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Neon Fossils

5 Weeks + 1 Week
Regular Match

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Neon Fossils
By Platinumartist
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star star
Viro
trophy WINNER
Final Score: 6.90
Neon Fossils
By Pizza Man
chat_bubble 7
star star
HR99
Final Score: 6.44

Comments (7)

Flytee's avatar
Flytee
All-Rounder
1 year ago
PIZZA- Expressive cartoony style + fun writing is always a winning combo. It's a shame this is unfinished but it was still a good read. PLAT- Great job on the page count, I can see how much hard work you've put into this. I know you want in-depth feedback, I'm going to return to this and leave you another comment when I have a bit more time.

IItherockmanII's avatar
IItherockmanII
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Platinum: respect on the amount of pages! The interaction of the characters felt natural and the story was easy to follow! Pizza man: grat comedy and interesting coloring! The bits with the fish got me LMAOing hahaha. Great job both of you!

Fluffsamasprime's avatar
Fluffsamasprime
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Damn Plat! You went hard! The page count on it's own is one hell of an accomplishment! Really enjoyed these! I liked the experiment with coloring pizza man went with, gave me some retro vibes.

snager's avatar
snager
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Platinum: Your art has really come a long way, to the point my review can focus more on story and characterization. Your expressions are much clearer and more varied than ever before. And your dino character designs are all pretty easy to tell apart. I can tell you did this battle so you could develop Viro and give her her own world building, but I can also tell you wanted the HR99 robots to feel natural to that world building. It all is giving a TMNT vibe that is very nostalgic to me and I think with a little more work and training, you could be ready to go mainstream with this concept and character! The main faux pas is the inconsistencies wth your word balloons. Your text is the right size, but it fills up too much of the balloon space. Then your balloons are all mechanically drawn but in different proportions every time, so they feel very distracting. I think you should switch to a more ‘round balloon’ or hand-vector each balloon so they are less circular and more broad to fit the shape of a text block more naturally and give at least one letters worth of space between the text and the edge of the balloon. The other distracting characteristic is your balloon tails. I do like when you made a snake shaped tail for the snake type robot and that was fine. But other times, you make the tails super thick and that doesn’t look standardized at all. It stands out in a very amature way, even though we’re all amatures here: but I’m telling you because it seems like it’d be such an easy fix to set your program to make the tails all the same size for you, or make a standard tail shape that you drop in and never stretch it broader. Other than the inconsistent and over-full balloon shapes, your layouts are looking much more professional. I’d say take more time to read some other comics outside of void and take note of how they do their layouts and balloon shapes for inspiration. Now onto the story: every time I picked this up, I found myself unable to lay it down until I’d finished it all the way through. You’ve done a good job at making us feel safe to invest in Viro’s story and care about what she cares about. I esp. Like the idea of her joining a society of humans who were turned into dinosaurs. IDK if there’s an allegory here about ethnicity or gender, but it’s got vibes promoting world peace. Therefore, The inclusion of the fashion police stuff doesn’t sit well with me. I know they’re supposed to be apposed to mayor ancelin, but not only is she not mayor anymore and not a very active character, but that was Jade’s flagship and it feels mean to keep dragging her with these charapictures which, if I may be frank, are a really fucked up look for a trans person’s character to be poked around with. And I’m sure the argument is ‘we’re not being transphobic, they’re bad guys’ but you’re still leaving the readers with a visual. I’m sure people have told y’all this before, but maybe you could find some other bad guys to put in your comics for now on. Sorry if I’m overstepping and jade told you she loves the fashion police, I’m just unaware. Back to the story: I love the idea that Viro has nowhere to go and how you showed us her ex, Brutus, and the place she came from before and where she is now. The Duncan character is also compelling. You really did a ton of storytelling even for 38 pages. I also liked the interactions the HR99 robots had and how distinct and personable they all seemed. I missed it on the first read when they said they had a secret weapon, but on the second read I see the shadow under the water. There were some other awkward spots like that, that I missed. Esp. in the fight scene choreography. When the bull robot gets kicked in the face, I wasn’t sure if Viro did that to him and where. Then after 99 resurrects all the robots. What caused his soul core to be ripped out? Did Duncan do that? How? I can tell you really loved these robots and needed them to flesh out your story and give us the idea that Viro is willing to fight for her new home. So it baffles me why you still haven’t learned how to write a fight scene that feels like it has real stakes. You did Greece dirty in a fight scene that had an unearned win before so you must know this lesson already. Viro needed to be shown to be having a hard time beating these 5 METAL, GIANT, robots, but you show her just slicing through them like a hot tongue through butter. This doesn’t make her look powerful, it makes it look like you have a superiority complex and takes us out of the story. Maybe when the snake robot came out, she could have gotten constricted before throwing it off. Maybe when she went to kick the bull in the face, his headless body could have gotten up and nicked her in the nose with a blind punch. And esp. The super large meta fighting robot should have slowed her down. Before she uses her blind rage spell, she needed to be restrained in some way first, like how she was in her Brutus nightmare before. Her real rage is at Brutus, right? This would have been the proper trigger for her finishing spell. Having her just mow down the robots make her look like a maniac pummeling a bunch of cute, misplaced toys. These small fixes would have made the story pop off just that little bit more. Again: it’s nice to see such growth that I can sit down and crit a story for it’s STORY. Really well done and I think very marketable stuff, Platinum! Ok, Pizza, you’ll get your turn. Contrary to how much Plat really wanted to make your robots feel integral to his fleshed-out world and fight scene, Viro feels like she’s just along for the ride that is a Pizza Run. You subject her to the antics of these silly and sometimes vapid robot characters and in so doing push her to her limits in a way that actually reveals some interesting character we’ve never seen from Viro before! This honestly helped draw me in, and I esp. Liked the interactions with #40, the fish. I almost screamed when she tried to rip them off the plank, so that set up let me fully shocked later when she took them to the water. Only to feel the emotional whiplash a scene later when the fish is ok in real life? What is going on here? We’re not privy to that. Some of the robots themselves seem fed up with the farcical domain they are forced to occupy and project a sense of apologetic apathy towards Viro for her having to join them for even one day. I like that the viewer takes the place of Viro, forced to travel these strange lands in search of not even an escape, but just something familiar. Finally, after going one more layer deep, Viro gets her wand and spell memories back. But even the viewer self-insert is not given the satisfaction of how these hopeful acts were achieved, except that it involved pain and confusion. The iconography of a living trash-can person lost in a world of trash and forced to eat trash is poignant. The horror of Viro being treated like trash by the very creature most tired of this routine, the trash-can robot themself; unable or unwilling to break the chain of trash, is esp. Upsetting, mirroring the beginning when Viro is dredged from the canal like scrap to be traded in for recycling money. Then the ending finding out there was never a rescue plan for the lost robots. but Viro is rescued. The robots that brought her here are still trapped and experiencing different levels of acceptance of this existence. Hey, OP: are you okay? I know you had trouble pacing yourself between this battle and getting to the finals in the best tournament ever, Diov, so I hope you can take some time to recover properly. And when you get back, maybe do more story driven comics. They don’t have to be hopeful, or have happy endings, and they don’t have to be dark, either. But this one was waxing pretty poetic under the veneer of a shitpost, and I’m not sure most readers will know what’s going on. Speaking of the aesthetics: It’s giving ‘I Voted’ spider. very imageboard meme look and I dig it. The little bird beak and giant eyes on Viro read very well. The 3 different coloring styles were a great way to pace out the 3 parts of the story while cleverly saving time and energy. It all tracks with the visceral energy of the ideas given come out in the scratchy double-layers lines. Good luck, and I hope to see lots more from you this year after you meditate for a hot minute!

Pizza Man's avatar
Pizza Man
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Holy hell that is a lot of pages Plat! You did really well with the storytelling I can tell you had this in your mind for a while. Your comic's story flows really well I don't think there was a single moment where I was asking "why is this here?" which is impressive for a comic so big. I like how you used all the robots and had them work together as a cohesive team I really believed their dynamic was genuine. Thanks for the fight and good luck on your scar match!

Bobert's avatar
Bobert
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Congrats to both of you for finishing these behemoths! Plat, I'll type up a critique for you some time later, because I'm terrible at these things.

Cab's avatar
Cab
All-Rounder
1 year ago
Robots vs Dinosaurs, nature's natural enemies, I look forward to seeing this battle