A very cool experiment in making the most of just three pages ~ I'd love to see more of these limited page count matches.
You both did nice work and put out really entertaining comics. Good work!
Rikun, you should practice drawing more from lots of references to help make the world you're building for you readers more immersive. photos or rl will help. You have some v cool ideas, and it's great to see you complete a comic! More focus on complete comics- don't overbake your ideas, don't be afraid of making mistakes. Just go for it and make as much as possible. Don't worry what everyone else thinks, just make the comics, finish them and push forward.
Choleric: Nice butt.
I'm catching some neat nods to stuff in your backgrounds, and exploring Mandy's world is fun. The way you've shown Mandy's warp powers has come a long way in this comic. I really like this new direction for the visuals with the glitter and glow-y junk. I think for readers it might make some sense to show what her powers are like from her perspective in following comics.
I won't delve into it too far because it's already been said, but a solid 3 page story is different from a snippit of a larger idea, and i guess id love to see something a little tighter, too. But i understand what this comic was for you, and i'm glad we got to see you develop these ideas.
The green/Magenta was a really interesting choice. I feel like it's working best where you're bringing in the yellow-er green- this especially contrasts Mandy and make the purples in her outfit pop. The magenta and green were a little weaker where they overlap, especially when Mandy is against it- as the background then becomes a nearly identical colour to her outfit. Especially in the last panel, where her butt gets lost a tad :( its a shame cause it's lovely. If you aim to control this though, and make things pop only when you need them too, it could be a powerful device. The magenta kind of clashed with the mercenaries skin colour, and felt a little uncomfortable. a more purply-toned red could have eased this and complimented the green and orange outfits better.
My only other crit is the disappointing lack of space-tigers. SOLID- NICE- ONE- BUDDY give us more Adamantine more aliens more space please!!! your scifi is making me interested in this space opera style again. or maybe it's the star wars revival. i can't say. BUT MORE.
wink wonk we should make a trixie/mandy comic huehuehue
Choleric: Interesting setting. As always this work is looking tremendous and you're doing cool interesting stuff. I think your coloring looks good, but something about it feels too dark. Maybe it's just how heavy your inks are, but you could also need lighter colors.
I think this story may end on the wrong note. Maybe I just want to see it go on more, but this sort of feels like our final shot is something that would happen in the middle of a story maybe. I think the 'ah-shit woops' is a better ending than the 'buzz off-assholes'. If those were reversed, I think it would feel like a better ending spot.
Your inks are as gorgeous as usual and in terms of what you produce, terrific stuff. You should be pleased with yourself, because it looks great. This would be cool to do a setting with Adamantine here. Great work.
Rikun: Very good story-telling for 3 pages. One of your nicer comics. I think your posing is getting stronger, but I wouldn't do the soft-shading. It's not doing you any favors and makes your work look more unfinished by just how uneven it looks. I would just stick with a flat grey in the future. You have a nice opening shot, good work on the buildings. When Adamantine is getting hit early on in the 2nd panel, you don't follow through with the foot on the other side. I don't think it'd be hidden by her leg, so be careful for little anatomy issues like that.
This 3 page structure may be good for you. Maybe try to develop more effective 'less is more' story-telling through these? However, I think you may undercut your emotional punch by writing the small dialogue with Adamantine at the very end. While it could be hand-waved away as just don't look at it, it's also hard to just ignore that, because it's directly next to the previous panel. As a result, it has to be seen. I would be careful with that, because the scene doesn't seem like we're supposed to get a humorous tone from it by looking at Itami. Overall, you did a good job. You should try to do more like this! Good work.
Hm now that I know it's three pages limit this changes the approach I have to these comics.
Choleric- Your technical skill is certainly impressive. Your detail is nice and your colors in this comic are even nicer to look at it. Very pleasant. I do see you winging the perspective here and there so it certainly looks off in many places. The very first panel that is just feet seems off. Her strong foot is not firmly planted and tilts to the side so it looks a bit awkward. The last page with the counters is also pretty evident where your perspective skews. This 3-pager feels incomplete. If I were to compare it to Pong's recent comic, that ends in a cliffhanger and though it does not end it feels like a good place to leave off especially with the final cue of the thunder. in this comic there is no such cue. This comic is more like a scene out of a bigger story. And there's not much of a story as far as being more an exhibition of Adamantine. She refers to herself as Pleiadian and she has a hologram AI. That's all there is to learn here. Also I felt your use of Itami was lacking. I had to reread the comic once I realized that this was a match between two people. She feels like little more than a cameo and her role could have been anybody's. There are also a few spelling errors so be wary of those.
Rikun, I haven't seen much of your art in a long time but this certainly seems to be the most polished entry we've seen. You're coming along and improving. Though you have made a notable attempt to include backgrounds you should work on focusing on those a little more. I'm not terribly fond of the texture or smudge effects you use to highlight or fill space with. They look like messy afterthoughts. For the flame stuff make more solid shapes that looks more natural and fitting with your line work. The story was fine and shows us what could be a pivotal point of character development for Itami. But it is also very harsh and self defeating. Keep up the work and show us more comics.
Choleric- Oh man these colors are pretty rad! I really love how this comic looks over all (backgrounds, lineart and coloring). On bottom left of page two- where she is phasing out to punch him or w/e the line of action is super unclear. You did a much better job bottom right of two with it being clear she's jumping up at a curve to hit him. It's just that bottom left looks like she's turning into nothing? Like I can't make out what the action is. Also I can't tell but was page 3 suppose to be the natural ending for the comic? It ends okay but it seems like there should be something more.
Rikun- This comic feels like I walked in towards the end of a much bigger comic. It's a lot of a drama with pretty much no set up; I can't feel invested. There is a line about an "app ranking" but it almost doesn't matter with no other context. It's like you wanted to have this big line of "being the family's joke" but didn't bother to invest in properly telling the rest of the story surrounding it.
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