Sean - This style is great, damn, I love how bold it looks with those huge dark patches! Sometimes it was a bit too much though and I couldn’t really see what was going on.
So I apologize for the same showing as usual. Thought if I threw myself into this and kept it to four page minimimnas Sean and I agreed Id be able to manage. I’m not yet at a point in life where that’s possible. Even four pages in anything less than a month is difficult for me. I will still finish my side and post it as a BB. With less worry for the deadline I’ll polish it a little. Itll probably end up being five pages as well.
Anyways Sean its great that you were able to deliver as I’m interested in Colbitzer and seeing him get his first battle is great. It’s always fun to see you push yourself. I admire that you’re not afraid to try new approaches with your comics. I am obviously a fan of heavy contrasts and felt you did a great job balancing negative space here. Action can be tough and takes some study all on its own. The key to action is to exaggerate movement and posing to create the most impact. The body is just a series of shapes and all of those shapes should be focusing their direction towards the impact and energy of the fight. Id also say to practice textures a bit to give those trees more life. Nature is made of funny and seemingly random shapes that are actually quite ordered. Look to Frazetta’s black and white work and you’ll see some wonderful backgrounds. I apologize again Sean for not holding up my end but I hope my finished product will serve as an apology.
I will say this. REecer. That is no fucking way to start a critique. Jesus. Learn something about how to be critical AND productive. Your putting the guy down from the get go, you go in entirely just to shit on it, not offering a single word of encouragement. We're here to improve. Nothing in your critique is leaving room for him to contemplate how to improve, its just one big condecending read.
Sean: Your inks look fucking fantastic. The solid blacks are fucking delicious and the st ory, while not the most advanced, or deep dive. Is a nice romp between two people trying to kick each others ass. I will echo the general consensus of "pull back your shots" When we rarely see your charachters feet or even legs, getting a sense of how they are moving around the scene gets stilted. It will also limit your posing, maeaning everything becomes stiffer. More angles, less closeups.
sean: i can't really personally get into "two people are arbitrarily fighting and that's the comic" so you kind of had no hope of pulling me in on this one but even besides that there's some weird stuff in this that threw me off. first, yeah, all the closeups, which makes this scene feel super claustrophobic, which seems impossible because they are in a barren forest. definitely thought that laser hit colby's crotch and not his sword at first.
and then page 4 is like a mystery to me. why's johnny taking a smoke break now? yeah he blew up a sword but colby's still there, i can't imagine it would noticeably impede his wrath not having a weapon. plus it seemed like he hurt himself with sword shrapnel? why are you not punching this man more, why have you instead elected to lean against this tree, and also where do you go in panel 5? is that a different tree?? if so, you really shouldn't have put so much of a focus on that first tree, because it makes them feel like the same tree. but otherwise johnny's just disappeared! and then in the final page, how is this tree trunk meant to stop johnny??? unless the goal is like, colby is a rogue illegal logger and johnny wanted to stop him from touching even one tree in this forest. we're just getting johnny pondering over the felled tree and i do not understand what we are meant to get from this.
Whoa Sean! This style is amazing. I love these bold inked look . Even the thumbnails are readable and everything looks consistent.Way to go! Shame we didn't get to see William's take on this. Hope all is well.
William duel hope to see Johnny cool back in action some day! Wish you luck in your endeavors.
Sean I believe my only complaint is that Colbitzer should have been more brutal. He didn't even pluck out Johnny's eyes or actually pin him beneath that tree. Never the less this was a marvolous woodland shakedown! Will Colbitzer ever be reinstated? Will he get a new blade? Can't wait to see what happens next, take care!
Looking good! The inks are really shaping up on this one. My only note is definitely in the future, with action, pull the camera out a bit more, i imagine you were going for an "up close and personal" style here, but it can read a little confusing sometimes, having a panel or two to reorient where the fighters are is always a good idea.
Sean: Hell yeah senseless violence. I'm totally digging your inks. My only crit is is the last couple pages, what happened when the tree fell? Don't see how Johnny Cool was defeated.
WD: WHAT HAPPENED? D: Awwwwww, was looking forward to see your side. Hope everything is okay ;-;
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