Took my sweet time to get around and read this. It's sweet. Y'all are sweet.
And Yamato rendered as a long noodle in Fluff's comic is so silly XDD
Congratulations on your breeze baby.
SNOWY - This was so sweet and tender! The detail with the clouds, the dialogue and the imagery with the red string is gorgeous! Lovely inks too, Dairyu and Rickter interacting always makes my heart melt
FLUFFS - Always been a fan of your expressions and this round is no different! The way the characters move is pretty good too! ngl I expected the smut between them to last a bit longer but that doesn't take any enjoyment out of the comic at all. That last page is so damn ADORABLEEE
Amazing job both of you, this was such a good read and I honestly think that tackling both a NSFW comic PLUS a double scar match is absolutely legendary!
SUPER power move!
I'm learning how to dish out critiques when someone requests them but I can't really give any true critiques here for either of these, I apologise!
Albeit the only thing I can bring up is that when Yamato was being born I misunderstood the sequence of events as Gus trying to leak out of Rickter. It took me a bit to digest that since I've been pretty knuckleheaded lately.
Anyways, to compliment the sexual intimacy these were both also pretty funny.
The Hot Plate Disaster....
Snowy - I'll always be a big fan of your composition and paneling, is just so good! The anatomy and poses of the character were also top notch!
Fluff - I love your comedy and character interactions Fluff! The long baby is here! And the family photo killed me hahaha
I absolutely adore your comic, Fluff, thank you so much for battling me (again)!! I love how excited Gus is at creating offspring, and the interactions between everyone is so fun and expressive (very jealous of your skill with expressions and dynamic body language).
Thank you for all of the critiques and comments so far, I really appreciate it! Especially because I was a little worried about the reception of uploading a (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) lewd comic! I will try to continue improving, and it helps to have specific things to work on!
it WAS a NSFW scar match to determine which one-a-ya's is getting pregnant, I WAS RIGHT. I feel vindicated. It's everything I could have hoped for. These were so cute and pure. Goddbless baby Yamato, mozeltov. and yall are both so fuggin brave putting hentais just out on main like this, i'm so jealous. Also, holy shit, you guys are prophets. You drew Yamato growing up in this pastoral countryside home, YEARS before the sands came and washed away the city. And now you’ve both drawing the new Dojo, out in the middle of nowhere, in the sand lands. In 14 years, it will probably look just like in the lovechild comics. You’re scaring me.
I have illustrated my crit in the form of a slanderous parody doodle comic, so if TL;DR just skip the text reviews
[spoiler]
snowy’ s side be like
Fluff’s side be like
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snowy: you have leveled up since our roomates match, probably due to being in Arma lol. Your instinct with Romance seems to be to keep everyone appealing and clean looking at all times in both writing and visuals. but for me personally, this makes it harder to glom on to the characters and feel attachment to them (can't have a tumblr sexyman if he's classically conventionally attractive ya know). your Ideal Rickter stands in stark contrast to your Villainous Gus. Gus here is depicted like this fairy tail gremlin or witch, putting the characters through conflict just to test their resolve. that does make the story more interesting- or it would, if either of Rickter or Dairyu DISLIKED what Gus had done to them without their consent. maybe I should feel like I'm missing something here, like when you read old fairy tails that built off older stories still, but the oldest stories have been lost so the context is missing.
anyway, it's so nice to get a comic artist so well rounded that one can get down to nit picking the story and characterization because we actually know exactly what you were going for and you illustrated it so well! I can tell you care ALOT about THIS BATTLE in particular and this was a gift for Fluff and something very personal to yourself. it looks so polished and refined and clearly it is just how you want it to be and you should be proud of that!
Also, The sex scene poses are really dynamic and very hentai.
And the back-matter comics at the end to explain the scars are great. Giving Rickter a canon age range is a gnarly extra scar, he deserves it. Also it’s cute to think he’s middle-aged and Dairyu is a middle-aged demigod, so they match kinda?
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fluff: I feel like I can see influence from our roomates match, from the way you illustrate Gus' freaky little bird paws coming out of Rickter's neck and grabbing stuff, esp. And I adore how you included Tikka. and Long Cat baby Yamato made me laugh. I forgot that meme, I'm glad it's back. And all your cameos help ground the characters and humanize them. Page 2 is funny, but I thought Nagore was stuck to the ceiling. Very on-brand Nagore, either way.
I got a little confused when Yamato burst out of Rickter’s neck. First of all, I couldn’t remember who that was and couldn’t put it together that ‘oh it has antlers, but they’re smaller than Dairyu’s antlers and therefore it’s Dairyu’s baby with Gus because it’s coming out of Rickter and looks kind of like Gus yeah that tracks.’ and I couldn’t put together why she had to jump up and fight the new dragon X,D I had to read it a couple times before I put together that the Yam was the big monster she was fighting one page prior. It would have been nice to see some illustration that explained how babby is formed. How Gus get gregnant. ,_, sorry to get kinky but what if it showed Gus and Rickter orgasmed at the same time Dairyu did that would make sense idk idk maybe he got her DNA from eating her hair? That’s cute I like that.
It’s a really nice kind of fairytale element to have the mother have to fight the son as soon as it’s born. I have heard some where the baby is born as a wild animal and the father has to skin it so the baby can come out. But I didn’t put together that that was what was happening. Then after the fight, I thought Dairyu being exhausted meant she had literally been the one in labor. But now i see fighting the babby is a metaphor for giving birth lel.
It was nice to see Yamato’s origin story and see some of his early babyhood and even how he interacts with the other characters. De-kink-a-fies the story, overall. Ends on a sweet innocent note, like this is the story they can actually tell him when he’s older.
You also have such a nice way of turning everyone into trashy bois and I do love trashy bois.such sloppy mouths and eyes makes everyone look more alive. kissable, even.??? who know.
you're really good at making multiple appointments on time, too! continue to stay hype, FlufF~
[/spoiler]
Wonderful job you two!
Snowy: I really loved all the build up to the big moment! Everything is so soft and dreamy, and I enjoyed seeing the scar page panels they're so cute!!
Fluff: I was cackling at the moment Nagore was yeeted like a frisbee! I adored all the cute lil moments like Gus chewing on Dairyu's hair in affection and Potato Yam <3
I was so excited to read these comics you guys have NO idea!! And they're both so good!
Snowy, Your choice of colors and brushes/effects made the comic have such a pleasant atmosphere! That red thread connecting them is a hella creative scar! I don't recall anyone ever doing something like this as a scar on Void! Oh and i absolutely LOVED the composition of that fifth page!
I have only one crit: For the most part of the comic everyone looked a bit too neutral expression-wise, even Rickter who's a pretty expressive/intense character had the same expression during almost the entire comic, so try pushing your expressions more, explore some different ways to draw your character's eyes, eyebrows, and mouth to improve their expressions and better convey their emotions.
Fluff, Those first pages were so fricking funny dude
Rickter and nagore destroying the walls looking for the missing cat got a giggle out of me XD
It was both cute and funny that Gus chews on Dairyu's hair as an intimate act, and Rickter being the one to give birth to Yamato was kind of a plot twist to me!! I can't believe Snager was right about the comics determining who's getting pregnant jahdgfhas
Oh and that family photo at the end was adorable and a nice touch, as well as Vidia holding baby Yamato like a long cat (was he trying to eat a bug??i love him so much XD )
This is really good from both participants. Snowy, you’ve got seriously good panels and line work, as well as those fantastic hash mark backgrounds. Totally top quality.
Fluff, you drew them both so well. You’ve got a really good thing going on with their proportions and they look great in your style. Also love Gus nibbling on Dairyu’s hair.
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