You got some good paneling and angles here. The fighting parts had good direction but went on just a bit too long. When a fight sequence goes for more than two pages it's best to break it up with some banter or internal monologue. I'm not sure if this was a time constraint issue but when you draw hand to hand combat make sure you add some speed or impact lines and sound effects. There's no hard rule but I'd say at least two per page would probably be enough without it being overused. Keep up the improvement I look forward to seeing more of Dekkard! I am an avid enjoyer of the more combat centric void characters.
Thanks for the votes and comments everybody.
Dekkard: Thanks for the challenge! I liked the story you started with for Dekkard. I should have asked more info about who he'd be chasing since it didn't make sense for him to be chasing Theakon if what his agency is after are ex members.
You had good story beats, but like SirJelly pointed out, maybe a bit of variety in your angles/shots could help. One of the things I'm trying to keep in mind more now is trying to include various shot "lengths" on each page. Meaning a Long shot (where you can see the entire body), Medium shot (where you can basically see from the waist up) & close ups. So maybe that could help you out next time. Good effort for your first comic though!
Bobert: I had to look up what a hagiography was haha thanks for the kind words!
Platinumartist: Yeah, I agree it's short. That was on purpose though as originally this was supposed to be a 2 week battle. And I have a tendency to just go too big as far as scope goes. So I wanted to challenge myself to do a smaller page count since I only had 2 weeks and try to focus on the quality of each page. But maybe sacrificing quality of art for a better story would be a better option in the future. Something to experiment with!
Red: Haha, I wonder which panels you thought made Dekkard look badass as I also had that thought about a couple of them. The last page seems to be confusing to a lot of people so I might have gone overboard with the abstractness. I'll have to have a sharper eye for it next time.
SirJellyRaptor: Your right in that there's probably a lot of muddier spots from the new technique that I was using. Which I basically started using 2-3 days before submission was due. BUT, it's still good to know for the future that I really need to keep an eye on clarity and proper contrast on my main focus points. On the last page, it was a bit hard to balance what I wanted to give as far as feeling goes and keep clarity. Like that first panel, I wanted to communicate a sort of blurriness to it do give a sensation of speed from falling. But could definitely see the points being made. Especially on the last 3 panels on that page where I just used a lot of cheap tricks honestly and hoped for the best haha. I was inspired a lot by Dave McKean's techniques of abstraction so I'll just need to learn to use this better!
Pizza Man: Thanks for the in depth crit! I'll also go in depth in my reply hah.
page 1 - That's a valid point as I was also thinking that after all was done (that is was a bit hard for the eye to follow). I feel the bottom panels could have been arranged better to encourage better flow.
page 2: For the dart, I guess I could have exxagerated the movement with some other tricks but I was hoping the jagged frame borders, the red trail as well as the lines of the background would give enough of a feel. But maybe not enough! I was actually initially going to put sound fx for him catching it, but gave up on it. Guess that was a mistake!
page 3: I was hoping no one would spot that lol I also saw that after I was too far gone like "wait...I'd need something to show Dekkard not paying attention!". In my head he was reloading his gun. But I definitely messed up by not having a panel showing that happening. I think you're also right about the reason why the eye being led down from the first panel is going on as that actually happened to me as well upon reading it. I was attributing it to poor panel placements for my panel 2 & 3, but I think your explanation might be a key thing. Mirroring that panel would have been better.
page 4: That's just me being guilty of not wanting to draw the perspective necessary to show how high they are during a slump that I got during this battle lol.
page 5: Agreed, I'm not happy with that text because of that reason. But I just couldn't figure out a good way to let the reader know that falling from this height wasn't a big deal for Dekkard. Maybe that means I just need to spend more time during the initial writing/thumbnailing phase.
page 6: I'll try and reel in the technique in the future to not muddy things up too much haha I might have been enjoying myself too much getting all these happy accidents! For the first panel, I wanted the focus to be on Theakon, so that's why Dekkard is not the focus since I wanted to also communicate that he has no idea Theakon is behind. For panel 2, I was going for a more cartooney effect of just seeing the trail to indicate he got hit with such force that he was already off screen. But I see your point about offering readers the satisfaction of seeing the impact. I'll have to study fight scenes a bit more! Good point on them never being on the same panel when action is taking place though.
I agree with most of your observations so they're definitely food for thought that I will bring into my next project. Thanks a lot for taking the time for such a detailed breakdown.
Okay let's see if I can do my usual in depth critique! It's been a while!
For Page 1, while I like all the different angles and the way you shape your panels it's sometimes a little hard to follow. It's difficult to tell if the final panel was supposed to be two panels or one. Other than that this is a pretty solid page with clever paneling.
On page 2, I see the dart is being shot out but it doesn't feel like it's moving. It's possible the dart would've been seen as a faster object if you drew it from farther away to show the speed or maybe blur the dart to show how fast it's going towards Theakon. and when he catches it you could put some action lines or a sound effect to improve the impact of catching a fast/small projectile.
On page 3 the panels are well placed and for the most part I'm basically just gonna put nitpicky suggestions. In panel 1 Dekkard is looking down and as the reader my eye ends up going down with him (could be a me problem tho idk) having him look in the direction of the next few lines of dialogue or maybe even at the Theakon in panel 3 might help guide the readers eye better. It's not a huge deal but it's a little strange Dekkard lost sight of his target at all as there wasn't anything that would've distracted him. If it was implied that this is because Theakon can move really fast Dekkard could say something like "My eyes were off him for less than a second where did he go?!" While the final panel looks cool it kind of cuts into the penultimate panel a little too much and could've been made a bit smaller.
Page 4 is the best page in my opinion and I have very little critique to give. The only thing I can think is that on the final panel we don't really see how high up they are and showing a little more of the background could emphasize the danger Dekkard is now in. Also maybe in the second to last panel have some action lines or an interjection from Dekkard to occupy that space by Theakon's arm.
Page 5 is also pretty solid. You might've used a little too much blur in the final panel though it's possible it's the angle and not the blur that I'm having issue with. Seeing the height Dekkard is mentioning could be a good way to establish the stakes. Also Dekkard's line in the final panel felt more like an internal thought than something he'd say outright.
Page 6 is a bit messy. The colors feel like they muddy up the scene a little too much after the first panel. I also think Dekkard is a little too out of the first panel when he is supposed to be the target of the attack. Seeing Dekkard's reaction, whether he knows what's coming or not, could have the reader in more anticipation for the ass kicking he is about to receive. As it is the eye is directed in too many directions when action pages should strive to have a smooth and satisfying flow to better emphasize the impact of the attacks. In panel 2 Dekkard is completely absent which caused a delay in the satisfaction of the impact for me. You could show in panel 2 that Theakon already partially broke Dekkard's bones with the punch alone then the impact in the next panel has a more established origin. Basically these two are fighting but they almost don't exist in the same space for the entire page.
Lemme know if you have any questions/disagreements or if there's anything you want explained in further detail. I can dm you visuals of what I mean. I know my crits can be a little convoluted sometimes.
I had to read through the action sequence a few tines to really find the flow of it. It's great that there is a discernable cause and effect in this fight but it would benefit a lot from cleaning uo and pushing the poses a bit and some practice with paneling. I would suggest messing around with motion lines a bit to better convey movement within a panel, and also playing around with different panel types and how they affect story pacing. For example, ypu use two full size panels to convey Dekkard drawing the tazer and then pointing it. Showcasing everybaction equally like this can create a clunky and disjointed reading pace. Instead ypu could condense both action into a single panel.bybusong motion lines or indicators to show the act of drawing and pointing, or ypu could use a smaller panel to show the act of drawing, and a larger, more prominent panel to show the pointing, placing more emphasis on the more important action.
I'm gonna focus on my one criticism here because I've already talked about all the strong points of your style on previous comics and all that also applies here. But my main crit is that the colors here feel a bit muddier in some spots than they usually do in your work. This is something that sometimes comes with the territory of watercolors but your previous comics read a lot cleaner. It's a relatively minor crit, my ability to read and enjoy the comic isn't impacted much, but keeping proper contrast between visual elements is generally a good thing to pay attention to. The exception is the final page, where I had to really look at it for a second to get what was happening. The visuals get really hard to discern on this page with the exception of panel 2. The rest of the page has a lot of the figures getting lost in the background colors and effects And suffers from an overall lack of contrast
Great job both of you, and congrats to Dekkard on completing your first battle! Enjoyed the endings to both of these.
Itizjr, your style is so good, I really enjoy seeing traditional stuff. I thought you made Dekkard look so badass in some panels haha. I was mildly confused by the end in a couple panels but there was enough context to understand.
Dekkard, I’d love to see shorter comics from you so you have more time to experiment with angles and panel structure etc. Action is super hard, I thought you did a great job but I’d encourage you to keep practicing and use references. Overall, really great start and I hope you keep on battling with us.
So let me start off with saying that I really enjoyed your establishing shot that you did for this one, the perspective is phenomenal. The panel work is on point and I also really did enjoy the way you used the scope as it's own separate panel. Your colors and action poses are always fun to look at. although if I had to nit pic, I would probably say that the story is awfully short, like it stops as soon as it starts to get fun. But even then, I really like how to the point it was. You did well and I really have a good time reading said story.
Congrats on finishing up your first battle on Void and it is a solid 8 pages. I really like the choice of making a monochromatic comic as it does have its own separate set of challenges.
The establishing shot is fine although I do notice that a lot of shots are quite similar with a lot of poses looking the same as well, If anything maybe next time try to get more varied shots like a "top down shot" or a "looking from the ground upward shot" to show who is empowered in this scene. As for the action poses, maybe throw in punch and dodge with different stances. ALSO! that last panel was a nice moment for your character to have a one liner but they might be the strong silent type. As for the story, it is solid and ended well. Hopefully we see more of this character's story as you continue to battle!
I like it. The messiness reminds me of Dave McKean's Batman Arkham Asylum comic. I was kind of confused as to what was happening on the page after Theakon drops Dekkard. Other than that, good job. 9/10
I can't give in an in-depth critique because you're way too skilled for me to find fault in this. Especially because it's short and to the point with a decent punchline and action and you've pushed the envelope considerably with your blend of mixed media to the point that if I tried to go in depth on anything it'd turn into an accidental hagiography haha, sorry. I'll just say that I loved the comic.
Congrats on finishing your first OC comic fight! I didn't expect it to end on a more sillier note haha. I think you could stand to copy your favourite artists more and use more references in your work when you can.
Comments (11)