Platinum: This was so sweet and cute!! I love the encouraging message. The fact that Darren is outside singing is perfect, it's like he's just singing because he loves it and wants to share it with people. It's way too easy to feel like the things we love to do have to be funneled into an established career path, and that our art has to meet some executive's standards for us to follow our dreams. It's so important to escape that mentality and to love and share your art with everyone. Wonderfully message!
Shen: Love that ending! I don't know the backstory to her trading her flute for a man, but the implications of that are very interesting and I like the symbolism. I feel like its a stand in for family and responsibility getting in the way of your passion, which is a place we've all gotten to. It's so important to find time for your passion, and not let the fire inside you die out for any reason, no matter how important. Fantastic work here, love the message!
With all the high stakes action going on battles wise this week, its nice to see something lighthearted and just fun across two comics. I didn't expect Darren and Lily to mesh, which is silly in hindsight considering both characters passions. I will admit Shen executed this chemistry to better effect, but character development across a short amount of pages is definitely her strength. Plat, I'd definitely take the feedback and suggestions you've received thus far. All great ideas that I think will help you come into your next battle even stronger so we get to know Darren even better.
Adorable work! What a cute duo, I never would've thought you put these two together but I'm curious to see where the friendship goes.
Shen- Such a tight story, I loved the punchline at the end, I honestly think this is a great example of how to write a 1-day comic.
Plat- You did a good job for the time frame. Propts to you for taking on the challenge!
Congrats on your first 24hr comic Plat! I understand you ended up having to work that day so congrats on packing so much into one day! Your figures are starting to loosen up and get a bit more motion to them.
Shen! Sorry to hear about you pen crapping out! Your artwork still came out nicely, and I enjoyed the accidental raising of the dead on the last page.
I don't know if you two set a page limit or not before hand, but a 4 page comic in a day is impressive!
Platinum - Great quality for a 24 hour battle! Everything inked, plus backgrounds included. As for story... I hope you don’t mind me comparing this to Shen’s since the cores of both comics were actually pretty similar - characters meet and perform together. However, Shen uses character to inform the story and the twist and for the most part, you don’t, which created a weaker comic even if visually it was more polished.
In Shen’s side, Lily is reluctant to join Darren at first because she’s self-conscious, even though he’s singing alone. In your side, she jumps on stage while he’s performing to a live audience to join in. I think even for a gungho performer this would be a pretty extreme move. Shen gives a good reason for the characters to interact - Lily is interested but Darren’s ghosts, and Darren is interested in helping a fellow musician. In your side, Lily sees the ghosts but doesn’t mention them. The choice to gatecrash his performance seems completely random, like if she heard someone else singing she’d have done it to them instead. Finally, after having a fun time, Shen throws in a twist by having zombies appear, which makes sense given the characters AND makes the story more interesting. In your side, Darren basically doesn’t react to the rude and unexpected intrusion, just telling Lily to follow her dreams. I expected a reaction, if not from Darren from the crowd at least?
Anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk haha, it was fun analysing both your comics and I hope this helps for future ones!
Shen - You draw Darren so freaking cute, I love his happy little face :) I already talked a Lot about your comic in Plat’s crit but uh tl;dr even in this super short timeframe you’re able to craft a great character-driven story with a fun twist! Also sorry about your stylus, hope you get a replacement soon u-u
HAHAHA GUESS WHAT! i take a one day battle, and thats the day my stylus FUCKING DIES. The inking on this looks SUPREMELY rushed because a. i spent half the day trying to FIX THE STYLUS and b. i had to move to my ipad which i am less than skilled at. so yeah when you see the shitty quality.... thats why XD (also why only 3 of 4 pages got inked RIP)
THANKYOU FOR FIGHTING ME PLAT
this is gonna tank my score XD
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