you to find ways to condense your stories in the future so that the art and writing can come together into something more powerful, even if the plot is simpler to make it happen.
All that said, I still enjoyed your comic and am very curious to see what happens next!
Comments (6)
tinn you are such a workhorse and I do respect how you will keep adding more when most don't. it can also be your downfall and I recommend after scripting have someone you can trust ask you to help trim it.
Tinn, the amount of pages that you were able to make in so short an amount of time was incredible. I always enjoy your dialog game and I appreciate the ideas that you bring to the table. It doesn't help you to only praise you and never tell you what could be improved, but Doe, Alouisse and Rose had very similar or matching critiques and I agree that some of the story could have been cut out for brevity.
My only major issue with the comic, was that I could barely read what Viri said in some of the images. Most of them are fine but maybe some of the images compressed weird when the comic was uploaded.
You made it to round 3, and I know you're tired. I know you're burnt out. Whoever your next opponent is, make sure you devote an amount of effort that will not destroy you and your drive. Brevity, focus and intention are something that can really make or break your comic game. I'm newer to comics, barely ever made them before Void, but after several comics and feedback towards my own work, I've finally figured out that making them shorter is often times a great call.
You got this. You can do even better than round 1 and 2. I believe in you.
Thorn and especially Doe did such an amazing job commenting and critiquing that there honestly isn’t much else for me to say without it feeling like beating a dead horse.
Everything Doe has said I completely agree with as well. And I look forward to seeing how you implement what has been said in your future works. Comments consisting of praise are really nice, but the ones where someone puts in the level of critique that was given are invaluable. Those are what really gets an artist to step back and figure out ways to improve.
But just to keep it fresh critique wise:
Your typeface I’ll recommend could be changed if you’re wanting a more menacing tone during dialogue.
Off the top of my head I’d suggest these. For a more unsettling feel. Or just looking around for anything else if those aren’t what you fancy. Because the current one has more of a groovy vibe than menacing.
Some of your bubbles have a good amount of spacing with the text. Others are claustrophobic (for lack of a better word). And almost butt against the edges of the bubbles.
The width of your balloon tails are pretty thick and can be narrowed down a bit. As well as kept consistent.
I don’t know what program you’re using for this, but the feeling I get is that the bubbles are being made using an ellipse tool of some sort? Taking a moment to edit the bubble and text placement will help your comics a ton. This is a process that should not be rushed. I don't want to get preachy, but grammar, misplacements, inconsistencies pull your readers out of the experience you'd want them to have.
All in all I’m interested in seeing what’ll happen to Jade Town in your comic, and excited to see how you grow as a comic artist!
(And I'm praying once I hit post the formatting on this isn't bad. PLEASE Entervoid.com)
Hi Tinn! I thought the story of your comic was pretty interesting. Unfortunately, it has a few unnecessary scenes that make the story lose focus and lowers its emotional impact:
And while I also understanding wanting to show Carver and Serenity's relationship, I feel like having Carver swoop in and save her kinda plays into the "damsel in distress" trope.
These are things that stood out to me upon reading it for the fourth time. Hope it helps you next round! Remember to focus on your opponent and not get carried away with cameos and side characters (I get that they're cool but, you know, drawing these many pages in two weeks is unsustainable; Focusing on what you want to communicate through your storytelling should help keep things short.)
I always enjoy Varaki's dialogue, but I think something about how long this comic was and how unfinished the art felt really took away from the experience. I think you could cut a LOT from this comic without losing the overall feeling of it, and maybe even have more finished art to add to the dialogue instead of taking away from it. Big stories like this always work better if you're able to deliver on both art and writing, and while it was still a fun read with somewhat rushed art, I don't think the length improved the experience over what you could have made with a lower page count. I'd like to challenge you to find ways to condense your stories in the future so that the art and writing can come together into something more powerful, even if the plot is simpler to make it happen.
All that said, I still enjoyed your comic and am very curious to see what happens next!
honestly I think this matchup is the most mean possible combo this round 😭 hang in there Serenity 😭😭😭 it's gonna be a fun battle to read though!!!