@Sean: I always know I'm in for a gruesome time when Colbitzer shows up, and you didn't disappoint. I think the whole comic could probably have used another pass to clean up some of the messier bits, but making it too clean would take away from the grittiness of it, at the same time. I think the latter half of page 5 and page 6 could have benefitted from better focus on where Lacy was relative to Colbitzer as she tried to hide from him. The fact that she was somehow managing to avoid him as he shot up the rest of the bar was somewhat lost because it wasn't super clear where she was or how she was hiding from him. Showing her moving around as he shot people up in the background might have given your comic a bit more of an emotional impact. Either way though, I enjoyed the brutality of this comic and I can't wait to see how Colby manages to get back into the police force now! PS—I now demand Colby's voice claim singing Itsy Bitsy Spider because obviously
@Diz: My biggest issue with your comic is how out of character Colbitzer is. I wouldn't even have been against the idea of him wanting to bone Lacy if you had at least acknowledged that it's a weird hypocritical fetish of his or something. But this really just comes across as a horny old man who's into a spider-lady, which only one of those three things describes Colby. It's kind of a funny gag, but it's harder for me to appreciate because it feels like a slight against your opponent's character. I did like how you drew him, at least! And it's great to see Lacy ever being the professional haha. A free drink feels like such a small consolation for the embarrassment, and I love how she's so used to it this is just like common practice for her. It's a fun detail.
Sean - I can't stress enough how much I love your style of writing. Gritty, dark , violent with the art to match. This is probably the best one I read from you yet.
Diz - Funny comic. I love the thermometer gag but I am not sure if you portrayed Colbitzer accurately. Like what's already said it would be nice to see Lacy beyond her stripper background in your upcoming comics!
Sean: These Colbitzer comics are home to some of your best comic art yet - This grungy, gross look gives me vibes of like, 70's crime films, in a good way. I was a bit unsure if Colbitzer going postal on a strip club full of anthros as well as regular humans fit his characterization, but that little gruesome detail of him putting a bullet into the already dead body of that poor bug waitress was a clever nod to his despicable nature. I will say, the power dynamic between these two feels exploitative. I can imagine it's tricky to write a battle comic in which one side has a regular person and the other side has a psychopathic serial killer, and have each side feel balanced power wise, but still, Lacy has no agency in this- she's just there to get brutalized. Having her, say, still escape the club after being shot could show her character's moxie. Also, the incredibly vicious beatdown also leaves little room for future character-building; Lacy would definitely have permanent nerve damage in her leg and possibly brain damage, and that is well-past the loser's punishment of a typical scar match. So, it's in Diz's best interest to ignore the canonical repercussions of this comic entirely. There's nothing wrong with that, VOID canon is better left malleable in my opinion, but still, it's something to consider.
Diz: It's simple, but the joke made me laugh, and that's half the battle for a comedy comic. The limited purple palette is fine, it does fit the mood, but throwing in a contrasting color in there would do a world of good - right now, everything just sort of mushes together. I'm also hoping that Lacy's character evolves past this comic - All we know about her is that she's a stripper. What are her goals? Her fears? Does she have friends in the city? Is she unfulfilled in her job? The life of an exotic dancer extends outside the club.
These are both really good comics, especially for a one weeker!
Sean: I really loved how gritty this comic was, and how brutal Colbitzer is! I also liked the variety of angles you used and the the pacing of the comic. I think you could have used the rest of the nursery rhyme on the page where he's attacking Lacy and driven home his brutal and sadistic nature when it comes to anthros, though I do like the sole page for it as well.
Diz: I agree with Cy on the characterization of Colbitzer, but since they've already gone into it, I won't go on about it. I really like the coloring that you've done, and think you translated Colbitzer well into your style. I definitely liked your idea of using the thermometer over showing the actual genitalia, it fits the style and the mood of the comic.
It occurred to me that both of these comics work really well together. Sean’s comic could be what happened after Colbitzer got the private dance. Like he wanted to get up close and personal with his intended victim before the kill, or use his perceived slight by her as an excuse for his massacre, a common thing with serial killers, to not take responsibility for their own actions. He would also have likely wanted to case the layout of the building before acting, taking note of all the potential hiding and blind spots, security, and locating his target.
Sean - Holy shit this was gruesome. I liked how many of the shots showed Lacy’s face, and her horror at the situation. You showed us the violence but it didn’t feel gratuitous or glorifying to me. The grungy look fit the tone well, I also really liked that closeup of Colbitzer’s smile with the cigarette in his mouth on page 8. My only gripe is that Lacy magically knew Colbitzer’s name and was able to tell the cops. Does he still wear a name tag? I didn’t hear him announce his name, how does she know it?
Diz - I like this limited purple palette, and I agree with the others in that Colbitzer was adapted really well into your style, which is pretty impressive considering how different Sean’s style is from yours. However I don’t think you did Colbitzer justice at all. His depiction comes off as insulting to me. It feels like you didn’t read his page, or at least, have made it so that Lacy is just so sexy, nobody can resist her. I find both pretty distasteful options. Also, I might be jumping the gun here, but so far every comic with Lacy has revolved around her work and being sexy. If you keep going on that route, it could come off as a harmful stereotype.
Back to the art side, there was essentially no backgrounds here and Lacy looks enormous next to Colbitzer in the last panel. If you hadn’t had that caption that it was a gentleman’s club, I’d have had no idea where they were. Colbitzer’s chair is also formless and just looks like a flat shape. Just one or two lines could have made a big difference. Even though this was a very short battle, I feel like you could have done more within the time period.
Sean: This is just about my ideal 1 weeker. A simple premise, executed strongly. While I love Snager’s more creative kill suggestions, there’s something about the horrific realism of just an active shooter scenario that lends itself to the tone of this comic, and your varied shot choices kept the scene intense. It paints Colbitzer as a dispassionate killer who doesn’t waste time or energy if he doesn’t have to. Basically, you chose blunt, ugly realism over cartoonish Mortal Kombat style violence, and it works well for the tone you were going for. For a 1 week deadline, I found this comic nearly perfect, but I would have liked to see hand lettering, and your balloons are squirrelly on page 3. I don’t think you considered their placement in your initial layout. Just a little detail, and maybe it was unintentional, but the inset panels on page 9 match the second line of the verse. I’m not sure if it would have been cheesy to have him saying each word on that page, but since I heard the verse in my head as I looked at each small, violent detail panel, reading the verse again on page 10 felt a little redundant. Fantastic battle, though.
Diz: Any other week, this gag would be a winning 1 week battle. Despite being out of character for Colbitzer, it’s a funny little humiliator. But this week, you caught Sean on his shits. I’m not sure I agree with Snager on showing dick in this one, though. The thermometer was a good fit for the light-hearted tone of this comic. And I’ll echo the sentiment on your opponent’s character design, it’s fun to see how you design them into your style.
These both start at Zapper but go very different ways!
Sean this was a brutal one to go through! Makes me remember Colbitzer is a monster!
Diz You did a fantastic job putting Colbitzer in your style! You do that with everyone you go against!It was out of characterfor him, but it still got a chuckle out of me which I needed.
Sean: your comic almost made me throw up. good thing this isn't a scar match. A+
Diz: i TOLD you Lacy was a furry.
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serious review time: Sean, I wish you'd pressed Diz' character design style harder: the only thing actually anthro about Lacy other than her extra eyes and limbs is her waspy body, which you could have taken more literally. could have gone harder on the other chitinous characters, too. maybe have Colbitzer could have ripped a chunk of a girl's exoskeleton off from her body and tossed it aside like a watermelon husk. torn her antenna off and stabbed out the eyes of one of the human male patrons. torn open the bee girl and her blood is honey. i've never heard bug furries referred to as 'chitins' in all my wonderings though, so that tidbit really hit the spot.
Diz: you're really getting better at comics, now! If you win, it will go down in canon that Colbitzer hates all furries except for spider girls, who he fetishizes instead of murders. Don't be afraid to draw actual dick next time, so long as you put a warning on the thumbnail I guess. the thermometer is a nice, camp, stand-in, though.
two such jarringly opposite kinds of comics. For Lacy's story to compete with what Sean did to her, I think she would have had to hump his face before Colbitzer motorboarded her asscheeks all before he gets kicked out of the club, thrown out on his face, for initiating contact when he grabs her bikini.
Sean. I am really digging the grungy feel about this entire comic. The storytelling device of starting post massacre, and replaying the scene to the conclusion of who did it as Huey didn't know who it was. Good shit. The story is very straight forward, sure, but its honestly told in a way that conveys just how horrible and brutal of a man Colbitzer is. A true, monsterous villain.
Artwise, I really wish you had cleaned up around the edges of the building or made the white outlines more clean and straight. As it is, it looks sort of sloppy, and not in the grungy 2000's indie comic aesthetic you otherwise were doing a very good job with. All in all, I really like how you conveyed the noir, grunge feel trough the visuals. I would have LOVED to see a bit brighter red in the comic where it appears. It would have popped very nicely I feel. Essentially, have a core of brighter red in the more muddled red, like with his eyes. They are supposed to glow are then not?
Diz: I enjoyed the way adapted Col to your style. He worked out well visually. STorytelling wise, this doesn't have much, and for a set up of ajoke, it wasn't great. Not only is it very Out of character for Col, but the whole "Col gets to excited" Was really all the comic was about and if that's the case, the joke needs better and more crisp delivery. Especially since one page is just a pinup.
FOr your art, I would work on zooming out your shots, especially when no action is going on. Let the surroundings add to your characters conversations and the overall mood of the comic.
I realize you didn't have a lot of time to draw this, and I commend you for even taking and completing a full comic in a short time though. Don't get discouraged. Keep at it.
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