Qyz- It was good showcase of using Jiko's power's effectively an I loved both your limited color palette and panel layouts.
I do feel like you need more contrast in your lights and color. Like since in the first pages you used low lights, you could have used rim lighting and proper staging of the sources even if its a bit phony just for dramatic effect.
Also the only problem I had was that that Jio didnt really have any other motivation for helping Velvet because Jiko can't die anyways so what's the point if Velvet kidnaps her? Motivation should have been clearer for both.
Still it was pretty cool the way you set up the take over.
Thren- I liked your set up a lot, I like that it wasnt really tied to your base story yet there were some posibilities in regards to the root of Jiko's abilities. I loved the leine work you did here and wanna see more.
I did you noticed you forgot to resize one page and that's ok, it's easy to make that mistake. I do wish you put in more details in some of the bg's though.
Again both of you guys did well, I hope to see more
Thank you Pyras! Admittedly my time management was not so good this time around, and I promise I'll turn in something with a lot more polish next time.
I definitely wanna focus more on telling a good story in fewer pages, because I shouldn't have needed so many to be honest @__@ and also not have so much dialogue. Again thank you!
Cool stories from both of you!
Qyzex: the hilights through the color is really nice but I think you could've used more of it in pages 2 and 3 cause they feel really flat compared to the other pages. For the kind of story that it is, it was a bit too brief to be very invested, or needed some stronger impact at the end. Most of us know that Jiko wouldn't die from that bullet so it's not that great of an ending punch for the reader I feel. It would have worked with at least one more twist or wrench.
mortooncian: You've got the opposite problem of Qyzex; your story is very well thought out and i was able to stay invested even though it's so many pages of just talking. But time beat you as far as quality, although the linework on all the characters is very nice, having just white for the backgrounds, no shades, etc. it's got an incomplete feel that the colored word bubbles are just barely dragging that quality point to the end. Your comics are headed in a slow downward slope as far as quality, each is less complete than the last. You're a great writer, so try to see if you can tell your next story with half as many pages, and/or rely on visual narrative and your characters' actions more than your dialogue.
GJ guys, keep on rockin'
WHEEZES, I DID IT, I DONT KNOW HOW BUT I DID IT AND UPLOADED
I'm also praying that all the pages uploaded andi n the right order, it was messing up for me too
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