TDK: Another summer ruined for everyone, thanks to a conflict that rages on.
Hats: At least Jiko won't get killed over and over and over again while on vacation, right?
Finally getting around to reading these!
TDK - Its really too bad you couldn't have polished this up more. You have stray lines that are intersecting with the word bubbles etc. It looks like you were in a time crunch so I can't really critique it much as it is. There really isn't anything here that I could probably touch upon that isn't just "you had no time, its cool" since I have seen you do better.
I do echo what Mort has stated below, a lot of the storylines are getting super in depth and complicated and without the proper knowledge its hard to understand why some things are going on and while I have a surface knowledge, I too agree with the whiplash sort of tone. Granted, I know the feel on that one - when you run out of time its hard to get the story you want out and it just ends up being a point A to point B affair at a million miles per hour. So again, I feel like perhaps this too is just a time issue.
Hats - There really isn't much I can say about this comic other than I wish you were able to finish it!! Your style is so wonderful and I think you have such a good grasp on it that there is very little in the way of critique I can give on it. You've consistently evolved your style into something that is very professional and belongs on a shelf. Like I said though...I really wish you had time to finish, I wanted to see more :(!!! Haha!
I want to say a massive THANK YOU for everyone's kind comments and pointers for room for improvement! I myself will be commenting/critiquing tomorrow - I was going to today but felt so lousy and bleh from this cold I have. Thanks again ya'll!!
TDK.
I like the setup and how it escalated fast( that's void in a nut shell) . I can over look the rushed look to it. but on a few pages things got fuzzy and unfocused that bothered me a lot. you got some great angles going on some pages it kept me wanting to see what's going to happen next. good job.
MyHEP.
I read your story that leads into this one and I enjoyed both. I feel nothing big happens in your entry but I feel its leading to something awesome so I can wait. Your design style is great I love how your character have so much life in them great expressions snd fun shapes and nice compositions through out. I like that you don't always have the camera on the characters you move it around the room giving the viewer room to breath. the panel work is nice and neat.your line work is so clean love it! So yeah I want to see more.
TDK: GOD that third panel is amazing. THANK YOU FOR SPOILING ME, although, until the gunshots happen and she's like "WHAT THE FUCK?", Jiko feels a bit ooc for me, but, again, of course I'm pickier about that lmao (I WISH she could be that carefree :( )
The story is very... abrupt. Now, I know that a lot of the whole, Arma, Upheaval, Tag Tourney Impact Day storyline stuff I try to avoid, because it's complicated, I wasn't around for it, and every comic I've read that focuses heavily on it (sans Blackadder + Fabulous' collab) hasn't won me over. But it's important that your story is readable to an audience outside of said context. You can still have established this animosity, but Wizzie going from 0-100, and Elle then going from 0-100, just attacking Elle then attacking Wizzie and even Jiko, read as very whiplash-y.
Hats: RDFJGDKF I didn't even realize that was Shen. I love this comic as you know, but it's good to prioritize life stuff!
You already know how great the SUMMER FUN IN THE SUN plotline is to me, and I appreciate you liking my character that much ;~;
There's a lack of backgrounds in a lot of the pages, but, again, you have life stuff to deal with so Ill cut you slack
TDK: Elle really needs a new line of work. hehe. Love the gun sight panel after the shaky stance to really show elle is reacting out of combat reflexes, but she's still a professional. Along with two in the chest, one in the head.
Hats: I feel like a few more establishing shots, or more varried up angles might have helped place the characters. and make for a more awkward moment after wiz's shouting. But you made up for it with dino karaoke, so I'll let it pass. ^_^
TDK: Despite the rush this is good work and your work on your story paid off to make an interesting setup, even if you were unable to bring it to completion with the art. I could see you had a good base with your backgrounds (the time you must have spent on the car in that first panel was worth it) and your art really has been improving with each comic (even unfinished some of the linework here your art is really readable). Some of the posing and face consistency is a bit awkward (eg. Wizzie in the second and fifth panels of page two) and you need to watch some of the positioning of your text within bubbles. Would be keen to find out where you were going with this!
HATS: I've already gushed about how I've like everyone in your style and having heard the ending you were aiming for I'm still happy we saw this much even if we missed out on the great full story. Little things like the handling of phone messages were great (though goddamn Wizzie upgrade to a smartphone) and the dialogue feels natural and full of character. The toning helps a lot here but in some cases where the background is well populated the line widths can make the scene sliiightly hard to read and having some thicker lines to break it up or more tones would help (I know you were aiming for colour so there's that to factor in as well really). A really fun comic, so happy for karaoke dinos and looking forward to seeing more.
TDK: I'm not sure what to critique you for since it is pretty unfinished. But I liked the story you had going there, and it got me pretty invested. But you definitely have been improving your art every time I see you, and the progress you've made with it amazes me.
Hats: Funny and cute comic. I would have loved to see some colour, but hey, it's still pretty great. The last page has to be my most favourite part.
TDK, the art is clearly rushed, but serviceable. As brief as the meeting is between these three, I gotta say, I was invested when Wizzie got shot, great execution there.
Hats, I love this comic. You write people so well, and it's always a treat to see what all these characters look like in your style. I wish this went all the way to where you intended it to, but Jiko and Wizzie's relationship is so great, and Wizzie's issues run deep. Her erratic behavior is played pitch perfectly here. And while it's graphite clear this comic is unfinished, I can't say the end we got wasn't a satisfying enough place for a bookmark, it felt like the end of one newspaper comic strip. And I can't wait to read the next one.
nothing better than seeing dancing dinosaurs huh?
Hats, you did a good work, it kind of felt like a sitcom tho.
TDK hu-oh, troubles on the way. The lithium-caelum conflict thicken every year it seems.
TDK It's hard to critique since it doesn't feel finished but the drama is there so kudos with the writing cause it definitely felt tense by the latter half. Keep practicing and keep drawing is the best advice i can give now cause you got the vision you just gotta temper the craft.
Hats: It's cute and well written and has good human drama, you're doing great with expressions for the faces. I get the feeling there was more to the story, so again not much more can be said for what we already know is lacking.
Just keep on keeping, you two!
Hats, this was going a great direction, I know you got super busy so I wont fault you too much for not finishing but whats here is great, the art is cute, theres a little drama and a little comedy, and theres Brute and Ted singing karaoke so its still a pretty great comic! (lol and thanks for the cameo!)
TDK, I loved the story in this, playing off Upheaval like that I can very much see this being the next story in that arc, and holy shit, Elle fucking killed Wizzie and Jiko! (lol does she know they can come back?) The art in this is a little rushed, really rough stuff but i was able to follow the action okay so it could be worse. if you make it to round 2 it'd be nice to see a little more love in the art. Great story though! Good job, team!
Similar to a few other Voiders - real life circumstances had to be prioritised over the tournament due to graduation preparations. I will not be defaulting but apologise in advance.
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