Once again I apologize for not finishing- i think this is the first time in my Void history i didn't at LEAST have all the STORY pages uploaded, and im very regretful. thanks for the nice words about my inking, though~
KUBO THIS WAS SO GOOD i dont think if i'd finished as well as i wanted i could have beat a story like this! fantastic intrigue and great setup for future stories! love the creepy horror and i LOVE how you draw my boy's hair~ Thank you for fighting me... again!
Shen: mmmmm those tasty inks, hehe. It was a fairly straightforward story, which unfortunately meant there weren't a whole lot of interesting twists; it was fairly predictable from the get go.Some really good visuals though, especially in the fight scene, and as the others have said that silhouette panel with Ghost is so, so good. V horror.
Kubo: Daaaaaaaamn that was a real good story. It kept me guessing throughout, but imo didn't feel like it was random or disconnected. I really loved the panel with the various members of the Cycle--imo that's a really good way to do a cameo! It was fun to pick out who was who, but also it didn't feel like it distracted from the story, y'know? At first, I was a little unsure about the heavy focus on Arena in this comic with Arena not being the actual opponent, but the twist at the end made it all work, I think.
The biggest thing that threw me off was a kinda nitpicky detail--Ghost's nose looked too much like Wendigo's nose, especially the further you get into the comic. The first panel in page 3 I think is the best, and then it's almost like a Pinocchio effect from there on out, and I think it stood out to me so much because it felt like a distinctly white nose put on a non-white person.
In the grand scheme of things though, again it's just kind of a small detail and didn't really detract from the story as a whole, so. take that as you will lol
Shen: And the ship now sails! I'm still not entirely sure what the logic behind this fight and the corruption is, but you set the scene nice and quick, I know that this is a corrupt prison and a dirty fight and that's all I needed. A nice quick dose of horror and gore.
Kubo: that was... a little convoluted about this master plan. They had a good chemistry and it's interesting seeing someone like Ghost play the long game and being so subservient and trustworthy to someone. Wonderful artwork.
((Ahaaaa this is among my first critiques given, so I hope it's somewhat helpful and not too harsh. Please have patience with me!))
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To Shen(no preference):
-I *really* liked the shadowy form of Ghost on the last page
-Good use of the black-and-white style, background usage,
-I like the panels on page 4 in particular, and the detail of having a staple included in the pieces needed to make a makeshift-slingshot
-The blood-splatters are well done I think :)
Critique:
-It's almost 100% finished it seems, besides that one panel on the final page.
-I'm a little confused as to why Wendigo stopped attacking Ghost on the last page. It looks like he's toothpicking his teeth in the unfinished panel or something?
-I think using more references for anatomy would be helpful, esp. on page 5 when you have Ghost jump off of Wendigo's back. I also don't get why Ghost wouldn't try incapacitating/biting him then? I doubt a swipe of the claw would've reached him from their positions.
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To Kubo(open to comments/critiques):
-Wonderfully disgusting cover page, that was excellently drawn.
-In fact, the art and quality is very consistent within the whole first half of the comic. Though there isn't always 'obvious shadows'(like on page 4), the texture overlay and what you do is very fluid and altogether each bit of it meshes well into your art style.
-Them sharing a meal in camaraderie is well done, I think. (thank you for sparing us from seeing the gruesome details though haha)
-The story is really creative, I like this whole arc you have going!
Critique:
-With that cover page, I really thought that the two were going to fight... and then they didn't?? Kind of feels like false advertisement, or something. Maybe next time do a version where he's smiling maniacally instead, if he's already part of the same team?
-I like that you clearly worked in stages, so that the whole comic is pretty-much-complete. I feel like leaving the cover page to last to allow for the whole comic to be consistent in "all being coloured or not" would've been preferred more than the other way around.
-I can't tell, on page 5, if the "gulps" are moving towards the people and into them or if it's moving out of them. Maybe next time add some 'action lines' to show which way they are moving?
-Nitpicky: Typo on age 7 panel one, it should be "all *I* desire, master" (missing 'I'). Also page 5, panel 2 typo should say "around" rather than"arough," then "tipoff" instead of "tipof," page 14 panel 5 "silvertongue" instead of "silversongue"
-I feel like Wendigo brushes off 'Blackdirge' not being there a little too brashly, considering his placement. I think this was meant as foreshadowing, but personally I would've liked a little more foreshadowing and reasoning hinted at before the conclusion of the comic.(especially for a one-off short comic) That being said, if my understanding is correct, how is Wendigo going to feel about Ghost betraying him(?) after all this?
-Page 10 panel one has some funky anatomy-in-perspective going on with Wendigo, I think. It kinda distracts from who should be the main focus of the panel: Arena. Maybe a reference would've helped? And, more detail on "the main antagonist" in the panel would've been nice too.
_Page 10 onwards feels a little disconnected with the rest of the "feel" of the comic, I think. It's a tone change which is good, of course, yet I think there isn't enough of an explanation as to why Wendigo spits out his lil' minion and why it's so important. It would probably be solved by reading the previous comics you did, if they follow this "cult" line, so maybe a little note on the first page to "intro" new readers would be helpful...? Hmm.
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Aaaaaa that ended up being really long, sorry! Essentially, I really liked the comic you did so in the effort of being helpful I picked it apart page by page. >.< Well, just know I really analyzed each panel and my attention was captured!
I can't add or subtract from these great works.
Shen - Contraband rubber band called shot critical to the eye. Smooth.
Kubo - Woeful Wendigo left wanting by Arena's wrath. Excellant.
Spectacular work you two.
Shen - boys with sharp teeth biting each other to pieces. XD I would never expect anything less from you. Very good use of spot blacking!
And some very toothy boyz. The ending was pretty sudden and confusing to me though.
Kubo - I loved the colors and lineart
I thought the canabalism reveal was kinda silly.
Like I guess they have something in common?
I don't know if I really understood why that took place, it felt a little like, "oh btw, these guys both eat people." But that information didn't even matter. :/ I'm guessing it was more to show that wendigo trusted ghost enough for them to both munch on the same guy together? XD okay then.
The overarching plot had me scratching my head a little bit, but that is probably because I had no idea who some of the other characters were. I'm like a lil void baby.
Pretty kinky stuff, dudes.
Good job to the both of ya.
How do you pick between these two great comics!
Shen you're as good with spot blacks as you are with colors. It's really very impressive. And it's nice to see the prison scene with Iain cameo there too as it connects to Iain's current status (though I believe he is out now) . I really enjoyed the story even though it is short and ended in a cliffhanger but of course I would've preferred it if we saw the actual conclusion. I still can't get over how good your inking is. I see a marked improvement!
Kubo - Well damn..2 weeks??!! You did this in 2 weeks. Mystery, thriller, backstabbing, gore, delicious cameos. I know you wanted to color the entire thing but what you gave us is already such a treat. Phoenix Coalition really is getting my attention now and I love the overarching story that's happening connecting several Void characters. These stuff really tickles my fancy. Continuity and epic storylines. I really got no crit except that there's just some pages in the beginning when Ghost's face looked a bit inconsistence from the rest. Again, excellent job!
Shen - I love how you utilise Ghost’s shifting in a fight! It’s just neat to see even the ability to turn into a small, not particularly dangerous animal as advantageous, especially with moves like dropping on Wendigo from the ceiling. I also really liked the imagery on page 8, with Ghost as a black silbouette with glowing eyes.
Ghost looks kind of wonky to me throughout the comic though, and I found it really distracting. A couple of panels that were supposed to be serious just read as funny to me bc of his posing, like the first one on page 5. His face seems bloated at times like on page 2, and his fingers shift from fairly normal looking to really long and spindly. It kind of feels like you skipped construction lines?
Story-wise, I didn’t really get the point. Wendigo and Ghost talk about Arena, which made me think it was important, but then it gets dropped really quickly and the focus shifts to this Captain Adler. I can’t criticise this too much though since you are missing a page which I’m guessing had important info.
Kubo - Oh man, this was excellent and totally unexpected for me. I would never have thought to have Ghost infiltrate the cult! Love that idea, and it makes total sense that he’d do it to get out of jail. This whole comic actually had me on the edge of my seat, every time I thought something was about to happen, the story veered off in another direction, but in a way that actually made sense. Thought Wendigo was secretly gonna kill Ghost- oh no they’re sharing a meal. Oh Ghost is the snitch- no it’s Blackdirge- NO IT’S GHOST. Was also cool to see Wendigo technically being beaten instead of Ghost story-wise!
The imagery in this is gruesome and fantastic, I loved the flesh wings, those weird mouth tentacles and the new clawed hands that the cult members get. Wendigo’s defeat at Arena’s hands was clever but messed up, I like that. Also like how you stylised Ghost and his smug grin, and really appreciate you giving his rooster form elliptical wings! Really often I see birds given generic wing shapes not accurate to their species, it’s a small detail but as a zoologist I appreciate it.
Honestly have very little to crit. The one thing I can think of is that I wasn’t sure which homunculi actually got knocked out of Wendigo, and since he’d eaten some sand, I wondered why he didn’t get an Arena homunculus from that? There were also some typos, like “resonece” instead of “resonance” on page 13, and “sort to speak” instead of “so to speak” on page 14.
Unfortunately I was unable to finish the color for this comic. I was able to put down atmospheric lighting and tones for the last three pages but was unable to get to the other two pages before the deadline, even with an extension. However I am pretty proud of the story and the inks and I hope you all enjoy it too!
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