Thanks for the crits, everyone! I confess despite the 3 week time limit, I did this in about 4 days so there are defiantly places where its rushed. I would have liked to draw the fight out more so show Star's struggle a bit clearer but it is what it is. I'm glad you guys like my boy!
Cab: Ah, too bad it didn't work out! It was looking good, and that was one heck of a way to introduce Key. I think Estrellita's age and build aren't too consistent, but that's something you'll work out as you do comics with her, I suppose.
Shen: Right from the start, you're tackling Estrellita's dark side! A noble feat, especially for a character without an intro story to work from. As others have said, it could have been stronger. Since she doesn't come off as "possessed" or at least in conflict with herself when she's being a heel, the explanation and Key trusting her do seem sudden, and my first time reading it, I thought "If I hadn't read her profile, I wouldn't want her to put it back on." The two of them are just adorable and I want to see their adventures.
Cab: Life happens but you did great with what you could and would love to see a full complete BB of this.
Shen:This was a solid and cute comic, Your inks are really nice and I don't really have any crits here, this was short and sweet.
Cab: I think you have a beautiful artstyle, eyecandy.
The range of expressions used on Terry really amused me, cute fella.
I'm going to be an asshole and disagree with the rest of the cool guys, and say that I enjoyed the Spanglish. It wasn't used for that long, and you even gave the definition close below the panels where it was used. While it may be true many bilingual people do not talk like this, I liked it for the comedy effect, always had a thing for small cultural exchanges like this.
Shenpai: Fish son is a good fish boi. Been a fan of him since I started reading Unluckies, and seeing him here now is obviously a treat.
I really liked how you interpreted Estrellita's Curse.
The plot was solid, and I am all in for them becoming friends in the end.
Cab: I'm with Flytee, the Spanglish went a little overboard here, but beyond that! No shade for running out of time it happens to all of us, but the Terry conversation probably could have been cut down a bit and have Key come in sooner
Shen: Short and sweet! But why is the bottom of the pier shaded but no shadow cast on the shore underneath
keep it up crew
cab - That first page was great! The pacing was on point and the friendship between "Coco" and Star was really cute and believable. Key's entrance was also really amusing. Page 2 was good too, that ship was beautiful- it was a bit of a shame it was so disjointed from the narrative happening on pg 1. But I get that life can get in the way sometimes.
People may disagree with me here, but, I wasn't a fan of the random bits of Spanish, it appears that Arcely can speak fluent english, so it didn't make much sense for her to randomly add in those words when talking to an english-speaker... It read a bit unnatural to me, kinda reminded me of dora the explorer. sorry ;_;
Shen- Key's REALLY cute, Not gonna lie I'm an instant fan. I enjoyed the dynamic between these two, and how you play around with our expectations of Arcely the apparent helpless young girl. The art was really nice and expressive and I found the story to be extremely wholesome. It made me want to root for "La Estrellita Demonica" as well.
Cab - Really sorry to hear you had irl troubles, I was in the same boat with my battle (pun 100% intended). That ship looks amazing though, it’s kinda wild that I can even see the rigging and rails on it. Also cocodrilito is an incredibly cute nickname.
While the line variance is making a huge difference to the readability of your comics I still feel like the detail is cluttered. The ship looks great despite being very detailed, but other areas still look messy. I think it has to do with too much overlap. For example, in the last panel on the first page, I think the radial effect lines were too much, especially over something like a net which already has a lot of lines, AND the vertical lines to indicate Key’s fall.
Shen - Man, I really love your style. It’s just so fun and expressive! Key is such a sweetheart and I loved watching him be confused and scared nonstop by this tiny powerhouse haha. I love this setting too, it’s unique and just adds something somehow; I liked seeing the top of the boardwalk and cliffs occasionally poking out in the background.
I feel like Estrellita’s explanation of the mask was rather sudden though. I know that having it knocked off was a big moment and there’s meant to be some mood whiplash, but it doesn’t make sense to me that she’d immediately explain its powers to a stranger that she was just fighting.
KEY SWEET BABY <3
And Estrellita is so fierce I love her~
Sorry you couldn't finish the battle Cab! That ship is really nice. And Key is just so bewildered. XD beautiful!
Comments (10)