OH LAWD. This is what I get for leaving this for the last minute. I've had way too much wine and forewarn this critique will be made of ASS.
STRUCTUREGEL- I am 4EVA a fan of silent comics, and really, even without the dialogue I assume you intended (I''ve yet to meet anyone who willingly does silent comics), I thought it read relatively well. There are admittedly bits of action that no doubt required some explaining, but really, if there's nothing to be said more expressiveness in the action portrayed would've been the ticket. I also read in some of the comments this is your first foray into digital work? Kudos on trying something new, but to be true your linework suffered for it. I'm so used to your sharp crisp work, like really structured to a fault, that its weird to see it all wobbly and wonky. Still, despite the change in media, your style still shines through.
SHEN- Oh the horror, oh the wrestling moves! Jerry the King Lawler needs to be commentating on this side of the battle fo' real! It's nice to see a character of yours that's a little more rough around the edges and just a out and out swarmy dude. Up for a hook up? Awesome, he's good to go. I think the handling of your opponent worked in seamlessly as well, though (and maybe its just me), the sudden 'get off me bitch!' line felt so outta place. Maybe tha'ts just what dudes do when shocked by franken-making dames, what do I know? Oh, this wine is addling my brainmeats...words. I need more words!
Your comic also kind of suffers from the line wobblies, but that seems rather consistent in your work. It makes sense considering the time crunch in this tournament, but in other work- especially your BB's, it kind of makes me raise an eyebrow. Something to keep in mind.
StructureGel:
Where'd your name go!?
Anyway, I really like your stuff. This comic didn't particularly do it for me though. I see that doing New In Town has been your focus, and that shows, it looks wonderful, i'm a big fan. Sorry for not being involved I was focusing on my comic. :S
Was doing a no dialogue comic your original idea. Its really strange, both me and my cousin read through your comic, and it wasn\t till our second read that we realised there was no dialogue, so it defintiely had a consistent flow, I praise you for that!
It feels like a fast paced anime episode opening!
Shen:
Really effective.
Everything here works. Its colourful, has a distinct mood, is sexy yet nuanced, has violence but isn't gross out. I don;t know I really liked it!
I'm reading it again to try and critique it somewhat. I would say that both Dr. Freakinstyle and Sovereign kinda look similar at times. I think thats because you've got a very specific way of drawing faces. They have the same eye and grin shapes. I know that the majority of comic artists have this flaw, including me. and don't get me wrong, they are obviously distinct in their clothing hair and colour. Its just a bit of facial variety could help.
Maybe one other thing. When I first read it, I thought Page 13 was the last page. That last panel felt very final. Then there was page 14, which just felt like a lot of drawing to communicate not really that much, and then ended on a pretty much identical final panel to the previous page. Maybe its just that I like cramming loads of shit into a little space. I don't know, I'm tired haha! I'm just trying to bring up anything that sort of threw me off.
Overall I loved it though. :)
StructureKent, I see some ambition here. Even if it's just scribbles, having crowd scenes for such a short deadline is bold but can also be a costly mistake. My biggest complaint is that there is a lack of economy with the storytelling you have going on. Your comic should have been half it's size. And though nice, I'm not sure how necessary two splash pages are that don't really advance the story. They would be nice as covers or hype but they don't seem super vital. Maybe any planned dialogue might have changed that but the way I see it you could totally cut page 4 and things would still flow the same. Again I'm not sure how much dialogue played a part but experiment more with telling more story on a single page. If you're relying on dialogue, rely on it less. There are all kinds of comics and many can strike a balance with dialogue but it's always better to be more visual in this medium.
Shen your comic is pretty amazing. Fully colored, lots of pages and story. Wowza. What I would suggest to you though is to use more shadows in your storytelling and up the contrast. Shading and shadows also have impact and can strengthen pivotal scenes or build tension. The yellow hue in the lab is not bad but it definitely could have been a darker scene with deeper shadows. Deeper contrast also conveys emotion. Your action is not bad, it is clear but it could stand to be more dynamic. I know you animate so think of that. Make it wilder, embellish your figures and choose shots and angles that would strengthen the impact of the fights. Use examples if you need to. Though I recognize it is a style thing I'm not sure about the chins. You don't leave much chin room especially on dudes. And there's a few parts where it isn't totally consistent. I mean whether you keep that or not is entirely your decision but in my opinion, not the biggest fan.
Kent: I'm noticing your transition to digital rather than digital, and I think that's pretty cool to try out after a lot of comics with traditional stuff. I'm definitely seeing some experimental things going on, but there's a part of me thinking the change is big and you're not able to totally get the hang of it just yet. Try to play around with digital inking for the time being so you'll really know what works for you in the future.
Shen: Dang girl, loving your colors! I think if anything it's impressive you managed a 14 page comic like this, despite your worries earlier! Pyras beat me to your 180 continuity issue on page 10, but I'm mostly focused on your backgrounds. I notice some of your backgrounds get a little off in proportions when compared to your characters. Like in the lab scene. Page 13, Greece is almost bigger than the door, but in the next page, he's small enough to fit through it. It's tiny things like that, but something that can be easily fixed for sure. I overall liked the comic!
Hope to see more form the both of you soon!
Kent: really hard to critique this cause it ain't finished DX
Shen: You know we've been racing side by side for this round so I know alotta the reasons for choices in this comic due to running out of time, but it's great either way that you were able to finish it from beginning to end! You have a good color scheme going on for Freakinstyle's lab, but it's not something carried over from the city scenes in pages 1-3; the color scheme is a bit all around here (freakinstyle's hair, the street lights, don't match with the cool colors in the rest of the panels). For the 3 flashback panels in pages 2 and 3, it would have been better to just keep to the same color scheme for those three rather than each one being different. Particularly panel 2 in page 3 could have used a new palette altogether. On page 10, Attacula's posture sort of breaks your 180 continuity. It would have looked better if he was moving in the same direction he was facing (camera/stage right) Your piledriver in page 11 would have benefitted from one more panel with the two in mid air before slamming to the ground, it would have made for a more satisfying hit. The two panels that are there as it is, are a little static in angle and position, a dutch angle with a bottom-up POV would have helped as well with the impact of this kill. The top panel of page 13 could have used one more thing to fill in the negative space I think, or take out the color swipe and just have the blood be your motion trail.
Great job finishing it all Shen, if you make it to round 3 though be prepared to kick it into high gear!
aw, Kent! not even dialog? aw, i wanna read it though! I was super hyped about this match! well, thanks for battling me, I love the handsome way you draw Greece!
its ugly and terrible but its done. I ended up working full time and only had two days to colour the whole thing because I'm an asshole who took a character created for sex and violence and decided he would be improved with WEREWOLF DRAMA so its way too many pages someone take this character away from me.
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