Okay I literally can't stop thinking about this comic the story was so CUTE and emotionally hard-hitting. I know you were worried about Carver's characterization here but I feel like this isn't necessarily OOC, just Carver from a different POV.
I think my favourite bit of writing is page 9, panel 4. "Do not forget who you are" is very hard-hitting considering the earlier conversation the two had about personhood. I also looooove the foreshadowing for the ending in page 10, the exchange about the bleeding grief having actual blood is fascinating.
Carver and Mayumi have such distinct voices in this comic, I gotta applaud you for that too. It's something I struggle with myself. I also love how the ending shows that Mayumi isn't just, purely clueless; She is a cultist through and though, and wanted to turn Carver into a follower
Art-wise ahhhh, I wanna give this a higher score but the art is missing a certain "oomph" to it. There's a lot of empty space and backgrounds are either sketchy or don't match the detail of the characters; so the spaces don't feel quite lived in, and more often than not it seems like everyone is floating in an empty white void. Which is kind of a shame because some of these page compositions are really really interesting (page 3, 10, 11, 12)
I also loved the textured spots black we got to see on pages 1,2, 16 and 20. Wish we got to see more of those throughout the whole comic
I'll spare you the rest of my critiques since I know you were going through a lot while making this comic. But I think you should be proud of what you made, even if it's not as polished as you'd like it to be :)
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
OKAY I've spent some time thinking about this comic and I have a lot of positive things to say! Your lineart is clean and textured as always and your use of spots blacks draws the eye to where its needed, to the point that I straight up didn't notice the sketchy backgrounds during my first read. Loved the character acting, and the pops of color make this comic that much more horrifying, too.
I think my main critiques are in regards to the writing; You mentioned before that this isn't edited, so I wanna give you some pointers as to how to improve your dialogue:
The characters talk *a lot* in the middle part of this comic, using way too many words than they need to to communicate a point that has already been made before. There's also little parts where the wording is rather... Strange?
As an example, from page 4:
MAYUMI:I'm only here to expand our wonderful sisterhood! It's an... honor! Yes, this new world is terrifying and gorgeous, but... My dedication earned me this responsibility.
this bit of dialogue establishes what mayumi thinks of her cult, what she thinks of the world, and why she thinks she was given the role of recruiter. But then in the fourth panel of this page she says
MAYUMI:Well! They would never do that! They sent me because they knew I could handle the responsibility.
The dialogue comes across as repetitive because we have already established the "Why" Mayumi feels like she was given her role as recruiter. And the use of the word "Responsibility" twice. I think it would've been better instead of adding that "but my dedication earned me this responsibility" after mayumi expresses her concerns about the world, you ended it with Mayumi's concerns. Because then it would seem more natural for Carver to dig into that uncertainty.
Another example from page 5:
MAYUMI: Sister Elmira will hold a prayer for you, and you'll forget who you were before.
MAYUMI: All memories of the past, erased... Your present self is the only you that matters. Who you were before is irrelevant
CARVER: So you don't recall who you were before? You could have been a human in your former life, and you wouldn't know?
MAYUMI: I... I Suppose anything is possible, but what's relevant is the present, not the past.
There's a few issues with this exchange. In the first and second lines Mayumi establishes what happens to the memories of those who join her cult, and what she feels about that practice, then Carver takes that and spins it in a malicious way, and then Mayumi states what she thinks of that practice again, both instances using the word "irrelevant" and "relevant". Once again, this comes across as repetitive.
I feel like it could've worked a little better if there was more left unsaid. Have Mayumi linger on that "All memories of the past, erased..." to show uncertainty that Carver can dig into, so then she can attempt to refute Carver's point with "I... I suppose anything is possible, but your present self is the only you that matters".
Carver's subsequent line "Is there any way to see into these old memories? Recall your former self?" is also phrased a little strangely. I feel like it would be more punchy without that second question.
---
Writing critique aside, I wish the institute was more detailed. The establishing shot for it is a little too sketchy and subsequent panels show an empty background that makes it hard to tell where the characters are situated. There's also a lot of close-up and medium shots throughout the whole that make sense for such a character-driven story (especially during Carver's conversation with Mayumi), but I Implore you to explore with more kinds of shots and compositions to communicate your ideas in more interesting ways.
ANYWAY that's all I have to say. I know it's a little lengthy but just 'cause I had a lot of things to say, doesn't mean I dislike your comic. I enjoyed it plenty and the art was scrumptious as usual. Love the story you're building up here
your art style is so fucking delicious and I am OBSESSED with the way Mayumi and Over There function! showing her curiosity while also making it clear how her different thinking makes understanding the answers very tricky is delicious to me. Reading this after Badger's comic, I was really struck by how easily Mayumi seemed to answer the question about whether she knew she was a person, as if the idea of personhood is no longer relevant or important to her. it makes me wonder what her story was before Over There, and I find the fact that I care about something that she as a character seems to not consider interesting is a really fun part of the experience of reading stories like this! I can't assume that Mayumi's story will follow predictable paths, and that makes it all the more intriguing to find out what paths it does follow!
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
I need to scream about this comic a bit because honestly I think you made some really genius storytelling decisions here! The way Carver externalizes his own issues by projecting them onto Mayumi and using that as a sort of justification for his actions against her is DELICIOUS. Genius storytelling! I was a little worried that Mayumi would be difficult to work with because your world tends to feel much more grounded in reality, but I think you did an amazing job of using her otherness as a way to drive home all of the themes that Carver and the inquisition bring to the table. Your body language and expressions continue to be top notch, and that limited use of color will stick with me for a long time. Amazing work!!!
I know you had a lot to worry about IRL while making this comic, and I just wanted to let you know that the effort you put into it was seen. I think it still came out to be a stellar comic!!
Mayumi’s whole concept is so interesting, and once we started talking about forgetting and people being furniture… I SIMPLY had to lean in and lock in haha. I love the way you set up these long conversations because they don’t feel too overwhelming when drawn this way, and personally, I enjoy a good read.
The ending made me SO sad for her and yet oddly proud. Taking the lessons Percy gave her and using them to save him. THAT SCAR, BTW?! SO FUN. That last bit of information had me giggling over how fucked up it was ❤️
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
As an intro to Carver and a taste of the Inquisition, this was well, well done!! It’s great to finally see him in action, and he did not disappoint. The intensity really came through, as well as his obedience at the end. Mayumi ended up being a great opponent for him.
I really liked the consistent heartbeat throughout the comic, and I loved that, within your writing, a lot of what he said to her ended up coming full circle at the end when he had to repeat those lessons back to his handlers. So tasty!!
This is delicious, I have been looking forward to your comics a lot with all the inquisition hype lately! Its fascinating how in techno's comic carver and mayumi fulfill different needs in each other, but here you highlight their surprising similarities. I like how you used mayumi's own mechanics against her, it was a smart way to kick off the drama and reveal the inner turmoil of both characters. Despite what carver says you can still tell he holds on to his humanity, when he parrots mayumi's line at the end it feels more like regret than simple obedience. Win or lose, I look forward to more Carver!
side note, this is true of all your work but your art is very good and i especially like your ability to do expressions, there is so much tasty emotion given to your characters
Both of these comics were so stunning! They were heartbreaking and jarring in such different ways. I know I’ve said it in Discord, but I love that we see both sides of Carver’s personality in these comics— both the unhinged and the curious. Mayumi is adorable and I love her and her curiosity and optimism.
These comics were both outstanding!! Congrats to you both!
awesome job Techno, I was not expecting friendship but it makes sense with Mayumi learning about the (real?) world and Carver getting a chance to explore his thoughts and speak freely. The bloody photos were a clever contrast to the cute discussion on what it means to be human. I love that you left it vague, that perhaps their desires for friendship is ironically what led to Carver becoming softer and falling against the last mage on the list.
Even though you had to rush to get so many pages in I think that payoff was worth it, I think the comic as a whole turned out a lot better than you give yourself credit for. Once again great job
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
BADGERRRRRRR your spot blacks here are so TASTY. The constant (and escalating!) ba-dumps in the background gave me real Telltale Heart vibes >:) also, the whole argument between them was so juicy; it often felt like it shifted back and forth between them trying to convince each other to them trying to convince themselves, and/or just straight-up talking to/about themselves rather than the other. And, damn, what a scar. Going for the one thing that is most important to Mayumi and making her into a quite literal symbol of the Inquisition's power. I know we've talked a lot about Carver in the Discord, but, damn, this showed off a whole different side of him. like yeah he's miserable but! he's also Unhinged :) delicious.
Oh my god Mayumi is so cute help. She was pRACTICING!!I love the lil bits of worldbuilding you have in here, of how Mayumi's world works, and I love the slow build of their friendship interspersed with the other targets he's eliminated. Ngl, I thought the end was gonna go differently when that final target was missing the bloodstain (I thought you were gonna have it that Carver had a change of heart through the Power Of Friendship--which, I mean, I guess is true in the literal sense if not the metaphorical sense lmao) but tbh I'm glad I was wrong! This ending is much more compelling. And what a fascinating scar!!
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
hahaha ok im normal im normal im nor (blows up and dies five million times)
I know that this is probably more than obvious at this point, but I absolutely LOVE this comic!!! You did my girl so well, omg,,, <3
Honestly, a part of me really hopes that I end up losing this match because her scar and arrest are giving me so many IDEAS AAAAAAA!!!
Honestly, I just really love thinking about Carver and Mayumi in general. Both Followers, one for a loving and oppressive family that forgets, rushing to help and please lest she be a burden, and the other for constrictive and organized corruption, reducing him from a person to a mage to a hound to a mere object, barely capable of either cowering in fear or lashing out to one of the only few people who would've been willing to listen. Their dynamic depicted here is so unbelievable fascinating - it really makes me want to see and make more stuff between the two of them in the future.
ALSO UHHHHH YOUR ART AND COLORS ARE SUPER GOOD AND YOUR ANATOMY AND ART STYLE ARE GREAT AND I LIKE YOUR STUFF uhhhh ok thank you and goodbye :D
Carver terrifies me in the best way possible. I love how you really don't know what the fuck he's up to until he's doing it and you're sweating BRICKS hoping it doesn't end up with someone dead - but we all know most times it will. Like I mentioned in Techno's comments, black and white and red is my fave style or aesthetic, you two cooked something fierce. The scar you inflicted on Mayumi was INSANE, I really enjoy how it changes her in just such a way as to make her look less trustworthy. A master at their craft you are, Badger, SALUTE!
God, Mayumi's first comic and I LOVE HER TO BITS. She's intriguing, her mechanics are really cool to see in practice, which I'm sure we WILL see more of because goddamn... This first showing was PEAK. Loved the simplistic line arts, black and white and red is my favorite stylization choice and you crushed it like always!
Posted on Disciple One - Sir Carvercomic by TechnoAlchemist
Comments (17)
Both of these were such super amazing reads, and I loved both scar ideas so much!
Okay I literally can't stop thinking about this comic the story was so CUTE and emotionally hard-hitting. I know you were worried about Carver's characterization here but I feel like this isn't necessarily OOC, just Carver from a different POV.
I think my favourite bit of writing is page 9, panel 4. "Do not forget who you are" is very hard-hitting considering the earlier conversation the two had about personhood. I also looooove the foreshadowing for the ending in page 10, the exchange about the bleeding grief having actual blood is fascinating.
Carver and Mayumi have such distinct voices in this comic, I gotta applaud you for that too. It's something I struggle with myself. I also love how the ending shows that Mayumi isn't just, purely clueless; She is a cultist through and though, and wanted to turn Carver into a follower
Art-wise ahhhh, I wanna give this a higher score but the art is missing a certain "oomph" to it. There's a lot of empty space and backgrounds are either sketchy or don't match the detail of the characters; so the spaces don't feel quite lived in, and more often than not it seems like everyone is floating in an empty white void. Which is kind of a shame because some of these page compositions are really really interesting (page 3, 10, 11, 12)
I also loved the textured spots black we got to see on pages 1,2, 16 and 20. Wish we got to see more of those throughout the whole comic
I'll spare you the rest of my critiques since I know you were going through a lot while making this comic. But I think you should be proud of what you made, even if it's not as polished as you'd like it to be :)
OKAY I've spent some time thinking about this comic and I have a lot of positive things to say! Your lineart is clean and textured as always and your use of spots blacks draws the eye to where its needed, to the point that I straight up didn't notice the sketchy backgrounds during my first read. Loved the character acting, and the pops of color make this comic that much more horrifying, too.
I think my main critiques are in regards to the writing; You mentioned before that this isn't edited, so I wanna give you some pointers as to how to improve your dialogue:
The characters talk *a lot* in the middle part of this comic, using way too many words than they need to to communicate a point that has already been made before. There's also little parts where the wording is rather... Strange?
As an example, from page 4:
MAYUMI: I'm only here to expand our wonderful sisterhood! It's an... honor! Yes, this new world is terrifying and gorgeous, but... My dedication earned me this responsibility.
this bit of dialogue establishes what mayumi thinks of her cult, what she thinks of the world, and why she thinks she was given the role of recruiter. But then in the fourth panel of this page she says
MAYUMI: Well! They would never do that! They sent me because they knew I could handle the responsibility.
The dialogue comes across as repetitive because we have already established the "Why" Mayumi feels like she was given her role as recruiter. And the use of the word "Responsibility" twice. I think it would've been better instead of adding that "but my dedication earned me this responsibility" after mayumi expresses her concerns about the world, you ended it with Mayumi's concerns. Because then it would seem more natural for Carver to dig into that uncertainty.
Another example from page 5:
MAYUMI: Sister Elmira will hold a prayer for you, and you'll forget who you were before.
MAYUMI: All memories of the past, erased... Your present self is the only you that matters. Who you were before is irrelevant
CARVER: So you don't recall who you were before? You could have been a human in your former life, and you wouldn't know?
MAYUMI: I... I Suppose anything is possible, but what's relevant is the present, not the past.
There's a few issues with this exchange. In the first and second lines Mayumi establishes what happens to the memories of those who join her cult, and what she feels about that practice, then Carver takes that and spins it in a malicious way, and then Mayumi states what she thinks of that practice again, both instances using the word "irrelevant" and "relevant". Once again, this comes across as repetitive.
I feel like it could've worked a little better if there was more left unsaid. Have Mayumi linger on that "All memories of the past, erased..." to show uncertainty that Carver can dig into, so then she can attempt to refute Carver's point with "I... I suppose anything is possible, but your present self is the only you that matters".
Carver's subsequent line "Is there any way to see into these old memories? Recall your former self?" is also phrased a little strangely. I feel like it would be more punchy without that second question.
---
Writing critique aside, I wish the institute was more detailed. The establishing shot for it is a little too sketchy and subsequent panels show an empty background that makes it hard to tell where the characters are situated. There's also a lot of close-up and medium shots throughout the whole that make sense for such a character-driven story (especially during Carver's conversation with Mayumi), but I Implore you to explore with more kinds of shots and compositions to communicate your ideas in more interesting ways.
ANYWAY that's all I have to say. I know it's a little lengthy but just 'cause I had a lot of things to say, doesn't mean I dislike your comic. I enjoyed it plenty and the art was scrumptious as usual. Love the story you're building up here
your art style is so fucking delicious and I am OBSESSED with the way Mayumi and Over There function! showing her curiosity while also making it clear how her different thinking makes understanding the answers very tricky is delicious to me. Reading this after Badger's comic, I was really struck by how easily Mayumi seemed to answer the question about whether she knew she was a person, as if the idea of personhood is no longer relevant or important to her. it makes me wonder what her story was before Over There, and I find the fact that I care about something that she as a character seems to not consider interesting is a really fun part of the experience of reading stories like this! I can't assume that Mayumi's story will follow predictable paths, and that makes it all the more intriguing to find out what paths it does follow!
I need to scream about this comic a bit because honestly I think you made some really genius storytelling decisions here! The way Carver externalizes his own issues by projecting them onto Mayumi and using that as a sort of justification for his actions against her is DELICIOUS. Genius storytelling! I was a little worried that Mayumi would be difficult to work with because your world tends to feel much more grounded in reality, but I think you did an amazing job of using her otherness as a way to drive home all of the themes that Carver and the inquisition bring to the table. Your body language and expressions continue to be top notch, and that limited use of color will stick with me for a long time. Amazing work!!!
I know you had a lot to worry about IRL while making this comic, and I just wanted to let you know that the effort you put into it was seen. I think it still came out to be a stellar comic!!
Mayumi’s whole concept is so interesting, and once we started talking about forgetting and people being furniture… I SIMPLY had to lean in and lock in haha. I love the way you set up these long conversations because they don’t feel too overwhelming when drawn this way, and personally, I enjoy a good read.
The ending made me SO sad for her and yet oddly proud. Taking the lessons Percy gave her and using them to save him. THAT SCAR, BTW?! SO FUN. That last bit of information had me giggling over how fucked up it was ❤️
AYOoooo!!
As an intro to Carver and a taste of the Inquisition, this was well, well done!! It’s great to finally see him in action, and he did not disappoint. The intensity really came through, as well as his obedience at the end. Mayumi ended up being a great opponent for him.
I really liked the consistent heartbeat throughout the comic, and I loved that, within your writing, a lot of what he said to her ended up coming full circle at the end when he had to repeat those lessons back to his handlers. So tasty!!
Just!! Such a great comic ❤️
This is delicious, I have been looking forward to your comics a lot with all the inquisition hype lately! Its fascinating how in techno's comic carver and mayumi fulfill different needs in each other, but here you highlight their surprising similarities. I like how you used mayumi's own mechanics against her, it was a smart way to kick off the drama and reveal the inner turmoil of both characters. Despite what carver says you can still tell he holds on to his humanity, when he parrots mayumi's line at the end it feels more like regret than simple obedience. Win or lose, I look forward to more Carver!
side note, this is true of all your work but your art is very good and i especially like your ability to do expressions, there is so much tasty emotion given to your characters
Both of these comics were so stunning! They were heartbreaking and jarring in such different ways. I know I’ve said it in Discord, but I love that we see both sides of Carver’s personality in these comics— both the unhinged and the curious. Mayumi is adorable and I love her and her curiosity and optimism.
These comics were both outstanding!! Congrats to you both!
awesome job Techno, I was not expecting friendship but it makes sense with Mayumi learning about the (real?) world and Carver getting a chance to explore his thoughts and speak freely. The bloody photos were a clever contrast to the cute discussion on what it means to be human. I love that you left it vague, that perhaps their desires for friendship is ironically what led to Carver becoming softer and falling against the last mage on the list.
Even though you had to rush to get so many pages in I think that payoff was worth it, I think the comic as a whole turned out a lot better than you give yourself credit for. Once again great job
BADGERRRRRRR your spot blacks here are so TASTY. The constant (and escalating!) ba-dumps in the background gave me real Telltale Heart vibes >:) also, the whole argument between them was so juicy; it often felt like it shifted back and forth between them trying to convince each other to them trying to convince themselves, and/or just straight-up talking to/about themselves rather than the other. And, damn, what a scar. Going for the one thing that is most important to Mayumi and making her into a quite literal symbol of the Inquisition's power. I know we've talked a lot about Carver in the Discord, but, damn, this showed off a whole different side of him. like yeah he's miserable but! he's also Unhinged :) delicious.
Oh my god Mayumi is so cute help. She was pRACTICING!!I love the lil bits of worldbuilding you have in here, of how Mayumi's world works, and I love the slow build of their friendship interspersed with the other targets he's eliminated. Ngl, I thought the end was gonna go differently when that final target was missing the bloodstain (I thought you were gonna have it that Carver had a change of heart through the Power Of Friendship--which, I mean, I guess is true in the literal sense if not the metaphorical sense lmao) but tbh I'm glad I was wrong! This ending is much more compelling. And what a fascinating scar!!
What I liked in yours the most was the discussion on the nature of ipseity.
hahaha ok im normal im normal im nor (blows up and dies five million times)
I know that this is probably more than obvious at this point, but I absolutely LOVE this comic!!! You did my girl so well, omg,,, <3
Honestly, a part of me really hopes that I end up losing this match because her scar and arrest are giving me so many IDEAS AAAAAAA!!!
Honestly, I just really love thinking about Carver and Mayumi in general. Both Followers, one for a loving and oppressive family that forgets, rushing to help and please lest she be a burden, and the other for constrictive and organized corruption, reducing him from a person to a mage to a hound to a mere object, barely capable of either cowering in fear or lashing out to one of the only few people who would've been willing to listen. Their dynamic depicted here is so unbelievable fascinating - it really makes me want to see and make more stuff between the two of them in the future.
ALSO UHHHHH YOUR ART AND COLORS ARE SUPER GOOD AND YOUR ANATOMY AND ART STYLE ARE GREAT AND I LIKE YOUR STUFF uhhhh ok thank you and goodbye :D
Carver terrifies me in the best way possible. I love how you really don't know what the fuck he's up to until he's doing it and you're sweating BRICKS hoping it doesn't end up with someone dead - but we all know most times it will. Like I mentioned in Techno's comments, black and white and red is my fave style or aesthetic, you two cooked something fierce. The scar you inflicted on Mayumi was INSANE, I really enjoy how it changes her in just such a way as to make her look less trustworthy. A master at their craft you are, Badger, SALUTE!
God, Mayumi's first comic and I LOVE HER TO BITS. She's intriguing, her mechanics are really cool to see in practice, which I'm sure we WILL see more of because goddamn... This first showing was PEAK. Loved the simplistic line arts, black and white and red is my favorite stylization choice and you crushed it like always!
I have no idea what to expect with this matchup but I know it's going to be AMAZING