Thank you to everyone who critiques and voted! I'm honestly shocked at how much attention this got- I didnt even know we had fifty ACTIVE MEMBERS. Im taking all of your comments into careful consideration for the next round and I hope I continue to improve! Im so happy you all like my comic, and my character!
pyras, holy shit dude we were SO CLOSE, i didn't know HOW this was going to end! i really loved your comic and the story you gave Greece and Savannah (you know im a sucker for shippy stuff like that lol)! you were an incredible opponent, thank you for battling me and giving it your all! I feel very honored!
Shen- I am very impressed that you managed to do this in two weeks, the colors are very vibrant and I think doing a limited pallette worked very nicely for you here. A highlight of the story for me was incorporating the anti-transform toxin from the previous round into this story-- I had forgotten about it and was pleasantly surprised to see it brought up again, to be used against your opponent. In terms of the overarching story, I'm a bit sad Greece has gone full-out HELLWOLF because in my opinion, he was more interesting when he was struggling with his humanity (versus out and out I K I L L E D A D E M I G O D )
Other than that, I feel you should vary your camera angles a bit more, and zoom out some more. Otherwise, a very very solid comic from you.
Pyras- I'm also really impressed you could turn out such a polished comic in two weeks, I don't even mind the last couple pages being incomplete. The backgrounds also lack detail, like in the wrestling ring, but again, that's no big deal in the scope of 'oh god pyras how did you do this in two weeks'
However, I will address something I should have said earlier, which is related to the storyline: Savannah and Akar are never really established as characters. They're a polite debutante, and a more stoic demigod-- but we don't really get to know them as people, beyond that. In your previous rounds, and this one, I noticed, you end up establishing more about the other person's character-- Fred's lich queen's backstory, Neary's manpet. But here, we actually know more about the relationship between Savannah and Greece than we do Akar and Savannah in the three rounds, which was a major part of their concept as a duo.
As well, each round is kind of episodic, not in that they're formulaic but rather that they don't seem to explicitly connect to one another. There isn't a sort of overarching, ongoing plot for Black and White, save that they're doing their job and eliminating targets-- there's some relation with how 'the monsters of the city are going missing', but to me there isn't enough shown onscreen related to this plot to solidify it.
Regardless, I think the idea to give Savannah and Greece a history was very interesting, as were the histories for the other characters in previous rounds (I do really like your writing, that's why I'm being so critical), and I actually liked the composition of the action scenes a lot, especially page 15.
This was REALLY REALLY HARD to vote for!! Good job to both of you, especially for turning out such intense comics in two weeks!
I don't really crit things...
Both of you: Nice colors, and awesome camera angles. Unfortunately you guys need to work on consistency and form more.
Shen: Try a bit more small details leading up to the big gory moments, that way it'll look less like groping and more like flesh ripping.
Pyras: Story wasn't too interesting and it didn't add to werewolf battle at all.
Shen: I really live the colours, first off. I think I've heard you express a disdain in your command of colour, but you have really improved! The orange/purple colour scheme is very appealing, and far from the garish oversaturated colours you occasionally fell victim to in the past. Although the characters sometimes look a little 'off' or stiff (eg. pg 7 3rd panel, but that is also possibly not the most dynamic angle/shot) there are other times when they really shine (mostly in the fight scene!). You might want to consider pushing the poses even more, for strong silhouettes and therefore clearer action - but this is just a suggestion, not a crit. Also, excellent job on including backgrounds. I will never fail to appreciate putting effort into backgrounds in comics. The story was quite entertaining, and I quite liked the twist with the toxin :0 And, don't take this as a criticism per say, as I can't really crit your overall arc when it is as yet unfinished; but it may be worth noting that the 'Violent Moral Degradation' character development arc is a somewhat common one around here (this is coming from someone who also has a 'Beast Unleashed' character and still unashamedly love it because it is fun! and gory). But anyway, just something to think about, I would definitely be curious to see where you take Greece, whether or not he ends up dying this time around (I still insist on a werewolf battle) ((My first thought when I saw the 'boob grab' panels was "I ship it" They stare longingly into each other's eyes! It's canon))
Pyras: I do love some nice clean lineless art, so I have been very much enjoying your comics in the tourney. Your use of colour is quite pleasant, although not quite as rich and punchy as Shen's this time. There were a couple of times where Your figures looked off, either anatomically or in terms of perspective (eg. pg 4 second-to-last panel) Your backgrounds tend to lack detail where they appear (the wide shot of the arena was pretty good though) and the perspective is not always perfectly congruent with the characters. However, your dynamic, extreme perspective shots are really excellent, and are some of my favourite parts of the comic. The story was rather creative, the history between Greece and Savannah was a nice touch. The fight was very engaging, and I once again have to commend your choice in shots.
I also just realized that Shen's comic had a lot of wild camera angles that I liked but really lopsided perspective lines. And Akar wielding a gun felt very wierd and anachronistic but in my head it was saying " Well duh, it was assassins" but that kind of made me feel dumb :<
And Pyras' rendition of Sovereign Greece was super flattering as well before his life got gatted a billion times.
It would be hard for me to break down why I liked one over the other so I'll just say it like ths.
Shen's colors and flow were my favorites on this battle and her pallete reads like a rainbow from the thumbs page in a way that I really like. The way her fight also flowed was also very natural and the opponnents very flattering and desirable to interact with, as is usually the case with her writing. This comic- and Pyras' first comic were the top reasons why I fell in love with Savannah as a character. On the other hand however, Sovereign Greece is a strong character that faces a lot of struggles and his ending I felt was better handled here. And being a sucker for character writing, your version of B|W was probably my favorite !
Pyras your colors were fairly one temperature the whole fight which gave me a feeling similar to a dentist office visit but your contrasts made each page individually shine with graphic simplicity. The composition play was also pleasing to see with page 15 being a hallmark spread.
The meaty progression and the amount of stuff solidified the writing of this piece I feel and the fight felt like a proper omega dogfight that would close a chapter for one of your characters. However lacking was the ending which was obviously just a shrug and move on affair but ultimately didn't affect the entire piece which had long concluded with the killing blow. As a sidenote the lore and the setup was pretty good too and for a monster comic I'm glad it went full circle.
Normally my points went to Shen -and it did- but I cut it close for Pyras because it was really a matter of preference at this point as to who would get the point from me.
JoeNeary:
Shen!
Yeeesss. The Beast is unleashed! I like how theres been a progression of his insanity!
Also, gotta love the boob grab on Akar. Was he a little horny or something!?
i think thats the second time Ive heard that lol I am not a very good storyteller. Greece put his hands on Akar's chest so he can dig his claws into his flesh and break his ribcage open. Sorry i made that unclear. Im glad you like my stories, and Greece's character progression! Thanks!
Hobbit, sorry my faces and anatomy get mushy, the time constraint really did me in since I was so desperate to have enough time to colour this round. But at least I seem to have done that right lol thanks for the compliment on my colours!
Hobbittastic: Thanks for the critique and thanks for the condolences. I'm glad you liked that panel, I tried hard to get the face and lighting and colors right on that page with her face, to try and have it illustrate different emotions at once. What I originally wanted to do with the background was indeed show the bunches of chairs in the distance but I was running out of time and couldn't figure out a way to put them in with any efficiency.. it was only a few days after posting that I came up with an idea that could have cleanly and quickly set up rows of seats for the backgrounds <_>
Thanks for the critique JoeNeary! Perhaps the extra lighting done during the wrestling match also give that impression of starting strong and weakening overtime? I feel like some of my later pages are stronger since I got a better hang of the character and setting. I'll keep an eye out on those panels that seem to have less work done on them. I'm glad you like the action, I love drawing fight scenes and I love drawing monsters so I had a real field day with this comic, from the poses to the expressions and even trying to make sure that Akar and Greece had different, clearly defined fighting styles. I'm happy you got a feel out of the end, I was hoping I could make Greece sympathetic/relatable enough, despite his sins, that it would still be sad to see him fall.
Shen!
Yeeesss. The Beast is unleashed! I like how theres been a progression of his insanity!
Also, gotta love the boob grab on Akar. Was he a little horny or something!?
The colours are great. I love the way you tell stories. They always read excellently. Personal taste wise I like the Art even more detailed, but whatever you want.
Nice one!
Pyras!
Fist page and BAM! The Art looks better than your last battle. There is just more subtlety and shapeliness to the forms you are depicting. But then the subsequent pages take a little step down. Don't worry though, you've killed it with the amount of pages you did.
Page 6 Bottom Left panel that arm just needs a bit of shade. I think little moments like that drag the reader out of an otherwise very fluid art flow.
Pages 11 and 12 are brilliant in their action. Everything about it just moves and makes sense. Thats some skills right there!
Even though it turns out he was a bit of a dick to Savannah I did actually feel upset when I saw Sovereign get completely dominated and snapped by Akar. I think it was the pain on his face. It actually made me grimace and feel for him. So nice one.
Also, I know it means that your comic is unfinished but I really enjoyed seeing your under drawings on the final pages!
Shen- These colors look great! The over all palette is really nice and sets a great mood. I'm happy to see you making it to Round 3. I know you've been working and there may have been time issues- but my one real crit is you need to start taking care of your under drawings. Some of your anatomy needs work and your faces/heads can get super mushy.
Pyras- Oh man sorry to hear about your cat (I know that feel); hope you're doing okay. I adore the top right panel on page 20 "You did, Jeremy Fatu" it looks awesome (she looks FIERCE). Some of the backgrounds look a little empty (maybe some kind of pattern to illustrate there are seats around the ring??)
These were both good reads and I'm so happy that these two doggies got to fight ;)
ok. its done. i havent slept or seen the sun in like a week but its done. do you guys know how much extra work it is to kill duo opponents? because I do. Ive done it three times now XD
pyras and i pretty much killed ourselves to finish these so please read, rate and review!
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