I'm pretty sure everyone else has already said what was probably on my mind a bit, but...
Corn - I would've liked to know, at the very least, why that list is so important.
Pyras - I think the one thing that bugs me is what happened that led to Owl's beating and getting hauled off by Ma. I don't see him get thrashed by any of the surviving goons (if any), so that part kind of confuses me.
Good stuff, though.
Congrats on getting everything done within a week! It never ceases to amaze me!
The others before me already said most of what I would've said in regards to writing, but I think the biggest critique I'd give for the both of you is that the action is confusing. I get that you only had a week, but I think the sparse backgrounds felt disorienting to me and it took me a couple scans before I understood what was going on. Pyras kept it consistent whereas Corn's BGs started off strong, but petered off in the end.
Still, a great effort from the both of you.
Corn: i cant help but to agree with Evi, i feel like youre building to something big but im waiting for it to get there. The action was great, and i LOVED the colour palette, GORGEOUS. the pacing was good until the last page, i get you guys had a page limit but it still felt abrupt. also and this is nitpicky but its *Marcs not "Marks" XD i like ma, he intrigues me a lot i wanna see more of what hes DOING with all these people hes collecting.
pyras: fantastic greyscales as always, nice limited use of colour, i like how the reds werent too bright to distract but just enough to stand out. A+ on Revu getting his shit tore up, its good to see characters get in a bit over the heads and suffer as a result, especially if they are pretty =D A++++ on Revu shirtless XD I know, I'm gross. I liked it as a silent comic but I cant help but feel like this wasnt so much intended to be a silent comic as much as you just turned the word bubbles off. maybe ive got a skewed view coz you showed me a script earlier that DID have text but i feel like the design of this doesnt look like, in the gestures and expression and flow, it was supposed to be silent. still, i was able to follow it, so i suppose it was a success in that. I like Revu, I want to see more of him, not just beating people up (though also more of that) but im ready for a smattering of context as well~ (and more blood on his pretty pretty face)
I appreciated the risk Pyras took with the silent comic, and it LOOKS great, but I have no idea what's going on. Maybe that's just me? But I do like the pops of color.
The last page for Corn's is outside of the color scheme and it made it pop as a final one. Especially with Ma's soupy speech bubbles.
Anything else I feel has already been said.
Corn: I really liked the setting and I did enjoy the action in the middle, but the way it concludes is now starting to feel repetitive and predictable, especially when I just read your beyond battle a few days ago too. "hey I helped you. here's my card" open ended, ominous vibes.
While I see you're doing this to plan out something big that will be explained later... as an audience, the similar endings are now starting to feel stale. I've seen him do this to four characters already, is it necessary to see him hand out more cards at this point? Don't get me wrong, you have my attention but I WANT TO ACTUALLY SEE what and why he's doing this. We already know he likes to give out cards. I'd love to see you change it up or follow up or whatever detail you wish to reveal about his plans in the next comic. Overall I still think your writing is pretty good, I just need a bit more of an impact in terms on how you conclude the stories as individual battles.
Pyras: I didn't mind that this was a silent comic! I'm pleasantly surprised to see you wrote Revu in a more vulnerable light and I like how he didn't have the mask on so there's focus on his expressions; the fact that Ma doesn't really have a face either gave more emphasis onto Revu in the car scene, too.
The monochrome pallete with a hint of colour to highlight moments were nice touches. I think the grayscale could have benefited from a nice bump in the contrast meter as I got the impression some of the lights felt too "soft" for the intense serious tone of this comic (or perhaps my monitor is too bright, I'm not sure). I've already wrote how I'm not a fan of the "card ending" on Corn's side but I'm more lenient with this on your's since that's mostly the information you were given in terms of interacting with this character. I think this was a solid comic nonetheless and I like how I'm seeing a slightly different side of Revu.
Love Ma's little details inside his head "Well", "Huh".
Owl's silent comic went really well. I am confused at the end though. Was that card a mean to get into the healing chamber, or he just happens to have it while healing in his Owl Nest? (Geddit? Owl Nest? Because Bat Cav-...)
Corn:
Your writing was definitely the strongest aspect of this comic. Theres always a level of sophistication when it comes to Ma's dialogue that adds a bit of charm to his character, so I'm glad you've been able to keep that consistency with him. I have small gripes about the unfinished bits here and there, like the last page being almost uncolored but given the somewhat short time span I'll give it a pass. However I would like to point out that the flow of action was a bit unclear on the bottom of page two. What exactly happened during that scuffle that made Revu drop Ma and his associate? Was it the additional weight of Ma that forced Revu let go? Did he crash into the lamp post shown in the background? Also I don't think the inclusion of Devoid's forces was completely necessary. I mean unless Revu was also planning on taking out Ma as well, but even if that was the case I feel they could have been shown a little less abruptly if you know what I mean. Perhaps showing them just arriving on the spot or already in position but in a more stealth like approach would have been better.
Pyras:
Parallel to Corn's comic, the action was definitely the best part of this comic. Especially page 2 when Revu's swift strikes were fantastically visualized with a good use of speed lines to portray such fast motions. Along with the graphically detailed imagery of those cuts and Revu's expression of utter rage, it really helps cements such an intense action. Although with visuals alone the story is still clear enough to follow bits of dialogue here and there would have cleared up a few things, like how Ma found Revu in the first place. Or how exactly did he get him out of there? You did show Ma shooting at the lackeys and burning the place but theres a bit of disbelief to those events. No offense to Ma but I don't believe he'd be able to wipe out an entire room of goons. Perhaps the inclusion of Devoid forces would have been more appropriate here?
Overall not much to say about either comic but nevertheless good battle you two!....
Woo glad I got this comic finished. Pyras you did an amazing job man congrats! also this comic was one of the most difficult for me, it really did not help steam had their summer sale start right in the middle of it and I went up to nothins house over the weekend which took a bit of time away, but I am pleased with how my side of the comic came out and I really hope everyone enjoys it as well.
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