Evi:
Brent: Yoo, amazing amount of polish for a one-weeker. Good use of surrounding characters dialogue for your own character to advance the plot, a classic silent protagonist route. and I didn't notice it on the first read but was the first npc inspired by Garet from Golden Sun? he even mentioned Jenna, that can't be a coincidence right? haha. Either way, excellent stuff!!
He was! That was also Jenna getting cleaved in twain in the next panel ;)
And thank you everybody for the comments and crits! I hope to put them to good use in the future >:3
OKAY This is on the realms of print out monthly comic volumes! There is so much personality and energy within these pieces and I can’t wait to pick apart these two works.
Brentony:
I love the progression within this work: the transition between Silent side questing and the violent slaughter brought about by Serra, the annihilation of the annoying sidekick without weeping afterwords, the “ Thot Destroyerâ€. There is such a great pace and wonderfully weighted linework and coloring, that I’m not sure my words can do it much justice. I thoroughly enjoyed your work and look forward to reading more of your work!
Red:
Implementing the game mechanics, such as the use of pixel text into the real instance within the comic is a great play on the opponent in question! Expanding the background and comic panels into other spaces also create nice reading beats within each page.
It's hard to compile critique for these works just from the fact that I enjoy so much out of both of these. The color schemes, the paneling, the background use, all were used effectively in order to get a quick fight in effectively! Great work the both of you!
Brent: Yoo, amazing amount of polish for a one-weeker. Good use of surrounding characters dialogue for your own character to advance the plot, a classic silent protagonist route. and I didn't notice it on the first read but was the first npc inspired by Garet from Golden Sun? he even mentioned Jenna, that can't be a coincidence right? haha. Either way, excellent stuff!
Red! Love those vibrant colour choices and neat idea with the character being transported into the "real world" setting. I also love how your opponent's death was accidental on Serra's part instead of a direct attack haha, definitely wasn't expecting that!
ArtsandGoodies:
Brentony: That was funny and enjoyable parody of a game, I like how he took Serra’s sword and the stats. My only concern is the magical plot device over narrating stuff. While it wasn’t too bad here I’m worried that in future comics the magical plot device will basically end up circumventing the silent protagonist since they will be a voice for the silent protagonist and end up not actually being silent. Like for example on page the comment about rolling felt a bit unneeded and could have just been shown with the action.
While this is a parody of video games it is still a comic and I think you should use the silent protagonist as a challenge to do more interesting writing, like having the responses of the silent protagonist only conveyed through his expressions and body language.
Red: Serra is one of my favorite character designs, not even just for the SDT but in all of void. Which might be why I have so much to say about the personality you wrote for her in this comic and am passionate and honestly kind of nitpicky about it.
She doesn’t really fit the description of her you put on the character sheet, her personality felt like a bait and switch. A desire to murder random people requires a certain specific kind of demented mindset and I do not felt like she had, she didn’t even recognize someone dying right in front of her. Even though void is a place where death is common place the willingness to kill still requires a character with an abnormal mindset. Instead of “tired and disinterested†she came off more so as “passionately nerdy†and “obliviousâ€Â. Though in your description you said she only looks like that, so it makes sense that she could act differently. I just don’t like those tropes and for such an awesome character they didn’t sit well with me (though I did enjoy the final joke), and the closest thing as an indication to her being nerdy in her character design was the oversized sword with the eye and face but even then there was no obvious direct references to gaming. But this type of personality can work with someone who likes to murder. A good example of a nerdy murderer is Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes.
Though beyond the character personality which I am kind of being overly nitpicky about the big problem in the writing is that she didn’t actually do anything and was a completely inactive character in this comic. All she did was play a game and get attacked. Nearly any other character in the SDT could have done the same (except the factory), which is disappointing because I really want to see this character do stuff unique to here because her design is so awesome.I guess that’s why I have so much to say about it is because I want to see more from Serra since I love this design and I hope in future comics with her I get to see more.
I intentionally did a bait and switch. Although I didn’t really put much of anything in her bio, she was meant to seem like a badass murderer. But, she’s just an idiot. Having her not actually fight was also the joke.
This was one of the most fun and intresting matchups it is cool to see two swordsmen clash. Brentony I loved your build up and using a crystal as a side kick to voice through the adventure and the hints the SP is more like how a player would play a game rather than some utilitarian hero. Red I really enjoyed the background colors and the idea of it all coming from a game it was a neat idea with some great affects!
Brentony: That was funny and enjoyable parody of a game, I like how he took Serra’s sword and the stats. My only concern is the magical plot device over narrating stuff. While it wasn’t too bad here I’m worried that in future comics the magical plot device will basically end up circumventing the silent protagonist since they will be a voice for the silent protagonist and end up not actually being silent. Like for example on page the comment about rolling felt a bit unneeded and could have just been shown with the action.
While this is a parody of video games it is still a comic and I think you should use the silent protagonist as a challenge to do more interesting writing, like having the responses of the silent protagonist only conveyed through his expressions and body language.
Red: Serra is one of my favorite character designs, not even just for the SDT but in all of void. Which might be why I have so much to say about the personality you wrote for her in this comic and am passionate and honestly kind of nitpicky about it.
She doesn’t really fit the description of her you put on the character sheet, her personality felt like a bait and switch. A desire to murder random people requires a certain specific kind of demented mindset and I do not felt like she had, she didn’t even recognize someone dying right in front of her. Even though void is a place where death is common place the willingness to kill still requires a character with an abnormal mindset. Instead of “tired and disinterested†she came off more so as “passionately nerdy†and “obliviousâ€. Though in your description you said she only looks like that, so it makes sense that she could act differently. I just don’t like those tropes and for such an awesome character they didn’t sit well with me (though I did enjoy the final joke), and the closest thing as an indication to her being nerdy in her character design was the oversized sword with the eye and face but even then there was no obvious direct references to gaming. But this type of personality can work with someone who likes to murder. A good example of a nerdy murderer is Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes.
Though beyond the character personality which I am kind of being overly nitpicky about the big problem in the writing is that she didn’t actually do anything and was a completely inactive character in this comic. All she did was play a game and get attacked. Nearly any other character in the SDT could have done the same (except the factory), which is disappointing because I really want to see this character do stuff unique to here because her design is so awesome.I guess that’s why I have so much to say about it is because I want to see more from Serra since I love this design and I hope in future comics with her I get to see more.
@brentony: I'm impressed by the level of finish on this comic! And the way you integrated Serra into it was pretty creative. I wasn't really into the RPG tropes because they've been done before, but I like how you subverted that and showed the real world consequences of the characters' actions, so that helped save it a bit. I'm a bit on the fence overall, but major props for the quality in such a short time!
@red: So is Serra basically just you with a big sword? haha. I think my favorite part of your comic was just how different Serra was from what I expected. I think the whole thing was creative and unexpected, and I really want more of this character! The colors were a bit all over the place, so keep an eye out for that and maybe use a limited palette or something. I dunno anything about color though haha.
BRENTONY: Listen, I really want to play this game. I enjoy the odd mix of classic trope and just bloody savagery you've put in it, it's pretty dope! The colour choices are a love/hate for me here, the dark saturated palette works fantastically, especially on Bloodslam, but in other places it comes very flat, especially when there is background involved. Try some atmospheric perspective maybe, it could be good! Be also careful when it comes to the proportions, it's very variable, I've mostly noticed Silent's limbs stretching and squishing all over. Try to keep it more consistent, be aware of how the perspective affects and doesn't affect the proportions. Good stuff overall, much enjoyed!
RED: also some inconsistency, some of the panels are *so good* and then suddenly the face is all stretched or the pose is hella stiff. I dig the idea though, it's a good silly fight with some attractive colours!
Brentony - You did an amazing job and I wish that this week let me devote more time to our battle! Mine is short and dumb but I hope it's still enjoyable.
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