Mints - Awesome comic dude, if a bit abrupt. I also got heavily confused with the panel order on page 2, I wasn't quite sure which way my eyes were supposed to go. Its better to generally use that 2 panel split that you have along the left side, on the right side. Reason being is that the reading order tends to do a zigzag through the page. You can generally get away with the panel orders like you have it provided you signify to the reader in some way that the left side eschews the typical reading direction and you make it obvious that the two panels are to be read first before progressing to the right side of the page again. I hope that makes some sense? If not I can always try and make a diagram of it sometime. I didn't really get a good sense of the overall plotline yet, but I am interested in seeing what you would do with your character next! The art in your comics has definitely come a very long way dude and I am always excited to read what you do next :)!
Jetster - I like your style and definitely enjoyed the twist that Johnny ended up having his plan foil basically and that he was called a good boy. It was definitely funny but again, like with Mints' comic, I think there are some overall spots that tend to get a little harder to read for me. I think its that the style has very little definition overall that sometimes it just gets flat and blends together, and I am not really a fan of the lineless word bubbles - it too gets caught up in the art. Still though your comics always make me smile and I like reading them :). RIP Duke Foppington.
Thanks again all for great feedback :)
BERTO: Some of the dialogue was coming from students behind Johnny and then there is some from a teacher. I can see how that's not entirely clear though, thanks. Something to take on board :)
Mint.
I think what you got started here is interesting enough. I like your color choices they have a nice urban feel to them and fits your style of art. the panels I feel need to be worked on, I needed to re-read it a few times because got a bit confused on its order especially on pg 2-3. I enjoyed the story and where it was leading I hope you keep on it.
Keep it up.
Jetster.
I enjoy the energy in your art and the humor. It had me laughing and the punchline at the end had me crying happy tears. the only thing that had me confused was on pg 10 on the last few panels the dialogue is it coming from him or someone else? I don't know much about the character, sorry just wondering.
Mintah: a strange case of disappearing and reappearing shoulder spikes. hehe. Plus that first page not having the same... overlay? that the other pages do makes it seem disconnected. I do like the amount of detail in the background, makes it very well placed in space.
Jetster: The array of colors to tell the locations and emotions of the places, amazing work!
Mint: When I first read this comic, the ending felt very abrupt to me, so before I did this critique I reread it to try to pinpoint my exact problems. The intro paces nicely, and it's not that there isn't a climax, but the rising action and falling action are where the story seems to jump; not enough suspense before the gunshots, and not enough aftermath afterwards before Cornelius' decision to go after the gunmen.
Jetster: JOHNNY NO
god I love the irony in this, it's executed so well. I also laughed at the thorough description of a "pail of water on the door" prank. also that Johnny's idea of what gangs do is Hardcore Pranking. Other than that, the story read very well! It felt very smooth.
MINTY: I love this comic a lot and the fact that you put Johnny in a used cardboard box in an alley amuses me to no end. Like others I love how you draw Johnny and there is some fantastic expression work in here (the first panel of page two omg). I think one of my first trips was the out of place hand lettering - I would say stick to it (and draw your own bubbles!) or stick to the font-lettering because the inconsistency is a bit jarring. Would definitely like to see more self-drawn work on SFX either way. Some really great work on backgrounds throughout and I like the little bit of black and white which might have just been done for time restraints (?!) but it works here haha. Really fun work and this battle has been great :)
PYRAS+SHEN: Thanks for the feedback on water! I'm still trying to figure out this style a bit so water's definitely a focus point.
PYRAS/SHEN/DNO/JAYKAT: So glad you found this funny! Thanks a lot!!!
Again, loved both comics.
Minteh: I felt so sorry for what happened to Patch in Minteh's side, and would definitely have loved to see where Cornelius would have taken this. Maybe it was due to the time limit we had, but it colours felt flat to me. A little more shading would help liven it up more. Overall, great stuff!
Jetster: That Patch is just a rascal and what later ensured made me laugh hard. And gasp at the accidental murder with Corny being arrested for it. Oh dear XD Can't wait to see what happens next!
Minteh, I really love how you draw Patch, and your backgrounds are really nice, although you forgot to draw the trash cans in the angle looking from inside the box. But that shot transition was pro. Just lots of cool details on here.
Miss J.Fuckin.J, this comic was inspirational. You make an uninvited sharpie tattoo more intimidating and creepy than any act of murder I could depict. This is one of my favorite comics.
I guess for anyone curious, the gunmen are a reference to the If we fail we die in real life comic, here: http://entervoid.com/index.php?action=comic;id=5256
I'd meant to add an authors note on the page specifically for that reason and forgot to!
mintly: haha i love how you draw Johnny, hes so hilariously awkward and sticks out so much, its kinda cute XD I love the top of page 3, and oh my gosh his hair down on the last page, fanastic lol! i feel a little bad i cant 100% follow the story exactly, I dont think i understand gunmen who show up at the end are, maybe its my fault for not remembering some details from Corn's previous comics, but anyhow it looks really good!
Jetster- lol oh my god i love your comics so much they are so funny! This school theme is hilarious, I love that Johnny drew the eyes on Corn's arm! Poor Corn going to jail for Johnny's prank, and yet i still feel for Johnny who didnt get credit and also ripped his book XD I agree with pyras that your water effects dont look too wet, they kinda look stringy. I love your saturated colours and the expressions really make it, i want to draw expressions like this! I dont even know what to critique this is amazing to me lol! Great comic!
Minteh: I must admit I'm a little ignorant of Cornelius and the canopy and all that, but enough is happening for me to be interested. But the action afterwords moves a little quick and I got a little lost as to what exactly was going on.
Jetser Jay: Giiirrrl I wish I could color like this! I'm digging the setting and the result of their antics killed me, is it bad that I laughed so much at it? XD The water is a little too sloppy though, sometimes it looks like blue grass or blue fire, I would have put more work on the water if I had the time.
I ALSO WOULD SAY MY COMIC IS FINISHED, BASED ON THE METHODS I KNOW AND AM CURRENTLY CAPABLE OF, AND I ALSO LEARNED A LOT BY DOING IT. I'M EXCITED TO READ YOUR PAGES JETS, I AM CERTAIN THEY WILL BE FAB
EVERYONE'S COMPLAINING THAT THEY'RE NOT FULLY FINISHED SO I'D LIKE TO SAY MINTS THAT EVEN THOUGH MY WORK IS A BIT ROUGH BECAUSE OF THE WORK METHOD I LEARNT A LOT FROM IT AND WOULD SAY IT'S FINISHED THANKS FOR GREAT BATTLE I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING WHAT IS IN YOUR COMIC I AM VERY EXCITED
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