Short and Sweet: Webcomic Pitch

I loved everyone’s comics. No words. PERFECTION🤩🤩🤩🤩

This was a fun read. You nailed the 90s Saturday morning cartoon vibe with this.

I really like the painterly look to this, especially the backgrounds. You have a good style.

Thank you cab and jelly for the crits. This comic is meant to be like an intro video bembe is making, for the short and sweet i cut out some opening panels where the yellow square is framed like the start up for a movie and bembe is counting down. Would it be better to have that framing in to help set it up? I also only used 3 pages with 9 panels at most, 9 being the most i would put on a typical comic page.

An apocalypse setting is always a fun time. The message of magic wasn’t too clear, a good way to show it is have that magic be in the background in subtle ways. For example having the following panels surrounded by a green magic border. Also for a pitch the most important thing to highlight is the character and ending on just him doesn’t give the reader much to work with. Also make sure to use lots of references for poses and settings and compositions.

I think you did great on this. I like the tone and mood of this. The colored parts contrast the black and white parts nicely (I know you said you didn't have a chance to finish coloring).

I like how you did the shadows in the caverns. really interesting way to show the darkness.

You’re one of my favorite furry artists and its always a joy to see your stuff.

First I wanna commend you for this comic, you have truly come a long way from your first comic posted here years ago, you have shown true growth as a comic artist. Having said that, I feel this comic was a bit rushed at times with some panels that didn't flow too well, I was a bit confused why the ghost in the top panels of page two just issued a warning and then floated away, I get it that by the end it was playing with this party but visually it didn't quite connect as it should've. But making comics are all about trials and errors and always attempting new things and not being afraid to tell stories, something I always find you aren't afraid to do, keep on exploring the depths of your creative mines (minds), don't let anyone ever discourage you, comics are an freedom of expression and one you can always control, make more comics and have fun while doing it, keep on keeping on.

Simple in style but complex in depth and emotion, especially in there current times of unknown certainties of tyrannical presidents who might attempt to bring back colonialism on a global scale (like trying to take Greenland or Panama), Oops I might be showing my current dislike of a current orange politician, okay I'll reel back my personal politics and say this comic while short, was quite powerful in it's tone and message of humanity's dark past with trying to subjugate those it deems to call inferior to themselves, the only drawback here is that the abrupt ending feels us guessing where this story could go, and if history does repeat itself, this short won victory might not last long enough for him or the readers to enjoy it. tl;dr- This comic gots me thinking and critically analyzing society, which means it moves me, great job Doefr.

First I just wanna say it's great to see artwork from you again after such a long time my friend, and I can see you were very passionate about telling this story, I can sense the enthusiasm of sharing this tale with us. My only nitpick is that is was a bit more tell than show at times (and I know, I'm guilty of that sometimes too), so its not a total bad thing cuz we were limited to how many pages we could use here and you squeeze as much as possible here, keep making stories you are excited to make and we'll always read them, comic making is in my opinion always about pleasing the first target (which is always yourself), one should never see comic making as a chore, it's something we love to do and this tale is a shining example of that, stay golden my friend.

These pages were amazing, I love the experimental techniques you featured here, might i recommend reading some of Bill Sienkiewicz comics or David W. Mack comics for more references of how crazy these comic styles can go, I especially recommend David W. Mack's Daredevil run (especially Issue #18- Wake up) and Bill Sienkiewicz Elektra assassin mini series or his New Mutants Demon bear stuff. Now enough with the artistic references plugs, This was a solid entry and pitch if only you had a few more pages to explore more, it's page limit is it's Achilles heel as we were barely starting to cook just as it ends, which in the end isn't a bad thing. We did set out to make these comic pitches and not full tales, so in essence leaving me wanting more is a mission accomplished, so in that way you succeeded, this comic showcased once again your talents as one of the new raising stars here in entervoid and it was a pleasure reading your stuff, sir. Keep on making comics and we will read them all.

It's a nice concept but I feel we didn't fully explored enough of it for this pitch, perhaps if the first and last pages weren't full pages and more large splash panels with some additional story panels we could flush out the idea better. In the end any comic complete is a good comic in my eyes, and i commend you in finishing another comic, I think you're full of interesting ideas Dekkard, I want to see more stories that your mind has to explore, keep up the good work.

I love that idea of playing with Anime fantasy tropes, I found this comic very fun and entertaining, it might also be cuz I spent last weekend watching a lot of fantasy/ isekai Animes and I found this extra enjoyable because of that, Good work Raltz.

I loved the eerie mood you're comic had, its my favorite of this group, it has a nice strange things like vibe that makes me want to read more about this world and its characters. A shame you couldn't finish coloring all of the panels, but the expressions and inks that you had tell a compelling enough visual that it doesn't hurt it too much in my opinion, all in all I think you have a solid idea for a future web-comic here.

The green lights in the narrator's hand was supposed to be magic. I see now how it could be confused for fireflies or something else. I thought about putting something on the last page to show a source of magic but settled on a full body portrait of the narrator.

Thanks for the comment Bobert. That's great that you think it looks like the Maxx because it's creator (Sam Kieth) is one of my favorite artists! So I guess his influence is showing through :)

Thanks for the in depth critique Jelly! You hit on a lot of what I've also discovered through this experiment. Part of the experimentation was to test out how much adding extra narrative as text would affect pacing in the reading experience. As I discovered while reading Frank Miller's Elektra Assassin and Bill Scienkiewicz's Stray Toasters that the way they used word balloons was able to slow me down in my reading experience. The same effect as would happen with a more "show" approach where I would have instead included more panels to draw out time. I'd be interested in hearing about if you found that to be the effect as well? As for the overabundance of text on certain pages: I totally agree. Which brings me to the other aspect of experimentation I'm currently trying to figure out. I had a vision not long ago of a product that would merge the mediums of comics (sequential storytelling), picture books (big images with descriptive text that leaves you to imagine a lot of the story), novels (descriptive text and narration), and magazines (editorial layout, playing with font styles and graphic design). And this was my first go at attempting to see what this could look like. So I'm definitely still on that journey! That's why a lot of the text mimicked what was already being shown. As I'm trying to see how much I can describe in written form, before it gets too much and actually takes away from the experience. Since novels have a different way of taking you into their world. They're able to make you go inside the heads of characters telling you how they feel and setting the mood with words. I know thought balloons are a thing, but I just don't like to use them for some reason. I prefer using narration as it then adds the feeling that you're being told a story. Which I like. I feel comics have veered more towards being similar to movies when it comes to "show don't tell". So I'm experimenting to see just how much I can bring "novels" into comics so that comics can be their own thing instead of being too close to movies. This is why I have a lot of text that describes vs just showing. But like you said, for my personal tastes, I would prefer more "show" than "tell". But since I wanted to try and get "big images" and not include too many small panels, I opted to see how adding these in text would feel. And I ultimately didn't like it as much. But accepted it because of the 4 page max limit. In my next project though, I'll be including a lot more "show" as it's something that I love about the Vagabond manga. Whereas Elektra Assassin, I experienced pacing through words, Vagabond is where I truly experienced masterful pacing visually. So now that I've seen how too much text is bad, I can experiment with my use of narration, as well as adding more visual pacing. But since I want to create big images, that means more pages instead of more panels. Which is why a page max limit doesn't help me in that regards :P With all that, I really appreciate you left a comment to let me know what your reading experience was like as it confirms a lot of my own thoughts reading through the final product. Don't worry about being overcritical with me. It'd just make me think. Which is the whole point!

This is a touch darker than your usual. It's interesting to see you go this direction, and that line "fun to play with fun to break" is implemented VERY well, but I feel like the tone is somewhat counteracted by the little light sprite on the final page floating in and going "oh time for our date teehee" in a rather grisly scene. It feels like you need to decide if you wanna take this darker approach more seriously or if you do wanna go the other way and have a sillier cheerier tone despite the fact that terrible things are happening. As far as pitching a webcomic, I'm on the fence about it. It's not a bad comic but I'm not quite sure what the plot is, here. And immediately killing off 2/3rds of your cast is definitely a choice. Basically what I'm saying is as a standalone comic it functions just fine, but as an introduction to a larger story I don't think it gives us much

You've created a great sense of intrigued here. The writing is sharp and the artwork is fantastic as always. But for a comic, I do feel that there's a point here where there's too much writing and not enough artwork. There's an abundance of narration that serves only to describe the moment we are already witnessing. After imagining pageb1 without the added narration, just the artwork and the spoken dialogue, it feels like it reads how you intended it to just fine without all the text, save the final "that was the last time he saw her" that final panel withbhis stoic face conveys so much just through visuals alone, the narration talking about how stoic his expression is doesn't add to it, I feel. Page 2 is much the same. If feels redundant to describe the office when we are actively being shown that same office. But page 3 is the one I really wanna talk about, because a lot happens on this page but there's only 3 panels. The majority of things that happen on this page are not things we are shown, they are things we are told. If we weren't told that those things had happened we would not know they had happened at all. At that point it doesn't feel like I'm reading a comic, it feels like in reading a novella with some supplementary pictures. Its a somewhat jarring change, since the previous 2 pages worked well as comics without the narration and then page 3 struggles to function as a comic at all. Without the narration it would be pretty indecipherable. I want to reiterate that the writing is not bad in anybsense. It is VERY well written narration, but comics are, above all, a visual medium. And your visuals here are phenomenal, that's also part of the reason I want more of them! Reading that page, the mental image of this man busting down this big fancy mahogany door, knocking this absolute Goliath on his ass, and then shooting him in the head without uttering a single word is incredible, but that shouldn't be in my head, that should be in the page. This all being said, I know you said you were doing some experimenting here, and that takes time. The results kf that experimentation does show through in the final product. Idk if this was always how you had this story planned outnor if this was the compromise for investing time in a new method. I dont want to seem overly critical here. This absolute has me hooked and wanting more, that's WHY I want to talk about it so much.

So in my first read through, this felt a bit long for a short and sweet comic. I get that with the endless scroll format it can be difficult to tell what should be within bounds vs not. So on my second read through I tried to identify at which point in particular it seemed to cross that line, and my conclusion is that this comic could have ended after "Bembe is officially the 7th member of the sunset squad. As a comic pitch that's a great place to end it. We have the main character, we have the setting, we have an idea of the themes, it's a great hook. Everything after that point is more just a list that we read. A lot of the duties listed are implied with the position of being a lifeguard. And the ones that don't feel like they'd be better served being explored in the full comic than just being stated in a pitch like this. Other than that particular criticism, I think this is highly effective. The character designs are fun and unique and the expressions are amazing.

OK, having read the comic blurb AFTER leaving my comment, I see duck tales was in fact what you were going for. Well done, mission accomplished

Coming in swinging with the level of quality we've all come to expect. This comic gives me some vibes of duck tales and duck dodgers, basically joining a proud tradition of comical quackery that fits nicely into your own personal brand. Not sure if that's what you were going for with a pair of ducky would-be heroes, but it works for sure.

Like Mixie said, this setting and theme is pretty fresh in the comic space, which is always nice to see. And your artwork is always a treat to look at! You've captured a very compelling moment here and it makes me want to know more..not just about what happens next, but what got us here to begin with. If there was a thing I thought this comic might do better with it'd be a bit more contrast in some of the more detailed panels, but it's a very minor critique

These two have a good dynamic. Even for a Short and Sweet, this is a rapid fire comic, but even so I feel like I understand these characters perfectly. I wonder how this would keep up in a longer form comic, but here and now this is really working for me. Excellent pitch

I'm not sure how literal the use of the term "magic" is supposed to be here, but you don't really see a lot of magic in post apocalyptic settings. At least now how it's implied here. That in itself catches my interest, but I think you gotta lean into it, because the big thing that might help this setting stand out is relegated to a single line of dialogue and the things that are shown, the sickness and faction wars, already permeate the post apocalyptic genre. If there are some remnants of magic here, I would have liked to see it.

I love this set up, great setting that isn't done enough in stories and not done enough in ways like this. Some bigger establishing shots of like a town under colonial pressures and the colonial forces would be nice to help establish the stakes.

Cab you always bring a Saturday morning cartoon feel to your comics and its very fun to read.

Bobert. Thanksies for the feedback. There will be episodes in the future with both the ritual combat and dealing with monsters, but not enough space in the intro for them fully.

This was a nice read. The forest demon monster was cool and I enjoyed the panels and pages where you had a chance to colour them like you wanted.

Dark fantasy is the spice of life! Or death....

Very interesting! All the mixed media reminded me of the latter half of The Maxx. You got me hooked, I know the hard limit is 4 pages only but pretty much every comic has left me wanting more so far, damn....

Very colorful and surreal, speaking only for myself I would have loved to have seen a bit of that ritual combat or a conflict induced by a monster but that's not tonally appropriate for a slice of life lol.

Good tribute to the DuckTales universe lmao!

I'm pretty interested I would say! Only critique would be to encourage you to use more references for weapons and the human bones.

It was pretty funny. Your strongest comic in terms of polish!

This was pretty cool, I wish it was a little bit longer.